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 "He who shits on the road will meet flies on his return."
                                             South African saying


                 THE ANCIENT HISTORY OF THE COWS
                             PART I
               by Stephen L. Schultz, the Creator

 These  files  originally  occurred  in  the  Untouchables   Disk
Magazine issue 2.  Mat,  the mag's chief editor,  added bits  and
reformatted it. We reformatted it again (which was quite a bit of
work  because  it was originally a lot wider than  our  65-column
pageviewer limit). Thanks to Mat for everything!


                      THE BIRTH OF THE COWS

 Now, as for how it all started.  Well, I think John Christensen,
my old roomate, was the first person to discover:      (__)
                                                       (oo)
                                                        \/
looked  like a cow's head.   He once transmitted it via write  to
someone else and has it say, "MOO".  I suppose it originated from
(*  *)  which in our implementation of PASCAL was begin  and  end
comment.  And he just added the rest of it.

 Then,  as  I said earlier,  our system had crashed,  and  I  was
sitting around talking with a friend,  Geordie Kleuber.   He  was
working  on some project or other and needed to know ANSI  escape
sequences.  As I had just finished writing graphics primitives in
MACRO-11 for a project I was working on,  I knew them cold.  So I
demonstrated  how  to  position  the  cursor  and  how  to   turn
attributes on and off.

 I was doing this in local mode, and wanted something to draw, so
I drew one of John's "MOOs" as he called them.   Then,  as I need
more attributes to turn on and off, I added the rest of the body.
Being the corny person that I am, and seeing as how the Chernobyl
incident  was current events at the time,  I decided to make  the
entire  cow  blink.  Then I made the entire cow blink  and  bold.
Then I made the entire cow blink, bold, and reverse video.  And I
added  captions  underneath,  "Within  100  miles  of  Chernobyl"
"Within 10 miles of Chernobyl" and "Within 1 mile of Chernobyl."
 Geordie  thought  it  was hilarious.   And as  we  had  a  local
newsgroup,  local.noise (now csh.noise since the organization was
Computer  Science House) for posting all sorts of  ramblings.   I
decided  to make an entire posting out of the  cows.   The  house
loved them, and so I continued to make up more.

 Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, Adam Stein, a house member who was
cooping  at  Xerox,  took  copies  of them  and  posted  them  to
rec.humor  there.  Because at the time,  CSH did not have a  full
news  feed,  and only got incoming news,  nothing went back  out.
Adam  one  day forwarded me some letters of people  praising  the
cows.   I didn't know until the third or fourth posting that they
were going out. Not that I minded.
 It was funny.  For the next year or so, people would tell me how
while they were on coop in YourCity,  USA they would see my  cows
posted  on  the  wall.   When I was  at  a  DECUS  once,  someone
recognized  my name (I was giving a talk on Imaging  Science)  as
the  creator  of  the cows and made mention of it  and  about  20
people  in the audience knew what he meant when he spoke  of  the
"net cows."
 It was kind of neat.   Since then,  they have taken on a life of
their  own.   I had no idea how many new ones had  been  created.
Some of them are so intricate, it amazes me someone took the time
to do it.
 Someone  once suggested putting them into a book,  but  I  said,
"They  wouldn't make it in a book.   They only live on  the  net.
There they have character.  In a book, they are just characters."
I'd  much  rather  see them live in the  public  domain  anyways.
Especially  since there have been so many contributions  from  so
many different people.  It really is kind of neat.
 Who'd of thunked it? :)

                   THE ORIGINAL GUIDE TO COWS

 Today,  we are going to compare and contrast those lovely little
bovines.  So sit back and enjoy,  but don't forget to take notes.
There may be a surprise quiz sometime next week.

         (__)
         (oo)                  U
  /-------\/               /---V
 / |     ||               * |--|                  .
*  ||----||
   ^^    ^^
Cow at 1 meter.    Cow at 100 meters.   Cow at 10,000 meters.

         (__)                )__(           vv    vv
         (oo)                (oo)           ||----||  *
  /-------\/          *-------\/            ||     | /
 / |     ||          / |     ||            /\-------/
*  ||----||         /  ||----||           (oo)
   ^^    ^^            vv    vv           (~~)

American Cow         Polish Cow            Australian Cow

         (__)                  (__)                  (__)
         (oo)             ____ (oo)             _---_(oo)
  /-------\/            /-    --\/            /-     -\/
 / |     ||            / |     ||            /|      ||
*  ||----||           *  ||___-||           *  ||___-||
   ^^    ^^              ^^    ^^              ^^    ^^
Freshman Cow          Freshman Cow          Freshman Cow
Arriving at RIT  After the "Freshman 15" After the "Freshman 20"

         (__)                 (__)                 (__)
         (OO)                 (@@)                 (xx)
  /-------\/           /-------\/           /-------\/
 / |     ||           / |     ||           / |     ||
*  ||----||          *  ||----||          *  ||----||
   ^^    ^^             ^^    ^^             ^^    ^^
Cow who drank Jolt   Cow who ate          Cow who used Jolt to
                  psychadelic mushrooms   wash down psychadelic
                                               mushrooms

              (____)     (____)                       (____)
              (oo  )        (o  o)                    ( O O)
   /-----------\  /  /-----\    /----      /-----------\  /
  / ||       |  \/  / |   |  \/   |       / ||       |  \/
 /  ||       ||||   \ |  |      | | |    /  ||       ||||
*   ||||-----||||    *| | |-----| | |   *   ||||-----||||
    /\/\     /\/\     /\ /\     /\ /\       ^^^^     ^^^^
This cow belonged  This was Salvatore    No one was sure whether
to Pablo Picasso   Dali's favorite cow    M.C. Escher's cow had
                                           four legs or eight

...And now, the Golden Bovine Awards!

           (__)
           (oo)      (_)
    /-------\/        V
   / |     ||        /G\
  *  ||----||     ___[B]___
     ^^    ^^     |       |

 And now,  the moment you've all been waiting for...the  nominees
for the best leading bull in a motion picture are:

     Christopher  for  his  role as the  Brooklyn  tough  in  the
          critically acclaimed drama, "Chew the Cud Slowly"

     Gambler,  the  swashbuckling hero in this  years  box-office
          block buster in "Cow Wars III:  Return of the Bovine"

     Samson,  as the somewhat deranged longhorn in what has  been
          described   as   this   years   most   artistic   film,
          "Slaughterhouse Mine"

     Spencer  for  his outstanding portrayal of a  cow  who  gets
          involved in some crazy farmers scheme and gets sent  to
          foreign  fields where his only goal is to get "Back  to
          the Pasture"

     George,  the latest heart throb to dance his way across  the
          silver screen in "Hoofloose"

          and

     Bitters in a thought provoking role as an in-mate at a  barn
          for the mentally impaired in "One Flew Over the Milking
          Machine"

 And the winner is...

 Christopher in "Chew the Cud Slowly"

 I  would like to thank everyone who helped me make  this  movie,
without whom I never would have won,  especially,  Farmer  Brown,
whose guidance and patience around feeding time helped me through
the long nights of rehearsals and shootings,  and Farm-Hand John,
who  used to sneak out at night to open the gate to the stud  pen
so that I could relieve some of my other tensions, and to....
                               \
           (__)                (___)
           (oo)      (_)       (O O)
    /-------\/        V         \ /---------\
   / |     ||        /G\         O ||      | \
  *  ||----||     ___[B]___        ||-----||  *
     ^^    ^^     |       |        ^^     ^^

 I would like to express my heart felt thanks to Gary Larson  for
giving me explicit written permission to use his Far Side cartoon
panel as a basis for this cow posting:

...and with its onboard floating point
and dual I and D cache buffers, the
CLIPPER will blow the doors off of any
micro in its class.                     QUICK, ONE'S COMING !!!
    \                                           \
     \                                           \
      (__)          (__)                         (__)
      (oo)          (oo)                         (oo)
       \/            \/                           \/
     /----\        /----\                       /----\
    /|    |\      /|    |\                     /|    |\
   ^ |    | ^    ^ |    | ^-+                 ^ |    | ^
     |    |        |    | |C|                   |    |
     /----\        /----\ +-+                   /----\
    /    \ \      /    \ \                     /    \ \
   ^      * ^    ^      * ^                   ^      * ^

             MOO               Oh, how boring it must
            /                 be to be a cow.
         (__)  (__)                 \               (__)
         (oo)  (oo)                  _______        (oo)
  /-------\/    \/-------\          //  ||\ \        \/-------\
 / |     ||      ||     | \   _____//___||_\ \___     ||     | \
*  ||----||      ||----||  *  )  _          _    \    ||----||  *
   ^^    ^^      ^^    ^^     |_/ \________/ \___|    ^^    ^^
________________________________\_/________\_/___________________

...So explain to me again how
they were able to achieve
zero wait states...
                 \                        It's party time!
                  \                                 \
      (__)          (__)                              (__)
      (oo)          (oo)                              (oo)
       \/            \/                                \/
     /----\        /----\                            /----\
    /|    |\      /|    |\                          /|    |\
   ^ |    | ^    ^ |    | ^-+                      ^ |    | ^
     |    |        |    | |C|                   [BUD]|    |[BUD]
     /----\        /----\ +-+                   [SIX]/----\[SIX]
    /    \ \      /    \ \                          /    \ \
   ^      * ^    ^      * ^                        ^      * ^

CLIPPER is a trademark of the Fairchild Semiconductor Corporation,
BUD is a trademark of Anheiser Busch Brewing, and
"Far Side" is a New York Times Syndication.
                  /
                 /     And we're just stupid cows.
           (__)                   /
           (oo)              (__)
    /-------\/               (oo)
   / |     ||                 \/-------\
  *  ||----||                  ||     | \
     ^^    ^^                  ||----||  *
                               ^^    ^^

                              *****

 Many people have been asking me why there are so many  different
kinds  of milk on the shelves.   Not just different  brands,  but
different types,  like Whole or Low-Fat.  Well, I have decided to
answer that question in full.  Listed below are most of the major
types of milk available on the market today and with them are the
type of cow that produces the milk.  Most American citizens don't
even  begin to realize all of the carefull in-breeding that  went
into producing these strains of dairy the average consumer  would
have  a  wide selection of milk to choose  from.  In  fact,  most
Americans are ignorant of tha fact that this many different types
of  cows exist.   Most people believe that all cows  look  alike.
Not so, as we are soon to find out.

                                Stephen L. Schultz
                                Head of Heifer Control
                                Computer Science House
                                Rochester Institute of Technology
                                Rochester, New York  14623

         (__)                     (__)                    __)
         (oo)                     (oo)                     o)
  /-------\/               /-------\/
 / |  O  ||               * ||----||
*  ||----||                 ||    ||
   ^^    ^^                 ^^    ^^
Cow that gives            Cow that gives           Cow that gives
(W)hole Milk.             Low-Fat Milk.            2% Milk.

         (__)
         (dd)                                .
  /-------\/
 / |     ||                    U                 .
*  ||----||                /---V                    .
   ^^    ^^               * |--|             .
Cow that gives       Cow that gives      Cow that gives (gave)
Vitamin D Milk.      Condensed Milk.     Evaporated Milk.

 Warning: Two of the last three are crude.

                          (__)
                        __(oo)
         (__)          /   \/  (__)                   (___)
         milk         /   \\   (oo)                   (O O)
  /-------\/         /|  /-^^---\/            /--------\ /
 / |     ||         / | /|     ||            / |      ||O
*  ||----||        *  || ||----||           *  ||@\---||
   ^^    ^^           ^^ ^^    ^^              ^^     ^^
Cow that gives        Cows that give        Cow that gives
Pasteurized Milk.     Homogenized Milk.     Cream.

 I warned you.

 In  an  attempt  to  cash  in  on  the  cow  craze  that   swept
local.noise,  Detroit  has decided to produce a complete line  of
auto-moo-biles.   Japan  was quick to follow suit and produced  a
few cows too, as were a couple of European countries.  Below is a
list of the auto-moo-biles reviewed by "Cow and Track" magazine.

 Before  you  read the list,  I would like to point  out  that  a
friend   of  mine  recently  purchased  a  particular  brand   of
automobile  and we have been kidding her about the small size  of
this automobile.   It is intended to needle this person,  but  if
you  wish to take offense and want to flame me for degrading  the
car, then please, feel free to send all flames to:
                   rochester!ritcv!ritcsh!adam

 If you wish to make any constructive comments or suggestions  to
add to my collection of cows, please mail to:
                   rochester!ritcv!ritcsh!hawk

                       (__)     Stephen L. Schultz
                       (oo)     Head of Heifer Control
                /-------\/      Computer Science House
               / |     ||       Rochester Institute of Technology
              *  ||----||       Rochester, New York  14623
                 ^^    ^^
 Here are the national standards for wheel-base classification:

             (__)         (__)       (__)     (__)
             (oo)         (oo)       (oo)     (oo)
  /-----------\/ /---------\/ /-------\/ /-----\/
 / |         || / |       || / |     || / |   ||        U
*  ||--------||*  ||------||*  ||----||*  ||--||    /---V
   OO        OO   OO      OO   OO    OO   OO  OO   * O--O

    Full-Size      Mid-Size     Compact Sub-Compact  Yugo

 These are some of the various models offered:

   __   (__)   ______  (__)           (__)         (__)
  /  \  (oo)  /      \ (oo)           (oo)      \  (oo)
 /    ---\/  *        --\/ /|      |---\/  @     ---\/
* |     ||   |         || * |______|  ||  /|       ||      U
  ||----||   ||--------||   ||--------|| * ||------||  /---V
  OO    OO   OO        OO   OO        OO   OO      OO * O--O

Hatch-Back  Station Wagon  Pick-up Truck  Convertable Rollerskate

 Although some people like to customize their cows:

         (__)                                     \
         (oo)                                      \
  /-------\/                           (__)         \__)
 / |     ||     /---_  (__)            (oo)         (oo)
*  ||----||    / |   -_(oo) /-----------\[] /--------\/
  OOO    OOO  *  ||-_  |\/ / |         |[] /|=======||   *    U
 O   O  O   O    ||  -_|| *  ||--------|| * ||------||(   \---V
  OOO    OOO     OO    OO    OO        OO   @@      @@     O--O

Beach-comber's  A Low-Rider   Chevy Impala   Aluminum alloy    ^
    Deluxe                  with Fuzzy Dice rims, fog lamps,   |
                                             cb radio, and     |
                                           custom pin-striping |
                                                               |
Yugo with rear spoiler ----------------------------------------+

 Then there are the luxury cows:

                                               (__)
                                               (oo)
  /---------------------------------------------\/
 / |                                           ||             U
*  ||------------------------------------------||       /-----V
   OO                                          OO      * O----O

                      Stretch Limo                    Yugo Limo

 And the workforce of the interstate cowing industry:

     /------------------------------------------
    / |                                        |
   /  |      Upstate Milk Cooperatives         | (_____)
  /   |                                        | ( O O )
 /    |                                        |  \   /
*     |________________________________________|___\ /
         OO  OO                         OO  OO      O    . .__.,,

                The Eighteen Hoofer              Yugo after being
                                        run over by the 18 hoofer

 Many  people  have been asking what the most  read  magazine  is
amongst  the bulls in the pen.   Well the answer is an easy  one,
it's PLAYBULL.   But not too many people know who own's PLAYBULL,
so I thought it would be nice to head out to the PLAYBULL Mansion
and meet the founder and editor, Hugh Heifer.
                                                    Steve Schultz
                                           Head of Heifer Control

 Here  is  Hugh Heifer himself,  with a couple  of  his  PLAYBULL
Bunnies.  Of  course,  whenever Hugh is around  the  mansion,  he
always wears his comfortable silk bathrobes.

        \    /                       \    /
         \__/               (___)     \__/
         (oo)               (o o)     (oo)
  /-------\/        /---+----\ /       \/-------\
 / |     ||        / |  |   ||O         ||     | \
*  ||----||       *  ||-+---||          ||----||  *
   ^^    ^^          ^^     ^^          ^^    ^^
 Meanwhile,  in the photo studios in the back of the mansion,  we
see next issues centerfold posing in front of the camera.

         (__) O
         (o[o]|                       *     (__)
  /-------\/ v                       /      (oo)v
 / |     ||_/                        \-------\/ \
*  ||----|                     v____/      /   \/
   ^^    ^                      v___\____v/___/

Probably an RIT               Is this one beautiful
photo graduate                   bovine, or what?

 Well,  if you liked the way the centerfold looked,  you may want
some biographical data:

Name:                           Ingrid
Age:                            4
Occupation:                     Dairy producer
Major Turn-ons:                 A well charged cattle prod
Major Turn-offs:                A stud pen with too many cows
                                and not enough bulls
Favorite TV Show:               T.J. Hoofer
Favorite Rock Group:            George Thorocud
Favorite Sexual Position:       Up against the barbed wire
Ambitions in Life:              To be in heat during the  running
                                of the bulls

 Our system (VAXIMG) is currently down for FCO's,  and so, having
nothing  better to do (not necessarily true,  but nothing  better
that this) I decided to draw a few cows.  These cows are from the
Corner Crew,  so watch out, they are loud and obnoxious at hockey
games.
                                                             Hawk

                        (_   _)
          (__)          (o   o)
          (oo)           \   /-------\
   /-------\/                ||     | \
  * ||----||                 ||----||  *
    ^^    ^^                 ^^    ^^
Strawberry Shortcake    Banana Split

         (__)          (__)        *
         (oo)          (oo)       /
  /-------\/            \/-------/
 / |     ||              ||     | o
*  ||----||              ||----||   ooo
   ::    ::              ^^    ^^  oooooo
Your team skates      Like a pile of . . .

(__)                          (__)
(oo)                          (oo)
 \/-------\            /-------\/
  \\     \ \          / /     //
   \\----\\ *        * //----//
    ^^    ^^          ^^    ^^
Shift to the left    Shift to the right

    (__)
    (oo)
  /--\/--\               (__)
 / |    | \              (oo)
^  |    |  ^           ---\/----<
   /----\              | \-+-<
  /   \  \             |   |
 ^     *  ^         *__|__-+-<-<
Stand up            Sit down

          (__)  *       (__)(__)
          (xx)   \      (@@)(oo)
   /-------\/ >---\------\/  \/-------\
  / |     ||      |     ||>---|     || \
 *  ||----||      |-----||     |----||  *
    ^^    ^^      ^     ^^     ^    ^^
Fight, fight, fight!
                                         _______________________
                            |^^^^|      (   Dammit, Jim, I'm a  )
                            |    |      ( doctor, not a butcher!)
                           @|   Oo      (---------------------))
          (MM)              |  ._>                      (__)  )
          (oo)              \   /                       (oo)
   /-------\/        /---------                  /-------\/
  / |     ||        / |      ||                 / I   * II
 *  ||----||       *  ||-----||                *  II----II
    ^^    ^^          ^^     ^^
   Cowabunga!       Bart Simpcow             Dr. Bones McCow

         ________________                                 (__)
        // (__)(__)||(__)\\                               (oo)
       //  (oo)(oo)||(oo) \\                       /-------\/
      // \\"\/""\/"||"\/"/ \\                     / //____\\
     / ============||=======\\                   * //      \\
   (|        |-    ||-       ||)
    |________|_____||________||/                  ***********
     \-( O )----------( O )--/                   ****      ***
        ---            ---                      ***          *
                                               ****o
              Cowpool                           ******
                                                 ***
                                                  ***     *
           (__)                                    ***  ***
           (oo)                                     ******
    /-------\/___()~
   / |     ||                           Cow jumping over the moon
  *  ||----||
     ^^    ^^
  Cow smoking a pipe

        o    o    o       o     o              o
                  o  o  o     o         o    o          o       o
           (__)    o  o   o          o            o        o
           (oo)   o o           o         o          o          o
    /-------\/___()       o           o        o          o
   / |     ||
  *  ||----||
     ^^    ^^
  Cow blowing bubbles from a pipe

          *    *     *       o    @              ~

                  *  *  *     ,         o    *         *
           (__)    *  *   *         .               *      o
           (oo)   * *           )          .                 *
    /-------\/             *  -(*)-    ~       @      *
   / |     ||                   (
  *  ||----||
     ^^    ^^
  Cow star-gazing
                                                   |
                                                  \|/
                                               ----*----
                                                  /|\
                                                   |

                   (__)
                   (oo)
            /-------\/
           / |     ||
          *  ||----||
             ^^    ^^
  Cow wishing upon a star
                     ________                       _______
            (__)    /        \             (__)    /       \
            (oo)   ( Squeak!! )            (oo)   (  !oMo!  )
     /-------\/  --'\________/      /-------\/  --'\_______/
    / |     ||                     / |     ||
   *  ||----||                    *  ||----||
      ~~    ~~                       ~~    ~~
      A Cow-mon                      Dyslexic
      Mistake                         Cow          @@@@@
                                                 @@\0 0/@@
                                                   (o o)
               ___________________________      **  |U|  **
              /      /          /        /     ***(     )***
             /      /__________/        /      //  \   /  \\
            /                          /      //    ***    \\
           /                          /           *******
          /                          /          ***********
         /                          /         ***************
        / 3.5" 135tpi              /        *******************
       /__________________________/        *********************
                                           *********************
            Cow Stored as Binary
               Information.                       Cow Belle

         (___)             (___)                (___)(___)
         (o o)           * (o o)                (o o)(o o)
   /------\ /   (__)      \_(--)          /------\ /  \ /-----\
  /    ____O    (oo)      / (**)\        /   (__)_O    O___    \
 (    )/----\----\/      ( / \/\ )      (   )(oo)--\---/--/(    )
 /\oo===|  / ~  ||        \\    /       /\oo==@/||  ~ \~ |===oo/\
| ||    ||~-----||        |||~~||      | ||     ||-----~||   || |
* ||    ||      ||        |||  ||      * ||     ||      ||   || *
  ~~    ~~      ~~        ~~~  ~~        ~~     ~~      ~~   ~~

                           Cows at a garden party

                                             *       (__)       .
                                           \      (oo)       .'
                                         ...\------\/       '.
         (__)             (__)          . (__)    ||       (__)
         (oo)             (oo)          . (oo)----||       (oo)
  /-------\/       /------\  /     /-------\/     ^^/-------\/
 / |     ||       / |     |\/     / |     ||        \|     ||
*  ||----||      *  ||----||     *  ||----||        *><----><
   ^^    ^^         ^^    ^^        ^^    ^^         ^^    ^^
     Cow         Cow feeling     Cow feeling        Cow feeling
                 pissed off      pissed on           pissed

         (__)  *        (__)  *        (__)        (   )
         (oo)   \       (oo)   \       (OO)     (         )
  /-------\/   ..\-------\/     \-------\/    (   (         )
 / |     ||   .   |     ||       /     \\      (      )    )
*  ||W---||   .   ||----||      //------\\        (     )
   ^^    ^^       ^^    ^^     ^^        ^^
Cow about to     Cow giving  Cow who's just   Cloud of dust where
give milk       U.H.T. milk  seen a McDonalds same cow was before

         (__)             (__)  s                     *     )__(
         (oo)             (@@) s                     /      (oo)
  /-------\/       /-------\===          (__)        \--___--\/
 / |     ||       / |     ||      /------(xx)         |      |
*  ||----||      *  ||----||     * \     /\/          /\----/ \
WWWWWWWWWWWWW       ^^    ^^     ===----====         ^  ^   ^ ^
Cow standing in  Cow SMOKING      Dead cow             Mad Cow
long grass          grass

         (__)             (__)             (___)   *        (___)
         (00)             (oo)             (@ @)    \       (* *)
  /-------\/       /-------\/       /-------\ /      \-------\ /
 / |     ||       / |     ||       / |      |O        |      |O
*  ||----||      *  ||O---||      *  ||O---||         ||@>--||
   ^^    ^^        [__].  ^^        [__].  ^^         ^^    ^^

Norwegian cow     Calf having      Calf making    Same bull after
                  drink            mistake         calf went away

         (__)    *        (__)             (__)            (__)
         (DD)     \       (xx)             (oo)            (oo)
  /-------\/       \-------\/      /-',',', \/      /-------\/
 / |     ||         |     ||     ./,|',',',','     / | (+) ||
*  ||----||         ||----||        |''''''|      *  ||----||
   ^^    ^^         ^^    ^^        ~~     ~~        ^^    ^^
 Cow watching    Cow having a      Jersey Cow    The "bummer of
 above bull      sexual fantasy                  a birthmark" Cow
                                             (with due accowlades
                                                 to Gary Larson
                -\  /-                           (The Far Side))
                 '\/'
                 (oo)       _________
         /------- \/       | \      /|
       ./ |       ,        | - -X- - |
          |------|         |/______\_|
        --|------|---------|-------
       /---------------------------\
      /    __                       \\
    //    /  \          __            \\\
  ///                  /  \              \\\\

              Highland Cow

        ________   \
       |########|     \
       |########|        \
        --------\           \
          (__)  |              \
          (oo)  |                 \ ______________________
           \/   |                 |                       |
         /+++\  o                 |                       |
        /+++++\                   |          ____         |
       ~ #/##\#~  \               |        /  To |        |
         / ii \      \            |        \ W.C.|        |
       ~~      ~~       \         |          ----         |
                           \      |                       |
                              \   |                       |
      In"cow"tinent              \|------------------------

        (__) (oo) /-------\/ / | || * ||----|| ^^ ^^

        A well adjust(1)ed Cow

                 (__)
                 (oo)
           ^^    ^^
          /-------\/
         / |     ||
        *  ||----||

        An ass-sort(1)-ed Cow

           >ysP   -"JlAe B  x

        A compress(1)ed Cow

        awk: Usage: awk [-f source | 'cmds'] [files]

        An awk(1)ward Cow

        begin 644 cow
        M"B @(" @(" @("A?7RD*"2 H;V\I"B @+RTM+2TM+2U<+PH@+R!\("
        ;? HJ("!\?"TM+2U\? H@("!>7B @("!>7@H*
        end

        uuencoded cow
                  __
                _|__|_
                 (oo)
          /-------\/
         / |===w=||_|OO ... ....  (bullets,where w=gun)
        *  ||----|
           ^^    ^
         this is the cowboy-cow, in case u are wondering 'where
                        the hell is the horse then ?', let me
                        inform u that it too needs recreation and
                        has gone to play man-shoes !!
           ___________________________
        | |                (__)       \
        | |                (oo)        |
        | |         /-------\/          \____     Cow'ndom
        | |        / |     ||            ____)    Use it to
        | |       *  ||----||           /         prevent AIDS
        | |          ~~    ~~          |
        | |___________________________/

   /-------------------------------------------------------------
  |[]  ________  ________  ------  ________  ________  ------
 /     | (oo) |  |  (oo)|  |[][]|  |(oo)  |  |oo)(oo|  |[][]|  |
|      | _\/__|  |___\/_|  |[][]|  |_\/___|  |\/__\/|  |[][]|  |_
|--------------------------|    |----------------------|    |----
|                          |    |                      |    |
+---/OOO==OOO\-------------======---------/OOO==OOO\---======----

                          Cow-st liner

                            _-_
                (__)       [   ]
                (oo)       /-_-
                 \/-------/
                  ||     |
                  ||----||
                  ~~    ~~
            (__)                     *
            (oo)
     /-------\/ ~~____________________________________________
    / |        // ||\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/||
   *  ||------+   ||/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\||
      ~~          ||\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/||

                                                  _-_
                                                 [   ]      (__)
                                                  -_-\      (  )
                                                      \--------
                                                       |     ||
                                                       ||----||
                                                       ~~    ~~
                             Andrei Ag-cow-si

(__)_________________________________________________________(__)
(oo)                                                         (oo)
 \/___________________________________________________________\/

                         Cowaxial Cable

            (__)                              (__)
           ( V V )                            (oo)
           (>O O<)                     /-------\/
           ( A A )                    / |     ||
     /-------\/                      *  ||----||
    / |     ||                          | \   | \
   *  ||----||                          V> V> V> V>
      ^^    ^^
  Tammy Fae Baker's cow            Imelda Marcos' cow

                       ++   ++
                      +||---||+
            (__)      | 1 2 3 |              (__)
            (oo)O     | 4 5 6 |              (oo)
     /-------\/o/     | 7 8 9 |       /-------\/__
    / |     |__/~~~~~~| * 0 # |      / |     |__\/  \~~~~~~~/
   *  ||----|         +-------+     *  ||----|       \_____/
      ^^    ^                          ^^    ^
       Cattle call                      Cow punch

            (__)  /                                        _
            (oo) /                                        / \
            -\/-/                                        | + |
           /\__/_|                  (___)                |___|
          /     /                   (o o)                (o o)
          |    /             /_______\ /          /-------\ /
          \ _ /             / |-,---||O          / |     ||O
           | |             *  ||    ||          *  ||,---||
           ^ ^                ^^    ^^             ^^    ^^
       Cow Ripken             Bullemic             Papal Bull
                 ___   ___
                 \  \  \  \
       (___)   ___\__\__\__\__
       (o o)   |  O O O O O O|
      --\ /----+-------------+-------/
      |  O                          /
       \                           /
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             Steerage
                                        ___________________
                              ___      (  I MOO-ON MY WAY  )
                            _|___|_    //~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       v     v               ( uu|    '
      / (___) \              /\_c|
      | (o o) |             / \ C#=}~|
       \_\ /_/             | )   \              (___)      _____
        | O |              | |  o |             (- -)     / zzz |
        |   |              \ |  | |      /-------\ /  ---<______/
        /~~~\               [_] o ]     / |     ||O
       /     \              |  / \|    *  ||,---||
       ~~|~~|~              L_/   |       ^^    ^^
         |  |                || ||        Bulldozer
          \  \               || ||
                             ID ID
   Le Bullet Russe
                        Dick Tracy's Cow

 More cows are a-comin' in part II... 

Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.