One day, a 6-year-old girl goes to see a hairdresser for the
first time. The hairdresser, an older man, says to her "So, this
is your first time here little girl? We have something special
for all our new customers." He then proceeds to open a round tin
on his table, and pulls out a large chocolate chip cookie which
he hands to the girl, now sitting in his chair.
"Thank You!" shouts the girl, and she begins to eat it. She ate
the big cookie rather slowly, and the man was already beginning
to cut her hair before he realized that she hadn't finished
eating yet. At that point he said,
"What's the matter, little girl? You got hair on your cookie?"
In a mini-tantrum, the girl yelled out: "Of course not, you
pervert! I'm only six years old!"
THE VOGON NEWS SERVICE PRESENTS
CREATORS ADMIT UNIX, C HOAX
by Bernard L. Hayes
This article was first published in the Untouchabled Disk Mag,
who lifted it off a BBS or something. Tnx, Matt. The above quote,
I believe, was supplied by Marinos Yannikos from Austria.
In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken
Thompson, Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the
Unix operating system and C programming language created by them
is an elaborate April Fools prank kept alive for over 20 years.
Speaking at the recent UnixWorld Software Development Forum,
Thompson revealed the following:
"In 1969, ATT had just terminated their work with the
GE/Honeywell/ATT Multics project. Brian and I had just started
working with an early release of Pascal from Professor Nichlaus
Wirth's ETH labs in Switzerland and we were impressed with its
elegant simplicity and power. Dennis had just finished reading
'Bored of the Rings', a hilarious National Lampoon parody of the
great Tolkien 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy. As a lark, we decided
to do parodies of the Multics environment and Pascal. Dennis and
I were responsible for the operating environment. We looked at
Multics and designed the new system to be as complex and cryptic
as possible to maximize casual users' frustration levels, calling
it Unix as a parody of Multics, as well as other more risque
allusions. Then Dennis and Brian worked on a truly warped version
of Pascal, called 'A'. When we found others were actually trying
to create real programs with A, we quickly added additional
cryptic features and evolved into B, BCPL and finally C. We
stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:
To think that modern programmers would try to use a language
that allowed such a statement was beyond our comprehension! We
actually thought of selling this to the Soviets to set their
computer science progress back 20 or more years. Imagine our
surprise when ATT and other US corporations actually began trying
to use Unix and C! It has taken them 20 years to develop enough
expertise to generate even marginally useful applications using
this 1960's technological parody, but we are impressed with the
tenacity (if not common sense) of the general Unix and C
programmer. In any event, Brian, Dennis and I have been working
exclusively in Pascal on the Apple Macintosh for the past few
years and feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly
bad programming that have resulted from our silly prank so long
Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including ATT,
Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard, GTE, NCR, and DEC have refused
comment at this time. Borland International, a leading vendor of
Pascal and C tools, including the popular Turbo Pascal, Turbo C
and Turbo C++, stated they had suspected this for a number of
years and would continue to enhance their Pascal products and
halt further efforts to develop C. An IBM spokesman broke into
uncontrolled laughter and had to postpone a hastily convened news
conference concerning the fate of the RS-6000, merely stating 'VM
will be available Real Soon Now'. In a cryptic statement,
Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of the Pascal,
Modula 2 and Oberon structured languages, merely stated that P.
T. Barnum was correct.
In a related late-breaking story, usually reliable sources are
stating that a similar confession may be forthcoming from William
Gates concerning the MS-DOS and Windows operating environments.
And IBM spokesman have begun denying that the Virtual Machine
(VM) product is an internal prank gone awry.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.