Encyclopedia Norwegica

THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA NORWEGICA By Richard Karsmakers
(some minor additions by Stefan Posthuma)

For those of you not familiar with Norway, Norwegians, or madmen
in general, I have tried to conceive the most comprehensive
survey annex glossary annex wordlist annex encyclopaedia ever to
be published this side of the galaxy about any subjects related
to any of the above (almost 100 words).

2 CM: Generally, this is the depth of a ->Norwegian's brain,
measured from the outside of the skull bone on. The rest of the
huge head is filled by a very common substance - spaghetti. As we
all know, only a slight percentage of this spaghetti is actually
used - the rest is taken up by storing penguins.
24 HOURS: Maximum time needed to hack ANY demo if one is to earn
the title ->Lord HackBear.
48 HOURS: Movie starring Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy, filmed for
the sole purpose of extending your vocabulary of four-lettered
words and the like.
ABRAHAMSEN, GARD EGGESBØ: Specimen of ->Norwegians with A: A
very funny name, B: A strange habit of writing bootsector
viruses, C: A specific allergy against furry animals and
alcoholic lquores, D: An insanely witty look ever present on his
face, and E: Rather minute proportions. Also called 'Drag the
Insanely Witty One', or 'The Minute Microbe'.
ADAMS, DOUGLAS: Author of the extremely absurd series called
'The Hitchhickers Guide to the Galaxy. Since Norwegians regard
these books as 'very funny', Non-Norwegians should take extra
care reading them.
ALIDA: 1: Norwegian for a place near ->Ørsta where you empty
your garbage cans (serious!).
2: In Dutch, it's the name of a rather nice and cuddly girl
living on what used to be my student's floor that makes Divine
Chocolate Mousse Dessert. Update: After dropping masks of
friendlyness and the like, it turned out to be the name of a
somewhat tarty and not-quite-so-lovely female on what used to be
my student's floor.
ANDRESEN, IVAR F.: Operasinger after which the famous ->IFA
pastilles are called, who appears to have suffered from a sore
throat often.
ANNE-GRETE: Species of ->female ->Norwegians about which can
safely be assumed that she is a typical inhabitant of
->Barstadvika. Accidentally, also the girlfriend of ->Ronny.
BARSTADVIKA: Town in ->Norway where the females are said both to
be lovely as well as laugh-easy. When they laugh, everybody
starts laughing. Actually, Barstadvika's town motto is "SMILO ET
SMILEN OT" (which is latin for "Laugh or be laughed at").
BRENNSNUT: Norwegian meal consisting of all kinds of leftovers
and other good stuff, causing severe disruption of the metabolic
system in a way almost surpassing ->Lada icecream. When
translated to post-modern English, is means 'Running Nose'.
BRUNDTLAND, GRO HARLEM: The human ex-prime minister of ->Norway,
born on 20-4-1939. Some ->Norwegians do not seem to be all too
fond of her. Then again, some seem to be anyway. In earlier days,
she was thought to be a man, but this has been set straight. Also
see ->Brundtland's Wrath.
BRUNDTLAND'S WRATH: The curse invoked upon mortal editors and
master correspondents after having said that Mrs. Gro Harlem
Brundtland actually was supposed to be a male. This wrath
displays itself by miscellaneous apparitions of a certain vaguely
female (and, indeed, vaguely prime-ministerial) shape.
BRUNOST: A Norwegian kind of brown cheese, of which the foul
taste implies that its full name was actually 'Brundtlandost' and
that it actually comes from between the toes of ->Brundtland, Gro
Harlem. Everybody aiding the sale, production and/or distribution
of Brunost should be sent to Siberia wearing only G-strings.
BUBBLE BOBBLE: A nice little game that is just as cute as a
certain girl (with the same name as a garbage disposal place near
Ørsta) used to be. When playing this game not quite to their
satisfaction, any given member of the ->female part of the
->Norwegians will press F10.
BUDDHIST MONK: Someone (or something?) that succeeds in being
just as sober as ->Torbjørn on New Year's Eve, on the brink of a
new decennium.
CAMPER: Vehicle in which ->Norwegians tend to drive around with
loads of dogs (preferably ->Papillons). During the holidays, when
the dogs are kept quiet with rabbits called Tina and cats called
Knis, innocent tourists are stored in it - preferably in
->excessive quantities.
CAR DATING: A process by which any given car parks on any given
location in any given Norwegian town, waiting for every given
other car to park next to him. After this meeting stage, the
windows are wound down and the people inside those given cars
start chatting merrily. This often results in small traffic
queues, especially on Saturday evenings. Perfect locations for
this are parking lots (e.g. that of the ->Esso station), but it
also happens in the middle of a street ofttimes.
CAT: 1: Most of the time called CT: Crazy (Audio) Tape. A long
piece of cellophane containing magnetic particles arranged in
such an order that playing it back using a cassette deck causes
utter abhorrence and reverse movements of anyone's gullet.
Typical example of distaste and oral rape. They should make a law
against it.
2: Creature with a furry coat and four legs (specimens on the
planet of Gordon Shumway have a tendency to have less) that -
>Norwegians like to dress up in shirts and shorts, and that -
>Papillons like to ride horseback on. In ->Norway, these
creatures are often called Knis.
CF: 1: Crazy Footnote. Small, post-modern version of the ->Crazy
Letter (or CL).
2: Abbreviation of 'Completely Forgotten', a common excuse
nowadays.
CHILI PEPPER: 1: Dried and grinded version of a small vegetable
that is used in the more exotic countries of this Earth to spice
the food. 2: When discovered by an ST NEWS editor in a Norwegian
kitchen cupboard while making ->Spaghetti, efficiently used by
the aforementioned editor to make Norwegian eyes water. 3:
Very powerful drug used to enhance the conciousness of the more
wealthy inhabitant of the planet Googlugulpex. It causes powerful
halluciations that cause the subject to believe he is actually a
brussels sprout.
CL: Crazy Letter. A piece of wood transformed into some or other
white stuff that is mostly rectangular, thin, and allows to be
written on. Indirectly, this is in fact proof that Norwegians are
NOT illiterate - in spite of what is thought in all countries
except Norway. Magnetic sequences on a disc-shaped carrier of
ferric oxide, put there using a computer system and a text editor
or word processor, are also referred to as 'Crazy Letters'. The
latter specimen is a way of saving money, really: A 60 Kb crazy
letter would cost you over 20 pages DIN A4 (and lotsa stamps
sending them) rather than one disk (and just a bit of money spent
on stamps). The current record is 480,000 bytes, and was done by
the ST NEWS crew from June to December 1989. Also see ->Crazy
Footnote (or CF).
CVT: Crazy Video Tape. An equivalent of the above that contains
audiovisual information rather than only audio. Its sole purpose
is to shock people, and they should therefore make a law against
this as well.
COMPUTER: Something surely not designed by ->Norwegians, but
often utilized by them to create ->CLs. Talking about 'good
technology falling in the wrong hands'...
DANCE WITH A STRANGER: Undoubtedly the best Norwegian band
(well, that's what the ->Norwegians claim, anyway).
DATING, CAR: See ->Car dating.
DIVINE FLUID: See ->Plantiac or ->Fluid, Divine.
ESSO: Also called Exxon (not to be confused with Exxos). Big
international company that A: Likes making drunken captains crash
mega-tankers into the beautiful Alaska coast, B: Makes a habit of
building places where ->Norwegians like to get brainmurderingly
drunk and fire tons of fireworks, and C: Likes tigers.
EXCESSIVE QUANTITIES: The number of A: Tourists stored in a
Kennel Zitka ->camper, which is only surpassed by the number of
dog's hairs that they find between their teeth each morning, B: -
>Papillons that are able to balance on the back of ->cats called
Knis, C: Farts produced by an ST NEWS editor after eating -
>Brennsnut, D: Wounds inflicted on the body of an ST NEWS ex-
editor after falling on the last patch of ->ice down ->Skåla, and
E: Norwegians presents at one time in a room that is estimated to
be no larger than four by four metres.
FEMALE: The gender of about 50% of all ->Norwegians, and
probably the most sexually active population of humans this side
of the known universe (inferior only to the female members of the
Admirers of the Big Joystick (with microswitches)). Mainly prey
upon helpless foreigners wielding a booklet called "Norwegian for
Travellers" who thinks (and exclaims) that they look
approximately four years older than they actually are.
FJORD: 1: Something designed by ->Slartibartfast, and containing
green ->water.
2: In ancient Aztec cultures, this literally means
'utterly and minutely insignificant piece of woven cloth made of
the purest and softest texas cotton in which us mortals can
neatly blow clean our nasal cavities'. In post-modern English,
this can be translated to 'hanky'.
FLUID, DIVINE: See ->Divine Fluid.
FRØYSTEIN: A specimen of ->Norwegians, dwelling in Austefjorden,
a place that appears to have no nightlife other than
Frøystein sitting behind his computer, typing ->CLs. Sometimes
also referred to as "the F-Word", "Frøykid" and "Frøyboy". Likes
playing with toys - specifically gayly coloured plastic toy
trucks and "He-man" puppets. When he starts crying....well.....
everybody starts crying.
GLOSSARY: Something that, when written by any of the members of
the editorial staff of ST NEWS, should not be taken too
seriously. Keeping this in mind, ->Norwegians will probably take
it seriously.
GRY ELISABETH: A species of the ->female part of ->Norwegians
that has blindingly blond hair and an unsuppressable urge to do
the homework for a fellow ->Norwegians (be it of the ->male sex)
called ->Ronny.
HACKBEAR, LORD: Also "Ripper of the Decade": Highest titles to
be earned in the hackin' scene, first introduced and awarded in
the dusk of the eighties by the ST NEWS editorial staff.
HOLE: Something that is in the sky - but you should never ask
Yngwie why, for he doesn't know.
HUBBAGNURFGNURFTJOLAHOPPSONHEJSANBLIPPBLAPPBLOPPMASTERFAG: The
smaller the Norwegians, the bigger the words they can learn by
heart. This is an example of a little Norwegian (->Abrahamsen,
Gard Eggesbø) and a big word (the above). It is also the password
to a 'hidden screen' in TCB's "Cuddly Demos", as well as that of
a Zealot demo.
ICE: See ->Water, stiff.
I CHING CALCULATOR: Something that has nothing to do with
->Norway, ->Norwegians, or madmen in general, but that allows you
to make calculations of which the answer is upto 4 (otherwise,
the answer will be "A Suffusion of Yellow"). When pushing the
blue button marked 'red' on it, its screen will display a 'Chun'
sign and display the following message on its LCD display:
THE JUDGEMENT OF KING WEN
Chun Signifies Difficulties At Outset, As Of Blade Of
Grass Pushing Up Against Stone. The Time Is Full Of
Irregularities And Obscurities: Superior Man Will Adjust
His Measures As In Sorting The Threads Of The Warp
And Woof. Firm Correctness Will Bring At Last Success.
Early Advances Should Only Be Made With Caution.
There Will Be Advantage In Appointing Feudal Princes.
LINE 6 CHANGES:
THE COMMENTARY OF THE DUKE OF CHOU:
The Horses And The Chariot Obliged To Retreat.
Streams Of Bloody Tears Will Flow.
IFA: A kind of liquorice-like small tablets which exist in the
'white' (salty) and 'black' (non-salty) variety. They taste damn
good, and are rumoured to be good for your throat (if we should
believe the guy after which they're called - an opera singer
called Ivar F. Andresen).
JAMO: Brand of loudspeaker that all ->Norwegians seem to own. Be
they dynamic, they cannot match Magnat or Bose speakers in fine
quality (sleep out, pals!). Unnecessary to say, the ST NEWS
editorial staff owns Magnat and Bose equipped audio devices.
JULEBUKK: Strange habit brought into practise by certain
->Norwegians. It mainly consists of giving away solid wooden
shoes, flirting and generally acting nutty and brainmurderingly
drunk. Often, the occurance of this event is put on video by an
->Ose.
KARL ANDERS. Species of ->Norwegians that saw the title "Ripper
of the Decade" whizz RIGHT past his nose. Nonetheless, co-
responsible for lots of hacking.
LADA: 1: The cheapest kind of hydro carbonate motioned confused
aggregate of translongitudidumali revectoring ferroglacial
structure enveloping furniturecollectorexciting items available
in Norway and made in Russia. This aggregate has a peculiar
effect on its owner annex driver - which soon becomes obvious
when looking at the incredibly low indication of its speedometer.
2: A popular icecream brand on Multifizzic Omega, which causes
severe disruption of the metabolic system. Also used as insect
detergent.
LARS-ERIK: Species of ->Norwegians that A: Driving very
carefully, B: Drives very responsibly, C: Drives very slowly, D:
Laughs zanily, and E: Likes hitting people's solar plexus.
LEFSE: Piece of food that looks like a rectangular pancake
transformed into a piece of cloth with which people sometimes
tend to clean their kitchen sinks. Tastes neutrally, and is used
to put other food on, after which is should theoretically folded
around it (or not, Elin?). Since Lefse is incredibly weak, this
is practically impossible.
MALE: The gender of about 50% of the ->Norwegians, that might be
sexually quite inactive (rumours even claim 'inadequate') but
that largely compensates this by writing long ->CLs, taping long
->CATs and (hopefully, one day) ->CVTs, and generally translating
every small program (including the whole desktop) from English to
Norwegian.
MALMSTEEN, YNGWIE J.: Together with the Saab 9000i Turbo, Bjorn
Borg and the Volvo 780, the only sane and/or good thing to come
from Skandinavia, probably because of his non-Norwegian origin
(he's Swedish). Plays a piece of a tree labelled "Fender" with
six long pieces of thin metal and a long coiled wireleading to a
couple of large boxes labelled "Marshall" (or sometimes
"Marsnall", when a piece of the 'h' breaks off due to travel
wear). Does this quite fast and quite brilliant, too.
MELSHORNET: A mountain about 800 metres high, and also the
highest point ever reached by an ST NEWS editor in the Northern
world.
MENTAL INSTITUTION: Place where people end up after having seen
the "Union Demo". Mostly inhabited by people stemming from a
country called ->Norway, or people that have been, in some way or
another, been in contact with them.
MINTER, JEFF:(April 22nd 1962, Reading, UK) Excellent specimen
of (to quote himself) "A slightly talented weirdo". But a nice
one. Dwells in a place with a positively unpronouncable name in
Wales. Known for his love of Llamas, Yaks, Camels and Pink Floyd.
MIRANDA: Someone whose omnipotent presence is not potent enough
to reach all the way into ->Norway, therewith saddening a certain
ex-editor (and current master-correspondent).
MJOLLNIR: The name of the sledgehammer wielded by a strange
deity dude called ->Thor. Often found next to a defect Coca Cola
Vending Machine.
MONK, BUDDHIST: See ->Buddhist Monk.
MONKEY: A kind of furry, quadruped mammal from which all humans
as well as ->Norwegians must have derived, in some far away and
very obscure past. On the contrary to other folk, the
->Norwegians have succeeded in remaining very much the same as
these ancestors, sometimes still even still walking on all fours.
MØRDØROUS GNÆRHELM: Owner of a famous restaurant in Ørsta, who
does not like stupid foreigners to think he's a Kentucky Fried
Spermwhale Dish on the menu card. He is quite broad, though he
hasn't been seen lately, after an encounter with Cronos Warchild.
MORTEN: Typical specimen of ->Norwegians with a surname of
->Ose. Very nice person.
MUCKY PUP: 1: Bunch of utterly deranged people trashing some
instruments and thus producing some sounds that are liked by all
Norwegians, Nutties, or madmen in general - as well as the ST
NEWS editorial staff. Lyrics are littered with dirty words.
2: Someone who really neglects everything he can possibly
neglect - including the cleaning of his room and himself, and the
sending back of disks and the like.
3: Something that everybody actually is - some to more extend
than others.
NAPALM DEATH: Must be the craziest bunch of suckers in the
entirity of what Whoever created. Play a bunch of devices that
produce longitudinal waves that can at some times be recognised
to be rudimentary sounds.
NEWLINE SOFTWARE: A true 16 bit software house in Norway (and
the only). About to release a game called "Plexu".
NOK: Also called Norwegian Kroner or Norwegian Krones. Currency
of a land in Northern Europe called ->Norway (inhabited by
->Norwegians). Its value is about three NOKs to the Dutch
guilder.
NOROL: Highly original name of the biggest Norwegian Oil Company
(and probably the only). They recently found out that a thick
black fluid springing forth from unsuspected depths in the earth
can be converted to a yellowish liquid that functions to animate
cars and other items containing a non-electric/non-nuclear
engine. They are now very happy.
NORRØNA: Place in ->Ørsta where one can eat something that does
not taste like a pizza, but is called so nonetheless. Usually,
this place if inhabited by elderly or senile ->Norwegians. At
times, innocent foreigners are taken there and females from
Barstadvika start laughing incontrollably.
NORWAY: A country in Skandinavia, inhabited by strange folk that
were even given credit for the unofficial discovery of the U.S.
of A. If you ask me, these people were totally, utterly and
extremely uncapable of doing so, and history probably mixed them
up with the Dutch (that were at the time also highly busy
defending themselves against Norwegian Viking invasions).
NORWEGIANS: People living in ->Norway. There are about 4 million
of them. They have this weird tendency of reading disk magazines
and mimicing them in a rather strange language that no civilised
human beings (but only Norwegians) can read.
Ø: An ASCII character that is quite often present in the name of
->Norwegians or the place where they live. This is very tiresome,
since it is not present on the keyboards of anyone else rather
than ->Norwegians, and has to be clicked from the 'alien code'
department of "1st Word Plus".
OIOIOIOIOI: 1: In Norwegian, this means "Beat it, stupid
foreigner, and destroy that copy of 'Norwegian for Travellers'"!
2: In Italian this means: "Oh...how I love thee....but I forgot
my lyrics!"
3: In Spanish, this means: "My pants are too tight!"
4: In ancient Aztec, this means: "Would you please be so kind as
to take the lower part of your bottom extrements off my humble
lower parts of my bottom excrements?"
5: In English, this means: "Oioioioioi!"
6: On Googlugulpex, this is considered to be a severe insult,
resulting in the offender being banished to a planet called
'Terra'. This happened for the last time about 1,000,000 years
ago, and resulted in apes suddenly acting intelligent, having a
soul, and (though at a somewhat later stage) making war and
computers.
OLE JØRGEN: (Most of the time called Ole J. - 'Olu Jay!')
Typical specimen of ->Ose. This particular one earned our utmost
respect by rocketing our egos skyhigh and always being in a good
mood, smiling widely.
ORIENTER GALOPPEN: Something that some weird ->Norwegians do for
fun, and which mainly consists of staying in tents for a long
while and running through a forest where someone obviously tried
to make you get lost. When showing slides of this event, each
given slide projector will promptly develop AUTO-DEFOCUS.
ØRSTA: Place in ->Norway that MUST have a ->Mental Institution,
due to the high number of known madmen dwelling there.
OSE: A large number of ->Norwegians actually turn out to have
this for a surname. Concluding, it can be told that anyone called
Ose is A: A Great Guy or Great Gal, B: An Excellent Hacker (when
his name includes 'bear' as well) and, C: Extremely Fertile.
OSLO: The state capital of ->Norway. A place where ->Norwegians
seem to gather themselves in rather large quantities - one
fourth of the total population so I've heard - and thus probably
the ideal place for a Nuclear and/or Chemical Warfare test site.
PAPILLONS: Kind of very cute and cuddly, four legged, furry
animal that many people refer to as dog, but that should be
referred to as something 'beyond dog'. They are quite small yet
know how to make the air vibrate quite frantically. Cats and
rabbits hate their guts.
PCL: Or 'Perputuum Crazy Letter'. A typical example explains it
more than adequately:
Norway?
Yes. Norway.
Norway?!
Yeah! Are you deaf or something?
No.
Oh.
What?
Oh!
Why didn't you say that right away?
I did! <--------------------------------+
What? |
I DID!! |
Why didn't you say that right away?-----+
PLANTIAC: A brown fluid that, when sliding down a person's
gullet, instantly warms the entire abdomen and creates a feeling
of generally being happy and relaxing. However, it contains 35%
of a certain chemical compound of which abuse will result in
something called a hangover (which feels like someone is
battering your head with an Amiga power adaptor). The current
limit of drinking Plantiac without getting a hangover is 500 ml
per person per night (Performed by the ST NEWS crew of course).
PYRISEPT: Something that you'd better have handy when climbing
the ice patched slopes of a mountain called ->Skåla - especially
if you've already broken a glass earlier during your holiday
(thereby severely cutting your elbow) and thoughts about 'bad
luck' are already devastating your mind.
PUP, MUCKY: See ->Mucky Pup.
QUANTITIES, EXCESSIVE: See ->Excessive quantities.
RONNY: Strange but true: The Norwegian distributor of ST NEWS.
If there will ever be a scale on which to grade insanity, he will
be '10 on the scale of Ronny'. Momentarily resides in Ørsta
(DC?).
RUNE: A species of ->Norwegians that raises hopes of ST NEWS
editorial staffs by exclaiming to 'be there' when they come to
visit his home country, and then lets the aforemeant staff down
by not showing up (thus, of course, inflicting a thousands ST
NEWS wraths upon his mortal being). Henceforth officially
excommunicated from the ST NEWS loving ST world.
SIMCA: Collection of furniture and scraps of metal on four
wheels, driven by a certain ->Norwegian and thus reduced to an
utterly deplorable brand of car. I'd rather be caught driving a
Citroen 2CV...
SKÅLA: Minor mountain at the back of Ronny's house, that is only
a minor couple of hundred metres high. Its icepatched slopes are
notorious, however, and already have a number of victims on their
list. Highest point on the world ever trodden by an ex-editor of
ST NEWS.
SLARTIBARTFAST: The designer of the ->Fjords. Look carefully:
You might see his signature somewhere over there, though probably
not on a ->Fjord but on a mountainside!
SNOW: Something that ->Norway is supposed to have pretty much
of during winter time, but which refruses to fall from the
heavens if anyone comes to fill the winter skies with Plantiac,
ST NEWS and deafening cries.
SPAGHETTI: Incredible mass of thin threads of Italian pasta
cooked and mixed with a brew of grind beef and tomato sauce.
Normally devoured by Norwegians, but when prepared by an ST NEWS
editor who has the tendency of adding large amounts of onions,
paprikas and ->Chili Pepper to it, consumed with the utmost
caution.
STEWART, ROD: English pop singer who A: Happens to be admired by
a guy called Asbjørn, B: Happens to be played the whole evening
long on a New Year's Eve party at Asbjørn's, C: Is really lousy
and D: Cannot sing.
ST KLUBBEN: A Norwegian disk magazine, written in Norwegian and
thus totally incomprehensible to non-Norwegian (sane) people.
Looks very much like ST NEWS, and thus (Brag, brag!) looks very
well indeed.
SYSE, JAN P.: Current prime minister of ->Norway. Is reknown for
his exciting New Year's speeches.
THALION SOUND DEMO: A supposedly heavily protected demo that was
hacked in a minor ->24 hours by ->Lord HackBear.
THOR: An immortal divine flying around on a thundercloud,
wielding a sledgehammer called ->Mjollnir and owning a private
Coca Cola Vending Machine (read the latest ->Douglas Adams
book!). He mainly occupies himself with shooting up passenger
desks at Heathrow airport engulfed in balls of orange flames, or
reducing innocent ->Norwegians to something that can only be
collected using a ->Vacuum Cleaner.
TORBJØRN: Also sometimes wrongly accused of being named Tobjørn
(or even TOBJØRN TOBJØRN TOBJØRN TOBJØRN TOBJØRN TOBJØRN!).
Another fine representative of what ->Norwegians are like: Mad
and utterly crazy. Dwells in Ørsta, in a district that is called
->Ose. He seems to have an awful lot of cousins. In some of the
last days of the eighties, he earned an award called "Lord
HackBear" by hacking the ->Thalion Sound Demo. He is known to
have hacked ALL demos without use of any additional hardware.
TV CHANNELS: Something that the ->Norwegians only have one of
(the NSK). They seem to be happy with it, though some prefer to
have dozens of channels and then buy a satellite dish and Filmnet
decoder.
VACUUM CLEANER: Device, only too often labelled "Nilfisk", that
allows you to suck up the remains of rather reduced ->Norwegians.
Sometimes also used to irretrievably devour bread crums, dust or
the awfully expensive golden gem-inlaid earring your mum lost two
weeks ago.
WATER: A substance that is quite common this side of the known
universe, consisting of a bipolar set of hydrogen atoms attached
to an oxygen atom, and (in Norway) something that, A: When coming
from a tap, is mind-freezingly cold, B: When in a fjord, is nose-
shiveringly green and C: When coming from a shower, refuses to
wash off soap. As so happens, it is the most precious (and
extremely RARE) substance on the planet Googlogulpex (at the
other side of the unknown universe), where they solely use it to
grow Brussels Sprouts.
WATER, STIFF: A version of ->water that is slightly (or not
quite slightly) below zero degrees Centigrade. However, it
seldomly suffices to support the weight of an Amiga freak, an ST
NEWS ex-editor and an ST NEWS foreign distributor at the same
time.

FINALLY: THE THIRTY GOLDEN RULES OF NORWEGIANS. PLEASE NOTE
THAT THESE MIGHT STRIKE YOU AS SOMEWHAT ODD, OR SOMETIMES EVEN
SOMEWHAT RUDE. BUT IT'S THE HARSH TRUTH. SCOUT'S HONOUR.

1: Super Sprint brings out the worst in 'em
2a: All pretty Norwegian 16-and 17 year old females are likely to
want to have sex with you when they're drunk
2b: These females also really like it if you say they look like
they're 20 (or, indeed, 21)
3: Norwegians always drive very slowly (apart from Ronny, Fredrik
and Ole J.)
4: They always take their shoes off in the any given house (apart
from Lars-Erik)
5: Norwegian 12-year old females easily fall in love with
foreigners (after which they get sick)
6: They like Plantiac'ed Coke
7: They like destroying fuel stations and their immediate
vicinities at New Year's Eves
8: They locate guests in campers that are normally used only to
transport dogs
9: Most of them are called Ose (especially Torbjørn, Bent, Morten
and Ole J.)
10: They really like Dutch liquorice
11: They like cheese that others don't
12: They try to meet people by parking their car in the middle of
a street (preferably on Saturday night)
13: They are often better in English than the English (except for
plural and singular stuff)
14: They always cross the sender address on mail
15: They like music with dirty lyrics (especially when they're
called Ose)
16: They often wear thick winter clothes when they're inside
17: They prefer jogging in ultimately dense fog
18: They never watch television on Tuesday (all the transmitters
are then down for repairs and/or maintenance)
19: They all have beds that are used as couches in daytime
20: They all prefer driving on slippery roads and do this very
well (especially Ole J.)
21: When coming from the North, they accuse Southerners of not
speaking Norwegian. When they come from the South, they
accuse Northerners of not speaking Norwegian (of course)
22: If they drink alcohol, they only do so to get utterly pissed
23: When losing with "Bubble Bobble", they press F10
24: They all like IFA pastilles (except Lord HackBear)
25: They all start laughing incontrollably whenever a foreigner
starts quoting bits from "Norwegian for Travellers" (but
especially the females!)
26: All their cars have power plugs hanging from the front bumper
27: They drive cars with dotted tires
28: Most of their cars have only 50% of the headlights working
29: They have the lightswitch of the bathroom outside of the
bathroom
30: They always add a 'k' behind 'ng'....like 'thinkingk' or
'goingk' (especially Ronny)