FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22ND 1990
"The Second Day"
The contributions in all parts of this real-time article were
written by the following beings (in order of appearance):
Richard of the Amazing Cracking Conspiracy, Tanis of The
CareBears (Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator of Alcoholica),
Sammy Joe of The Lost Boys, Manikin of The Lost Boys, Spaz of
The Lost Boys (Toxic Foetus Eater of Alcoholica), Stefan
(Digital Insanity of The Lost Boys), Mit of NEXT, Chris of The
Garlic Eaters, Red of Omega, Bluestar of Sync, Eric, Zae of
Next, Perceval of Zuul of The Pact, Fury of Legacy, Chaos Inc.
of Delta Force, New Mode of Delta Force, CIA of Galtan Six,
Cugel of Silents, The Flying Egg of Omega, Acco of The Garlic
Eaters, Crystar of the Pendragons, Dogue de Mauve from the
Overlanders, Flynn from Hysteria, Mopy of Ghost Genius of
Hysteria Alliance, Furyo of the Overlanders, Silver of the
Pendragons of Triton Development, Psychoreal of Hysteria, Klaus
of ST Connexion, Mega Cribb, Ian 'Dave Clone' of the Watchmen,
Rob Povey, The Fate of The Unlimited Matrix, Gunstick of The
Unlimited Matrix, Robert (RX2 of MPH), Steve (Miz of MPH), An
Cool of The Carebears, IKI of Hysteria, Vantage, Ford Perfect,
Thor of the Black Monolith Team, Genital Grinder of Alcoholica
(previously Sprog of The Lost Boys), Chris of the Watchmen, Paul
(Zeus of Teknique), Vomited Anal Tract of Alcoholica (though he
may be mentioned earlier already under another name - there's no
way to be sure), HAQ of Omega, Martijn (Lucifer of The Spirits
of Doom), Roland (TS of the Spirits of Doom), Marlon of ST
Connexion, The Nutty Snake of Aenigmatica, Phil of MPH, Relayer
of the Quartermass Experiment of Aenigmatica, Crush, Zokathra,
Terence of the Pendragons, Nemrod of the Pendragons, Fishbone
from the Vegetables, Doclands of the Overlanders, STWARS of
Next, Ziggy Stardust of the Overlanders, Tyrem of the De-
spectacled Testicles (er....The Respectables actually), Gudul
and Adso (that's 62 people, of which one may have been mentioned
Everybody is responsible for what he has written, and the ST
NEWS editorial staff does not accept any responsibility for what
has been written anywhere - except for the bits written by
It is our duty to inform you, dear reader, of the fact that
large parts of this text may be considered 'shocking' or even
Sorry. We decided to use no censorship.
Yes but you're a musical pervert!!!!
Let's quit this crap guyz.
Well, we're back from the girls hunting competition, which was
a competition between Sammy Joe, Alexis (ST Wars), An Cool, Mit,
Chris, Mr Mac, TFE, Mega, New Mode, Mega Cribb,Slime, Fury, Jas,
and me (ZAE).
Sammy Joe: He vomited the 6 beers he drank but is actually
discussing a girl that looks pretty nice indeed...
Alexis: Er....well, perhaps next time ?
An Cool: Was about to be successful but finally ran away (don't
ask me why...)!
Mit: Sammy robbed the girl he started to "approach".
Chris: Gave up.
Mr Mac: Actually still with a girl, good luck Tore...
TFE: Too drunk to attempt a successful "approach".
Mega: Should not drink that much.
New Mode: Ran away.
Mega Cribb: ST NEWS is not a porn magazine so I won't describe
Slime: Ran away.
Fury: Ran away.
Jas: Ran away.
ZAE: Two lamp stands switched off and then gave up.
Well, some others were there too but I can't remember who (I
promise I just drank Coke!) but the global result is that we'll
try to do better next time...
Editor: Mega Cribb.
Supervisor: Flying Egg, Zae and An Cool.
Once upon a time there were a bunch of people (listed above),
going to the pub, just to see the life in the town called Oss
city (South of Holland (I think!)). With this cool gang there
were some guys called the Lost Boys, who claimed that they could
drink anyone under the table. So they tried, but they failed.
The Swedes stood up, watching the Lost Boys puke at the ground.
Could it by any chance have been caused by the Swedish cheek
tobacco called "snus" An Cool offered them? We don't think so.
Directly after this experience we went and wrote this article,
so now I guess we have to finish the mission we once started.
I would just like you to note that the only Lost Boy who went
down the pub was Sammy Joe, this is because he is so sexually
frustrated he has to try and fuck anything on four legs. So
remember that story is about Sammy Joe......
So that's what the people are up to if they vanish from the
premises for a short while. If I get to see a drunk person I will
chuck him out.
So I am back.
Actually, I've been back for quite a long time but I didn't get
the chance to write anything. I went home to have a shower and
sit for a while in total peace and quiet. I am feeling a lot
cleaner now, but I still am very tired and have to sleep soon or
I will totally and utterly collapse.
Apparently, Michael is out and he is drunk. Now I specifically
told NOBODY to get drunk and vomit all over the place so I will
NOT allow him access to the building even if he is a fellow Lost
Poor Tanis sitting next to me is still working on the enormous
font that has to be used. It's 256 pixels high and approximately
just as wide. Amazing. I can't wait to see it animated by Nick
It's total mayhem around here. Especially downstairs it's a
total chaos. Computers and people EVERYWHERE. Tomorrow, my boss
will come over to have a look and I hope that after this is all
over, I'll still work for SPC/C...........
Sunday night we will all have to move to the ITC office again,
which will be quite an operation, and then I have to go back and
clean up the office since Joost (my boss) is having important
people over on Monday. Then Monday evening I will have to clean
the ITC office as well. Let's see how many volunteers I can get
I will NEVER EVER EVER again organize a convention of such
proportions. I mean it is great fun to meet all these people and
to be present at the biggest meeting of ST users ever but it is a
bit tiring for the one responsible for the office and all the
stuff in it.
Anyway, I will stop complaining now and lighten up a little.
Time to read some of the other stuff that has been written by the
various nutcases around here.
TEX have just gone to bed and Dick has just told me to tell you
how lame they are.
Yeah, and he's now telling that he's going to sleep, too (and
that he's getting pretty tired of being called 'Dick' by what
must be the most immature being roaming these premises).
I am not a Dave-clone!
Well I'm not going to bed and I do not look anything like Ian
as he is ugly and I am one of the most wonderful and loverbull
people in the whole wide world!!!!!!!!!
Fuck that damn'd "NEOchrome Master"! What'a hell have I done?
I'm tired and Richard's bloody ST has the Y and Z keys in the
wrong place. I have had so little sleep over the last three days
I'm not even going to bother counting it. Unfortunately it
doesn't look like I'm going to get to sleep any time in the next
three or four hours, Tanis is still drawing character number 4
in his 28 character font (He started it 2 days ago) and he's
trying to finish it before Sunday morning when TCB leave. Tim is
staring at his demo screen looking fairly pissed off and Nick
and Fabian are desperately trying to get the TLB/TCB demo screen
There are so many good coders and graphic artists here it's
hard to say who's the best so I'm not even going to try (good
Well everything is OK but something has been left: there is no
place to sleep, and it is practically impossible because a lot
of people (I will not say 'lamers' because there are master
coders like Sync) are listening to music or soundtracking with
the heaviest volume the machine may accept.... When everybody
will be tired tomorrow we will compose music, because it is now
02:20 and I haven't slept in two days....
So I'm gonna sleep - I hope you won't miss me and my boring
Perceval from Zuul
Hello and good morning. Here is Chris of TGE and The Fate of ULM
and of course Gunstick of ULM. We just sit here around in the
TLB and TCB room. But I think we will leave here 'coz they are
all too lame...
You know, we have to finish our Mega Demo, called "The Darkside
of the Spoon"....
We all like Pang and Bacardi...
Ssssso far, Chris, The Fate and the rest....
Woaauurrghschtippo! I hate all fonts. I hate all letters. I hate
all graphics. I hate all computers. I hate all people. I hate me
and my life! I just have to thank Gogo for taking over for a
while. Any artist knows that it's not actually little work to do
a font that's one and a half screens high. Gogo says that it's
all planning, but I think that is a bunch of crap. Now, I'm
actually getting a bit tired, so I'll sign off for a few hours!
Well it's getting late now and Robert, Phil, Paul and myself
(Steve) are still awaiting the "Kick Off II" competitions.
Collectively we are known as MPH Computer Specialists Limited
from Norwich, England.
A sleeping space has not yet been finalized for tonight, that
is if we even have a place to sleep, or if we sleep at all.....
The last time I slept was about 6am on Friday morning, and you
can see the time now from above (02:46).
When I started this message Phil, Robert and Paul where
actually helping me with what to write but now they are all
crowded around "An Cool".
Hopefully Robert will now type something........
Well I have just been pushed into this seat by Steve, so I
presume I have to write somefing?????? It is very very late
now, and a lot of people are forcing themselves into playing
games, and other obserditys (I know my spelling is bad, but it's
Robert (RX2) n' Steve (Miz)
As you can see it is now quite early in the morning and so far
Michael is not back from his tour of places to vomit in foreign
pubs. Most people seem to think he has his dick stuck in some
dogs butt, but this may not be true......
.......it could be a cat or a chicken!
The twat above got the time wrong. Well I've had enough, it's
very late, I'm very tired and I have achieved absolutely nothing
all day except to prove that Fabrice's fast line routs are not
fast and that I still get beaten by stupid drawing and erasing
routines. This pisses me off rather a large amount so with
sleeping bag in hand I will now retire!!
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz yes, i'm sleeping...... (no comment!)
Flynn the hysteric one......
PS: I have finished my multi-sprite demo wwhhhaaouu! Now I have
to put some soundtracker muzaxx in it..........! (No: I don't
use the "TCB Tracker" routs..!)
"Glad to hear it!"
Genital Grinder quote
Yeah here is another hysteric one (member of Hysteria, wouarf!).
OK, I'm very happy to be here at this giga coding party - it's
funny... (sniff... I can't code the ST because it is used by my
OK, bye I'm gonna code this f.....g screen ?!?
IKI of hysteria
Vantage here again. I have just seen the ULM Megademo (90%
ready, only a few graphics to fix), and it really knocks you off
the chair... I don't think I'm supposed to give any details at
the moment (as it probably will be released tomorrow), but you
can all look forward to it, to say the least.
Be talkin' to ya some other time...
Delta Force and BMT just threw about half a dozen of chairs out
of their room; well, I think they'd like to sleep now! No bad
Dengel, dengel, dengel what about the film Werner Beinhart to
write? It's not too bad but it isn't very original !!!!!!!!!
OK. Another topic. What about the new "NEOchrome Master"
version 2.2? It's really great, nearly all graphics men at this
convention work with it, coz there is nothing better:
"Neochrome" is the best, forget all the rest!!
What about a list of graphics men who paint with "Neochrome"?
First to be mentioned: Gogo (TCB) at my side working on the big
font for their screen, Tanis (also worked on the font), or what
about ES of TEX, Scum (BMT) and me (Thor, also BMT). And perhaps,
one day, even Spaz will be enlightened...
Enough bullshit. Go on and read other fuckin' texts.
It's really great here.
Well. That's, sort of, roughly calculated since the clock
outside showed 04:25 approximately 5 minutes ago. Spaz (Me) and
Tanis (Me) has just been on a foodhunt. Unfortunately the
service in this town is really poor. I mean, not one single shop
was open. Can you believe that? God! The streets were also very
empty of people. I can't actually figure out why. I mean, it's
not that the Olympics have begun yet, so there is no point in
sitting at home, is there? No. the Dutch people are really
strange, I think! Talking about strange people. Is it really
wise to sleep in the kitchen, when people would like to get
something to eat? Stupid frogs (they referred to Furyo who was
sleeping under the kitchen table, ED.). We should eat them ,
Have you seen the weird-looking pig in the centre of the centre
of Oss? Well. With a bit of imagination, you can get it really
kinky. That would be something for Nick's extremely queer dog!
Editorial note: The raunchy-o-meter indicated that the
following entry is without the shadow of a doubt the dirtiest and
most insulting in this entire issue of ST NEWS (indeed, of ALL
issues ever made, including the hidden articles!).
So be warned, noble reader!
Well, I haven't talked to you yet so you better listen up good.
There's a new crew in town. Only the meanest, dirtiest,
smelliest, most repulsive, revolting, disgusting, hideously
deformed rectum impalers in existence are members. The current
list of undead members includes : Coprophagic Necrocannibal
Eviscerator - Toxic Foetus Eater and last but not cleanest
Genital Grinder (Member muncher). The whole world will suffer
rectal prolapses as soon as they witness our first combination
of incredibly brutal music and eye-melting grafix (well, maybe).
Well, apart from being the best coder in the universe, I,
Genital Grinder, am the tallest beast this side of Karsmakers'
left buttock and have a penis as big as Erik Simon (Yes! All 7
A smelly bastard named Dave (Ian?) is standing behind me, what
a lamer (lama?) . He looks very much like Spaz of the Lost Boys
but nothing like Toxic of Alcoholica! It's funny, because Spaz
looks like a Muppet, namely AAAAAAnnnimaaaalllll. So New Model
Army are very good, and so is "TCB Tracker" (Ha ha, what a lying
Oops, bad language. What a fucker, now some Japanese. Nee mai
joje Huz Mes des ca (which means Lemmings are sexy little
animals with tight bums and big nobs). I'm gonna come, come,
come, come all over your face... sorry, just singing. Ian
(Dave?) has just run away and returned in case I write something
true about him. For instance, he's a really nice guy, he licks
asses and fucks lemmings, a great guy!
Aaaaaaaaggghhhhhhh ! Sammy Joe of The Lost Bastards is sitting
opposite me, what an ugly bastard! Haaaaa haaaa haaa. He must
have auditioned for The Elephant Man. I bet they didn't give him
the job because the camera's broke when they filmed him. They
could've saved a fortune on make-up! It's sometimes hard to tell
if he's sitting down or standing on his head with his trousers
down. Chris of the Wankmen is bending over, waiting for me to
walk past and fill him with my massive meat missile. He's
standing behind S.J. now, it's S.J.'s turn.
That Lemming game on the Amiga is fuckin' amazing. Yes, the
scrolling is shit, the graphics are tiny and the music is
torture, but it's all worth it when you see the Lemming's guts
fly across the screen when you kill him without reason.
Unfortunately, there aren't many ways of maiming them except
outright explosion. Perhaps the writers could put in some
chainsaws and bondage. Imagine the hilarity of fucking a Lemming
dressed in black PVC and studs while lascerating his neck with a
Shit, I've got to change my underpants now. Ian is a cunt (one
of a pair).
Yours, shit, blood and cum soaked, Genital Grinder.
(By the way, I'm not sure about Torsten Mucha's sexuality Or
how to spell his name, so keep your trousers done up and your
pencils(??) ready! )
Has anyone ever heard of a totally not bad bunch of guys called
The Watchmen? If so, you probably know that it has four people.
Two of which (Zogg and The Skunk) are complete wankers who
deserve to rot very nastily in a place equally horrid (a place
not totally dissimilar to the inner, upper walls of my rectum -
after a lemon curry!)
Basically Zogg+The Skunk, if you are reading this "You are
fucking cunts who, if I had my way, would never have been born
fully limbed! Ha! So never ask me to draw some poxy logo that
you probably won't even pay me 500 quid for anyway!"
Ian (the one in The Watchmen who fucks lemmings)
Its getting bloody late now, and all the guys downstairs are
dropping like the proverbial insects. I am getting steadily more
pissed off with the shit demoscreens that I am attempting to
code. Sitting next to me is Gogo, who is talking to Tanis about
this crazy 50 screen high font which Nic and The Hammer are
going to use in some freak-of-shit sync scroll screen. The
Genital Grinder is trying to get Coprophagic Necrocannibal
Eviscerator from the sick and whacky Alcoholica to give him this
stupid font, and now that he has refused, they are slagging each
other off in a big way
Right, still no sleep and the fucking shops aren't open yet.
Holland sucks. All Dutch are lazy bastards, why don't they work
all night AND day?? I'm HHHHHUUUUUUNNNNNGGGGRRRRYYYYY. Spaz is
just playing a CD of ATROCITY, and is pointing out that about 16
out of 22 tracks on the aforementioned severe grindcore album
all start with four tapping drumsticks. Wow! Variation man. An
cool listens to 2 Live Crew. Ha! What a winkel. Let's exploit
women for our own monetary gains! Yeah! Alcoholica are all for
it! If there are any women out there that would like to sleep
with the collective members(!) of Alcoholica, please contact us.
And - please, only the rarest venereal diseases. We welcome AIDS
and other terminal diseases, but please ... no Ghost viruses!
Carcass is playing on the CD player now, and I think it's quite
hard for everyone else to sleep around us. We fart a lot!
Tanis still has a pot of shit next to this keyboard (some
commercial chocolate mousse dessert, actually, ED.), it's been
open for hours, hopefully it will be contaminated with AIDS and
he will die before he returns to Sweden. That way I can smuggle
his decaying corpse into England for my own pleasures. Uh!
The shops will be open in about 2 hours, so we can go and buy
some food. We could just steal some from TCB...
Vomited Anal Tract (Alcoholica)
The Watchmen are so sad that when they die their mutilated
corpses would not even be used for dog food.
Toxic Foetus Eater (grilled babies and fried dicks)
The sun is not out and the sky is not blue and it's raining
I can't believe that Tanis has fallen asleep. What a bloody
poof! I even managed to put the bucket of chocolate shit on his
head and take a photo while he was asleep! I think that unless
he seriously rapes and pillages some local Dutch villages, we'll
have to throw him out of Alcoholica. And I MEAN rape, including
all animals, especially the statue of the pig in Oss. Not
surprisingly, Ian of The Watchbastards is also 'making like a
tramp' and sleeping against the wall. All this while are making
'like Lemmings with cemtex up their asses'. Spermbirds are the
best band in the world, .... at 07:05.
Tanis just woke up and looked at us. He then started to sleep
again. THEN he got up and collapsed on the floor. BLOODY POOF.
Grindy Gens is presently trying to get a Lemming to put on a
Burger King Hat and succumb to his strange sexual advances. He
has just got into his sleeping bag so that he can play with his
prick without the rest of us knowing!
Vomited Anal Tract
Hah! The couple of lamers! The two you've just been reading have
crashed out under the table. Got pissed on Coke probably. Anyway
there is only four of us left awake now, tell a lie five no six
of us still going strong at this time in the morning. Vomited
Anal Tract has just told me from under the table not to write
that he is getting sleepy and he hasn't got smelly feet. So now
you know. And would you know it Tanis is back with the living.
One of the Watchmen
The end of part three.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.