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© Erik 'ES of TEX' Simon, 1989

A VISIT TO THE NUTTY NORWEGIANS
- or -
HOW TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF IN TWENTY LANGUAGES
- or -
A TRIP UP NORTH WITH CRONOS WARCHILD

- or -
OH BEAUTIFUL NORWAY I LOVED THEE...
- or -

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF A FEMALE KIND
- or -
HOW TO MAKE A NERVOUS WRECK OUT OF YOUR BIORHYTHM
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SHIT, WHAT'S THAT TOWEL DOING IN THERE?
- or -
WHERE DID ALL THOSE OSES COME FROM?
- or -
A NUTTY IMPRESSION OF A CERTAIN PART OF NORTHERN EUROPE
- or -
ON THE RUN FOR THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT

- or -
NIGHTMARE ON BJØRKEVEGEN PART XIX
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INTERLUDE TO THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA NORWEGICA
- or -
A FIRST LESSON IN NORWEGIAN FOR TRAVELLERS
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THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO NORWAY
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ENGLISH FOR NUTTIES


by Stefan, Richard, Ronny, Lars-Erik, Torbjørn, Karl Anders,
Frøystein, Gard, Elin, Ole J., Morten, Bent, Kjetil, Bjørn,
Simen, Knis (the cat), Hanne-Mari, Anne-Grete and Bjørge

All individual people writing in this article are entirely
responsible for what they have written. No responsibility
whatsoever goes to the editorial staff of ST NEWS, unless where
they have written themselves.
You might at times be left wondering about the rather strange
setup of this article. Please remember that this article was not
only 'real time' typed, but also recorded on a walkman and later
typed out. This might result even in two stories being told at
the same time...

Part IX - Thursday, January 4th, and Friday, January 5th, 1990-
The Quest Ends....


00:01

We came back from some late dinner (or whatever you'll call it)
and found Lord HackBear typing. And Lord HackBear seems to have
gone?
Oh no. He isn't.
He is assisting Ronny with his homework...
This morning (or tomorrow, or whatever you'll call it) we'll
leave...

Richard

(Enormous QL in time)

19:54

We just arrived at the Lars-Erik residence, after having to sit
in the car for 10 hours with only some minor pauses (we drove 550
km today!). The voyage was at start again impressing, since we
had to go over that mountain near Stryn. The last bit (from Otta
down to Oslo, which was five hours) was kinda devastatingly
boring, however, even in spite of the fact that we took another
road from Lillehammer on down.
This morning, we were awoken by Ronny - just before eight. He
was rushing off for school (and Anne-Grete...) and he just had
time for a quick "Goodbye!" or something like that. To our
surprise, Lord HackBear also arrived before we actually went
(which was at 08:50).
That was really nice, Tob.
We had some decent food for the first time since breakfast at
17:30, and we actually noticed that it started snowing around
that time, too (the FIRST snow in Norway, would you believe!).
But the best stuff happened, once again without any doubt, in
the mountains near Stryn. We couldn't refrain from leaving the
car and acting nutty in the snow. We actually also discovered the
autograph of Slartibartfast - though it wasn't in a fjord but on
a mountain slope.
Upon arrival here, mom Østerud gave us some kind of Norwegian
drug to assist our white bloodcells in the battle against flu
virusses.

Richard

Friday, January 5th 1989

13:22

About half an hour ago, Stefan and myself woke up. Relieved
after having had lots of sleep in a GOOD bed with a GOOD pillow
without that NOISE ventilator near, we realised that this is
the last day in Norway. God knows...maybe the last time in our
lives?
I've been dreaming about Miranda for two nights now, however, so
I think meeting her will compensate for the largest amount of
loss and sadness now present in us.
At 16:50, our plane leaves - so that means that we'll be leaving
Lars-Erik's place at about half past three.
Miranda! Here I come!

Richard

13:25

Yeah, after some 12 hours of sleep, I am finally awake. The
feelings of sadness have transformed themselves into a nauseating
feeling that has rooted itself deep into my being. Will I ever
see Ørsta again?

Stefan

14:11

Looking at some MTV after copying some stuff. The video we're
watching at the moment is "Rhythm Nation" of what must be the
prettiest coloured girls living on this world: Janet Jackson. She
has a very nice smile (when she smiles), and I find the movements
in her dancing very exciting!

Richard

16:41

We are now aboard the SAS aircraft "Arne Viking". We left Lars-
Erik's place at about a quarter past three, and Lars-Erik brought
us to Fornebu airport well in time for us to be able to buy some
last souvenirs (a "Norway" shirt, and a small stone troll). We
parted with Lars-Erik just after four, after thanking him
extensively for the transport and hospitality of his parents.
We spent some time waiting in the tax-free area before we could
board the plane.
Holland is nearing.

Richard

17:04

TAKE-OFF!
We have left Norwegian soil, and immediately my heart feels
different. Happy since Miranda is nearing, but sad since I've had
to leave behind so many great people in a truly monumental
country.

Richard

EOQ

(For those not into computers very deeply: This means "End Of
Quest")
And it was about time, too, since this real time stuff almost
took 250 Kb in total...

Epilogue

Sniff.
We cannot help it, but we feel genuinely sad. We feel sad since
we have had to leave what was a home for us for over a week. Sad
since we had to leave a swell bunch of friends, that entertained
us and that had us entertain them. Sad that we will not wake up
in the vicinity of our dearest distributor and his best friends.
Sad that we will not be able to hear Elin say dirty poems and
"Shitman!" again. Sad that we will no longer behold the
magnificent mountain views and no longer will be able to breathe
the ultimately fresh air. Sad to leave behind a place to which we
quickly grew to have fond memories. Sad that we will not see all
those cute and cuddly doggies again each day. Sad, to be honest,
that we will meet any females with libido problems any more.
How could we have known that this casual holiday was to bring so
much grief at the end? Parting with dear friends is but surpassed
by the parting with a girlfriend, and such we have found out in
all its devastating harshness.
It may sound sentimental, but we truly love you all, dear
Nutties. We will have hard times missing the laughing face of Ole
J., and the joy of Morten when he hears his Mucky Pup CD. We will
have hard times missing Ronny's parents' hospitality which was
incomprehensibly extensive, and hard times missing the familiar
typing of the keyboard behind which Lord HackBear was hacking
stuff. Hard times not being able to play "Bubble Bobble" with
Elin. Hard times not being able to act nutty in the mountains of
Stryn.
We will have hard times.
And if I don't stop writing now, I will break down and sob my
heart out...

***

Well, that's about the end of what will go down in history as
the largest real-time article ever written (ST NEWS 4.4 can be
regarded as a real-time article, but I see it more as a separate
phenomena that will never be equalled by any living creature in
the known part of the post-modern Universe).
We have one more treat for you, the 'Encyclopedia Norwegica'.
This is a dramatically extended version of the 'Summary' that
could be found in the 'Norway' article of ST NEWS 4.3
I almost died laughing when I read it the first time, so don't
miss it!!

Stefan

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