Skip to main content
© Genius

 "I've told you a million times not to exaggerate."
                                     Rik Mayall, "The Young Ones"


                 THE ANCIENT HISTORY OF THE COWS
                             PART II
               by Stephen L. Schultz, the Creator

 Even more cows in this second,  slightly exciting (well, perhaps
somewhat at least) part of the cow ramblings.

|                              ==================================
|                              =                                =
|                              =                  _____         =
|                              =        ______   /     \        =
|                              =       /      \ |       \       =
|                              =      /        ||\     (__)     =
|##        (__)  m m           =    (__)    __ || \    (oo)     =
|   ##     (oo) / /            =    (oo)   /  \||(__)   \/      =
|     ##   |\/ / /             =     \/  (__)  ||(oo)           =
|       ## |  / /  m m         =         (oo)  || \/            =
|        ## \   \ / /          =          \/   ||               =
|         ## \   / /           =               ||               =
|          ## \ / /            =               ||               =
|           ## \--             =               ||               =
|            ##  |             =               ||               =
|            ##   --*          =               ||               =
|____________##_______________ =               ||               =
             ##                =               ||               =
             ##                =                                =
              ##               =           cow-cow nut          =
               ##              =                                =
                ##             =                                =
                 ##            ==================================
                  ##
                    ##
                      ##
                         ##
        Cow-sine wave

      Cow tipping:

      Step 1.              Step 2.
              (__)
              (--)
       /-------\/             O--------O_
      / |     ||             /| ::     |_)
     *  ||w---||            * O--------O
        ~~    ~~
                                                                *
               (__)     ________                           *    *
               (oo) ====________|                      *    *
        /-------\/         /\
       / |     ||         /  \                     *
      *  ||----||        /    \
         ~~    ~~       /      \

                     A Cowsmologist

      \      / _                     /\         ` `_______ ` `
    /\/______\/                     /  \         `/_/_|_\_\ `
     |      (__)                   /(`')\       `     |(__)  `
 *---|______(^^)             /-------\/          `    |(oo)  `
             \/             / |     ||          `  `  J \/  `
                           *  ||----||
     Cowt-of-order            ~~    ~~      Cow in Bergen, Norway
(Me-cow-nical failure)        Cowloon    (Rains 300+ days a year)

                       (___)     ________
                 .____ (o o)    /        \                )
                /       \ /  --|  UGGGGH! |
              /       || O      \________/
             /      / ||
            /      /  ||
           /_____/__, ||
   *------'---------' ~~
           Sitting Bull                               Bull's Eye

                           _________________________
            (___)         / ...The President then   \
            (o o)        / had to take into serious  \
     /-------\ /    ----| consideration what implica- |
    / |     ||O          \ tions it would have for.../
   *  ||,---||            \_________________________/
      ~~    ~~
                Bull-etin from the White House.
     ________________________________________________
      @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
        %%      %%                      %%      %%
        ||      ||                      ||      ||
        ||      ||                      ||      ||
        ||      ||    _ (_)    \o/      ||      ||
        ||      ||  /|_|(_)     |       ||      ||
    ____||______||_"_|_|_______/_\______||______||____

   The Roman Cowliseum...where ancient Christians were fed to
   vicious beasts...
         _
      | \                                                (___)
      |  \            (__)             (__)              (~  )
 *----|---------------(oo)             (oo)              (o o)
      |    ______     |\/       /-------$/         /-------$/
      |___/     /_____|        / | ^^  ||         / |      ||
      / / \____/    / /       * ||-----|         * ||------|
     / >           > /          ^^     ^           ^^      ^
    >               >           MacCow               MosCow

      Stelth Cow
                      *
        vv       vv  /
        ||____M__||/
        ||       ||                      (__)
      /\||_______||                      (xx)
     (Xx)                                 \/
     (--)
         Dead Cow                Cow by Georgia O'Keefe
                                                          (__)
                                                          (oo)
                                                           \/
                                                           /\
        __/---\                                           //\\
       <__/-(__)                                         o/||\o
            (oo)                          (oo)          //o||\\\
     /-------\/                         /--\/          o///||o\\o
    / |     ||                         / --                ||
   *  ||----||                           ||                =====
      ^^    ^^
                                               A Christmas Cow-el
   The Butcher of Baghdad          Karen Cowpenter
   (Saddam Holstein)

         (__          (__)              (__)  |  |  (__)
         (oo)         (--)              (--)  |  |  (--)
  /-------\/   /-------\/   /o   /-------\/   |  I   \/-------\
 / |     ||   / |  L  |----< o  / |  D  |----<T  I>----|  M  | \
*  ||----||  *  ||----|   /  o *  ||----|     I  I     |----||  *
   ^^    ^^     ^^    ^      |    ^^    ^        |     ^    ^^
                             |                   |
Cow owned by
Vincent Van Gogh       Teenage Mutant Ninja Cows

    \\     //
     \\( )//                                     (__)
      (o o)                   (  )              /(oo)\
       \ /                    (oo)             /  \/  \
      /   \          ##########\/             /   /\   \
      |   |         # ######## #             /   /  \   \
      \___/        *  # ###### #             |   |  |   |
     // | \\          # #    # #             |   |  |   |
    //     \\                                |___|  |___|
    "       "            Mosscow               Cowderoys
      Cow11
                                                          _____
                                                         <_____>
                (  )                                      (==) |
                (oo)              __                /------\/- *
       /---*-.---\/              (oo)              / |   | \/|
      / |* . * .||        /-------\/              *  |       |
     *  ||------||         :     ::                  |===|===|
        ~~      ~~         ::----::                   ^^   ^^
                           ^^    ^^
      Cow w/ cowpox      Boris Cowlile      Cow on Graduation day

                                    /
    /\                             /
    \/                   (__)     /                 \    |   /
    ||                   <`'>    /                    \  | /
  (_||_)                  \/    /^                _____ ___ _____
 __\||/__              #=======> |          _         /(o o) \
 | /xx\  |              (    )==/          (_)------/---\ /    \
 __\xx/__|              I____I                   |     ||
   /ww\             ,---( _  )       .           ||----||
  /|  |\           /    || \_=======||           oo    oo
  |^  ^|                ||
  ^    ^                ||                     heli-COW-pter
                        ==

COW giving birth        The Ninja Cow

*                (__)
 \               (oo)    ________(__)_
  \---------------\/    |COW-SIO (oo) |                (_--_)
  |          0.0  |     |  _______\/  |                /*__*\
  |---------------|     | |_________| |        *     __|(oo)|_
  |  C CE  ^  -   |     |             |         \/--(  \|==|/ )
  |  7  8  9  +   |     | C  =  /  *  |          |   \       /
  |  4  5  6  *   |     | 7  8  9  -  |          \ \  | | | |
  |  1  2  3  /   |     | 4  5  6  +  |           | |-\ /-\ /
  |     0  .  =   |     | 1  2  3     |           ^ ^  ^   ^
   |            ||      | 0     .  =  |       NFL Dallas "COWBOY"
   ||-----------||      |_____________|
   ^^           ^^
     Cow-culater          Cow-culator

                (__)       (__)       (__)      (__)
                (oo)       (oo)       (oo)      (oo)
         /-------\/ /-------\/ /-------\//-------\/
        / |     || / |     || /|     || /|     ||
       *  ||----||*  ||----||* ||----||* ||----||
          ^^    ^^   ^^    ^^  ^^    ^^  ^^    ^^
                     COW-comitant

          (__)             (__)             (__)           (__)
          ($$)             (££)             (YY)           (%%)
   /-------\/       /-------\/       /-------\/     /-------\/
  / |     ||       / |     ||       / |     ||     / |     ||
 *  ||----||      *  ||----||      *  ||----||    *  ||----||
    ^^    ^^         ^^    ^^         ..    ..       $&    #Y
    USA'$ cow        GB'£ cow         JP'y cow       Bank'% cow
      _____________
     |             |
     | INDIANA  45 |
     |             |                  |
     | PURDUE   52 |                  |
     |_____________|                  |
                                ______|====\
                                \/\/\/     \\
                                 \/\/       \\
                                             \\
                                              \\
                  (__)   __                    \\
                  (oo)  /)(\                    \\
            *    / \/_/~\__/                     ||
             \  /   __/~                         ||
              \/   /                             ||
               | _/                              ||
               | |                               ||
               ~ ~                             ------

             Hoosier
               Cow

          .                  .
          .                  .                  (__)
   (___)  .           (___)  .                  (oo)
   (o o)  .           (- -)  .           /-------\/ 5+2=?
    \ /  .             \ /  .           / !     !!
     Q..                Q..            *  !!----!!
                                          ^^    ^^
  smokin' cow        waisted cow      cow who cow'nts

                           (__)         (__)
                           (00)         (  )
           /----------------\/           \/---------------\
          /  |             |              |              | \
         *   ||-----------||              |||----------|||  *
            ^^^          ^^^^             ^^^          ^^^
                              SIDE VIEWS

                   |                            |
                   |                            |
                   |                            |
                   |                            |
                   |                            |
                   *                            |
                  ^^^                          ^^^
               BACK VIEW                    FRONT VIEW

                                         ^        (___)
                 _- --/   - `\           ^        |*-*|
            _________/_________          ^____  _  \o/`-\
            "       /|                         \  / U   |
      (__)   `     /_| _ -                      \/\   | /
      |@@|           |                            |   //
       \/`--------.__/                            |  C/
        |         /                               \---/
        //`---\/||                                |/\ |
        ||      ||                                || ||
                                                  || ||
        Helicowpter                               || ||

                                                 Cool Cow

                        (__)          (__) |
                        (oo)          ($$) |__      /---------o*o
   /---------------------\/    /-------\/---||     / |      ||
 /  |   |   |   |   |   ||    / |     |     ||    *  ||-----||
*   ||--||--||--||--||--||   *  ||----|     --       ^^     ^^
    ^^  ^^  ^^  ^^  ^^  ^^
        Cowterpillar          Yuppie cow with      Cow captured
                               mobile phone.    by head-shrinkers

         ((( ))))
       ((  (    )))                    (     )    I'm a cow, man!
      ( (     )   ) )                   ^^^^^     /
    ( ( (         ))))                  |   |   _/
   ( (           / ) ) )                 O O   /
    ( ( \\       ) ) )                  \ C / -
        ( :  // ) )                       ~
          :   :                        /     \
          :   :      O                / |   | \
          :   :                      (  |   |  )
          :   :                       \ \___/ /
          :   :    (__)                W/   \W
          :   :    (oo)                /|_n_|
          :   : ----\/                / || ||
          :   :    ::                 | () ()
          :   : ---::                 * || ||
       ------------^^                   VV VV
          Newton's Cow
         (aka Mooton)                 Bart Cow

           __
         >(__)     This cow will make all those desisions for
          (oo)     you by changing color according to the
   /-------\/      action you should take.
  / |     ||       If this cow appears to be:
 *  ||----||
    ^^    ^^       GREEN: Yes, Go ahead
   MAGIC DESISION
   MAKING COW.     WHITE: No, unless it is raining.

                   AMBER: Buy a better monitor/terminal

                   GRAY:  Adjust your contrast/brightness control

                   BLACK (on black): Turn terminal/monitor on.

                   BLACK (on white): Lucky git!

                   ANY OTHER COLOR: Send terminal/monitor to
                    repairer's, quickly!

                                   /~~\                 +
        ) (                        \__/                O O
        ( o)\                   ==========            o_o_o
    *    \o /                  /     {__} \           (___)
     \    \/-----\            /      (**)  \          (___)
      \-----   || \           \       \/   /          (___)
     $ |     --||  *           \"mon      /          (   00
      ||-vv--  ~~               \ parfum"/            \_  |
      ~~                         ========               \_o

     Pablo Picowsso          Paloma Picowasso      King Cowles II

                     ______               ___________
                    : Oui? :              :         :
   _______          `v-----'              : CORNED  :
  :  Nee! :      (__)                     :  BEEF   :
  `------v'      (oo)                     :_________:
          /-------\/
         / :     ::   An exercise found in a text book of quantum
        *  ::----::   mechanics: "solve the Schrodinger equation
           ^^    ^^   of a cow in a box. Please, pay attention on
                      the boundary conditions!"
         Belgian Cow

              (__)
              (oo)
       /-------\/
      / :     ::                      (/\)
     *  ::----::                      /oo\                 (__)
XX======^^====^^==>>           /-----/____\                (--)
 X   US MISSILE     >>        / |     ||           /--------\/
 X   Greetings       >>>     *  ||----||          / \ |      \__
 X         George   >>          ~~    ~~         *  /__-------__|
XX================>>                                   ~     ~
                              Cow klux klan       Cow resting
   Irakean Cow

                     ___()
    COW ------------|   o\
                    |     )O-------------- MOO
               -----|____/  /
               \           /
                \         /                         (____)
                 \       /                          \(    )
                  \     /                           |\(    )
                   \   /                            \ \(    )
                    \ /                              \ \(    )
                     X                               |\ \(    )
                    / \                              | \ \(    )
                   /   \                                \ \(____)
                  /     \                                \|_o_o_|
                 /       \                                 |   |
                /         \                                |   |
               /    ___()  \
               -----|   o\  \                            cow chip
                    |     |O-------------- ~MOO
    BULL ---------- |____/

      Cow Flop (new flip-flop, patent pending)

                      (       )                      (       )
                       \     /                        \     /
                        \___/                          \___/
                        (o o)                          (o o)
           /-------------\o/              /-------------\o/
          / |           ||               / |           ||
         *  ||-,--------||              *  ||@\\-------||
            ||          ||                 ||  \\      ||
            ~~          ~~                 ~~          ~~
        Texas Longhorn Steer            Texas Longhorn Bull
                                __
              (__)             (  )                       (__)
              (oo)               /                        (oo)
        _______\/              /   \                _______\/
       /                     /       \             /|      |
      / |     ||           /           \          / ||    ||
     *  ||-__-||          (_____________)        *  ||----||
        ^^    ^^                                    ^^    ^^
     Pregnant Cow            Hanger              De-calf-inated

           (__)                    (__)                 iiiiIiiii
           (oo)                    (oo)                  '|o o|`
  /---------\/             ---------\/             ________\_/
 /|    |   ||            /    |    ||            / |        |
* |__|-----||          //____\-----||           #  ||ww____||
   ||      ||         *   ||       ||              ||      ||
                                                   ~~      ~~
    cow-boy                cow-girl              Happy Hannucow!
                   (or a Sco(w)ttish cow-boy)

                          \_                          ^
                            \                         | **~~~~~~~
                     _____)  \___                     | **~~~~~~~
                  __/            \__             (__) | ~~~~~~~~~
                _/                  \            (oo) | ~~~~~~~~~
               /       ____     (     )           \/  |
              /  /  __/    \__   |o o|         /(   \/|
             /| ||_/          \   \ /           (   ) |
   ^^^^^^^^^"^// /^^^^^^^^^^^^^\ \\^^^^^^^^      /~\  |
             // /               | ||
            [][]                [][]         Patriotic Cow

                    Sha-MOO

                        /\
                       /  \
                      /    \
                      |    |
                     / *  * \
                    /  ** *  \
                   /   * **   \             **
                  /    *  *    \          **  **
     .       .    |            |         *      *  <--- the world
          .      /     ****     \        *      *
  .         .   /      *  *      \        **  **
.     .  .     /       ****       \         **
  .           /        *  *        \
      .       |                    |
   .         /         ****         \
            /          *             \         .       .
     .     /           ****           \      .          .
          /               *            \   .        .
         /             ****             \
         |                              |    .    .  .
         |             ****             |
         |             *  *             | .       .    .
         |             ****             | .      .       .
         |             *  *             |    .       .    .
         |------------------------------|      .        .
         | (__)  (__)  (__)  (__)  (__) |   .    .
  .     /| (oo)  (oo)  (oo)  (oo)  (oo) |\
       / | /\/\  /\/\  /\/\  /\/\  /\/\ | \   .     .   .
   .  /  |=|==|==|==|==|==|==|==|==|==|=|  \     .
  . /    | |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |  | |    \  .
   / USA | ~||~  ~||~  ~||~  ~||~  ~||~ |NASA \     .
  |______|  ~~    ~~    ~~    ~~    ~~  |______|       .
 .       (______________||______________)     .   .
    .    /_\                          /_\  .     .    .
         !!!                          !!!

          The herd shot 'round the world.

                                          (_ _)
                                     ___  (o o)
             (__)                  _-   -_(   )
             (++)                /-        O O
         /____O/                / |       ||
        /|   ||                *   ||-___-||
       * ||--||                    ~~     ~~
         ~~  ~~
       This cow belongs to        This cow belongs to
       Mr. Bill                   Rosanne Barr
                                             _________(__)___
                                            | -------------- |\
         (__)     (__)   "slurp"           /||              || \
         (oo)     (oo)                    / ||milkfat 1%    ||  \
  /-------\/       \/-------\          * *  ||______________|| /
 / |     ||  \__/  ||      | \        *     |________________|/
*  ||----||  |  |  ||-----||  *       *          ||    ||
  ~~    ~~  |__|  ~~     ~~           *         ~~    ~~
                                       *
        cowoperation                    ----------------------
                                       / - - - - - - - - --- /
                                      / - - - - - - - - --- /
                                     ----------------------
                          (oooo)          personal cowmputer
                        oo( -0 )oo
            / ------------  \/
           /  |          |                       /|
          /   |  ----\_/ |                      / |
       > <    |||      |||                     /  |
              |||      |||                     |/ |
               ~~       ~~                      \ |
         Wendy Wellesley Cow-               /|  //        (__)
    note the shapely figure and painted    / /\//         (oo)
    hooves---and the sexy wink reserved   | |  /   /-------\/
    for MIT men.                          |   /   / |     ||
                                          |  /   *  ||----||
                                          | /     ^^    ^^
        _____                 *           |/        breacowt!
       (_____)               /
       ( OO )_____________  /
       (/~~\)  #########  \/          |\------------\
        \O_/    * * * *   |= = = = = =|-   SCUD      )
          |    #########  |           |/------------/
          |  |__________| |
          || |         || |
          || |         || |
          ~~~~         ~~~~

                       Saddam moo-sein

                                            @
                         (__)    (__) _____/
                      /| (oo) _  (oo)/----/_____    *
            _o\______/_|\_\/_/_|__\/|____|//////== *- *  * -
           /_________   \   00 |   00 |       /== -* * -
          [_____/^^\_____\_____|_____/^^\_____]     *- * -
                \__/                 \__/

                         Cow-mobile

          (())                      (())                    ||||
          (oo)                                              (oo)
    /------\/                       (OO)              /------\/
   /|      |                  /------\/              /|      |
  * ||----||                 /|      |              * ||----||
    ^^    ^^                * ||----||                ^^    ^^
                              ^^    ^^
  Don King cow        Don King cow after           Buckwheat cow
                    getting electric shock        (Otay? Otay!)

                              *****

             /\
            /  \                 (__)                      __
            (oo)                 (oo)                     (oo)
      /------\/            /-ooo--\/                /------\/
     /|      |            /|o | o |                /|      |
    * ||----||           * ||o^o ||               * ||----||
      ^^    ^^             ^^    ^^                 ^^    ^^

     "Conehead" cow      Anti-war cow         Sinead O'Connor Cow

         o o                       - -

          O    Moo!!!!

     ghost-cow               sleeping ghost-cow

     Cow-nty Police Officer                  Cow-nty Police Car
                                                    ___
                  [___]                        ____|___|____
                  (o o)                       /        [__] \
      /------------\-/                       /         (oo)  \
     / |    ||^    |V                       /          |\/|   \
    |  |   <**>    |                        |-----------------|
    *  -----/\------                        |    Cow-Price    |
       ||  O  O   ||                        |_________________|
       ||         ||                        \_________________/
       ||         ||                        |  |           |  |
       oo         oo                        |__|           |__|
    (With gun and Handcuffs)
                                             (it's a Cow-Price)
                                             (Classic of course)

                               \                              /
                                \                            /
           (__)                  \              (__)        /
      /\/\_(oo)                   \        /\/\_(oo)       /
    //      ==                     \     //      ==       /
   / | /\/\||                       \   / | /\/\||       /
  *  ||    ||                        \ *  ||    ||      /
     ^^    ^^                         \___^^____^^_____/
      Silly cow
    (his father was a camel)           Sillycow-valley.

         ___                 __  __                            _
        (( /\   (__)        ( /\/ \(__)              (__)     //
         \\ /\  (oo)         \ /\\/(oo)             _(oo)    //
      ,----\ /\--\/      ,----\ /\--\/        /----/ \\/    //
     ( ) ) ) // ||      ( ) ) ) // ||        / ||--  (  ) ====
      `-----//--||       `-----//--||       *  ||  \_(  ) //
           ^^   ^^            ^^   ^^          ^^    ^  ^

                   beecows                   Cownan the barbarian

            (__)                                  (__)
                (oo)                              (oo)
     /-------\/                  /-----------------\/
        / |     ||              / | /qwertyuiop   \||
   *  ||----||                 *  ||  asdfghjl;    ||
          ^^    ^^                ||   zxcvbnm,./  ||
       sliced cow                 ^^               ^^
                                    keyboard-cower

                           (  )
                           (oo)
                   /--------\/
                  / ||      ||
                 *  ||------||
                    ||      ||
           (  )     ||      ||
           (oo)     ||      ||
   /--------\/      ||      ||      ||      ||    ||      ||
  / ||      ||      ||      ||      ||      ||    ||      ||
 *  ||------||      ||      ||      ||      || *  ||------||
    ||      ||      ||      ||      ||      ||  \ ||      ||
    ||      ||      ||      ||      ||      ||   \--------/\
    ||      ||      ||      ||      ||      ||           (oo)
    ^^      ^^      ^^      ^^      ^^      ^^           (  )
     high cow     very high cow      broken very high cow

                              __                     (__)
         (__)              (__)                      (oo)
         (\/)              (oo)                     < vv >
  /-------\/        /-------\/____)                 /    \
 / |     ||       / |______ |     |                /|    |\
*  ||    ||         ||     ||      __             / |(  )| \
                 ___||_____||_____/   _______    /  ||""||\ \
   cow san                                      /___||__||_*_\
                      Ge-cow-logist                 ~~  ~~
~                                                 Cownt Dracula

                      (__)                     (  )
            *       ` (OO)'                    (00)   //
             \_/-------\/ `                 ___ \/___//
               ||     ||_.  `              /---\_/---\
            %_/ ~-----\                  ------------------
                       ~                   l           l
                                           l___________l
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          l   ll ll   l
    // // // / /  | \\  \ \   \\\          l   v   v   l
                                           -           -
        Cow on a hot tin roof              A 'cow'ntant

                                         \ ,_________________./ /
           (__)                         -/.__________________  -
           oo )                              \    (__)    /   \
          _!_/_                                \  (oo)  /
!--!-\___/    !\                                 \.\/./
!__!     !    !  \                                |  |
          \___/                           *       |  |
         /  W \                        /          |  |
         !    !               o    / /            /  \'
         !    !              /|\/'               |    \
                       ______/_\_________________|______\ _____
       Cow from                                  ^      ^
   Velke Popovice Brewery              David and Cowliath
              .  .
              .  .   .    __                      __
                    .     ||______________________||
                 .    .   ||  __________________  ||
                        / || |           (__)   | ||
                  .   . / || |           (oo)   | ||
                      |  -|| |           _\/_   | ||
                  .   . \ || |=---------/(())\-\| ||
                      (\  |\-----------------------\
                  .    (\ || \_______________________\
                         \||  |                       |
                   .      \|  | (O) |-----------| (O) | .
                           \  |     |-----------|     |       .
                    .       \ |       PETERBILT       |  .
                             \|                       |
                      .      (=========================)
                              |_||_|             |_||_|
                         .                                 \

                            .                                  \

                             Pompano Beach or bust!

                                                   ^^^
                                                 ^^^^^^^
    ++++++++++ ************************        ^^^^^^^^^^^
    ++++++++++ ************************      ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    ++++++++++ ************************     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    ++++++++++ ************************    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    ++++++++++ ************************   ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    ***********************************    \                  /
    ***********************************     \                /
    ***********************************      \              /
    ***********************************       \            /
                                               \   ^(__)  /
                                                \ / (@@) /
       82nd Cowborne Cowtrooper                  \|__\/__
                                                    |  | |
                                                    |  | |
                                                    |__|-^-
                                                   /   \   \__*
                                                   |    |
                                                   ^    ^
         -----------------------------------------------
         |           U. S. Federal Prison              |
         |---------------------------------------------|
         |  |  |  |  |  |  |      |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |^ | (__) | ^|  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  | \| (00) |/ |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |  \__\/__/  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |  | |  | |  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |  | |  |-|  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |  | /  \ \_ |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |  |/    \| \*  |  |  |  |  |  |
         |  |  |  |  |  |  ^      ^  |  |  |  |  |  |  |
         -----------------------------------------------
         Former Panamanian General "I'm not a Mule" Manny Cowiega

       ---------------------------------------------------------
       ---.---.---.-------.---|.--            ---------|---|----
       --.-.---.----                 (__)        -----.---.---|-
       -|---|-              __)      (++)___       -----.---|---
       ----|       ^\  ^\  (xx)    ___\//---^       -----.---|--
       -----  |      \____\_\/   /    \    \_____        ---.---
       ========= -    \_____/\  ^   .  \_/____  ^          -====
       . -     -      /        \        '     ^          .   - .
          \          /       .  ^                     -       \
           `        ^                 `                `       `
           Former despot Romanians Nicolae and Madame Cow-cescu

                                (__)
                                (OO)         __
                                 \/         |__|
                               //  \        |
                              // \   \      |
                        ^^    \// \   |
                              /-------------\
      -----------------------/    Panama     \
      ----------------------/       or        \
                           /       Bust!       \
             _____________/---------------------\_____________
            /                                                 \
           /                                                   \
           \                                                   /
            \_________________________________________________/
                          M1 Abrams Cow Commander

         (__)                             *
         (OO)                             |
          \/                              |
         //  \                          -----
        // \   \                       /     \
       ^^    \// \                    /       \
            //     \                  |       |
         --^^------  *               /         \
          \ ____ /                  /      /    \
           ||||||                  |       \     |
           ||||||                 /         \     \
           ||||||                |          /      |
           ||||||               /___________\_______\
           ||||||                    /
           ||||||                 (_/)
        __||||||||__              (@@)
        | .,....,. |               \/
        | ...,.,.. |
        ------------          Cow Bell  (or the Liberty Cow Bell)
     The Acowdemy Award

_________________________________________________________________
|     _____________________________________________________     |
| 10 ) T H E  U N I T E D  S T A T E S  O F  A M E R I C A ( 10 |
|  /      ...........         ____                           \  |
| |                         /      \         A10806726C       | |
| |    1      (A)          |  (__)  |    ___ __   __    1     | |
| |                        |  (oo)  |     | |_  |\ |          | |
| |       A10806726C       |  _\/_  |     | |__ | \|          | |
| |    1  ..........        \//;;/\/      ...........   1     | |
|  \      .........     _______________     ........         /  |
| 10 )_________________/  TEN DOLLARS  \___________________( 10 |
|___________________________________Abortion Rally calls________|

                           Cownterfeit

>>>---->                         *___                   ______
                                     \                __|_**_|__
      >>>---->                        \                | . . |
                                       \ _______________\   /
                              *  (     |    | US  CALV|  \o/
                 >>>---->              / /\ |_________|     \-- |
                         (            / / \ \__________\_\ ---| |
     >>>---->           .    (    )  / /   \ \          \ \   |*|
                             .      / /     \ \          \ \
                            .      /* \      \*\          \*\

                       The CALVelry COWard
                                     ____
                                     |  |             .      .
   vv    vv                        __|__|__            \    /
   ||----||  *                       \00/               \__/
   ||     | /            /-----------C\/C               (oo)
  /\-------/            / |          CCCC        /-------\/
 (oo)                  /  ||_________CCCC       / |     ||
 (~~)                 *   ||         ||        *  ||----||
                          nn         nn           ^^    ^^
Australian view of a
North American Cow         Abraham Lincow       This cow belongs
                                         to "My Favorite Martian"

                             (__)                     (__)
                             (oo)                     (oo)
      (__)             >------\/------<         >------\/------<
      (oo)                | |    | |               | |    | |
>------\/------<          | |    | |               | |    | |
   | |    | |             | | || | |               | | || | |
   | `____' |             | `----' |               | `-OO-' |
   `--|--|--'             `--|--|--'               `--|--|--'
      |  |                   |  |                     |  |
      ^  ^                   ^  ^                     ^  ^
 "FLASHER" calf         "FLASHER" steer          "FLASHER" bull

                                   (Big Mac)
               (_____)           _____________
                \0 0/           /             \
       _________(o o)            XXXXXXXXXXXXX
     / |          U |           \_____________/
    *  | /______  _ |
       || ||    || ||

        this is a cow...      this is a cow on drugs

                      Any questions??
    .
   \---)                (__)                                    *
   |o o)                ====                                   /
(---\o/--\       /-------\/                     (___)--------|/
 | |#| ) |      / |     ||                      (o o)       ||
 | |#| ) |     *  ||-||-||                    YY ( )-||--I--||
 ^ |#| ) ~        ^^ ^^ ^^                    ||--I--||-( ) ^^
   //--\                                      ||     ^^(o o)--<
  // |  \         This cow is from Mars.     /|--------(---)--<
 ||  *   |                                  /
 ^^      ~                                 *        "69"
  Cowborg

                 *          *            *
                                                 *
          *            *        (__)       *
                 *         _--_ ( oo)               *
                        _-      )\ '|
           *          /| )  _ \ \ ~~     *    *
                     / \ \--   \ \
                  *-' // /     > >
                       > >
                   /      /                      *
                 / /                      *
                         _ _ -- _ _
                        /           \                    *
             *         /      _ _ _  \
                      |      /      \|            *
                     |     |
                 *  |     |                 *               *
                    |     |
                     |     |                     *
                      |      \_ _ _ /|
                       \             /
             *          \ _ _     _ /                    *
                              ---

         "COW JUMPED OVER MOO_N, REVISITED"

                                         (__)
                 (__)                  \__\/__/
          {}\    (oo)                    l  l
        /----\----\/                     l__l
       / |    \  |\                    / l__\
      *  ||    >-+-\                  <\ /  /
         ||      |               ())))) \    \ ))))))
         ^^      ^              /   )))) \    \))))))
                               /          \   /    (
   bum steer               ~~~~            \ /      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                        Cowabunga!!

            (__)
            (~~)  V           __  (__)             (__)
    /--------\/   |          /  \ (oo)             (oo)
   * |      | ----:       /--    --\/       /-------\/  {BIG MAC}
  >--: |----|            / |      ||       / |     |---/
       |    |           *  ||-----||      *  ||----|
       ^    ^              ^^     ^^         ^^    ^
    beef jerky            cowsimodo            cownibal

                    _______\
                  -<|  CUD  \
                 /-<|_______/
            (__)//         /                      ((|))
            (oo)/                                 ($ $)
             \//                           /-------\_/ *
           /   |                          / |     ||__<i
       __ |    |                         *  ||----|
      *  \|   _|                            ^^    ^
           / |
          /  |                         New Kow on the Block
         ^   ^                        (note lighter in hoof)

     CUD missile launcher

                 ((----))
                 ((oooo))
          ///-----\\\///
        ///|||    |||
      *** ||||||---|||
          ^^^^^^    ^^^
    where milkshakes come from

-----------------------------------------------------------------
|            ___________ |                |                     |
|      (__) ( You know, )|  (__) ________ |       (__)   ______ |
|      (oo) ( Kentucky  )|  (oo)( How do )|       (oo)  (      )|
|-------\/  ( cows are  )|---\/ (  they  )|       \,,/  ( MOOF )|
||     ||   (bucktoothed)|  || \(  talk? )|/-------\/ \ (      )|
|||----|| \  /---------- |--||  \/------- | |     ||   \/------ |
|^^    ^^  \/            |  ^^            | ||----||            |
|                        |                | ^^    ^^            |
---------------------------------------------------------- J.B.--

                          Cowmic Strip

                       |  \___________________________
                       |   ___________________________
                       |  /                       /
                       |  |                      /
                       |  |                     /
                       |  |            (__)    /
                       |  |            (oo)   /
                       |  |            _\/_  /
                       |  |           /   ==%
                       |  |          /   ==%
                       |  |     *---<_  / /
                       |  |          / /
                       |  |         / /
                       |  |        ~ ~
                       |  |
                       |  |       Moowgli
                       |  |
                      /    \

    (__)         .      . .  .            (---)
    \oo/         .   . ..   .     (-------(----)----(   )      *
    /;;\           .  .  . (__)   (       (    )   )(x x)_____/
\__|    |__/     .  .  .   (oo)   \ OO---------OO-/   O \_/\/\/
   |%%%%|          //-------\/    OOOOOO     OOOOOO     /     \
   ~    ~         // | U M  ||    OOOOOO     OOOOOO     .      .
  ~      ~       **  ||----||
  grandcow is        ^^    ^^     Argyle cow about to be hit by
   sitting        Go Blue Cow     an armored personnel carrier

  (__
  (o    ======]
 -------   )
 |     || __0             \\\||||///
 |     || () _____       = 00000000 =    <----- radioactive waste

Cow after biology major        Cow after Physics Major
 is finished with it            is finished with it

                                                          |    |
                                                          |    |
                                                      (__)|    |
         (__)                    (__)                 (@@)|    |
         (oo)                    (oo)                 |\/-===< |
  /-------\/          *____-------\/                  |   |    |
 / |     ||               //     //                   |   |    |
*  ||----||            >='/-----//                  /\|___===< |
 __^^____^^__/        ___^_____^^__/       __oo____*o__.  |    |
   oo    oo             oo     oo                       `////\\\\

Cow on skate-board    Cow at running      Cow without skate-board
                        (watch out!)

 That's  all folx.  All this was inflicted upon you care  of  The
Untouchables!  However, there is a bit more that has, indirectly,
also  something  to  do  with  cows.   It  also  came  from   the
Untouchables mag, and was done by the Green Gables...

Communism:          You have two cows.  The government takes both
                    of them and gives you part of the milk.

Socialism:          You have two cows.  The government takes  one
                    of them and gives it to your neighbor.

Fascism:            You have two cows.  The government takes both
                    of them and sells you the milk.

Nazism:             You have two cows.  The government takes both
                    of them and then shoots you.

Bureaucracy:        You have two cows.  The government takes both
                    of them,  shoots one,  milks the  other,  and
                    then pours the milk down the drain.

Capitalism:         You have two cows.  You sell one of them  and
                    buy a bull.

Anarchy:            You  have two cows.  They decide you have  no
                    right  to  do anything with  their  milk  and
                    leave to form their own society.

Industrialism:      You have two cows. You dissect them both, and
                    figure  out  how  to  build  a   milk-factory
                    instead.

Centralism:         You have two cows. And a problem finding them
                    in  the  middle  of  field  with  100,000,000
                    others.

Environmentalism:   You have two cows.  You recycle the milk  and
                    give it back to the cows.

Democracy:          You have two cows. The vote is held, and they
                    win.

 Now  this is the end,  my friends,  you thought we'd never  end,
etc. 

Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.