"If you give a woman an inch, she'll park a car in it."
DIZZY THOUGHTS AND CONFUSED SPELLS
by Gard Eggesbø Abrahamsen
Somebody is lurking in the shadows behind me. I feel this
person's careful stare at my back that checks out if I'm
looking in that direction. I'm not.
The person carefully sneaks up behind me and gently blinds
me by laying the soft hands in front of my eyes. "Guess
who?" the warm voice of a female whispers sensually into my ear.
"Julie," I mumble, grabbing her hands to kiss them.
"Gukkulukk," Julie replies before she disappears in a puff
of black smoke that fills the room with a strange feminine
smell and the strange feeling that I have lost something
important. S.O.D. appears for a second or two to tell me to
kill myself, but my insanity keeps me alive.
"Go and do something about it," a voice overhead spoke,
determined, overwhelming and unopposable. I started step-
dancing, heard the music play from an unknown spot in the room
that was probably covered with Clearasil.
"Lost in a dream,
I don't know which
Way to go..."
Discovering that I had started quoting Paula Abdul, I
quickly found the camera and recorded it on a video tape.
Should I stay or should I...
Kill myself, kill myself
Why don't I kill myself?
Is it just insanity or is it
just the life I deny? Why?
And now I had started quoting Gloria Estefan, the Clash,
S.O.D. and Vendetta. I thrashed around, banging the keyboard of
my computer for a couple of hours, writing approx 45
kilobytes of text before I threw myself onto my bed, almost
wishing that spell never had been cast upon me. The image
wouldn't dissolve. The image was hanging in front of me like a
shadow of darkness that was missing in my heart, a pint of blood
that was missing from my veins. My flesh was burning, and my
entire chest was on fire. The image of Julie, the divine
female, was haunting my head and would not let go, and I
realized that it would not go away before I got to tell her how
I felt, tell her everything, dance with her and go to a movie
The fire in my chest got hotter, and my flesh started
crawling away from my body, so I hurried into the bathroom and
took an ice cold shower. When I got back to my bed, my body was
still lying there, mostly ablaze.
The blood I shed
I think you're dead
And you're lying on my bed
There's a hole in my heart. Sometimes, it feels as if a fly
has gotten into it, but it's completely sealed off. It's filled
with emptiness, mostly, and nothingness keeps pouring into it.
Why, I ask, why don't I put my finger in it to make it stop
bleeding? And so I turn on the TV and wait for my pizza to
burn. I like it burnt, because I like to identify myself with
And I insert the pizza in my mouth and see the body on bed.
It's me lying there, quoting myself, quoting everybody else, and
writing it all down. A faint image of a female haunts my
thoughts and actions as I fall heavily onto my bed, next to
myself, fully aware of the fact that I'm the only one there.
So I slam my head to the wall. Watch the blood stick to it in
its desperate attempt to stick onto something, keeping the last
bits of life in it oppressed but alive. Let the brain pour out
of my head, there is no need to keep it in my stupid head that is
pushing it under the limit of existence. A fatal blow to crush
the wall that is standing between me and my Kindom Come, here I
come, my Master.
And I lie there in a coma, with no chance of recovery. I cannot
move. I cannot speak. I cannot express my meanings and feelings.
Like the untalented fool that failed life, I leave my body
behind, hoping it will die soon.
I enter the world of Kindom Come, watch the sun glowing in a
mysterious way. There is no wind, but still the trees are
whispering to me, quietly, calmly, gently, with words that
are hard to grasp, but soon I recognize them. "Gukkulukk," they
tell me. "Julie."
And I turn around as I hear a cracking sound behind me. A minute
female that I easily recognized is standing there, with a
minute smile on her face, so warm and sensual, untouchable.
She jumps onto me, lets me loose my balance, and we roll around
on the grass in a divine ecstasy, hugging eac hother.
"Julie," I whisper.
"Gard," she whispers back.
And we both fall into a momentary vacuum in space and time,
feeling no gravity or ground. There is no wind blowing,
it's just the two of us, together, being one in a very special
way, giving me a very special feeling only this very special
female knows how to give me.
Then, nothing. Emptiness. A perfect lack of feelings and
emotions, as if everything happened on a screen in front of me,
and the video was turned off by somebody pressing the stop
"Gard," I heard somebody whisper into my ear. I opened my eyes
and got blinded by the light from the sun that was shining
through the window of my bed room.
"Gard," the voice repeated. Turning my head a bit, I saw my
mother standing above me, looking a bit worried. "Gard, you're
I quickly looked at my watch. Seven o'clock. Damn! The bus
would leave in half an hour. I got dressed, ate breakfast
and ran out to catch the bus. I just made it.
Sitting in the bus, I do nothing, just experience the lack
of a certain female by my side. And I think of the times
that never occurred. How the world would've changed. Thoughts
of the inspiration I'm lacking, how much inspiration I
would've had if the source was near me a bit more often than
I'm sitting in a pub, with a glass of coke in my hand.
Drinking the Coke from my glass. A thick slimy lump is
creeping up my throat, waiting for a chance to kick my eyes out.
Quietly, I walk out of the pub and look at the dark sky with its
minute spots that are shining so bright, but so far away.
And I cast a curse at a passing fly as I realize that I'm not
drunk simply because I won't let me drink alcoholic liquors.
"Haaa," I whisper to myself, sniffing a tear that has fallen
from my left eye into my nose. The tear has left a thin line of
wet skin under my eye, so I wipe it off with my hand. "Fuck
it," I mumble as I get up and walk over to the nearby beach.
"Life's too cruel."
The sea is calm, but I can hear the sound of bigger waves
further out, violently hitting each other in anger. Moonlight is
reflecting in the water, seductively calling for me,
whispering to me about how all pain will end as I let go into
Just by the moon, I see the face of the divine female that
cast the spell on me. Another tear appears in my eye, but I
don't bother about wiping it away.
Opening my eyes, I was back in the bus. People were all around
me, laughing, having fun, chatting. All but me, as the seat
by my side was empty. I stretched my hand up to pull the
string that was hanging above me, by the window. A bell sounded,
and the bus stopped. I got off. I would walk the last
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.