"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh
at that man."
A CARBON BASED LIFE FORM AWAITING ITS DEATH
by the same insane idiot (Gard)
With all those females rushing by my parked car, it is hard
not to wake up. I open my eyes and stretch my arms and my
legs, shaking the last bit of sleep out of my body. A quick
splash of water in my face and a big spray of deodorant
under my arm before turning on the radio. Tune it in on the
nearest station and relax as I listen to the news.
Eat a quick breakfast as I'm at it and clean up the mess in
the car before heating up the engine. Open that window and
check out if any of the nearby girls wishes a ride.
"Fuck you," one of them said as she threw a bucket of water
through the open window. A tactical retreat was obviously
a great need in this situation. So I closed the window and
went off with no Divine Reason and no destination. The
only thing guiding me was the faint image of a very special,
minute, cuddly female that had cast a spell on me just three
And my going went gone as I realized that I had nothing more
to live for. I pushed the gas to the floor and watched as the
road was rushing towards me at an increasing speed. This was, of
course, to be punished.
A hitchhiker jumped into the road, and since I didn't want
to spill any blood on the front of my car, I turned the wheel and
just avoided the hitchhiker. But this time, I was heading off
the road. I turned the wheel once more. Again I was heading for
the hitchhiker. I hit the break and stopped the car just a few
inches in front of the hitchhiker. I thanked myself up there
for my incredible luck.
I drove calmly to the next public building, where a party
obviously was going on. What happened to me next, I'm not
quite sure. It felt as if desperation took over my brain and
pushed me into the party and onto the stage where I happily
started to sing "Speak English or Die" by S.O.D.
It was unfortunate that hardcore metal wasn't tolerated, as
some foolish looking guy (he had very short hair) tried to get
me off the stage. But I was still posessed by the desperation
that had pushed me onto the stage. My head was thrown in every
direction possible while I was singing. My neck started
hurting, and I finally realised why they called it headbanging.
This would all be very well if the fool with the short hair
hadn't brought his baseball bat. The world was shaking and
falling apart under my feet (or was it the other way around?).
A second later, I found myself lying on the floor, not singing,
but twisting and turning in pain. A pain so awful it can't
be reproduced on paper. The pain was strengthened as the
fool completed his works by sticking his bat in my stomach. He
then dragged me off the stage and kicked me down the stairs.
"Julie," a voice whispered into my brain.
"Gukkulukk," another voice told me.
"Klllgllglkrll," I uttered, coughing up some blood. The blood
had a strange taste, so I spitted it onto the floor and looked
as it lay an inch in front of my bare eyes.
"What?" the fool asked, trying to understand my twisted words
and thoughts that were swimming through the pools of blood
before they finally reached my mouth, which at the moment
happened to be the worst output facility available. "Claire?"
he thought he managed to interpret my word. Without waiting
for an answer, he pushed me over to a very sexy creature whose
name was Claire.
"Dnnnnnschkkkklll," I uttered, coughing up some more blood.
My feet collapsed once more, and the next thing I remember is
waking up on the floor. The building was empty, with the
exception of myself and the pools of blood I had coughed up
during the party.
A faint image of a minute female appeared in front of me. I
shook my head, trying to shake it off, but no such luck. The
image was stil there, reminding me of a disco, flashing lights,
ecstasy and magical dances.
I got up on my feet and slowly dragged myself out of the party
zone. Leaning to one of the walls, I took a few deep breaths of
fresh air, clearing up my mind. The stars were brightly
shining spots in the sky, radiating some sort of divinity, but
still so far away and weak. Undoubtably, I had left myself to
live my life for my own. This dispite of the fact that I hadn't
yet found my life.
"Excuse me," a voice said behind me. I turned around and met
the eyes of a certain female I had met somewhat earlier. Without
a word, I asked her to continue. "Do you know this girl?" she
asked, making me notice she was carrying a somewhat drunk
female I certainly knew.
"Yeah," I answered, getting totally lost in my own
thoughts of Divine Reasons and the meaning of life. A wind blew
in my nose, and the fresh air streamed into my lungs as the
image faded away and the wall of the public building once
again appeared in front of me.
The pain in my arm got stronger, and I started to freeze as
the wind started blowing. My hair went wild, tried to choke
me, but an unknown Reason kept me alive and pushed me into my
car. I was alive, but dead. And as a dead fish, I desperately
wanted out of the net that had caught me. A net of magic
strings, I could not cut them with a knife. I would just get a
glimpse of the fisherman now and then, as the fisherman had
put out the net for fun. And my body would rot in that net,
polluting the sea rather than ending up as a fried dinner.
The smell of dinner passed by. Lasagne.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.