"Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other."
THE COMPLETE AND UNABRIDGED FILM SCRIPT OF
"ERIK THE VIKING"
by Terry Jones
Flames begin to lick upwards from the bottom of the
Suddenly all hell breaks loose. Screaming, yelling.
Black figures flash across the foreground, with the
flames still burning behind. There follows a confusion of
burning, raping, killing and looting - we don't clearly
see what's going on.
Suddenly we cut to the interior of a hut. The door is in
the process of being broken down. The camera pans
onto the close-up face of an attractive girl who is
staring in horrified fascination at the door. Her arms
are white with fresh dough and flour.
Suddenly the door bursts open and a wild-looking Viking
leaps into the hut. He holds a sword. He looks around
wildly and then his eyes come to rest on the girl.
This Viking, I'm afraid, is Erik. We are about to see
him in the worst possible light so be prepared.
The girl, whose name is Helga, cowers, and looks
terrified but resolute.
Erik glances round.
Then slowly he advances on the girl, forcing her back
onto a chest. Erik holds his sword to Helga's throat
with his right hand, while his left hand searches to find
the thongs holding up his trousers. He is clearly having
difficulties trying to hold his heavy sword to
Helga's throat at he same time as undoing his trousers.
He fumbles and lowers his sword for a moment.
HELGA Have you done this sort of thing before?
ERIK Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging
up and down the coast.
HELGA (looking sceptical) Looting and pillaging, eh?
ERIK (on the defensive) Yes.
HELGA What about the raping?
ERIK Shut up.
HELGA It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your
He covers her mouth with his free hand, and looks round
to make sure no one's heard. Then he carries on trying
to undo his trousers, but he is now somewhat more than
half-hearted about it.
Helga watches suspiciously.
HELGA Do you like women?
Erik is clearly shocked and stung by the insinuation. He
ERIK Of course I like women... I love 'em.
HELGA (pointing out the obvious) You don't love me.
ERIK No... right... this is rape... Mark you, I'm
not saying I couldn't get to like you... in
fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it
when there's some sort of mutual feeling
between two people...
HELGA What - rape?
ERIK No. It isn't rape then, is it?
HELGA Oh, get it over with.
ERIK (hesitates again) I don't suppose... no...
ERIK I don't suppose you... you do like me at all?
HELGA What d'you expect? You come in here, burn my
village, kill my family and try to rape me...
This is too much for Erik. He withers under the irony.
ERIK I'll kill you if you say anything about this to
HELGA (puzzled) About raping me?
ERIK About not raping you...
HELGA You don't like it, do you?
ERIK Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's
HELGA What about the killing and looting? That's just
as crude, isn't it?
ERIK Oh well - you've got to do them.
HELGA Why? Why have you got to go round killing and
ERIK To pay for the next expedition, of course.
HELGA But that's a circular argument! If the only
reason for going on an expedition is the killing
and looting and the only reason for the killing
and looting is to pay for the next expedition,
they cancel each other out.
ERIK Oh! Stop talking as if we were married!
HELGA Well you started it.
ERIK I just said I didn't feel like raping you.
HELGA And I was just saying that rape is no more
pointless or crude than all the killing and
looting that goes on.
Erik vents of his frustration on the already shattered
HELGA Aaagh! Rape!
ERIK (he'd forgotten about that) Oh, thanks.
Two more Vikings burst in with eyes blazing. They
have the very unfortunate names of Ernest and Jennifer,
but it doesn't really matter, for reasons which will
become obvious very quickly. They are also slightly
Jennifer the Viking sways and leans against a door post.
The marauder's eyes come to rest on Erik and Helga who
are standing, fully clothed, about six feet apart. They
look slightly puzzled.
HELGA He raped me standing up.
There is a pause. Erik looks up at Helga. Why has she
saved his face by telling this lie? Jennifer the Viking
turns to Erik.
JENNIFER You finished, then?
ERIK Oh... yes... I suppose so...
ERNEST Right! Me first!
JENNIFER No! I asked!
Ernest leaps on top of Helga and pins her to the ground.
Jennifer joins in. Erik looks stunned for a moment. Then
he suddenly leaps to Helga's defence.
ERIK Leave her alone!
He pulls Jennifer off, but Jennifer fights back. Erik
forces Jennifer back until he falls into the kneading
trough. They fight in the dough for some moments, until
Erik runs Jennifer through. The dough is stained
red, and the film is rid of such an inappropriately
named Viking once and for all.
Erik then turns his attention on Ernest who is still
on top of Helga. Without a moment's hesitation, Erik
runs him through the back. Ernest screams. So does
Helga. Erik turns white, and pulls out his sword. Ernest
falls over into a heap with his co-misnomer, and Erik
kneels beside Helga to find a bloodstain under her
breast where he has inadvertently run her through. She
is clearly not long for this world.
HELGA Thanks for saving me from a fate worse than
ERIK I didn't mean to!
HELGA (gasping for breath) Oh, that's all right then... it's
the thought... that counts...
Erik cradles her head and tries helplessly to staunch
ERIK You told them I raped you - why?
HELGA (dying) I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable...
ERIK Why should you care?
HELGA (dying) Why... should you care?
ERIK Tell me your name?
Helga looks up at him, but dies in his arms, without
ever saying her name.
ERIK Tell me... what is it...?
Erik realizes she has gone. He gazes at her for some
time. He looks around at the two dead bodies beside
them. Then he listens to the sound of raping and
slaughter continuing on the outside. Screams and
bloodthirsty shuts echo alongside the roar of flames
and the cries of animals. The camera tracks into a big
close-up on Erik. Superimpose the title: ERIK THE VIKING:
Second title: TIM ROBBINS.
Mix through to wide shot of the burning village.
Figures running here and there.
Superimpose the rest of the opening titles.
By the last of the opening titles the last of the
flames are dying down.
Cut to a close-up of a very loud-looking Viking
screaming into the camera, as he hurls an axe. This
Viking's name is Thorfinn Skull-Splitter.
The axe thuds into the wall a few inches away from
the face of a frightened girl, Unn, who is pinned to the
wall with her braids spread out. The Vikings are hurling
axes at her a la Kirk Douglas in THE VIKINGS.
Several Vikings sitting at ale-bench, laugh in a rather
unpleasant way. Erik, however, frowns. He is sitting at a
table on a dais, next to his grandfather, the chief of
the village. His grandfather almost chokes with
merriment. Erik's mother glances at him with some
Meanwhile the drunken Thorfinn has just lifted the
totally legless Ivar the Boneless up off the floor and
presses an axe into his hand. A tremor of nervousness
ripples round the females in the Mead Hall. Ivar is
clearly in no condition to throw anything, except,
perhaps, the contents of his stomach.
Finally, amidst much giggling, Ivar throws wildly, and
the axe smashes into a jug being carried by one of the
serving girls. The menfolk erupt into drunken hysterics
at this. The women clearly feel that the occasion is
getting out of hand. But before any of them can work up
enough courage to intervene, Thorfinn Skull-Splitter
has thrust an axe into the hands of the even more
plastered Sven the Berserk. Now Sven is not the Viking
to let a little matter like not being able to see
straight stop him heaving the axe at a young maiden.
He takes the axe and whirls it wildly over his head.
Even the other drunken Vikings realize this could be
dangerous, and they cower behind the table. Sven lets go
of the axe. Unn shuts her eyes prepared for the worst.
There is a dull thud and a grunt and then a whoop of
mirth. Unn opens her eyes to find that the axe has come
to rest in the back of a totally stupefied Viking who
merely slumps forward onto the table he is sitting at. On
the opposite side sits Harald Missionary, a rather seedy
cleric who has long since given up trying to convert
the pagans and found solace in their mead. He thinks
about intervening, but decides that it's a bit late
really and that he might as well finish off his ale-
cup instead. Grimhild Housewife (his only admirer)
refills it for him.
At this moment, however, the axe-throwers have run out
of axes, so, as they go to retrieve the ones they've
thrown, Harald Missionary salves his conscience by
lurching across to the unfortunate Unn. He pokes his dog-
eared bible under her nose.
HARALD If you were thinking of converting, my dear,
this would be an ideal opportunity...
UNN Not now!
HARALD (who is used to rebuffs) No, of course not... (he
hesitates) You might not get another chance, you
UNN Go away.
At this moment another axe thuds into the wall,
speeding up Harald's desire to get back to the ale-bench.
HARALD Yes, of course... I'll pray for you anyway, my
Suddenly an axe shatters a large earthware vessel.
HARALD Yes.. That's what I'll do...
Harald scuttles back to the ale-bench as fast as he can.
Erik meanwhile, stares in astonishment as, for a
fleeting moment, he sees Helga, the girl he accidentally
killed, standing there with her braids spread out in
place of Unn. He shakes his head and the vision
In the meantime, however, Ivar's mum (perhaps the
toughest lady in the village) has decided that enough is
IVAR'S MUM Let her go!
VIKINGS Yes, why?
SVEN THE BERSERK Why should we let er go?
THORFINN We haven't hit a single braid yet!
The Vikings all guffaw.
Ivar's mum has had enough. She throws the contents of a
jug of ale over Thorfinn. He is shocked, but after the
first shock he grins evilly, because now he's been given
carte blanche to do the thing he enjoys doing most.
Without another thought he throws a vicious right hook
at Ivar's mum and lays her out cold.
Erik reacts with disgust.
His grandad, however, gives a whoop of glee.
GRANDAD Whoah! Heee! That showed her!
Meanwhile a little shrivelled old man is jumping up and
INGEMUND THE OLD Hey! He hit my wife!
Ingemund starts to go for Thorfinn, but Thorhild beats
him to it. She grabs one of the long-handled cooking
griddles from the fires and swings it at Thorfinn.
Thorfinn, however, ducks, and the red-hot griddle
hits Sven the Berserk, who is standing with his back to
Thorfinn. Sven screams and goes berserk, turning round
and hitting Thorfinn who is now standing upright again.
INGEMUND THE OLD Leave him alone.
Ingemund hits Sven. Thangbrand hits Ingemund and a
general fight breaks out.
Erik's grandad clearly considers this the highlights
of the evening, but Erik looks at it in disgust and
at his grandad in despair. Eventually he gets up and
walk out of the Mead Hall. His grandad notices and
frowns. He knows something's wrong with his grandson
but hasn't a clue what it could be. Erik's mother
frowns and nods to his grandad.
Grandad gets up and fights his way through the melee to
follow Erik out of the Hall.
The snow lies thick over the village as Erik's
grandfather joins his grandson beside the little quay.
Erik is staring broodily into the night.
GRANDFATHER What's the matter, son?
Erik doesn't reply. His grandfather glances back at
the Mead Hall, whence the sound of the fight drift across
GRANDFATHER We're missing all the fun...
ERIK What's it all about?
ERIK We toil and labour, we loot and pillage, rape
and kill... and yet...
GRANDFATHER You talking piffle, son?
ERIK Where does it all get us, Grandpa?
GRANDFATHER Who have you been talking to?
ERIK I met this girl...
GRANDFATHER It's always the women that start the trouble.
ERIK She got me thinking...
GRANDFATHER So? What'd you do to her?
Erik stops in his tracks - as if brought up short by the
horror of what he has done.
ERIK I... I... killed her...
GRANDFATHER That's my boy!
Erik's grandfather gives him a paternal hug. Erik
looks at him and thinks about the generation gap.
Cut to feet running in the snow. It is day.
Erik looks around him and calls out again.
Erik runs into the distance - a small figure
against the dramatic wintry landscape.
Cut to a remote, barren mountainside.
Erik climbs up into shot, and continues climbing
until he reaches a cave. He enters it. As his eyes get
used to the dark he can make out a few signs of life: a
cooking pot on a fire, a straw bed, a pile of rune-
ERIK Freya? Freya?
There is a bundle of rags behind Erik. A head rises
from it. This is Freya.
FREYA Ah... Erik... Erik the "Viking"...
It is not clear whether her words are not a little
FREYA Now what can you want with me, Erik the "Viking"?
ERIK I shouldn't have come.
FREYA They will make fun of you for listening to
an old woman's stories?
Erik doesn't reply. Freya watches him craftily.
FREYA Young men are only interested in fighting and
Erik looks up at her sharply. It is as if she has read
ERIK But has it always been like that, Freya? From
the beginning of time?
Freya doesn't reply. Instead she walks to the mouth of
the cave. Erik follows her. They look out at the grey,
desolate landscape. Nothing but arctic wastes, snow and
desolation. Above them the black clouds boil
FREYA What do you see, Erik?
ERIK I see the world.
FREYA I it night or day, Erik?
ERIK It is day, of course, Freya.
FREYA Is it summer or winter, Erik?
Erik looks round at the snowy wastes and ten back at
ERIK The winter is past, thank goodness, Freya. It is summer.
Freya puts her face close to Erik's and peers into his
FREYA Have you ever seen the sun, Erik?
ERIK The sun is up beyond the clouds - where it always
FREYA But have you ever seen it? Think back...
ERIK Of course not... but... when I was a
child.... I remember a
dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue...
FREYA The sky was blue, Erik... once.
Erik looks at her.
FREYA The Old Stories tell of an age that would come
such as this - when Fenrir the Wolf would swallow
the sun, and a Great Winter would settle upon the
world. It was to be an axe age, a sword age, a
storm age, when brother would turn against
brother, and men would fight each other until
the world would finally be destroyed.
Erik looks out across the bleak and gloomy landscape
and the black, boiling clouds in the sky.
ERIK (almost to himself) Then... this is the Age of Ragnarok?
Freya turns to go back into the cave.
ERIK Wait, Freya!
Erik re-enters the cave.
ERIK Is there nothing men can do?
FREYA The Gods are asleep, Erik.
ERIK I will go and wake them up!
Freya turns and looks at him. She clearly
enjoys his earnest enthusiasm, but is afraid he doesn't
know what he is talking about.
ERIK Tell me what I must do, Freya!
Freya thinks for some moments. The she speaks.
FREYA Erik... Far out in the midst of the Western
Ocean there is a land... men call it Hy-Brasil.
There you will find a horn that is called
Resounding. You must take the Horn Resounding,
and three times you must blow it. The first
note will take you to Asgaard. The second will
awaken the Gods, and the third note will bring
you home. But remember... once you are in the
spell of the Horn, hatred will destroy you.
Erik turns to go and then hesitates.
ERIK And will the dead ever return, Freya?
FREYA That I cannot tell you.
Cut to a big close-up of a head being banged on
the ground. It is Thorfinn Skull-Splitter's. The person
doing the banging is an enraged Sven the Berserk.
Suddenly Erik pushes his way through the crowd and
separates them. There is general disgruntlement all
round, and murmurs of: "Who does he think he is?"
ERIK'S GRANDAD What are you doing, Erik? Thorfinn just said
Sven's grandfather died of old age.
INGEMUND THE OLD They must fight to the death.
THORFINN SKULL-SPLITTER That's right! Sven must kill me.
OTHERS Yes. Stay out of this. What's it to do with you?
Sven grids his teeth and struggles to get at Thorfinn,
but Erik still keeps them apart.
ERIK Aren't you afraid of death, Thorfinn Skull-
THORFINN Not death by the sword! It means I shall drink in
Valhalla with the great warriors.
Cut away To Harald Missionary engaged in his usual
business of chatting up any available female.
HARALD MISSIONARY You don't still believe in all that Valhalla
stuff, do you?
THORHILD THE FEMALE Go away.
HARALD Fine... right... just checking.
He moves off.
ERIK And you, Sven, aren't you afraid of crossing the
Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard?
SVEN I will join my grandfather there.
THORFINN He's not in Valhalla! He died of old age!
SVEN You liar!
They start trying to kill each other again, and crash
through a fence into the pig-sty. Pigs squeal and run in
ERIK Stop it!
OTHERS Leave them alone! Keep out of it, Erik!
The others pull Erik away.
GRANDAD There's only one way to settle it.
THORFINN He must kill me!
EVERYONE Yes! That's right! (etc.)
Sven struggles again to oblige, and they both
topple into the duck pond. Erik dives back to keep them
ERIK There is another way.
GRANDAD Who gets killed?
ERIK Nobody gets killed.
THORFINN Oh, well...
He starts attacking Sven again. Erik decides there is
only one way to make his point. He lets fly with
his fists and lays both the antagonists out for a
ERIK But it will be dangerous. Maybe none of us will
SNORRI THE MISERABLE Ah well, that's much more sensible than
just Thorfinn getting killed. Shall we all go and
SVEN What are you talking about, Erik?
ERIK What if we could find Bi-Frost the Rainbow
This causes a sensation amongst everyone watching, on
the lines of "You can't do that" and so on. They scoff at
THORFINN (in disbelief) Find the Rainbow Bridge?
ERIK Find it... and cross it!
Super-sensation amongst everyone - except for Harald
Missionary who shakes his head sadly.
HARALD Look! You can't find somewhere that doesn't
GRANDAD (to Harald) Shut up!
SVEN Only the dead reach Asgaard, Erik.
ERIK What's the matter? Are you afraid to try?
Thorfinn and Sven are put on the defensive.
THORFINN Of course we're not afraid to try, but...
Erik rounds on Thorfinn, sensing he had the advantage.
ERIK "But" what?
Thorfinn's mental powers find it hard to articulate any
proposition on such a vast metaphysical concept. Sven
comes to his rescue.
SVEN Nobody's ever crossed the Rainbow Bridge to
ERIK We'd be the first!
SNORRI You mean we'd be dead?
ERIK No! We'd be the first living men to set foot
in the Halls of the Gods.
Pause. Uncomfortable shifting.
SVEN But how?
ERIK I don't know - but I'm not afraid to try.
THORFINN Well I'M certainly not, either.
SVEN Neither am I.
ERIK Then you'll come.
HARALD But there isn't such a place as... Look...
THORFINN & SVEN Shut up!
ERIK What d'you say?
SVEN Well... I'm game.
THORFINN Me too.
Erik grins. He has persuaded them against their will.
GRANDAD Aren't you going to go on fighting?
SVEN & THORFINN No.
There is general disappointment all around.
IVAR THE BONELESS Oh, go on...
GRANDAD Just have a bit of a fight.
INGEMUND THE OLD I'll fight someone.
GRANDAD You're too old.
INGEMUND THE OLD No, I ain't.
Cut to an adze striking timber. The Viking's ship,
GOLDEN DRAGON, is being repaired and fitted out for a
JOURNEY. Erik is there, directing operations.
The camera tracks through all the activity and finally
comes to rest on Keitel Blacksmith. He is a magnificent
mountain of a man in an Arnold Schwarzeneggarish sort of
way. He hammers a sword, and sparks fly, but his eyes
keep returning to the preparations for the voyage.
Clearly something is worrying him.
His assistant, Loki, sidles up to him.
LOKI Wish you were going too?
Keitel grunts angrily and plunges the sword into cold
water. Steam and bubbles.
LOKI But you can't because you're too busy.
Keitel pulls the sword out of the water and tests it. It
slices like as razor, Loki watches.
LOKI Ooh, that's a good one! You could charge
Halfdan fifteen for that one.
KEITEL Yes, it is good. But I told him ten.
LOKI You could charge him what you like.
Loki takes the sword from Keitel and stacks it
alongside a lot more freshly made swords.
LOKI You just can't make enough swords and spears
and knives and daggers to satisfy the demand.
You could charge Halfdan twenty and he'd pay it.
KEITEL (shocked) Oh, I couldn't do that! The Blacksmith's Code
LOKI Yes yes... of course.... the "Blacksmith's
Keitel goes back to his forge and pulls out a fresh
dollop of white-hot ore. Loki comes up behind him.
LOKI If this is the Age of Ragnarok, Keitel
Blacksmith, it is good to us.
KEITEL (banging with his hammer) Can't make enough swords!
Bang! Bang! Bang!
KEITEL Can't make enough axe-heads!
Bang! Bang! Bang!
LOKI But, Keitel, if Erik ever finds the Horn
Resounding... if he ever crosses Bi-Frost, the
Rainbow Bridge... if he ever wakens the gods..
Keitel stops smiting the metal on his forge. He stares
KEITEL They chase Fenrir the Wolf from the sky...
LOKI The Age of Ragnarok ends...
KEITEL The bottom falls out of the sword business!
LOKI It's not just your livelihood that's at stake
but your son's, and the livelihood of all
KEITEL (this touches a nerve in his muscular mind) My brother
LOKI That's right.
KEITEL The Blacksmith's Code says I must...
LOKI Honour and protect all blacksmiths.
KEITEL (as if reciting his oath) Together we stand!
LOKI You can't let Erik do that.
Loki smiles. He has Keitel playing into his hands,
although Keitel doesn't realize it.
Cut to some days later. The expedition is set to
leave. Thorfinn Skull-Splitter taking leave of his mum
THORFINN'S MUM And you've got both axes?
THORFINN Yes, Mother.
THORFINN'S MUM And something to sharpen them with?
THORFINN Yes, Mum.
THORFINN'S MUM And don't forget: never let your enemy get behind
THORFINN No, Mother.
THORFINN'S MUM And keep your sword greased.
THORFINN Yes, Mother. Goodbye, Dad.
THORFINN'S DAD And don't forget to wash - you know - all over.
THORFINN No, Dad.
THORFINN'S MUM And if you have to kill somebody, kill them!
Don't stop to think about it.
THORFINN (mildly) I never do...
Cut to Sven the Berserk who is also being lectured.
The lecture is coming from his father - Ulf the
SVEN'S FATHER (sotto voce) It's a tradition.
SVEN I know, Dad.
SVEN'S FATHER I was a Berserk for King Harald Fairhair...
SVEN You went berserk...
SVEN'S FATHER I went berserk in every battle I ever fought for
SVEN So did your father...
SVEN'S FATHER So did my father and his father before him.
SVEN But it's a responsibility...
SVEN'S FATHER But it's a responsibility being a Berserk.
SVEN I must only let the red rage...
SVEN'S FATHER You must only let the red rage take hold of you
in the thick of battle.
SVEN (losing his temper) I KNOW! I'VE HEARD IT ALL I THOUSAND
A sudden silence falls, as all the village turns to
stare nervously at Sven. He goes berserk and demolishes
a nearby hut with his head. Ulf the Maddeningly Calm
shakes his head.
SVEN'S FATHER No no... you'll never make a Berserk. If you
let it out now you'll have nothing left for
IVAR'S MUM Besides... it's dangerous.
SVEN'S FATHER (gloomily) It's the end of a family tradition.
In another corner of the village Leif the Lucky is
standing with his pregnant girlfriend.
GIRL Bye, Leif.
LEIF Bye... sorry...
GIRL Yeah... well...
LEIF You will wait?
GIRL What d'you expect me to do?
She takes a bracelet off her arm and gives it to Leif.
GIRL Wear this for luck.
Leif looks at it.
LEIF That's why they call me... Leif the Lucky.
Cut to Harald Missionary dumping a bag on board the
ship. Grimhild Housewife is helping him. Snorri looks at
him in surprise.
SNORRI You coming? You don't even believe in Asgaard.
HARALD I thought I might do a bit of business on the
SNORRI You're wasting your time.
HARALD Listen. I've been in this dump for sixteen years
and I haven't made a single convert...
SNORRI There was Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife. You
HARALD Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife became a Buddhist, not
SNORRI Same thing, isn't it?
HARALD No, it is not.
Meanwhile in another part of the village, Loki is
strapping a large consignment of swords onto a pony. He
glances round and then sneaks surreptiously out of the
village, over the barren hills of Norway, under the
boiling black skies of Ragnarok.
Back at the quayside, GOLDEN DRAGON is ready for
the journey. Erik addresses the villagers.
ERIK Well... we'll be off now...
Erik's grandad waits for some time before he realizes
that Erik isn't intending to say anything else.
GRANDAD You need to say a bit more than that!
ERIK Oh... er... yes...
The faces of the village-folk turn towards him. There
are many moist eyes. Erik's mother starts to cry.
ERIK Oh, there, Mum... (he turns and addresses
everyone) Don't be sad.... You all know why
we're going, so don't grieve. Maybe untold
dangers do lie ahead of us, and some of you may
well be looking at the one you love for the last
Someone bursts out sobbing. Erik desperately tries
to rally their spirits.
ERIK But don't grieve! Even tough the Hordes of
Muspel tear us limb from limb... or the Fire
Giants burn each and every one of us to a
ERIK ...though we may be swallowed by the Dragon of
the North Sea or fall off the Edge of the
World... don't cry.
ERIK No! Don't cry....
By this time most of the village is blubbering
Cut to Harald Missionary. He has his arm round his
HARALD MISSIONARY Sh... There... it's all fantasy, there's no
Dragon of the North Sea, no Edge of the World...
GRIMHILD HOUSEWIFE That's what you say.
ERIK (aside to his Grandad) What's the matter with them?
GRANDAD Just say something cheerful.
ERIK Oh... right! (He can't think of anything)
Well.... cheers everybody!
Erik smiles broadly and waves. The entire village
stares back at him with tears in their eyes, and biting
their lips. Suddenly one mother can't hold it back any
THORFINN'S MUM Don't go!
Another mother rushes out and grabs Ivar the Boneless.
IVAR'S MUM My son! I don't want you to go!
IVAR I don't want to go, either...
ERIK Oh gods! Please, everybody! Keep calm! It's not
certain all of us are going to die... and in any
case we may not die hideous deaths...
More renewed sobbing. Grandad's eyes go heavenwards.
GRANDAD (to Erik) I think we should go...
ERIK Right. (he turns for a last salute)
Farewell... for the last time... may the gods
GRANDAD No, don't say anything else!
Suddenly Keitel Blacksmith steps forward. His
muscles ripple. His handsome face radiates heroism and
KEITEL Wait, Erik!
ERIK Keitel Blacksmith?
They stop and turn.
KEITEL You can't go without me. Who will repair your
swords and mend your shields?
Renewed sobs from the women.
WOMEN Oh, no! Ah, lackaday! Not him too!
ERIK What's the matter now?
UNN If Keitel Blacksmith goes with you...
THORHILD We'll have no one to do the things he did for us.
THORKATLA THE INDISCRETE Or sharpen our knives and make our pans.
An awkward silence. The others all turn on her and
frown - a bit of shin-kicking goes on. It's clear that
Keitel is popular amongst the womenfolk. Erik doesn't
ERIK You will have Keitel's assistant, Loki, to do all
WOMEN Loki? Eurrgh!
ERIK What's wrong with Loki? He's become very good at
WOMEN Yes... but...
THORKATLA He's so small and...
The others all shush her up. More shin-kicking.
THORHILD (innocently) Oh, yes... we've got Loki... That's true...
Cut to Loki leading his pony across a bleak
landscape. He eventually stops and looks ahead. There
stands a gibbet with two corpses dangling from it. He is
nearing his destination.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.