FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21ST 1990
"The First Day"
The contributions in all parts of this real-time article were
written by the following beings (in order of appearance):
Richard of the Amazing Cracking Conspiracy, Tanis of The
CareBears (Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator of Alcoholica),
Sammy Joe of The Lost Boys, Manikin of The Lost Boys, Spaz of
The Lost Boys (Toxic Foetus Eater of Alcoholica), Stefan
(Digital Insanity of The Lost Boys), Mit of NEXT, Chris of The
Garlic Eaters, Red of Omega, Bluestar of Sync, Eric, Zae of
Next, Perceval of Zuul of The Pact, Fury of Legacy, Chaos Inc.
of Delta Force, New Mode of Delta Force, CIA of Galtan Six,
Cugel of Silents, The Flying Egg of Omega, Acco of The Garlic
Eaters, Crystar of the Pendragons, Dogue de Mauve from the
Overlanders, Flynn from Hysteria, Mopy of Ghost Genius of
Hysteria Alliance, Furyo of the Overlanders, Silver of the
Pendragons of Triton Development, Psychoreal of Hysteria, Klaus
of ST Connexion, Mega Cribb, Ian 'Dave Clone' of the Watchmen,
Rob Povey, The Fate of The Unlimited Matrix, Gunstick of The
Unlimited Matrix, Robert (RX2 of MPH), Steve (Miz of MPH), An
Cool of The Carebears, IKI of Hysteria, Vantage, Ford Perfect,
Thor of the Black Monolith Team, Genital Grinder of Alcoholica
(previously Sprog of The Lost Boys), Chris of the Watchmen, Paul
(Zeus of Teknique), Vomited Anal Tract of Alcoholica (though he
may be mentioned earlier already under another name - there's no
way to be sure), HAQ of Omega, Martijn (Lucifer of The Spirits
of Doom), Roland (TS of the Spirits of Doom), Marlon of ST
Connexion, The Nutty Snake of Aenigmatica, Phil of MPH, Relayer
of the Quartermass Experiment of Aenigmatica, Crush, Zokathra,
Terence of the Pendragons, Nemrod of the Pendragons, Fishbone
from the Vegetables, Doclands of the Overlanders, STWARS of
Next, Ziggy Stardust of the Overlanders, Tyrem of the De-
spectacled Testicles (er....The Respectables actually), Gudul
and Adso (that's 62 people, of which one may have been mentioned
Everybody is responsible for what he has written, and the ST
NEWS editorial staff does not accept any responsibility for what
has been written anywhere - except for the bits written by
It is our duty to inform you, dear reader, of the fact that
large parts of this text may be considered 'shocking' or even
Sorry. We decided to use no censorship.
We (Galtan Six ) arrived at 13:30 here in the office. It was
quite hard to find. It's already very crowdy here. At this
moment a new member of Hotline has arrived. I'll wrap now 'cos
Sammy Joe has some problems again with his "Maggie" GfA source...
I have to...
<Fury interrupting: Fuckin' Holland, I've only been there for
less than a day and I'm allready sick. Fuck!!!... End of
...what Fury calls sick is the fact that he wants to go to the
toilet for a very big production (if you know what I mean...).
Ajrarn of the ST Connexion and Fishbone of the Vegetables are
here now and the other freaks will be here in a few minutes. We
just came back from a nice restaurant in Oss and a fantastic
post-nuclear-hardly-sexy adventure happened to us: We (ÄÖÜÖÄÖÜ!
- Vegetables' interrupt) got in the place and as we were
speaking French, two girls came and started speaking with us....
Then Chris of TGE took off his trousers and savagely raped her
on the table while barking like a mad dog, then Alexis and
Pulsar caught the second girl and then started to lick her
face... Well, I love this country, the girls are going to come
back this evening...
Extremely wondering editor note: Well, you never know what's
real and what ain't with those Frenchies (nor with TGE Chris).
But this article is not censored at all so it's there for all to
loathe and/or admire...
SILENTS!! I'm a bit tired of all people that say "Sync & Omega
are here!" Don't they know that Sweden's coolest crew are here!?
Although only represented by one man (there were no more seats
in the car)!
Cugel of Silents
TFE is back, more serious this time.
First, Silents are lamers. They (he) can't make a simple sprite
routine without using the STE blitter! He is so stupid that we
tried to lose him in Gothenburg yesterday, but he found us at
the boat to Denmark. It is a really hard guy to get rid of, so
we let him come with us anyway.
Well, some parts of this is actually true, but some of it is
just part of my imagination. I could write some really serious
stuff about Omega or myself, but that would probably ruin my
TFE of Omega
TGE is back, more violent than ever this time. We just raped
Stefan and blasted the Headquarter away.
Believe it or not - TEX just arrived, and even more spectacular
(Mad) Jochen has got short hair now.
Acco of TGE
Cugel of Silents is back to write some TRUE stuff!!
Omega are a bit pissed at me becoz I beat the shit out of them
in the latest demo competition (Falköping in Sweden 28-30
Actually Omega begged me to join them to Holland... and I did,
just to be nice to them!
Hello guys, here is Crystar of Pendragons typing on this
QWERTZUIOP keyboard. It's very hard for me to write on such a
keyboard, as I am used to an AZERTY one.
This party is very good for the moment. A lot of very great
guys are present here. At the moment, we are coding a screen
where it should have 10 sprites 4 planes with a size of 64*62
Of course, we are going to use our generator which is at this
moment better than the ones M-Coder and OVR have.
Crystar from Pendragons
Zeqhhh!.. huh... I mean "Yeahhh!" but this Dutch keyboard
(German actually, ED) is quite an uneasy thing to deal with...
So, please, forgive all mistakes (spelling ones, at least) I
could make in this little text.
So, we, Overlanders, arrived here (in a Dutch school) a few
hours ago. We were not alone 'coz the Pendragons, Legacy and
Hysteria went along with us...
Too bad, I cannot write anything with this keyboard or I guess
it would take hours... I shall see if there's no way that I
could write it on a French keyboard and then include it here
So, I leave ya here for now... Our next adventures will be told
later (by me or by someone else)...
Dogue de Mauve from Overlanders
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz euh ah yes it's me now taping on this shitty
German keyboard...arrrgggg it's horrible.....euh yes my name is
F....Fl....my name is Flynn!!!! So I can just say that there is
a real electric ambiance here...wwaarrzzzz!
OK, that's all for now...I'll strike back here in two hours to
tell you our adventures........... Burp!
Flynn from Hysteria...
A qwertzuiop keyboard that turns my head out!! Okay, I'll try...
All the people here are very nice, but ... no smoking allowed!
What a pity!!
Sorry, but my dear French keyboard is waiting for me ... so ...
see ya later !!!
MOPY from The Ghosts Genius of Hysteria Alliance...
QUITE A BIG LEAP IN TIME DUE TO THE REAL-TIME ARTICLE COMPUTER
NOT BEING AVAILABLE DUE TO MOVING ACTIVITIES
The past three hours have been of a slightly hectic kind. It
generally involved the unexpected arrival of approximately thirty
to fourty people too much (which all wanted to eat), the moving
of these people (approximately ninety) to another office of SPC,
the eating of food that was meant for fifty people (and the
organisation of all the people that did not have to get it at
once) and (last but NOT least) the transportation of all computer
gear from the other office to the new one.
We also, for example, discovered that there's someone here that
can only eat kosher (of course, the food wasn't).
Stefan is now still in the other office, delegating various
little things that have to be delegated.
"That sounds logical enough"
There weren't enough rooms (the company stated at about four
o'clock this afternoon that we couldn't use all the rooms they
had previously said we could), there weren't enough chairs and
there still aren't enough color monitors.
There were moments that I sincerely wished that I could flick a
switch somewhere and that it would all be over. I think I have a
hint at feeling what Stefan feels and I surely feel sorry for
Lucky enough, many people here act quite responsibly, although
particularly some Aenigmatica guys are acting a bit too Dutch if
you ask me.
Now the main hectic stuff is over, various people are walking
around taking pictures and shooting videos. Well, this is surely
something we've managed to set up, although I am not entirely
certain that it's all positive. I think that a sparkle of the
tiniest dimensions will cause an explosion here now (not
literally, of course).
Tanis wants to get in contact with this Barbara girl and he
wants to find out the telephone number of the university she's
studying at. I'll go and assist him.
I've got black spots all before my eyes. The strain of the
recent hours must have gotten the worst of me.
OK. I will allow myself to try to give a short description of
the place we're in.
It's an nineteenth-century kind of house with a little tower-
like thingie that makes it appear like a castle. It's got two
storeys as well as a small attic that we can't use. Basically,
this means that we've got two huge rooms, one large room, three
smaller rooms and one tiny room.
The two huge rooms as well as one smaller room are downstairs,
together with the kitchen and a storage room that will now no
doubt contain a lot less than its original 300 litres of Coke.
This is absolutely hectic beyond description. I am not just
trying to sound funny or convincing here, and it's no means of
trying to tell you that there's quite a lot of people around
It's abso-fucking-lutely bulging with people in each and every
nook and cranny, and it's a blo-fucking-ody noise everywhere.
Sometimes I am afraid that the whole office will crash or
something, but I guess that's what Coding Coventions are like.
Well... I was describing.
One of the huge rooms downstairs is occupied by Sync who have a
powerful audio system at full power constantly, Next, and lots
more. The other huge room's got ST Connexion and Aenigmatica (as
far as I could see), and the smaller room downstairs is filled by
the Overlanders that I am continually liking more and more (they
understand everything about the lack of food and stuff like that
- swell guys, really!). The Pendragons are in that room as well,
and probably Hysteria as well.
Upstairs, there's one big room, two smaller ones and one gino-
normo-fucking-lutely-small one. The latter one has The Garlic
Eaters and (should they arrive) the Black Monolith Team and the
Unlimited Matrices from Luxemburg. That's about fifteen people
but I guess that's tough shit. If I could make miracles happen I
would, really. We need a bigger office but we ain't got one.
Anyway. The biggest room upstairs is the one I am in now, and
it's quite quiet actually. There's The CareBears, The Lost Boys,
Rob Povey and The Watchmen (Chris and Ian, cool looking dudes
that generally walk around with walkmans on their head and
The smaller rooms have DF (or TDF, the Delta Force anyway) in
one, and TEX, TNT-Crew and Unicorn in the other.
I guess that just about sums up what is going on here. I missed
out an enormous amount of smaller crews (especially French
independant one-man crews) and stuff (don't feel insulted, Omega
and others I forgot!!).
I guess Furyo is going to type something now.
Hello everybody, (argh, it's a fuckin German keyboard, and it
is really hard to write something right...). Tanis is just
beside me, and he is drawing some kind of giga-font for an
unknow screen. Downstairs there's a big mess, but here it's
quiet, and calm, so that makes you feel cool. We have brought
back lotsa ST's from France, and monitors as well, so you can
imagine how heavy it was... But now, we are having a great time,
and it is a nice convention.
The Delta Force are in the other room on the other side of the
hall, and they are waiting for the TEX screen by Daryl - then
the "Syntax Terror" demo will be ready (wow!).
OK, I have to leave you now, becoz there is lotsa cool people I
haven't met yet - so bye!
Perceval (of Zuul) just burped the loudest burp you could ever
possibly hear. I drank half a litre of Coke and burped as loud as
I could in a braindeafening fashion that was undescribably burpy,
and then this dude simply said "You can't beat me and that" and
burped me completely off my socks.
It was a sound only equalled by the sound of a Concorde engine
at 2 nanometres distance from one's eardrums.
Wow. This is amazing.
No. This is no longer anything HUMAN for he must be some kind of
alien from the planet BURP called BWAARRGH or something.
So far, I thought I was the loudest burper in the known universe
but I obviously am not. I have just pledged a solemn oath.
I WILL NEVER BURP AGAIN UNTIL I CAN BEAT PERCEVAL OF ZUUL!
I will practise only in bathrooms.
I've got to tell you that I am human and after this first burp
(a little one for me) Richard introduced me to TEX and B-B-B-
Bittner, asking me to burp!
I will never understand!
Why life is so hard?
Why are the Pendragons trying to steal this keyboard away
from me instead of coding a fuckin' great demo as they are use
Well, as soon as they're getting up (they are awake for about
one month a year) and do a screen for our amazing unbelievably
unbeatable demo, I will excuse them for it.
Perceval (The Ultimate Burper)
Yes!! Now I've got the keyboard and it's really very hard to
type something on this German keyboard (yeah, yeah, we've heard
this often enough by now, ED.). When I want to type an "a" I get
a "q" and for the other letters it is the same problem.
Now that's all because I've got no idea and I must go to annoy
the other people here.
OK - bye bye and many kisses to my girlfriends (everywhere).
Silver of the Pendragons of Triton Development
Some people called MPH just came in, and they're supposed to
cover everything for the English magazine "ST Format". They are
also the ones publishing the "TCB Tracker" and stuff.
They're four people and they're called Phil, Steven, Robert and
"But not least!"
It is certain: It is not possible to live on Coke alone - and
that's the only thing I had today as I refrained from eating
(there wasn't enough, so I just felt kinda noble).
People are brabbling French all around me and for all I know
they can be calling me 'asshole' or something.
Behold this. This Convention is, to say the least, enormous.
Flynn and Psychoreal strike again and again.....
So what can I say.....?
Yes I know: I will speak about some people....
For example about Annnn Khollllll (An Cool, ED.): It's really a
crazy man: When I start to type this shitty text I saw this man
running, doing some strange songs like: "Wwwaaarrrrrggggggg,
Really strange, don't you think?
Eheheheh, but I think it's a great guy!!!!!!
So..........I have seen some nice screens from TCB and TLB:
Really amazing!!!! OK I stop this and now I must code my
unlimited sprite eeuuurrrgggggg!
Oh: what can I see? The BMT crew has arrived two minutes
Flynn and Psychoreal
Those Frenchies really use lotsa questions marks, exclamation
marks and periods, don't they? Seems like they're desecrating
some laws of grammar and various other ones. But you can't blame
them in this general hectic thing called "THE ST NEWS
INTERNATIONAL CHRISTMAS CODING CONVENTION".
Spaz and Genital Grinder are listening to digi songs they made,
that solely consist of sounds sampled from a movie called "Bad
Taste". This means chainsaw sounds, blood splurting and more like
The Watchmen seem to like it very much. But they're bloody
English perverts anyway: A Hereditary load that was already on
their shoulders when they were still an egg and a sperm cell - a
long time ago.
What a strange collection of beings here...
Mark (the dead one from the Lost Boys) is planning to use Ian
from the Watchmen as a stunt double for Toxic in the Alcoholica
Tim has also just mistaken Ian for Dave, and asked him (Ian) if
he has finished the graphics for the TLB/TCB screen.
Chris of the Watchmen
I Don't look anything like Toxic or Ian so fuck off.
I surely wouldn't mind if Stefan would show up now.
Oh my God. Jochen just came in. I've gotta move.
Hi people !
This is the ST Connexion lamer talking to you (Vantage). Krazy
Rex, our GFX-man, is currently showing parts of his work to
Tanis of the Carebears, just besides me.
We arrived at around 6 p.m. this evening, in two cars directly
from Paris. We therefore only joined Ajrarn our new coder (or one
of our two new coders) tonight, as he came by train with Ze
Watsit, our boss from ST Magazine (French version) and above all
a cool friend (pouissantesch!).
Belzebub (coder) is presently working on our mini-3.5k-demo
downstairs (hopefully... you never know with those lazy
coders!). Ajrarn is fixing our Bless Dis Mess Main Menu, and we
will hopefully start putting everything together this weekend.
We got some nice talks with various crews here, including Sync,
Omega (cool Swedes, and that's a compliment coming from a
Dane!), TCB, TEX, TLB (ACC, ED.) etc... OK, see ya some other
Klaus (the great 1m95 Dane, shoesize: 49 - Furyo/OVR you have
got bloody small feet !!!!!!!!)
Not long ago, the doorbell was molested by a couple of people
from Luxemburg, and this signalled the arrival of the UnLimited
Matrix from this strange little land where people speak German,
French, and a strange language I forgot the name of.
I think there's two of them, but I may be mistaken. I think I
heard somewhere that they are finishing a mega demo here. We'll
As far as I know, "Syntax Terror" is nearly finished (except for
a screen by Daryl of TEX, as far as I gathered), and the
Overlanders are finishing the "European Demos" tomorrow (that's
what Mister Bee of OVR told me, anyway).
Alcoholica rules. Anyone who thinks otherwise should go and
May everybody suffer in torment! Pus and viscera soaks your
hair, mucus is oozing down the stairs! Yeah, Hippy!
Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator
Someone in the room on the other side of the hall has had the
common decency of bringing a Ghettoblaster with CD, and Living
Colour's "Time's Up" is playing there now.
And the Dearest of Master Editors has just arrived back again! I
saw his car drive up.
Ooo....I'm being inter-fucking-viewed or something?
Well the time is now 23:33 and Dick has just said "Dave don't
forget the time " as he is getting very pissed off with people
not putting the time above their texts. What I was going to say
was that I think I have just finished my (Dick has just hassled
me again because I just had one fuckin' spelling mastake (what a
wanker)) picture for the compitition on sunday, that means that
I can sleep for two days!
What a lazy shit, I hope his boils erupt with such force that
the pus leaving his head ruptures the cavites in his skull
causing multiple spazms that tear his spinal chord from his body
leaving just a useless pile of rectal tissue.............
Ode by Dr.Toxic Foetus Eater.
A lustful necrophiliac, your carcass I explore. Whipped into a
frenzy, I fillet suck and groan. Memorize then masterbate bloody
soaked and ravaged, I scoop you into bags, a reeking pile of
garbage. May you experience an evisceration, laceration and
excoriation. Your brain, a wobbly jelly gushes on the table,
squeeze the intestines the pleasure is immense. Pus sogs your
clothes, from brain down to your toes. May the pain be intense. I
handle the scalpel as a woman handles nuts, carefully and
beautifully, I remove your nob, I eat your testicles and let you
Dr. Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator. M.D.
Sod off, nob end!
No Bloody Way Mate!
Can't you at least get me a blood sample?
But I'm a copro, and copros don't run!
Hello. I'm Copro!
Scattered remains, Splattered brains That's Copro........
Toxic is a sonic bastard! May his soul rest in vomit!
The end of part two.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.