CONGRATULATIONS!!!
YOU HAVE FOUND THE HIDDEN ARTICLE IN THIS ISSUE!
OK. As usual, we will again here feature some stuff that you
would normally not find in a regular article. Stuff about sex.
Stuff about heavy metal. Stuff about Norwegians.
Hard core stuff, in short.
First: You can win a game if you send in a postcard with the
password (which is HETFIELD) and if you're not called Frøystein
Hustadnes. The game to win is Microprose's brilliant new game
"Airborne Ranger". This time we have taken the liberty of NOT
signing it, so that it still has SOME of its original value.
Now for today's Heavy Metal quote: A song called "One" by (you
guessed it) Metallica. Lyrics by Hetfield and Ulrich.
I can't remember anything
Can't tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel to scream
This terrible silence stops me
Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up I cannot see
That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now
Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God, wake me
Back in the womb it's much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
Can't look forward to reveal
Look to the time that I'll live
Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life (live: Shit) off from me
Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me
Now the world is gone I'm just one
Oh God, help me hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please God help me
Darkness Imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell
Landmine Has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell
Yeah.
Stefan now has the poster, the album, the CD-single, the
video... what else is there to want from what could enter history
as the best HM 'ballad' ever written?!
OK. So far the Heavy Metal bit.
Let's add some sex.
SEX?!
Yes. Sex.
SEX?!?!
Yes. Sex.
Oh. <------------------------------------+
?! |
Oh! |
?!! |
OH! |
Why didn't you say that right away? |
I did. ----------------------------------+
(Perpetuum Crazy Hidden Article)
Let's make one thing perfectly clear here: We have no
inspiration WHATSOEVER to make this hidden article a funny one.
Let's close down with a dirty joke:
A Belgium copper is walking through the park.
Suddenly, he hears a noise in the bushes.
"Is someone there?" he asks.
A boy pops up his head and says: "Yeah!"
"What are you doing?" the copper asks.
"I'm fucking!" the boy replies.
"Oh," the copper says, "that costs you a 500 franks fine!"
The boy mutters and gives the money. The copper walks on.
A but further, he again hears a sound in the bushes.
"Is someone there?" he asks.
A boy pops up his head and says: "Yeah!"
"What are you doing?" the copper asks.
"I'm fucking!" the boy replies.
"Oh," the copper says, "that costs you a 500 franks fine!"
The boy mutters, and yells to his girlfriend: "Do you have 500
franks?"
"AH!" the copper proclaims, "there's TWO of you! That'll be 1000
franks, then!"
That's it as far as I am concerned. Now for some stuff by
Stefan while I will go and raid the house for more COKE!
COKE!!! YEAH!!!
Well, you sure are a faithful ST NEWS reader for you have found
the hidden article. Richard is now crashing down the stairs to
get some coke. I am a little pissed because I wanted to greet
somebody who reacted to the previous hidden article. For some
reason, his postcard sort of disappeared and I have turned my
room upside down. (That was HEAVY! Ever tried to lift a room plus
all that's in it?) FUCK!! (since this is a hidden article,
language like that is tolerable) Anyway, he was from Germany and
wrote 'Metallica for ever' on his card as well as the 'Critical
Password'. If you recognise yourself: HAIL YOU!! (Whoever you may
be). You did not win though, because Frøystein beat you to it.
YEAH! We just purchased the 'Two in One' video from Metallica.
It features the 7.44 mins. 'One' video which is truly brilliant
as well as an intro by Lars Ulrich and the 'jamming' (short)
version of the video. It is really cheap and a YUBDOOGNIKCUF.
Those who have beheld the 4.2 issue, might know that we were to
make a video tape. Well, we have indeed made one and it is called
the 'ST NEWS HOME VID'. It is truly an uncencored and hard core
piece of video that will completely shock anyone who will try to
watch it.
OK, enough crap. Read the other articles instead of this how-
the-fuck-do-we-fill-up-those-extra-K's stuff.
BYE
Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared
in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s)
was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes,
bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and
tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact
and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any
kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are
not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll
texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.