"Let's inhale, let's go to jail, dad'll help us make bail, so
let's inhale, let's inhale 'til we're meltin', then drink vodka
shots with comrade Jeltsin"
"Let's inhale", Chelsea Clinton
Dear reader, here's yet another short story for the reader's
digest written by nobody else than Lars "teethgrinder" Johansson.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN TEETH?
by Lars Johansson
She just stood there, looking at the eez-thru floss threaders
that somebody had dropped in the muddy gutter. She didn't go
great guns since she was far too paralyzed by the sight of the
floss threaders lying like dead fish on the ground. She thought
about the harm plaque may cause. "Hell", she grunted and
remembered that her teeth were green. When she smiled people used
to say "Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas". She never understood why, she
was no ragamuffin. Her father was very brusque, he used to eat
the turkey a week before thanksgiving. Then he always blew his
cookies. He was a long drink of water and used to listen to
Motown music. He used to paddy whack her and read paperback
Freud. The old man was indeed a wacky tabacky addict. She
remembered her father as a loco son of a gun. She didn't
understand why her mother thought that he was a helluva man.
Perhaps it was his Norwegian steam or the Scandinavian dynamite
that he stuffed his mouth with. He was a Vietvet. He was in fact
the male stereotype personified. Suddenly she realized that her
father wasn't the big picture. The eez-thru floss threaders were
the big picture or at least they became a big picture when she
took a shot of the slimy gutter with her brand new Polaroid
camera. "Jeez, how can I eez those gees between the gee-gee
teeth?" Gee whiz, that was a big prob. She decided to consult the
ouija since Freud himself was too busy lying in his grave. The
ouija didn't give her the answer, it gave her the question, just
like they do in that crappy TV program Jeopardy. She believed in
destiny and destiny had shown her the fancy teeth tools. Destiny
wanted her to find those silly things. She didn't know what to do
with her life. Perhaps the floss threaders were a symbol for
purification of the human soul. Perhaps the floss threaders were
a reincarnation of Jesus. She didn't get the answer. Therefore
people still don't know what the meaning of life is. And like the
poor girl we're all searching in vain...
Why did the Pakistanian horses have to die?
Contact me at the address presented in The ST NEWS Colophon,
probably located in the Features menu.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.