"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the
wall instead of using it"
Gordon R. Dickson
WHY SOFTBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX
Taken off a network; submitted by Marinos Annikos
* You can play softball as much or as little as you want; YOU
get to decide.
* After an unusually long and difficult softball game you can
still ride your bike home.
* In softball, the other team pays attention throughout, even if
they're done scoring.
* If you have to take a piss during a softball game, you can say
"Excuse me, I gotta drain the swamp" and you don't lose style
* In softball, nobody comments on the size of your bat, as long
as you know what to do with it.
* In softball, you don't feel guilty about winning the ugly
* The other team never has to forfeit a game cause they're on
* In softball, you don't have to compliment the other team on
good they look in their new uniforms.
* You don't have to buy the other team dinner to get a game.
* If you get all scratched up in a softball game, you can brag
about it to your wife.
* In softball, if you go a couple months without scoring, your
balls don't hurt.
* In softball, you can play the same team every day for a year
and it's never the same twice.
* You don't mind if your parents come to watch you play
* You can play three, maybe four softball games a day.
* In softball, it's no concern of yours if the other team has
had marital relations with diseased livestock.
* In a good weekend of softball, you can play six or seven
different teams and it only costs you twenty bucks and you may
get a prize at the end.
* Playing the wrong softball team won't get you shot.
* You can be absolutely certain that, nine months after a
softball game, the other teams lawyers won't call, asking for
half of your pre-tax income for the next eighteen years.
* During a softball game you can spit tobacco juice all over the
* Rest assured that the other team will not invite you to the
* The other team doesn't demand that you shave before the game.
* The other team can smell like road kill and you'll never know
* If you don't score in a softball game, the other team doesn't
ask you if you've had that problem often.
* No matter how drunk the other team is they never throw up in
Now that was funny, no?
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.