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© Bitman

ST NEWS Volume 7 Issue 1
Released on Saturday, January 11th 1992
Dedicated to Jason Becker


 Unfortunately for you, dear reader, we have decided not to have a
"READ_ME.TXT" file on this disk.
 The mere fact that you are reading it now does not prove a thing.
Much like life and the universe as we know it, this is only a figment
of your imagination.
 Sorry to break the truth to you so harshly, squire.

 Or maybe we're being a bit silly here?
 I guess we are, actually.
 Why not just go ahead with the standard "READ_ME.TXT" file, like we
usually have it hanging around somewhere on the disk?
 OK. Let's.








 Still a bit to go.



















 And another bit.



















 Yes! Yes! We're getting there.


























 (It's quite difficult, you know)

























 Now.









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 1






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 IGNITION!






 (No, you stupid git!)














 OK.













 Er....



















 Well.....

















 ZERO!






 (That's better)














 Thank you.





















 WELCOME!

 Once again we would proudly like to offer to you the latest issue of
ST NEWS - Volume 7 Issue 1, the fourth undead issue, released on
January 11th 1992 - the year that could have had Amsterdam organising
the olympics but turned out not to (thank God).
 As we considered the previous issue of ST NEWS (Volume 6 Issue 2) a
bit of an achievement, we have gained immeasurable loads of
inspiration we could use during the creation of this issue. We think
we have once more succeeded in making an interesting and relatively
up-to-date issue, although of course this can only be judged by you,
dear reader.

 WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

(THE BIT THAT PD LIBRARIES ARE ENCOURAGED TO INCLUDE IN THEIR
CATALOGUES)

 A lot, again. Not only do we have some hot (or not) articles, but we
also have some interesting other things to offer to you. In short,
this is a list of SOME of what we have on offer this time:

 MORE ARTICLES THAN EVER BEFORE!

 AN EXCLUSIVE PLAYER'S GUIDE TO "GODS", WRITTEN BY THE BITMAP
BROTHERS!

 THE SOLUTION TO "KING'S QUEST V"!

 MANY REVIEWS, I.E. "OH NO! MORE LEMMINGS", "SHADOW OF THE BEAST II",
"RODLAND", "SILENT SERVICE II", "MAGIC POCKETS", "LETHAL XCESS",
"MONSTER BUSINESS", "S.T.U.N. RUNNER" (ON THE LYNX!), "ARMOUR GEDDON",
"BARBARIAN II" (PSYGNOSIS), "REVENGE OF THE MUTANT CAMELS"! (AND A BIT
MORE, OF COURSE)

 REVIEWS OF ALL THE MEGADEMOS THAT CAME OUT IN THE LATTER HALF OF 1991
 - "OOH CRIKEY WOT A SCORCHER", "LIGHTNING DEMO", "PUNISH YOUR
 MACHINE" AND "TRANSBEAUCE 2"!

 THE UTTERLY AND RUTHLESSLY SLAGGING OFF OF A COMPETING DISK MAGAZINE!
(OR AT LEAST A TRIAL TO THAT EFFECT)

 THE FINAL SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEMS WITH THE "1ST WORD PLUS" CRASH
BUG!

 THE SECOND (AND FINAL) PART OF THE DIVINE PLANTIAC PILGRIMAGE! (WHERE
THIS MESMERING SERIES WILL COME TO A STUNNING CONCLUSION)

 THE COMPLETE, UNCENSORED AND UNABRIDGED "TERMINATOR II" FILM SCRIPT!

 SOME SCINTILLATING PIN-UPS WITH FABULOUS ...ER... SPECIFICATIONS FOR
YOU TO DROOL AT!

 MOST PASSWORDS OF "OH NO! MORE LEMMINGS" AND "REVENGE OF THE MUTANT
CAMELS"!

 THE MOST BRILLIANT ARTWORK (I.E. PICTURE) EVER PRODUCED ON AN ST!
(HONESTLY)

 A USABLE DEMO VERSION OF A RATHER HOT SOUNDTRACKER - "ESION XLI"!

 QUITE A LARGE NUMBER OF HIDDEN ARTICLES! (MORE THAN EVER BEFORE)

 A CUSTOM, HIGHLY FLEXIBLE PULL-DOWN WINDOW SYSTEM FOR USE IN ALL YOUR
OWN PROGGIES, WRITTEN IN GFA BASIC VERSION 3!

 EXTREMELY RUDE SONG LYRICS!

 TWENTY EASY TIPS TO TAX EVASION FOR MULTI-MILLIONAIRES! (WELL...MAYBE
NOT)

 GREAT FICTION!

 SOME RATHER STRANGE TITBITS IN BETWEEN EVERYTHING! (AND SOME *WITHIN*
THE EVERYTHING AS WELL)

 Of course we have a lot more to offer - but you will have to run the
program to discover all of that. Besides, we can't go and tell you all
there is to know beforehand, you know.

 VICIOUS REPROGRAMMING

 The ST NEWS chief editor/programmer got very carried away recently;
inspired because of the previous issue, which caused him to rewrite
all GfA Basic 2.0 code in version 3.0, boasting a fully customised
pull-down menu system (the very same one that you will be able to read
an article with source material about).
 So ST NEWS is now even better, faster, smoother, and generally quite
OK (ahem).
 Sorry for any immodesty there. "Actually ST NEWS is now beyond
average."
 Better?
 Ahem (again).

 HOW TO COPY IT

 Because we used the quite amazing "Pack Ice" packing and de-packing
algorithms throughout this issue, we have succeeded in putting
everything on a double- sided disk that is formatted with 80 tracks
(numbered 0-79) with 10 sectors per track. Even the daftest copy
program around nowadays should be able to copy it. A good choice would
be "Fastcopy" by Martin Backschat. We could not use an even more
standard format as we actually had too much to put in. Sorry.

 PUBLIC DOMAIN NOTE

 Of course, this ST NEWS Volume 7 Issue 1 is once again Public Domain.
Therefore it may be copied to anyone you want. As a matter of fact, we
would really appreciate it if you'd copy it to all your friends and
other assorted acquaintances - especially if they run PD libraries.
 PD libraries who sell this disk with quite a bit of profit are
welcome to do so. We only think it's a bit stupid because it will not
improve sales much.
 Donations by PD libraries and readers as such are welcome, of course
(please allow us to dream a bit, OK?). Any Public Domain library
charging more than 1 or 2 pound sterling for this disk should get shot
(possibly twice, and hung as well)!

 CONTACT AD

 I'd very much like to get in contact with Tom "Interleave" Zunder.
Can someone supply me with his address or get him to read this issue
of "ST NEWS"?
 Thanks.

 Richard

 POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE

 We like Jeff Minter a lot. Everybody does, or not?
 Unfortunately, he tends not to take corresponding seriously. I called
him twice. I wrote two long letters and two short letters. I sent him
three postcards. He sent me his latest shareware game and the C-64
compilation ON TAPE. I regret to say I'm waiting for more you said
you'd send!
 I'M ON THE EDGE! I MIGHT STILL HAVE TO JOIN THE SHEEP-LLAMA-YAK-AND-
OTHER- FLUFFY-ANIMALS-OBLITERATION FRONT SOON! PLEASE, JEFF!
 A reminder: Llamatron uncompressed, ideas for adventure
plots/puzzles, Llamasoft poster, fanzine and something we can publish
in "ST NEWS"!
 Is that too much to ask?
 (It probably is, but whataheck...)

 The fan who proclaimed him "Software Saint"

 SOME QUICKIES (I.E. QUICK GREETINGS)

 I (i.e. Richard) would just quickly like to say hi to Kai and 'Dixie'
Marc. And to Paul Glover. Hi. Bye. I'd also like to send a quick
greetings to all of my fellow members in the Quartermass Experiment
(Jurie, Eloy, Laurens, Alex and, kind of, Tjeerd). And, last but not
least: Yes, Bilbo of Ripped Off, we're interested in your material. I
couldn't say so to your face because I haven't got your address!
 Stefan was too tired to greet anyone when we wrote this.
 Now y'all have fun reading, right?

 END OF THIS FILE

 (Don't worry - there will be no 'hidden read_me' this time)































 There is really nothing more to give!









































 (Really!)



























































 Well, maybe we wanted to do a hidden "READ_ME" file anyway.
Basically, we did this because, even after we had extended the scroll
text and all that stuff, we still had a lot of space left on the disk.
As we believe people should get their money's worth (even if the money
is paid to a PD library and not us, and even if nothing was paid in
the first place).
 We hope you are of the same opinion.

 But what to write about?
 I really don't know. It's like being at a coding convention at 3 AM,
sitting behind a computer on which a real-time article is being made.
 Yes!
 Maybe I should say that we are eating popcorn now. Maybe I should
also say that, apart from some Heineken, there is no alcohol left in
the place. We finished everything off last night. A bottle of
Plantiac. Some whisky (Scotch, Glenlivet). Some leftover Vieux of
another brand. All gone.
 And I will be gone now, too. I will leave Stefan to type some bull
here.

 Yeah. I just broke my "Revenge of the Mutant Camels" highscore after
a particularly intense session. 23 Million and something I have now.
Try and beat that!!
 The atmosphere here is now a bit more sedated, the Fields of the
Nephilim are currently playing, the live version of "Dawnrazor" to be
exact. Brill stuff if you ask me.
 In retrospect, the finishing of this issue went quite well. No bugs
that lasted for hours, driving me to desperation, no strange crashes.
A lot of cosmetic shit and quite some hidden-article quest hassle, but
a breeze compared by some weekends in which we attempted to finish
another issue. I feel exhausted now, a disk is sitting in the drive
with "ST NEWS" Volume 7 Issue 1, and once again I feel like the father
that has been in a crowded and frenzied hospital room where his wife
gave birth. Minor complications but the little one is fine now, laying
peacefully in its cradle. Right. Now the rest of the world has to know
about it. Little brown envelopes containing disks will be trusted to
the (capable I hope) hands of the mailmen and women. Several people
around the world will receive it, sit down and enjoy it (they'd
better!) Then they will copy the disk a few times and send it to their
friends. Slowly, this issue of "ST NEWS" will travel around the world,
bringing smiles to the faces of many people. Now this is a dream I
have and I hope it will come true....
 OK, tiny drops of saliva flying through the air indicate that
Richard wants a go.

 In case you are interested (you probably aren't but we're filling up
here, frankly) we are now listening to "Flying in a Blue Dream" of
master guitarist Joe Satriani. We just put it on after the Nephilim
dudes quit.
 It is a funny thing that Stefan should mention the lack of tough bugs
that occurred during the finishing of this issue. They were less
persistent now, but I would have been awfully glad if there wouldn't
have been ANY at all. He has been doing "ST NEWS" now for almost four
years and, without exception, we have NEVER been able to compile an
issue without encountering bugs. Even the most basic thingies went
wrong somewhere - but I guess it's part of the overall process and the
charm of finishing "ST NEWS". So, each time we do an issue, it's a
little quest on its own. Everything has to work and all, and we're
only satisfied when it finally does so quite perfectly.
 I guess this must all be really dull. Maybe I should therefore tell
 you that Stefan just now brutally cut off Mr. Satriani's soothing
 string manipulations in favour of watching bits of "Fry and Laury"
 (or something) that he taped earlier last week.
 Maybe I should mention that we watched "The Revenge of the Nerd"
 earlier, which was an extremely funny film (even though it sounds
 dumb).

 I think we should actually stop the lengthening of this file now -
otherwise people might start thinking we're full of crap (well...we
are a bit, but not everybody needs to KNOW that).

 So this will be truly the end.
 If you think we now still want to fool you by including lots of

 lines with something at the end, you're DEAD WRONG.

 Bye.

















 

































































 Maybe we should do something anyway. Stefan, as a matter of fact, is
a very active person. He switched off his video watch mode and is now
on the phone with Ynnor the Divine One, i.e. our ex-distributor Ronny
Hatlemark from Norway. Even though the poor man has no ST any more, we
still think he's a terrific person so why not contact him once in a
while?
 I find it hard to believe that the bits of muffled voice I hear
arising from the horn are actually coming from Ronny, whom I haven't
seen or spoken in almost exactly two years!
 I JUST HEARD THAT RONNY IS NOT ONLY ENGAGED BUT HE WILL ALSO BECOME A
FATHER! Ynnor the Divine One will send forth a small thing made by
himself to conquer the world autonomously! You know this is almost
impossibly hard to believe. Not that Ronny (or his soulmate,
Anne-Grete) are ugly or that I have doubts about their potency, but it
just seems so UNREAL. The child, I hear, is expected to be born around
June. I find it even more impossibly hard to imagine Ronny decorating
a baby room, changing diapers, etc.
 Oh! I can speak to HIM! I will go now for a while...

 (Stefan here)
 Yeah! I just got the idea to phone up our long lost pal Ronny (or:
Ynnor the Divine One) and boy did I get a surprise! A father... I
haven't spoken to the dude in about two years, quite amazing.

 Richard here again (I always like to have the last word, like we say
 in Holland). I think the report of a phonecall with Ronny and the
 fact that he will be a father within several months is a very worthy
 (TRUE) conclusion of this file. So, after all, you got rewarded for
 your perseverance - none of this was mentioned in "ST NEWS" anywhere,
 so...

 So it's closing time. I hope you have enjoyed this "READ_ME" more
than you usually do. Bye.



























































































 THERE WILL BE NOTHING MORE!
























































 
























 And I mean: NOTHING!

















































































 This is getting really silly, isn't it?















































































































 You are slightly persevering, no?





































































 Ahem.










































































































































 Well, I looked over at my friend Susie. But her head was over there
and her body was somewhere else. And what about current day McDonalds,
what? And cutlery, spiders. We should hear her story. Sarah. What
upset you? The snow on the trees. Indeed. Would it be alright of I
told the viewers? Immensely. On her behalf. The Bold Avanger.
Basingstoke. This is really out of scoop, is it not? Are you not
curious. Oh no. Revelation. Did you know it? Of course, it's autumn.
No no. It's winter. Is it? Yes. Indeed. Silly, no? Well go on, I'm
glad. I am not trusting you. Not for a twopence. The flowers are
hanging below the window. I wonder if you can remember what you was
doing. Insect cane exams. Kill wasps. Swatting away. There was a rush
in my soul. Incredibly beautiful and mysterious. Thomas. Why not? What
could this feeling portend? Damn, damn. The soul of Elvis. But isn't
he dead? No James Brown is. Is he? No. He is still alive. Silly willy.
En de kat krabt de krullen van de trap. Customary generosity. Legs.
Trees. A candle flickering in the wind.



 Now THAT is what you wanted to read, or not?










































































 Oh my darling, I love you. And I always will.

































































 Disgusting!














































































































 I will go on for quite a while longer, mind you. I will continue for
at least another 10 Kb (about 2000 lines).
 Be prepared.




















 Or perhaps not.

Download original issue (.st image)

Emulation note

To run with Hatari, use TOS 2.06

To run with STeem, use TOS 2.06

Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.