HIDDEN ARTICLE NUMBER SIX
** BLACK AND WHITE **
(Not to be read by fans of Michael Jackson)
by Richard Karsmakers
There used to be times when there were a couple of musicians
that you really hated the guts of. They made crap music. Their
teeth were too white. Too many girls were fan of them. Jon Bon
Jovi. George Michael. Those kind of blighters.
A new phenomenon has occurred, however. It is someone who used
to make vaguely OK music (the "Thriller" album) but who has now
devolutionized to the most grotesquely crap image you could
Of course, I am talking about Michael Jackson here - the biggest
wimp this side of the known universe, and very likely beyond
This miserable excuse for a hidden article is somewhat of a
spontaneous reaction to the video clip of the fag's latest
single, "Black and White".
I hope you didn't have to go through too much hardship to get to
this article, as one would not be able to describe it as
something else rather than swearing and the slagging off of a pop
idol. I surely hope you don't like Michael Jackson, because you
will be severely insulted if you do.
The reason why this was hidden is obvious: You can't just
publish this, can you? But I did want to write something about
him and the crap he produces.
"Tonight, ladies and gentlemen," the presenter said, "you will
get the see the latest video clip of Michael Jackson. It is an 11
minute video that cost $15 million, and it will be the world
That could never be that bad, I thought. I had really liked the
video's made for the "Thriller" album and, although the song was
crap, I had also quite liked the "Bad" and "Smooth Criminal"
Not so with his latest one, made for "Black and White".
Why the fuck was that tosser grabbing himself into the groin all
the time? Was that Michael Jackson? So the rumours about him
having his skin made more white were true. He keeps on singing
about how little it matters whether you're black or white but in
the mean time he has his nose operated to make it look more like
that of a Kaukasian, his entire face hurled into a plastic
surgery theatre to make him look less negroid as well. What's the
bloody use of all that? A negro is a negro. A Kaukasian is a
Kaukasian. You can't change any of it.
But no. Mr. Jackson (the piece of human wastage) wanted to be
even whiter. We have here a negro that really made it big who
wants to turn white.
And what is the result? He looks like some half bastard white
with a strangely white skin, negro hair - and all of that in an
extremely female way. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the
mother fucker was in fact a girl. He's beginning to look like a
white version of Janet Jackson (which annoys me much as I think
she's quite a looker).
If I were him I'd have an urge to commit suicide every morning I
brushed my teeth and caught my complexion in the mirror. He's
getting to look so fucking ugly and he's betraying the entire
negro race if you ask me.
And the video itself?
I suppose most of the money spent on it was spent on the rights
to use a bit of "The Simpsons" and the bit where the faces
transform (which is a genuinely impressive piece - albeit the
only one). The bit where he demolishes the car does not fit in
the video at all. First, he starts ripping off himself by doing
the "Smooth Criminal" bit with the odd bit of extra groin
grabbing and then he starts to demolish a car. What a load of
bollocks. It would not induce me to start demolishing my
neighbour's car, but I can surely imagine it would with people of
a less healthy mind (which could very well be most Michael
Jackson fans). It does not fit in the video. It does not have
anything to do with the song. It is total crap. While doing it,
he grabs his groin another dozen or so times, utters his
completely ridiculous little cries. (He grabs it probably to
check if the only organ that (probably) hasn't been surgically
altered still is in place ... editorial note)
I think he's a eunuch to say the least. He's just so weird. He
sings too high, looks too much like a female and has things done
to himself that ageing rich females would. At weddings he walks
around wearing a nazi-like uniform. He's fucking flipped out.
I heard he likes to be around little children. His sister
(Latoya) tells all the world of how her father raped her. I
suspect little Michael also got raped while young. I suspect
Michael is now raping little children as well (with a dildo, of
Ha! Fuck it all! I really wanted to do this for one time! I
hate fucking Michael Jackson, and especially his bloody image! A
lot of time has passed while I've been making ST NEWS and never
before have I let myself go like this. Michael Jackson was
fucked in the butt by his father! He's a eunuch, and a nazi as
well! He's just a worthless fart that doesn't even deserve to be
trampled under the filthiest shit-ridden boot.
Wow! Tell you what? I really feel good now. I really feel good.
I hope you're not a Michael Jackson fan. If you are, I suggest
you shoot yourself. No. Better, first cut off your dick (if
you've got one in the first place), swallow it and choke on it
whilst slicing your wrists.
Yes. Why not.
Why did Michael Jackson call his previous album "BAD"?
Because he didn't know how to spell "PATHETIC"...
Why did Michael Jackson call his latest album "DANGEROUS"?
Because he didn't want to name it "PATHETIC"...
Why does Michael Jackson smell that bad?
So that blind people can hate him, too.
Jokes courtesy of Kai Holst. Hail thee, bro!
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.