THE LIFES AND TIMES OF FLUFFY BULKWIRE
by Roland Zwaga(S.O.D)
Fluffy, a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri, was busy
cleaning his room one day when he was suddenly disturbed by a
strange beeping noise.
"Hm, what in Alpha Centauri can that be?", he wondered.
"Ah, now I remember, it's my digital watch!"
He now knew the origin of the sound but he still couldn't find
its hide-out. After several minutes of searching he found it
under the couch.
"Why did the alarm go off?", he asked himself.
"Maybe it was meant to remind me of something? But what?"
Fluffy stood there for a moment and than he remembered
"Of course! It was to remind me that I tied a knot in my
handkerchief! But why did I tie a knot in my handkerchief?"
Puzzling over yet another question he sat down on his couch and
almost squashed his pet-alien Skweek, who had the irritating
instinct that told him to paint everything pink, that's why
people on Alpha Centauri who own a Skweek never buy pink paint.
This is of course very obvious, because pink paint hasn't been
invented yet on Alpha Centauri. Anyway, Fluffy was very busy
remembering why he tied a knot in his handkerchief and after
approximately ten minutes he jumped up from his couch and
When he landed on the ground he said: "Now I remember! I still
have to go down to the shop to get some Intergalactic-Earth-
Imported-Plantiac for the big party Kzill and Wrotztkel are
having next week!"
Still there was something else that bothered his mind, why did
he shout EUREKA? He had never heard of this strange word, but
after yet again a short period of exchanging electrons within
his brains he recalled the warning that was on the label of the
last bottle of Plantiac he had consumed a while ago, it had
notified him of the danger of drinking to much earthly liquids,
it was possible that his brains would be infected by the human
culture that lived on the earth and so he could conclude that
EUREKA was some sort of human curse or something like that.
Having solved this mystery, he went off to the shop.
On his way to the shop he passed a newsagent, he stopped for a
while to look through the various magazines, nude pictures and
newspapers. He stumbled upon a certain magazine called: "ALIEN
CIVILISATIONS", which he picked up and started to read. In it he
found an article about the planet earth, about 5 light years
from there, when reading the article he saw a small add in the
corner of the page telling him about an enormous programmers
party held somewhere on the planet earth, in a place called Oss
which was in a certain country called The Netherlands. It
informed him also about the most important guests who would also
visit this party that was ridiculously called S.T.N.I.C.C.C,
they were amongst others the Exceptions, the Carebears and the
rest of The Union and even the LOST BOYS!! Him being also a
proud owner of an ATARI ST knew all of these people and admired
them all very much for the totally brilliant demos they created
on his beloved computer and being a chartered accountant he also
did some programming himself so he decided that it would be
totally absolutely mindbogglingly freaky for him to be able to
attend this party!
Oh no! it also said that only people with an invitation would
be allowed to the party.
"What am I going to do?",Fluffy asked himself.
"They'll never send me an invitation, they probably have never
even heard of Alpha Centauri!!! Still he was determined to go,
with or without invitation!
They'd maybe make an exception for an alien life form from
Alpha Centauri and even if they didn't, he would have the joy of
meeting the organizers of the party who were Stefan Posthuma and
Richard Karsmakers. He didn't waste any time and rushed off to
the parking lot bumping into various other small furry creatures
along the way. Once in his flying soucer he flipped an Earth-
import-Yngwie Malmsteen-CD in his CD player and took off.
Note from the author:
You probably wonder now what happened to Fluffy.
Well, he did make to the earth but unfortunately due to a fault
in calculating the amount of fuel he crashlanded somewhere in
America, right on top of the garage of an innocent American
family who after meeting him immediately called the biggest TV
station of the U.S.A and signed a contract to do a TV series on
The series became a huge success throughout the whole world and
also cartoons were made of him. Even ridiculous puppets,
computer monitors, toilet paper, diskettes, paintings, T-shirts
and other clothes. Fluffy however wasn't too thrilled about it,
because some asshole humanoid had now changed his name into the
utterly stupid ALF and he didn't have a chance to go to the
C.C.C after all.
Isn't life a bitch being a chartered alien accountant....
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.