Teenage Queen

TEENAGE QUEEN by Piper

Reprinted with permission from
Page 6 magazine
England

From the company that brought you the classic games that
redefined what could be done with the computer, from the people
who toppled the eight bit games with their brilliant Captain
Blood comes the next logical plateau in games creation:
Exploitive, tedious, discriminatory rubbish. Just shows that
everyone can have an off day.
This is a strip poker game. Except that you don't actually
play poker. In a tremendous striving for realism and excitement,
ERE have removed half the pack. Presumably they thought that
anyone stupid enough to buy the game wouldn't notice.
Oh yes, and you don't actually play against a girl, nor
even the digitised photo of one. You play against someone's
drawn imaginings of what a 14 or 15 year old girl should look
like (if she'd had hormone treatments or already been a party to
surgical silicon implants, that is).
The gameplay, such as it is, doesn't bear mentioning, except
to say that your opponent is totally predictable in the way
she bets and anyone with the intelligence to plug the
computer in in the first place will soon be winning fairly
consistently. Which means that the only excitement in the game is
waiting to see what will be revealed in the next picture,
right? Wrong! The picture files are held separately on disk in
Degas format, so anyone wishing to see what's coming next need
only load the things up into Degas, hence avoiding the tedium
of playing. That certainly shows the sort of foresight and
planning that have gone into the making of this product.
The only other effects used are the spot samples (in French
of course); "Tu vas jouer avec moi", "Perdu" and "Encore" being
pretty much everything, except for an irritating giggle which is
presumably meant to inflame desire for this fictitious enfant
terrible.
I've already slammed Emmanuelle for its blatant sexual
exploitation. Compared to this garbage, it acquires the
loftiness of Shakespearean prose: At least it had a game
attached to it.
The great shame is that the artist is obviously quite
talented; his opening screen of the fully clothed Lolita is
particularly good, the end screen where she starts stripping off
her skin to reveal her robotic nature is a nice touch of humour
(no, I'm not sorry if I spoiled it) and the view of your hands
holding the cards is also nicely done. If only he'd put his
talents to some productive use.
If you want a good game, this program is a total waste of
time. If all you're after is titilation, there's plenty of
other, cheaper ways of getting it. Basically, there's no
reason whatsoever for anyone to even think of buying this dreary
nonsense; leave it on the shelves.

Supplier: Infogrames
Price: £19.95
Value for Money: Can you give negative amounts?