THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE...THE SOLUTION...
by Stefan Posthuma
It is sunday morning, 11:30 am. The typical Sunday morning
silence is only disturbed by the nervous tapping of my fingers on
the keyboard of my ST. My eyes are glued to the screen, and my
brain is trying really hard to keep up with all the things
happening in the story. Suddenly it happens. My heart starts
pounding in my chest and my fingers start tapping even more
nervous. The electrons deep inside the heart of my ST go places
they never dreamed of and my brain gives up reasoning. Finally,
the Impossible happened, I created the ultimate Paradox! My
fingers tap the keyboard like maniacs and the typical Sunday
morning silence is roughly disturbed by screams of delight and
happiness that emerge from my being. Suddenly the universe in my
room is calmed down by the sleepy head of my father who asks what
the hell is going on. Then I realise that I solved the
Reason enough to write an article about it.
"The Hitchhicker's Guide to the Universe" is one of the craziest
adventures around. It is weird, illogical yet very humorous in a
very warped way. This adventure lies to you and it will puzzle and
confuse you with the paradoxes and twists. Just play it and you'll
know what I mean. The story can roughly be divided in two parts.
The first part is on earth and in the Vogon ship and in the Heart
of Gold before the Improbability drive is activated. This part can
easily be described as a list of commands you have to give the
adventure. The second part is basically a list of a few very small
adventures plus the grand finale. All commands that you can
literally type in are stated in capitals, all other things like
comments etc. are in normal print. There is one thing though I
have to explain;
In this adventure, you often end up in the dark, totally confused
and desorientated. If this happens, WAIT four or five times. The
story will tell you that "you can see nothing, hear nothing, smell
nothing, feel nothing and you are not even certain where you are
or who you are." Study these descriptions carefully, because after
some time, they will change and one of the senses (feel, hear,
listen or see) will be missing. If you notice that, do the
"Hear" is missing: LISTEN. AFT
"Feel" : TOUCH. DRINK LIQUID
"Smell" : SMELL. EXAMINE SHADOW
"See" : EXAMINE. EXAMINE LIGHT
After this, things will become clear.
Well, here we go:
TURN ON LIGHT.GET OUT OF BED.TAKE GOWN.WEAR GOWN.OPEN POCKET.TAKE
ANALGESIC.TAKE ALL.OUT.TAKE MAIL.S.LIE DOWN.Z.Z.Z.Z.Z.Z.Z. FOLLOW
FORD.ENTER PUB.BUY SANDWICH.DRINK BEER.G.G.OUT.FEED DOG.N.Z.Z.TAKE
DEVICE.PRESS GREEN BUTTON
Now you are in the dark. Get out of it as described above (In this
case: Z.Z.Z.Z.Z.SMELL.EXAMINE SHADOW) after this: EAT
PEANUTS.Z.Z.REMOVE GOWN.COVER HOLE WITH GOWN.TAKE TOWEL.COVER
DRAIN WITH TOWEL.TAKE SATCHEL.COVER PANEL WITH SATCHEL.PUT MAIL ON
SATCHEL.PRESS DISPENSER BUTTON.TAKE ALL.WAIT until you get grabbed
by the guards. Z.Z.ENJOY POETRY.Z.Z.Z.Z. write down the second
word of the poetry. Z.Z.Z.Z. now TYPE the second word of the
poetry enclosed in quotation marks, on the keyboard. TAKE PLOTTER.
WAIT until the guard throws you into the airlock. Then WAIT until
you get blown into space. Get out of the dark. You are aboard the
Heart of Gold now. S.Z.Z.DROP ALL.D.W.PRESS PAD.TAKE CUP.E.S. keep
going SOUTH, no matter what the story tells you until you are in
the engine room. LOOK.LOOK.TAKE ALL.N.N.U.DROP ALL.TAKE
TOWEL.CONNECT SMALL PLUG TO SMALL RECEPTACLE.DROP CUP.PUT BIT IN
CUP. You have completed the first part of the adventure. By this
time, things become a little unpredictable. Each time you PULL the
generator SWITCH, you end up in the dark, in a different part of
the story, going back in time, and sometimes even changing
character! It is wise to SAVE your position now.
The first time you PULL SWITCH, you'll probably end up inside the
lair of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal: get out of the
dark SAY ARTHUR.E.TAKE STONES.COVER EYES WITH TOWEL.CARVE ARTHUR
ON MEMORIAL.REMOVE TOWEL.W.SW.TAKE INTERFACE.WAIT until you are in
darkness again. (If you return from a sub-adventure you always end
up in the Heart of Gold. To get out of this darkness:
Z.Z.Z.Z.Z.LISTEN.AFT.S.U. Now you are on the bridge again.)
Each time you return to the Heart of Gold, SAVE your game, because
if you PULL the SWITCH, you might materialize inside your own
brain, and the adventure is over.
Each time you find a tool, put it on the bridge, the tools are
very important. Also, drop everything you have, except the towel
at the bridge.
Here are the instructions for the small adventures:
Living room: EXAMINE ARTHUR (yes, you aren't Arthur Dent anymore.
Try WHO AM I). DROP WINE.OPEN HANDBAG.TAKE FLUFF.PUT FLUFF IN
HANDBAG.TAKE WINE.WAIT until darkness.. Back on the bridge again,
take a look inside the handbag, and you'll find some fluff.
War chamber: TAKE AWL. WAIT until you end up in a maze. The keep
moving around until you find a black particle, blocking your path.
Country lane: (you are Ford Prefect now) N.OPEN SATCHEL.TAKE
TOWEL.GIVE TOWEL TO ARTHUR.GENIOUS.APPROACH PROSSER.PROSSER, LIE
DOWN.S.ENTER PUB.BUY PEANUTS.BUY BEER.DRINK BEER.G.FOLLOW
ARTHUR.N.GIVE FLUFF TO ARTHUR.Z.Z.Z.
Speedboat: (Now you are Zaphod Beeblebrox) LOOK UNDER SEAT.STEER
BOAT AT CLIFF.Z.Z.Z.GET OUT OF SEAT.TAKE TOOLBOX.OUT.WAIT until
Trillian shows up. GUARD, DROP RIFLE.TAKE BLASTER.SHOOT PILE.E.
back on the Heart of Gold again: S.S.D.TAKE ALL.U.N.U. OPEN
TOOLBOX WITH KEY. you'll find a tool inside the toolbox.
Continue pulling the switch until you had all the experiences. You
might end up in a scenario which you aready visited so you die
immediately and end up in the Heart of Gold again.
Once you had all of them, it's time to roll. Starting at the
bridge: TAKE INTERFACE.D.W.OPEN NUTRIMAT.TAKE CIRCUIT BOARD.PUT
INTERFACE IN NUTRIMAT.DROP CIRCUIT BOARD.PRESS PAD.WAIT until an
emergency situation breaks out. E.U.CONNECT LARGE PLUG TO LARGE
RECEPTACLE.PULL SWITCH.D.W.TAKE TEA.TAKE NO TEA.E.U.REMOVE BIT.PUT
BIT IN TEA.DROP TEA. Make sure you have the 'thing your aunt gave
you' ect. then again, keep PULLing the SWITCH, until you end up
inside the stomach of a sperm whale: TAKE POT.PUT POT IN
THING.WAIT until you are in the Heart of gold. On the bridge
again: TAKE ALL FLUFF (also the jacket fluff that probably is
inside the handbag). PLANT ALL FLUFF IN POT.WAIT until a sprout
grows from the pot. TAKE POT.ENTER SAUNA.TAKE FRUIT.EAT FRUIT. now
you get a vision and you see Marvin the Paranoid Android asking
you for a tool. Get that tool and the tea and the no tea, drop
anything else. (If Marvin asked you for a Chisel, don't panic,
just ignore it and go ahead.) D.S.SHOW TEA AND NO TEA TO
DOOR.DRINK TEA.W.(see, here is the Chisel!).MARVIN, OPEN
HATCH.E.D.REMOVE GOWN.DROP ALL BUT tool.E.WAIT for Marvin, and
GIVE tool TO MARVIN when he asks you for it. Finally, W.D.
Now, you have completed the Adventure!
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.