FRIDAY, DECEMBER 22ND 1990
"The Second Day"
The contributions in all parts of this real-time article were
written by the following beings (in order of appearance):
Richard of the Amazing Cracking Conspiracy, Tanis of The
CareBears (Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator of Alcoholica),
Sammy Joe of The Lost Boys, Manikin of The Lost Boys, Spaz of
The Lost Boys (Toxic Foetus Eater of Alcoholica), Stefan
(Digital Insanity of The Lost Boys), Mit of NEXT, Chris of The
Garlic Eaters, Red of Omega, Bluestar of Sync, Eric, Zae of
Next, Perceval of Zuul of The Pact, Fury of Legacy, Chaos Inc.
of Delta Force, New Mode of Delta Force, CIA of Galtan Six,
Cugel of Silents, The Flying Egg of Omega, Acco of The Garlic
Eaters, Crystar of the Pendragons, Dogue de Mauve from the
Overlanders, Flynn from Hysteria, Mopy of Ghost Genius of
Hysteria Alliance, Furyo of the Overlanders, Silver of the
Pendragons of Triton Development, Psychoreal of Hysteria, Klaus
of ST Connexion, Mega Cribb, Ian 'Dave Clone' of the Watchmen,
Rob Povey, The Fate of The Unlimited Matrix, Gunstick of The
Unlimited Matrix, Robert (RX2 of MPH), Steve (Miz of MPH), An
Cool of The Carebears, IKI of Hysteria, Vantage, Ford Perfect,
Thor of the Black Monolith Team, Genital Grinder of Alcoholica
(previously Sprog of The Lost Boys), Chris of the Watchmen, Paul
(Zeus of Teknique), Vomited Anal Tract of Alcoholica (though he
may be mentioned earlier already under another name - there's no
way to be sure), HAQ of Omega, Martijn (Lucifer of The Spirits
of Doom), Roland (TS of the Spirits of Doom), Marlon of ST
Connexion, The Nutty Snake of Aenigmatica, Phil of MPH, Relayer
of the Quartermass Experiment of Aenigmatica, Crush, Zokathra,
Terence of the Pendragons, Nemrod of the Pendragons, Fishbone
from the Vegetables, Doclands of the Overlanders, STWARS of
Next, Ziggy Stardust of the Overlanders, Tyrem of the De-
spectacled Testicles (er....The Respectables actually), Gudul
and Adso (that's 62 people, of which one may have been mentioned
Everybody is responsible for what he has written, and the ST
NEWS editorial staff does not accept any responsibility for what
has been written anywhere - except for the bits written by
It is our duty to inform you, dear reader, of the fact that
large parts of this text may be considered 'shocking' or even
Sorry. We decided to use no censorship.
I think I am going downstairs to supervise the arrival of any
food (should this occur).
Hey! I've discovered this computer, and it seems that the
article is going to be written here! This means that I will be
behind this computer for a disproportional amount of time. Ah,
you wonder, why is that then? Well let me explain. Or better
yet: Let me tell you my name: I am (distant drums sound an eerie
welcome...) The Nutty Snake from Aenigmatica (a scream sounds in
the distance...). I am afraid that now the location of this
computer is known to me, the size of this document is in danger
of becoming very large indeed!
Oh, no! The guy on the computer next to me just started the new
Delta Force demo again! This must be the millionth time I've
seen/heard it. Well, what can I tell you about? I've just
arrived 3 hours ago, and already I'm intoxicated with the
atmosphere around here. That means that the size of my writing
will grow with the minute. The only thing that can make me stop
now is the arrival of the food (goulash, I believe). Ah well, I
still have to pay for my entry here, so I think that I'll go
find Richard some time later (but before the food comes.).
I just saw Chris from The Garlic Eaters poke his head in here,
but he didn't see me. This will be rectified in just under 5
minutes (I hope). The guy next to me just started with the "Soko
Ban" game from the Delta Force Demo. He began with level 6!
We're cracking our skulls now over the problem. Ah! we found the
solution: Skip it and go to level 7....
By the way, did I tell you about my latest project? No? Heh,
Heh, now I can fill another 4 K with the explanation of it.
First two facts: My favourite writer: Douglas Adams. His best
book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I'm trying to
duplicate one particular element from the four-book trilogy: The
Guide...... Interruption: I've just been told by the Delta
Force that there is a reward out for the first person who
cracks/hacks the "Syntax Terror" Demo......
Now, where was I? Ah yes. The Guide. There will be an Atari ST
version of the guide out soon (if I have my way). There will be
a text-file circulating with the guidelines to make an entry.
Anybody interested can ask me for the file.
Now joining me are two members of AEnigmatica. Maybe they'll
introduce themselves? I'm off to get my version of "Maggie"
issue 3. See you soon.
Note to TNS: I am very interested in your file (I hope you read
this for I will probably forget asking you 'coz there's been
literally a thousand things that I have been asked to remember
during this day).
I have never seen the "Syntax Terror" demo so far, probably
because I am slightly busy. I know this sounds silly, but I just
am and I can't do anything about it.
I've just checked out the bit of video we did on the rumoured
Alcoholica kidnapping of The Man With The Smelliest Feet This
Side Of The Western Spiral Ring Of The Galaxy (in short: Fury).
It's fiendishly funny and all on its own is the main reason to
get your hands on the Convention video (more info in another
article in this issue of ST NEWS)!
This guy called Spaz is sitting right next to me looking as if
he could use some sleep and there is this other guy whose name I
don't know sitting or actually lying on top of his computer
looking quite dead (I just heard from Spaz that he's called
Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator).
Roland the mighty one
May the force be with you, for the Nutty One (The only TRUE
NUTTY ONE is called Ronny! ED.) is here again! Yes TNS is
occupying the keyboard again! Right beside me Tanis (or that is
who I THINK he is) is sleeping on his keyboard. A few moments
ago he slept blissfully with "NeoChrome" on the screen, leaning
on the ESC-key, while producing some nice sleep-induced
animation. But, as they say: Always let sleeping Tanisses lie,
or don't mess with his mouse (no, the grey plastic one!). A
friendly passer-by wanted to help the poor snoring guy, and
moved the mouse. BANG! His dreams were crudely interrupted, and
now he has nightmares while three bombs stand ominously on his
screen. But dinner time calls, and even the dead/sleeping must
eat. And the Snakes too, so byedebye!!
Richard told me to write some bullshit here and so I have to do
it right now.
He told me I should write some words about the "Syntax Terror"
Demo. My opinion about this demo is: BAAAAAAHHHH.
That's all, I have to leave for some food and for continuing
work on the 3.5 KB competition.
New Mode of DF (and NOT TDF)
What bullshit I have read on this computer so far today! But,
I'm afraid you still have a lot to learn about writing quality
bullshit!! To find out what I mean, just read my article in "ST
Format" when I try to make out that An Cool isn't a lamer. You
will then find out just how difficult it is to make a complete
and utter load of bullshit sound credible. You never know, some
prat might almost believe that An Cool is a good programmer, but
thankfully, we all know that isn't true.
More crap from me later.
Phil from the megamighty (?) MPH
So everybody waits for the new ULM Megademo ("The Darkside of
the Spoon"). For the moment the ICE packer refuses to pack the
mod-files! But I hope we will succeed to release the demo
tomorrow. So see you later...
Gunstick from Unlimited Matricks
Well well, I'm pretty sure no one around here knows of the mega
important event that'll take place in exactly 4 Hours and 50
minutes, I'll be 19!!! Great!!!
OK, I'll go back coding my 3.5Kb Twintris, and now, you won't
be able to say you weren't warned...
Bye for now from Fury (God, did you know Ketchup was bad for
I just reformatted (and kinda spellchecked) quite a load of the
stuff up here, but I really wanted to say something.
We have a fair estimate of the amount of people that are here.
The people of the catering service told me they had served 104
meals. If you add to this the fact that about five people didn't
eat at all (or something), this adds up to (almost) 110.
So I guess that's for now the OFFICIAL WORLD RECORD OF THE
ABSOLUTE AMOUNT OF INTELLIGENT COMPUTER FREAKS IN ONE CASTLE IN
HOLLAND IN OSS.
No shit (well, maybe just a bit).
Shall I do a poem?
Deafening everybody quote
EVEN DEEPER SIGH.
So the food has been served and everybody has been fed. So that
means that everything is OK. Tim just retreated downstairs, I
think he is utterly exhausted after hours and hours of coding.
Well, I think that the convention is going extremely well, and
being the organizer...
"Scheefgenaaide gratenkut (BUUUURRPPP...)."
...of this all, I cannot be anything else than happy. The
atmosphere here is very relaxed yet very electric as everybody
is working very hard on whatever they are creating. Except Tim,
who collapsed into a comatose condition some time ago.
Hold on, Marc Rosocha wants to talk shop with the poor dude, so
I'd better go and fetch him. BYE!
I can imagine that Tim won't really mind being woken up for what
will no doubt be a business proposition of epic proportions
I wish I could wake up to the sound of money talking...
Oops. It's Thalion merchandise selling time now!
May I inform the editor that I am the nutty one and the
abovementioned person called Ronny is The Nutty One. I agree
that I am not of the ultimate nutty race, but I am as nutty as
Dutchmen go. Maybe my Mexican title complies more to the current
standards: El Serpento Loco! or my Italian one: Mario the
Maffiozo.. Mario Quote: 'Eh! I Kille people for monee.... You
isse my friend!!! I kille you for noozzingk!!'
Last week we had a meeting with a few Aenigmatica members, and
decided to form a new group, called.... Aenigmatica!!! Yes! There
were many changes! The most important change was: No Zanac! We
threw him out (if you're reading this, Zanac: You're out of
Big news! I just learned that Lucifer has in his possession 6
tapes of 60 minutes each with the complete radio plays of 'The
Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy' on them.... There will be
furious copying in about 2 hours I think...
I just found out that there were even a couple of people more
that didn't eat. They were discussing some kind of business deal
with Eurosoft or something, and as they did this in the attic
(which is OFF LIMIT TERRITORY) they got left out.
"I am not really in full flow - coding-wise, speaking-wise..."
An Cool quote (as far as I got it)
Dghduhgdfgdzuguzgzugzugd Hi I'm back, I have recovered to some
degree although I still feel like shit warmed up to a temperature
of 98.4 degrees Fahrenheit. Well Marc did at least wake me for
something worthwhile, so it's possible that I will after all
write a new game next summer. He kind of makes it sound easy to
me which, considering that two weeks ago I would of killed
anyone who came near me with ideas for things I could add to "A
Prehistoric Tale" this was quite an achievement.
I feel shit. Bye.
Some of the guys of Aenigmatica and Sammy Joe are thinking about
going out to Nijmegen (German: Nimwegen, English: Kutstad,
Swedish: Knäckedørp) or something. Yesterday, by the
intergalactic bypass, Sammy Joe did vomit but this was not due to
drinking problems or something like that. I think it was
something wrong that he had eaten (semen?).
I am again beginning to write crap and I sense that there's
people around that have a lot more inspiration than me.
The Overlanders are now using An Cool's machine to test their
"European Demos". It is an STE and one of the title thingies does
not work correctly. They are now consulting the immaculate
Manikin for some information on something technical about which
iof course I don't know shit for (as I have said before) my mind
is but a shrivelled walnut when compared with their unimaginable
intellect (I have been known to say this before, so I shan't any
'After a while it develops along these lines....' Tape I am
just listening at quote.
I am currently listening to the last tape in the series of 6
containing the complete Hitchhikers Guide series. Enjoying is a
mere euphemism to the thing I am currently doing. Drat!!! My
batteries just went dead!!! F*ck those damn NiCad cells. Burn
the lithium power generators, get me a Solar Walkman! Now!
Ah well, as long as I have to do with my small battery-powered
thingy, I'll have to keep buying those little bastards.
I think I feel inspiration coming up for a crap-story!!!
Once upon a time, a long, long distance away, two active
bottles started a new enterprise: Clean-a-jeans. Their purpose
was to wash all blue, black, grey red and yellow jeans for all
surrounding villages. The first bottle, called Phred, would do
the actual washing, while the second bottle, called Fredt, would
do al the boring stuff like public-relations, management,
bookkeeping, advertisements and so on and so on.
Now Phred had one little problem: Because bottles have only one
.... eh, leg? Yes, leg! OK. They have only one leg, so the
washing machines, which are designed for two legs of course,
could not cope with the brunt of all those one-legged pants.
Now Fredt, who was also a very brilliant electronics designer,
made a gadget that told the washing-machines to only turn at
half the RPM of a normal machine.
Brill! Phred shouted! But, as he was raving about, he chanced
to look out of the window, and look at the river flowing next to
"1 + 1 = 2!!"
Suddenly a boat came drifing by. In the boat were two Belgians.
The one Belgian said to the other one: Can I sit in the Middle?
Right now the most hardcore, death metal and goriest metal is
raping our eardrums, the music is from Marc (Grindy Gens), I
Richard is trying to photograph Marc while he is banging his
head but Marc stops banging everytime Richard tries to
This is really driving him mad and he starts to shout like a
And I succeeded, and even did a video tape thingie with him
being generally insane on it.
I just feel like typing a bit, and a bit fast. But I don't know
whattefuck to write about so I guess I'd better stop then.
"Did you know that a whole Coke bottle can fit into your
Things are very quiet right now. They had just turned off the
music (that's one name for it) and all is very silent and
peaceful again. Wow! Some guys (among them An Cool and Manikin)
have gone to a pub or something. Richard has just told us how to
reach the second and third hidden article in the first hidden
article. It's easy. The second one I had found myself already.
Now for the people who haven't found all three I'll give some
hints: To find the first hidden article: When you don't know
what to do anymore, just cancel it!
To find the third hidden article: Look very carefully to
something that doesn't belong there! And I hope your eyes are
excellent because you'll need it.
OK, that was it then. Bye again (Yeah!)!
Argl... Did you know that sitting down with a Coke bottle in
your trouser-pocket is Hell!? Well finally I manage to alight my
ass onto the chair, and I get thirsty again!!! So, out with the
bottle and drink.... Why isn't there a slosh of Plantiac in it?
Okay, I just noticed that there are some function-keyz with
which I can do some nice things. See if you can spot them in the
rest of the text.
Currently there are two pieces of music playing simultaneously:
One can be identified as Betty Boo's doing the Boo. Which now
transforms into Snap, and further on into some more crap.
Ah!! the Resettables (a.k.a. the Respectables) have just
arrived (big deal!).
About two swigs more of my bottle and it's empty...
(Swig 1 just taken....) Let me tell you about my half-brother:
Leo. He's now 3 years old...... That's about it.
Next to me Spaz has begun playing "Pang". What a silly game.
[Get on with it!!! Someone else]
That someone else was Relayer, trying fruitlessly to get me to
hurry up with my writing. Bad luck Rellie, I'm here for good...
Flash!!! Jochen Hippel is currently rewriting his synthesizer
for the TT. Good luck Jochen, You'll need it.
(Swig 2 taken, bottle not empty, miscalculated, sorry).
OK Relayer, take it Away.
Editorial remark: What follows now is the only thing capable of
beating the prose written by the average froggie: Something
written by the Relayer (who obviously can't relate).
At last! That foul reptile has disappeared under the slimy
stone he came from. I had to wait for HOURS (minutes, actually),
because Nuttius Snakius kept staring at Tim playing "Pang",
which is dead bori... ehhh... quite fascinating really...
wow!... haha... err... where was I? Oh yes... errr... well!
Anyway, I'm called Relayer (pause for standing ovation -
thanks, Richard) and I'm in a crew called the Quartermass
Experiment (pause for silence. "Who ?", everyone cries in unison
(they don't actually)).
Oh, all right, you probably haven't heard of us, but...
Tanis quote, after being insulted in Dutch by Richard
...we're partly part of Aenigmatica (are you following this?
Aaargghh! Things are moving much too fast around me! I can't
type it all in time on this &%$§"!!-German keyboard. Hmmm....
maybe my incredible mind can find a solution to this problem.
Well, there are loads of indescribable (!!) things happening
all around me, and... neat, huh ?
What weird ehhh... "music"... thrash metal actually. Richard
are enjoying themselves tremendously, making weird, arhythmical
movements to the music and shouting primieval screams. I'm
enjoying myself by watching Spaz play "Speedball II" next to me
and laughing very loudly (and continuously) when he loses.
Anyway, Aenigmatica didn't recently release "Genesys III" (The
Unreleased Version) and all of you will have to admit it's
totally brilliant, if it weren't for the fact that it hasn't
been released. Too bad, guys! We'll release it in a year or two,
perhaps, when the scene is ready for it... haha. Even though I'm
not in Aenigmatica anymore, I did contribute some screens.
Everyone is drooling over the graphics in "Speedball II"...
Tanis is trying to beat Spaz.... Crush is sitting at my feet and
is happily prattling away (actually, he's wondering what
"prattling" means. I explained and he seemed happy with it). I
AM ACTUALLY HEADBANGING!!!! THIS IS NICE!! The primal rhythm
fills my body and I can feel a scream rising up from the deepest
and darkest depths of my soul, as I reach for my battle-axe.
Slash!... Glaarrf.. Yaaggh... Blood!.. err... oh, the music
stopped. It starts again!! Rrrraahhhh!!!! Killl!!! Murder.....
Rape! Maim! Insult!... this is good... Crush thinks so as well,
every bit of him, the bit near the door, the bit under the
table, the bit stuck to the ceiling.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the traditional insulting of Crush
is well under way, as Zokathra joins in the fray. "M C Lame!",
can be heard from the cloud of dust which signifies the location
of the awesome verbal battle. Never before has so much intellect
been deployed against such a weak, defenceless (and drunk)
person. Justice for all, eh ?
Crush is examining my diary, pretending to read, his curly head
rhythmically bobbing up and down as he listens to a sweet tune
only he can hear. He once again proclaims his deep and meaning-
ful love to me. I yawn and push him gently away from my trouser
leg. Enough of this (and of him. Pow! "Aarglll ?", Crush replies
questioningly as he experiences something completely new, i.e.
death. My generosity knows no bounds).
Anyway, people are screaming very loudly now. It's all getting
very funny now. Enough, I'm needed for a performance now
Ahhh... the burden of fame... enough for now... I must be gone.
Hi ho Sliver!!!!! (sic)
Relayer a.k.a. King Of The Univaarrrgghhhh....
This is Crush. Anything that has been said about me is untrue.
I'm not the perverted idiot that Relayer wants me to look like,
I'm just a really nice guy and anyone proclaiming I have been,
am, or will be drunk, is a complete liar. Zokathra is standing
beside me with that 'I know everything' look on his face so I'll
let him write some stuff (if he dares).
Crush (extremely drunk...)
Ah, finally I have a chance to get to the keyboard. It's
extremely quiet downstairs, because everyone (well, almost
everyone) has gone to the disco. I might have gone too, but,
well, if you know these discos down here in the south... Anyway,
it's nice to have such a happening here in Holland, so we don't
have to travel for such a long time. Do it again next year,
guys, so we can travel for free, thanks to this nice idea by our
minister of education to give all students a card which enables
them to travel for free with all public transportation for a
year. Enough of this, let me give this keyboard back to someone
with more inspiration.
I've been pissing my dick off today, it must be that Cola. I
think I have drunk aprox. 5 litres of this liquid black death
today. The crowd is finally starting to calm down a bit (I hope)
cause I don't hear the eardrumraping hardcore anymore.
It has been a while since I've written for the last time, so I'm
right back to entertain (???) you. By the way, I'm typing on a
German keyboard and on this keyboard the 'Y' and the 'Z' have for
a very ominous reason changed place causing me and a lot of
others to get really pissed off some times. I can't get used to
it in one day. And because I use the 'Y' a lot, I'm pretty
annoyed now. But I guess there's nothing I can do, so tough
If you haven't been able to attend this party, at least your
brains haven't been spoiled yet. Geez, I can't find a normal
healthy guy here. Especially An Cool is hopeless. Ok, see you
Hardyhar!!! I've just had a nice conversation with Erik from
Thalion. I showed him my Official Role Playing Game Association
badge, and (of course) he was totally flabbergasted, for he had
never even met an Official Role Playing Game Association Member
yet. But modesty is my middle name, so I just want to thank Erik
for the enjoying conversation (outside, in the cold, but outside
the listening-range of the Trash-metal that those crazy people
like Richard play).
Let me just for the fun describe my surroundings:
- About 20 diskettes scattered left and right and above me.
- About 30 bottles of coke, many of them half full (or should I
say half empty?).
- A cellotape dispenser (about 45 degrees to my left).
- A full jar of peanut butter (right behind the cellotape
- A few bits & pieces of paper, one reading 'SPC-group' for
- A mouse.
- A Mega 2 ST (containing 4 Mb of RAM, ED.).
- A bag containing: 1 hot T-Shirt (hot in temperature!!).
- A Burger King Crown.
- An empty 'Mona Chocolate Mousse' bucket thingy.
- Several empty crisps bags.
- An empty 'Sinasappel Sap' carton.
- A Carebear member standing next to me who is called: Jas
- 10 Cd's, from several artists including Mylene Farmer (great
looking broad!!!), Kate Bush and Jochen Hippel.
- 3 PC-engine games.
- An empty PiM's carton.
- An open window through which Several Tonnes Of Cold Air are
- 7 cups without coffee.
- 6 cassettes.
- 1 empty Lila Pauze wrapper.
- 1 diskette box.
- 1 knife.
- And a Relayer...
Well, just going for a P, and I'll be back soon....
The end of part five.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.