"Do whatever you want in life, as long as it doesn't affect
anyone else doing whatever they want in life."
by Jason Brew
'Ssshhhiiiittttt', groaned Alpha to himself as he felt his
bowels release and the urgent mass escape his bodily prison.
With a wry smile he thought to himself how true that word was -
literally. After such a long journey it was good to be back on
the ground, and he was looking forward to relaxing for a few days
while work didn't need him.
Alpha decided that he was going to become a completely apathetic
slob while he was home - have a long wash, consume until he could
do so no more, then shut the door and sleep the rest of the time
off, until work called him in again.
He felt the exodus from his bowels slow to a trickle and then
stop completely, and he headed off to the shower room for a well
deserved, thorough cleaning - he'd make sure that he got off all
of the crusty bits. Re-emerging into the sunlight after a
blissful shower he headed over for a feed, the food here wasn't
the best - a bit too oily - but he was much too tired to go
anywhere else. Luckily for Alpha the food had improved, and he
was able to enjoy an enormous feast - at his employers expense -
before he slowly cruised home and slept.
'Ssshhhiiiittttt', thought Alpha, 'WHY ME???'
It was hot and Alpha wasn't terribly impressed at being called
back to work after only one day of apathetic bliss. He was
really sure this trip was going to suck in a big way, so sure,
that he was thinking of quitting right now, even before he went
'Nah', he resolved himself, 'Theres nothing else that I could do
for a living, I'll just have to put up with it - it won't kill
Then it was too late for second thoughts, and they were off on
A half hour later Alpha was still lamenting his lost days of
apathy, when an unfamiliar feeling stirred in the pit of his
'Ssshhhiiiittttt', thought Alpha, 'Don't tell me i'm getting a
stomach bug - bloody hell - Life really is like that.'
Ryan was a completely mindless, moronic arsehole. And he loved
it. He thrived on it. It was what he lived his excuse of a life
for. He was the sort of person to jump a six foot fence -
because a sign on the other side said "Keep off the grass." He
was the sort of person that throws their rubbish on the ground -
next to the bin. He was the sort of person that asked for extra
pickles on his macdonalds. He was that kind of person. He was
also the kind of person that gets lucky, which is probably why he
had just boarded the plane for an around the world tour.
The first thing that Ryan noticed inside the plane was the
plethora of big, bright red, "No Smoking" symbols on the walls.
And to a completely mindless, moronic arsehole like Ryan, it was
like putting a chiahuaua in front of a pit-bull.
Even with all the bright red signs around, it still took Ryans'
brain approximatly 45 minutes to come to the conclusion that it
would be hysterically funny to have a cigarette on the plane, and
off he went to do so.
He wandered around for 10 minutes before deciding that the only
place to have a smoke would be in the toilet, and in he went.
Laughing all the while, he brought the smoke to his lips, flicked
his lighter and inhaled deeply. When he'd finished the first
one, he decided that that had been so funny that he was going to
do it again.
The unfamiliar feeling in Alpha's stomach was now becoming a
real worry as it just kept intensifying, he wriggled and
wriggled but it had no effect and he soon began to feel a strange
tingling sensation in his nose.
Ryan was in hysterics by now, which quickly ceased as the plane
rocked madly for a few moments, but then resumed as he brought
the third cigarette to his lips.
Alpha couldn't control himself any longer and a huge series of
racking coughs burst from his air passages, then before he could
recover his composure a huge grey object reared directly in front
EXCERPT FROM THE DAILY NEWS (13/11/1993)
Townsville - A horrific plane crash occured here yesterday with
all 211 passengers killed instantly. Authorities have no idea as
to the cause of the crash and are awaiting the discovery of the
black box for clues. Eyewitnesses say the plane, Alpha 151
Charlie, seemed to crumple in the midsection and straighten out
before smashing into the side of Mt Stuart....
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.