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© Dirk 'Nod of Level 16' Pelz

WELL....ER....WELL.....UUUUH.....WHO THE HECK DO WE THINK WE ARE?
PART I - A-H
by many of the freakin' nutcases that ever wrote for this
freakin' magazine anywhere on this freakin' world

To be perfectly honest, the idea to make this article is not
quite as original as you might think; it was taken from April's
issue of "ST Action". We thought, however, that it was a
brilliant opportunity to tell you something about the people that
anticipated in the success of ST NEWS - right from the beginning!
Who was the guy behind the Esoteric ST column, way back in Volume
1? Who are those ultimately nutty Norwegians that sometimes write
for us? Who is this man that writes those magnificent
walkthrough stories and hiding behind the 'Crimson' pseudonym?
Who is this man that is capable of solving adventures with an
ease with which other peopple blow their nose? Who is this man
that seems to go on writing interesting stuff eternally about
Forth? Who are the loonies that actually edit the damn disk
magazine? Read on, poor reader, and behold what's there to see!
The people are presented in alphabetical order.

BERG, LUCAS VAN DEN..............................................

See elsewhere in this issue of ST NEWS.

BOER, MARK VAN DEN...............................................

Name: Mark van den Boer
Age: 24
Place of dwelling/nationality: Dordrecht, Dutch
Favourite food: Indian at Touw's
Worst food: Brussels Sprouts
Favourite drink: Apfelkorn (I drank a whole bottle at a party
recently)
Worst drink: Spa Red
Favourite films: Romancing the Stone, Star Wars (all)
Favourite TV programs: Mork & Mindy, Who's the Boss, Cheers, Alf
Worst TV programs: Op Goed Geluk, Ron's Honeymoon Quiz, Tineke
and Pin Up Club
Favourite book: Everything by Bob den Uyl or Margeret Weis &
Tracy Hickman; Frank Herbert - Dune Saga; Battus - Opperlandse
Taal-en Letterkunde
Worst book: None
Music tastes: Hard Rock, Queensrÿche, Rush
Worst music: Bros, Pasadenas, Rene Froger, Dutch Cryers (Hazes,
Alberts, etc.)
Likes: All things I don't dislike
Dislikes: All things I don't like
Computers previously/currently owned: C64 (previously owned),
Atari ST (now)
Favourite games: Championship Lode Runner, Lode Runner, Pitstop
II, Bard's Tale, Dungeon Master, Hack, Bubble Bobble, Seven
Cities of Gold, Tetris, Pipeline, Squad Leader, Risk
Worst games: Outrun
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Coming soon! (Which means: A bad game, one year later)
Ultimate ambition: Live on another planet
What do you like about yourself: Friendly, nice, honest, my face
in the mirror
What do you hate about yourself: My right earlobe is 1 mm. longer
than my left one
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: Latest issue of ST
NEWS
(Thanks very much! ED.)
Profession: Student
First article: Something about Interrupts (Volume 1)

BROD, CLAUS......................................................

Name: Claus Brod
Age: 23
Place of dwelling/nationality: Marktheidenfeld, West German (hey
- u knew all this already, didn't u)
Favourite food: Ratsherrntopf, my mother's "Käsesahne" and many,
many more
Worst food: Pea soup (German: Erbsensuppe)
Favourite drink: Table water
Worst drink: Coke (Claus?!?!. ED)
Favourite films: 2001, Brazil, Blue Velvet, Blues Brothers, Die
letzte Nacht des Boris Grutschenko (Last Night Of Boris
Grutchenko? Anyway, a film by Woody Allen), Stranger than
Paradise, Down by Law, Clockwork Orange, Back to the Future,
Harold & Maude, Life of Brian, Müllers Büro, Monty Python's
Meaning of Life, Little Big Man, When the Wind Blows, Purple
Rose of Cairo, Casablanca, The Big Dictator & some others. 2001
is the very best!
Favourite TV programs: News
Worst TV programs: German TV shows (Der große Preis - aargh!) and
American TV series
Favourite book: All Kurt Tucholsky books, all Douglas Adams books
Worst book: ?
Music tastes: Robert Palmer, Depeche Mode, Roy Orbison, many
songs of the 40s and 50s, Prince, Herbert Grönemeyer, Yazoo...
Worst music: German Folkmusic, American main stream music
Likes: Ulrike, the sun, my work, the ST
Dislikes: "Republikaner" and the rest of those new German Nazis,
PCs, Winter, Xmas
Previous computers: Commodore VIC20, C64
Current computers: ST, Mega ST2, 64, Amiga 500 (partly)
Favourite games: Shoot'em-up's, Pacman, Dig Dug, Donkey Kong,
Assembler (!), Mühle, Chess
Worst Games: War Games, Flight Simulators and nearly all other
computer games, dice games
What annoys you most about the software industry: Copy protection
Ultimate ambition: To become a good systems programmer and do
something useful 4 the world (no kiddin')
What do I like about myself: Being ambitious and curious
What do I hate about myself: Being too ambitious, being too
computerized
Most brilliant piece of ST software: Signum! II, Union Demo
Profession: Student of Computer Science, Writer ('ST Computer',
'KICKSTART', 'PD News', ST NEWS, SCHEIBENKLEISTER) & programmer
First article written 4 ST NEWS: The Track 41 Protector (ST NEWS
Volume 2 Issue 7)

BRUYN, JOHN DE...................................................

Name: John de Bruyn
Age: 22 (but soon 23!)
Favourite food: M&Ms
Favourite drink: Cherry Coke, Dr. Pepper
Worst drink: Anything containing alcohol (sorry Richard'n'Stefan)
Favourite films: Moonwalker, The Making of 'Thriller'
Favourite TV programs: Countdown and 'Dutch Top 40'
Worst TV programs: 'Allo 'Allo
Music tastes: Michael Jackson, early Madonna stuff
Worst music: The stuff that Stefan and Richard like
Likes: Going out on saturday night with Jacqueline (my
girlfriend), reading all disk magazines there are
Dislikes: Bad disk magazines
Previous/current computers owned: VIC-20, ZX-81, Atari ST, Texas
Instruments TI-99
Favourite games: Pacmania and Starglider II
Worst games: Mindless shoot-'em-ups
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Software piracy
Ultimate ambition: Proposing to Jacqueline; becoming the
president of a major company
What do you like about yourself: I am a good student
What do you hate about yourself: I tend to find bugs in all
programs
Most brilliant piece of software on the Atari ST: Timeworks DTP
Profession: Student (business administration)
First article written for ST NEWS: Something about disk magazines

CAMPHAUSEN, RUFUS C..............................................

Name: Rufus C. Camphausen
Age: 41
Place of dwelling/nationality: Amsterdam (Holland), German
Favourite food: Hot exotic dishes
Worst food: Beetroot
Favourite drink: DOM Benedictine
Worst drink: Pepsi Cola
Favourite films:
Favourite TV programs: MTV, CNN
Worst TV programs: EO-Productions, Teleac
Favourite book: Robert Briffault - The Mothers (1927)
Worst book: Too many to name
Music tastes: Tanita Tikaram, Annie Lennox, Irene Papes etc.,
Klaus Schulze, Vangelis, Robert Slap etc., Aboriginal etc.
Ritual Music
Worst music: All those I don't like
Likes:
Dislikes:
Previous/current computers owned: ZX Spectrum, and Atari 520 ST+
(previous), Atari MEGA ST2, Megafile 30, BW-Monitor (current)
Favourite games: None
Worst games: Almost all
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: A certain single-mindedness when it comes to selecting
programs that are "wanted" by the "market"; too much of the
same; too few experiments and fringe-interest software
Ultimate ambition: Can best be described as being and financially
and psychologically independent, hard working, free lancing free
thinker, writer, artist, programmer and maker
What do you like about yourself: That I'm able and willing to
waste a little time once in a while (for example writing such
answers to such questions)
What do you hate about yourself: Hate is unhealthy; so I don't
deal in it
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: GfA Basic
Profession: Manager (Kosmos Special Store (Books & Music), Kosmos
Vegetarian Restaurant, Kosmos Coffeeshop, Kosmos Sauna)
First article written for ST NEWS: The Esoteric ST Column (ST
NEWS Volume 1!)

CLAESSENS, MATH..................................................

Name: Math Claessens
Age: 36
Place of dwelling/nationality: Geleen, Dutch
Favourite food: Pizza Proscuti Flingi
Worst food: Peas and carrots
Favourite drink: Beer; all kinds of fruit juice
Worst drink: Tonic
Favourite films: E.T., Gremlins, Rambo III, Die Hard
Favourite TV programs: Alf
Worst TV programs: The TV Show (Ivo Niehe)
Favourite book: Cartoons, Tolkien, James Clavell, Allistair
McLean
Worst book: ? (I don't buy bad books)
Music tastes: Country'n'Western
Worst music: Classical stuff
Likes: Women
Dislikes: Our government
Previous/current computers owned: Philips Videopac, C-64, Amiga
500, Atari ST
Favourite games: Adventures, King Quest IV
Worst games: The Grail
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: That they advertise a very long time before a game is
actually published
Ultimate ambition: A long and healthy life, no more; maybe half a
million
What do you like about yourself: Almost everything
What do you hate about yourself: A bit too much fat on the wrong
places
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: The Pawn, King's
Quest IV
Profession: None
First article written for ST NEWS: Solution to Zork I or II

FISCHER, UDO.....................................................

Name: Udo "-ME-" Fischer
Age: 24
Place of dwelling/nationality: Guetersloh, German
Favourite food: Lasagna
Worst food: Spinache
Favourite drink: All that is liquid
Worst drink: Afri-Cola
Favourite films: Blues Brothers
Favourite TV programs: Star Trek
Worst TV programs: Dynasty
Favourite book: SF & Fantasy
Worst book: ST Intern (First Edition)
Music tastes: Blues, Jimi Hendrix
Worst music: Disco
Likes: Work peacefully behind a computer
Dislikes: Double work
Previous/current computers owned: C-64, ST
Favourite games: Ultima, Tetris, Shanghai, Zynaps
Worst games: Down at the Trolls
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Nothing
Ultimate ambition: Writing a nice role-playing game
What do you like about yourself: Being lazy
What do you hate about yourself: Being lazy
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: K-SEKA
Profession: Mathematical-scientifical assistant
First article written for ST NEWS: Raster Interrupts

GUNTER (FORGOT TO MENTION HIS SURNAME, WHICH I DON'T KNOW).......

Name: Gunter /6719
Age: 20
Place of dwelling/nationality: Guetersloh, German
Favourite food: Lasagna
Worst food: Pea Soup
Favourite drink: Coca Cola
Worst drink: Sprite
Favourite films: Star Wars I/II/III, Blues Brothers
Favourite TV programs: Star Trek; Magnum
Worst TV programs: Dallas, Dynasty
Favourite book: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Worst book: Amiga User Manual
Music tastes: Rock; Chris de Burgh; Phil Collins
Worst music: Sammy Fox; Heavy Metal
Likes: Being lazy on a sunny afternoon
Dislikes: Washing a huge pile of cups & plates in our kitchen
Previous/current computers owned: C-64, ST
Favourite games: Archon (C-64), Tetris (ST)
Worst games: Street Gang +....I don't like listing them all
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Promising too early release dates
Ultimate ambition: Destroying all of Erik's possessions
What do you like about yourself: The ability to disappear
completely so that nobody can find me, if necessary
What do you hate about yourself: Never arriving at the right time
(both too late and too early)
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: Warp
Profession: Programmer at Thalion
First article written for ST NEWS: Wizards Part VI: Border stuff

HATLEMARK, RONNY.................................................

Name: Ronny Hatlemark
Age: Next year I'm a teenager no more! By the way, Stefan and
myself are born on the very same day, the 14th of April. Yeah!
Place of dwelling/nationality: Ørsta (You'd better buy a better
map!), The Land of the Vikings
Favourite food: Halibut, spaghetti, Italian pan, pizza and other
junk food (hot or cold, anythin'll do!)
Worst food: Fårikål (Norwegian food containing sheep, cabbage
and black pepper), softcake and pickled herring
Favourite drink: Coca-Cola is it! Ringnes beer and champagne
Worst drink: Tab, prussic acid and pirate juice
Favourite films: Trashin, Back to the Future, The China Syndrome,
Bruce Lee the Legend + films directed by Spielberg, Lucas,
Hughes, Thompson, Cameron, Zemenicks and Carpenter. The films
made by Ørsta-/Mediafilm (here I am!) must also be mentioned
Favourite TV programs: ALF and Moonlighting (I like the crap talk
in both) + Norwegian stuff by Kirkevåg/Lystad/Mjøen (Funny!)
Worst TV programs: Norwegian Architecture and This is Your Life,
though I haven't watched these to the full (I fell asleep)
Favourite book: The Hitchhikers series and stuff by Frederick
Forsyth. Looking forward to read Tolkien!
Worst book: Any book that contains more than 300 pages and that
is sooo exciting that I waste a lot of time reading it. I'm a
slow reader, and I'm gonna hate Tolkien!
Music tastes: Vangelis, Simon and Garfunkel, The Beatles, Dieter
Falk, Twisted Sister, Scorpions, Metallica, GN'R, Dance with a
Stranger, Dum Dum Boys, Yngwie J. Malmsteen, Manfred Man, etc.,
and the song: 'I want my baby back!' (heard it only once on
the radio)
Worst music: Popcorn Explosions, modern Jazz, noise, classic
music made by Norwegian composers, and pop music not done by the
gorgeous female that performs it (I like her though)
Likes: The Sheela in 'Crocodille Dundee', Morgan Fairchild and
other goodlookin', parties, dancing (though I'm not good),
making videos, enthusiaSTic ST owners, the Universal II file
selector, street sucking (skateboard), computer discussions and
smiling girls saying: "Shall we... etc."
Dislikes: The fact that people get tired (what a waste...), the
"success" of Commodore (in Norway), the Amiga (workbench),
computer owners that copy games (only) from their neighbours
(only), bad-service-retailers, and eating hamburgers with too
much dressing. I hate heavy newspapers (my job is to carry them)
Previous/current computers owned: ZX Spectrum 16K (for one week),
Amstrad CPC464, CPC6128 and PC1512, Atari 520STFM, 1040STF and
Ronex TPC-8300. I would also like to mention my dear calculator;
The Sharp EL-506P
Favourite games: Infocom adventures, Bubble Bobble, Three
Musketeers, Larry and Super Sprint, and the true game of life
(My score is 6965 days and not yet dead!)
Worst games: Those of Paradox and Antic (except Strip Poker II+
and Trivia Trove) and games that are made uncompletable because
of few levels
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: That I'm not able to make excellent software so that I
can show the world what excellent software should look like!
Ultimate ambition: Meet the girl of my dreams, date her, propose
to her, marry her, f.ck her and die... Also to get rid of my
modesty (I just tried!)
What do you like about yourself: Well, eh, maybe I could
mention... hm, at least I'm... er, nice... and...
What do you hate about yourself: My modesty!!!
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: Cool it, baby! I'm
working on it... I just need a few more years, that's all!
Profession: Student, editor of ST-Klubben, distributor of ST
NEWS
, paperboy and Something Entirely Different...
First article written for ST NEWS: The Ultimate Answer

HEESSELS, ROBERT.................................................

Name: Robert Heessels
Age: 24
Place of dwelling/nationality: Bladel, Dutch
Favourite food: "Boerenkool Stamppot" (mashed potatoes with curly
kail)
Worst food: None
Favourite drink: Guiness
Worst drink: Buttermilk
Favourite films: Mississippi Burning
Favourite TV programs: Studio Sport
Worst TV programs: Pin-Up Club
Favourite book: Foundation Trilogy (Asimov)
Worst book: Such a lot
Music tastes: Irish music
Worst music: Heavy stuff
Likes: Kitty (the girlfriend, ED.)
Dislikes: 8086/8088
Previous/current computers owned: Pet, Tandy, Atari 800, MSX II,
MacIntosh, ZX81, C-64, MS-DOS, Sharp, Amiga, Atari ST
Favourite games: Pacman
Worst games: Many...
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Copying
Ultimate ambition: Being happy
What do you like about yourself: Programming skill
What do you hate about yourself: Nothing
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: Prof Wijsneus
Profession: Programmer
First article written for ST NEWS: GfA Help program (something
with using resource files, wasn't it?)

HIPPEL, JOCHEN...................................................

Name: Jochen "Mad Max" Hippel
Age: 17
Place of dwelling/nationality: Kirchheimbolenden, German
Favourite food: Pizza; all sizes
Worst food: Linsensuppe (what the heck is THAT in English?)
Favourite drink: Cola
Worst drink: Jägermeister
Favourite films: Ghostbusters, Blind Date
Favourite TV programs: "Die Zwei"
Worst TV programs: Dallas
Favourite book: Spellsinger by A.D. Foster
Worst book: Tokyo Telephone Book
Music tastes: Lynyrd Skynyrd, J.M. Jarre
Worst music: Heavy Metal
Likes: ST (NEWS), Computer-music, sleeping, eating, being lazy
Dislikes: Traitors, dogs
Previous/current computers owned: C-64, ST, Amiga, Casio FX-850P
Favourite games: Midi Maze
Worst games: Graffity Man
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Much to much rubbish is produced
Ultimate ambition: Sleeping 24 hours a day
What do you like about yourself: Being lazy
What do you hate about yourself: Nothing
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: TFMX, K-SEKA
Profession: Pupil
First article written for ST NEWS: Wizards Part V: Sound prg.

HOFMEESTER, EERK.................................................

Name: Eerk Hofmeester
Age: 25
Place of dwelling/nationality: Eindhoven, Dutch
Favourite food: Lasagna
Worst food: Peanutbutter
Favourite drink: FRESH (!!!) Juice
Worst drink: ???
Favourite films: Children of a Lesser God
Favourite TV programs: Keek op de Week
Worst TV programs: Op Goed Geluk
Favourite book: Foundation Trilogy (Asimov)
Worst book: All porno stuff
Music tastes: Everything except heavy and operette
Worst music: Heavy stuff
Likes: Dorothé (the girl living next door, ED.)
Dislikes: Narrow minded people
Previous/current computers owned: Atari ST
Favourite games: Little Computer People
Worst games: Many...
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: Copying
Ultimate ambition: Being happy
What do you like about yourself: My mind
What do you hate about yourself: I always bite
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: PicWorks
Profession: Artist
First article written for ST NEWS: Novelette - Just like the Real
Thing

HUSTADNES, FRØYSTEIN.............................................

Name: Frøystein Hustadnes
Age: 16
Place of dwelling/nationality: Austefjord, Norway
Favourite food: Pete's hamburgers (Lincoln, England), ice cream,
most unhealthy stuff
Worst food: I hate fish...
Favourite drink: Apple cider (Can't remember the brand)
Worst drink: Any liquid containing more alcohol than apple cider
Favourite films: "The holy grail", "The meaning of life",
"Pirates", "The last emperor", and any film featuring the "Top
gun" girl
Favourite TV programs: Hm..."Do you remember...?" I have never
watched it for more than five minutes
Worst TV programs: All good. They keep me away from my ess tea.
Second thought, I liked early Black Adder stuff
Favourite book: Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings"
Worst book: "Breakheart pass", by Alistair MacLean
Music tastes: The Blues Brothers, U2, Pink Floyd (Especially "The
Wall"), Maynard Ferguson (The trumpet wizard)
Worst music: Iron Maiden, Wasp, Twisted Sisters, Motorhead,
'commercial' music, including rapping and disco
Likes: Fishing (My cat eats most of what I get), finding bugs in
other people's programs, teasing poor CGA graphic card folks,
writing letters full of drivel, programming in GfA, kicking,
shaving and burying cats alive, shooting whales and seals with
an air gun (I hope a lot of those Green Piss fanatics read
this)
Dislikes: Heavy metal, TV, people messing about with loading
pictures or trying to take the honour of programs/ideas other
people made/ got, Green Really-Piss-Me-Up fanatics
Previous/current computers owned: Texas TI99/4A, Sony Hit Bit
(MSX), Commodore 64, Amstrad PC 1512, Atari 520 and 1040 ST
Favourite games: Elite, Virus(The game!), International Karate+,
MIDI Maze, Lombard RAC rally
Worst game: Hellfire, Alien Syndrome
What is the thing that most annoys you about the software
industry: People selling things they have copied free of cost
Ultimate ambition: To live where I live now and to earn lots of
money on selling self made demos
What do you like about yourself: I tend to find bugs in all
programs, I am
What do you hate about yourself: No thing
Most brilliant piece of software on the ST: The Union Demo
(Although I found some bugs at last!)
Profession: Student, part time ichtyophil
First article written for ST NEWS: The earth is flat!

Please read more about the remarkable collection of co-
conspirators in the second part of this article!

Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.