SUNDAY, DECEMBER 23RD 1990
"The Third Day"
The contributions in all parts of this real-time article were
written by the following beings (in order of appearance):
Richard of the Amazing Cracking Conspiracy, Tanis of The
CareBears (Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator of Alcoholica),
Sammy Joe of The Lost Boys, Manikin of The Lost Boys, Spaz of
The Lost Boys (Toxic Foetus Eater of Alcoholica), Stefan
(Digital Insanity of The Lost Boys), Mit of NEXT, Chris of The
Garlic Eaters, Red of Omega, Bluestar of Sync, Eric, Zae of
Next, Perceval of Zuul of The Pact, Fury of Legacy, Chaos Inc.
of Delta Force, New Mode of Delta Force, CIA of Galtan Six,
Cugel of Silents, The Flying Egg of Omega, Acco of The Garlic
Eaters, Crystar of the Pendragons, Dogue de Mauve from the
Overlanders, Flynn from Hysteria, Mopy of Ghost Genius of
Hysteria Alliance, Furyo of the Overlanders, Silver of the
Pendragons of Triton Development, Psychoreal of Hysteria, Klaus
of ST Connexion, Mega Cribb, Ian 'Dave Clone' of the Watchmen,
Rob Povey, The Fate of The Unlimited Matrix, Gunstick of The
Unlimited Matrix, Robert (RX2 of MPH), Steve (Miz of MPH), An
Cool of The Carebears, IKI of Hysteria, Vantage, Ford Perfect,
Thor of the Black Monolith Team, Genital Grinder of Alcoholica
(previously Sprog of The Lost Boys), Chris of the Watchmen, Paul
(Zeus of Teknique), Vomited Anal Tract of Alcoholica (though he
may be mentioned earlier already under another name - there's no
way to be sure), HAQ of Omega, Martijn (Lucifer of The Spirits
of Doom), Roland (TS of the Spirits of Doom), Marlon of ST
Connexion, The Nutty Snake of Aenigmatica, Phil of MPH, Relayer
of the Quartermass Experiment of Aenigmatica, Crush, Zokathra,
Terence of the Pendragons, Nemrod of the Pendragons, Fishbone
from the Vegetables, Doclands of the Overlanders, STWARS of
Next, Ziggy Stardust of the Overlanders, Tyrem of the De-
spectacled Testicles (er....The Respectables actually), Gudul
and Adso (that's 62 people, of which one may have been mentioned
Everybody is responsible for what he has written, and the ST
NEWS editorial staff does not accept any responsibility for what
has been written anywhere - except for the bits written by
It is our duty to inform you, dear reader, of the fact that
large parts of this text may be considered 'shocking' or even
Sorry. We decided to use no censorship.
Finally someone who is French and manages to write in a way that
doesn't need half an hour of extensive correcting and re-
Bless you, Mr. Fishbone! Come back for some more if you wanna!
Bitchard sometimes is really a droplul and he agrees with this
too (Sure. I would be concerned if my doctor would say this.
Merchandise orders are now pouring in like rain in a busted shed
(or something like that; I'm bad at metaphores or whatever you
call 'em). Lotsa T-shirts and a couple of these simply shocking
vid's as well.
So I guess everything is a success so far, and this mass
ordering means that some people are preparing for the final
things they want to do before leaving.
This evening will witness a mass exodus the likes of which we
haven't seen since the Jews left Egypt (or civilised people
leaving Europe when it was ravaged by Huns and all that shit).
Actually, I suck at history (whether it's biblical or not). So
you need not worry about me doing this any more.
Shall I write a poem instead?
Please let me. I need to do this. I feel the surge of creativism
like food knocking at the wrong side of my stomach, queueing to
be processed upwards in the direction of any loo that happens to
Everybody quote (in a very resolute way)
Please. Plflflflfleeeaaazzzeeeeee..... (I hope this Roger Rabbit
imitation will cause them to budge. I try to look endearing).
"Fuck off you maniac anti-poetic sod! Go and shove those poems
down a john or something!"
Everybody quote (in a very threatening tone)
I start to shake a bit, and I sense fear running down my spine
in a viciously violent way.
I decide not to recite any poems.
We have just now assembled a provisional jury for the demo
competition of which the entries will have to be until just after
dinner at the latest.
There is a cold sensation hanging in their air. Coders are
frantically tapping on their keyboards, trying to meet the
deadline. As far as I gathered, there will at least be three
games to be entered. Michael Bittner is entering a vector-
graphics based shoot-'em-up, New Mode and Chaos of the Delta
Force will enter a 3.5 Kb "Archon" and Fury of Legacy will do a
two-player "Tetris" ("Twintris").
After a very good night (with some nice girls....uhuhuhu!), we
come back here to tell you how this STNICCC is so gooooddddd!!!
We won't give our contribution to the 3.5Kb challenge, cause we
lost our coder in a pub (he prefered going with some girls for
practising a strange sport (....) and we're still waiting for
This morning we had a good surprise when we discovered the
"European Demos" from the Overlanders. Very great screens guys!!
I think it's the best demo released here (but we are waiting
for the ULM demo. It will be ready this evening! Wait and see..).
Okay, so see you this evening when the ULM demo will be over!!
Some guys from Hysteria, Burp! (sorry it's the coke!)
Wow it's much better being where I am (guess where?) than being
coding on a (...) computer (I'm so tired, I slept only one hour
IKI coder of Hysteria
Richard (The Kars) has just asked me to fill this article up a
bit more and being his loyal servant so I will. "Syntax Terror",
"European Demos", "Speedball II", ST NEWS, "Maggie" and lotsa
things I can't remember right now keep me busy all day.
In the following bit I'll describe a few thingies around here
for the people that haven't been (able to be) here. I have been
looking forward to this Convention for a couple of months. As
soon as Stefan had told me he'd organize a big coding party
somewhere in December, I asked him permission to come to this
party and he said: "Well, what can two more people (TS and me)
do for harm?" so here I am. Just walking between all the 'big'
guys I admire very much. The Lost Boys, The Exeptions, Delta
Force and a lot of others. Wow.
I can tell you: It's quite a nice experience. And maybe, in the
summer, TS and me will go to a Swedish Copyparty. Wow.
By the way, An Cool is a great guy. Yo, An my man! See you!
Food is in me. It tasted OK and the schitzel was gi-fucking-
The deadline for all competitions has just been delayed to
19:00 hours tonight.
I just realised that I have been out of touch with the real
world for about 48 hours now. This means that, principally,
Saddam Hussein could by now be dictator of the world for all I
"Je hebt gelijk!"
"Dick is groß!"
Shut up Dave. You're just a frustrating moron seeking revenge
for the shock inflicted upon you during your first minutes of
comatose sleep that was rudely interrupted by your fellow
Alcoholica members and me!
Don't worry: We will not violate your wish not to include it
(the bloodshot white of your eyes was too frightening that it
would probably put people off their meals for several days after
seeing it). In the official vid' that is.
To the left of me, where Tanis used to sit (just about), Douge
de Mauve is having a look at the Double Dutch Crew's Omikron
Basic demo - which is basically a full fledged demo like any
current mega demo but written in Omikron demo.
Oh my God
I am a sod
And there's a pod
A launching pod
Of martians from the sky
Don't ask me why
'Coz I don't know shit
I am a little git
And Dave can cry like hell
En dat was 't dan weer wel.
Gotcha! I poemed a bit! Nobody actually noticed! I have
triumphed over general mal-poetic visions throughout this little
Bitchard (name optimized by Roland)
Kars' poems are - of course - the third worst poems in the
universe. Only things like New kids on the Block or listening to
the stories of Ivo about his radio station are slightly worse. I
have just eaten and I could sure use it. There are still plates,
spoons and all the other things that are inevitable to eat.
Stefan should clean it up a bit (har,har). No, actually I'm a
very social guy. I have proof! I have brought Tim's plate to the
kitchen. No, no, autographs only on thursday. Well, see you!
The menu of today consisted of:
- Huzar Salad (pronounced: User Sulud)
- Chocolate Dessert (or as we know it in the lowlands: vla)
- A (gigantic) piece of bread
- 1 packet of butter
(And of course the cutlery)
Careful research pointed out that the safest way of eating the
1: Slice the piece of bread.
2: Cover the two (in-)sides of the loaf with butter.
3: Place the schnitzel between the two halves of bread.
4: (Throw away the salad)
5: Press the two halves tightly together (thereby decreasing the
height of the packet to approx. 5 cm).
6: Open wide......
7: Close your eyes.....
8: Hold your breath.....
10: (Result: Yum or Yuk....)
But The Lost Boys came up with another way to handle the
situation. Decide for yourself which you like best.
1: Soak your bread in Cola.
2: Rip open the loaf.
3: Pour ketchup over both halves (2 bottles should be enough).
4: Throw the Schnitzel onto the two halves from approx. six
5: Jump onto the combination.
6: Rub the salad into the mess.
7: Look at it.
8: Rub the resulting puke into it too.
9: Take a shovel and pick the mess up.
10: Throw it away and enjoy your meal.
After these enlightening messages from Maddhur Jaffrey, The
programme will continue with:.....
Good evening, welcome to the part of this text where we ask
ourselves: "Why Not?"
And today for our answer we have invited a distinguished expert
on this field: Marvin the Paranoid Android.
Marvin, Why Not?
"First of all I want you to know that I have this terrible pain
in all the diodes down my left side, oh ghod I feel sooooo
Erm, yes. Could you....
"Brain the size of a planet and I have to be the guest on a
stupid talkshow! I can tell you don't really want to know this"
Yes we do!
"No you don't. I can tell that you really want to have adventure
I can see that this conversation is leading us nowhere. I will
therefore close this program with the message that next week in
our program the guest will be Eddie your friendly shipboard
TNS & TS (The nuttiest Dutchies to walk the earth)
A little bit less than an hour to go before we will start
accepting competition entries (and judge them). Just in the nick
of time, Tim decided to enter a demo into the 'normal demo
screen' competition - just to piss of Inner Circle as far as
I've been able to understand.
So this means that this automatically excludes Stefan, Oxygene
and Tim himself from judging these demos.
Therefore, a new jury has been appointed for this: This will be
Slime (of DF), Level 16, someone of "Maggie" (disk magazine)
whose name I forgot (I think he was called Timo), ES of TEX and
A private message from TNS: I am entering the 3.5k demo compo.
with the smallest demo ever written..... Come and see....
Just read on the door of Black Monolith & Delta Force's room:
"Veni Vidi Vomiti" (which was written there by Daryl of those
friendly chums at TEX).
I just went to the loo and I beheld something excoriatingly
purulent (or something like that). Obviously, the repetitive use
of the 110-piece male population of the sanitary availabilities
here have had their effect.
They all lose one or two pubic hairs each time they piss.
They each splatter around in the thing, thus making sure that
approximately half a dozen of tiny droplets appear somewhere.
Everybody has a piss/shit about three times a day. There have
been 2.5 days (this takes into consideration that the first day
was only partly done here), so that adds up to over 2.5*3*2*110
(1650) pubic hairs, and 2.5*3*6*110 (4950) tiny droplets spread
over four loos (which includes one ladies room).
The tension is now getting more tense (if you get my drift) by
the minute. I even feel as if I have to finish some kind of demo
myself! Spaz is doing some last graphics, and the Delta Force-and
TEX rooms are off limits to those who have nothing to do with
their attempts at winning the 3.5 Kb competition.
Tim's screen looks promising. It may indeed piss off Inner
Circle (or is it "Inner Circumcision"?!). It actually includes
music that Mad Max made AT THE CONVENTION. A rare thing indeed
(Mad Max is normally a lazy bastard and it usually takes weeks
for him to finish even something as rudimentary as a sound
effect file for a game - Tim can tell you all about this).
I just delivered my 3.5k demo by Richard, so if I don't win on
account of loss of demo, he is to blame.
It's real quiet inside the building except in the TLB room - in
here it's a mess, the table is completely covered with disks and
Coke bottles and everybody is trying to talk at the same time
resulting into this massive pile of noise. I wonder, are TEX
really inside their room working on their 3.5 demo or are they
just sleeping, boozing or having a good wank?
Roland the insulting
Oh no! I have to leave! Nooo! No longer can I laugh at all the
other demos (understandable if you've seen "Genesys III"), no
longer can I scream very loudly, or insult Crush... hang on.
He's driving me home! I can still insult him along the way!
Oh, he's breathing in my neck now... uh-oh... no, don't. Crush!
No, stop that! Ahhh...ahhh...AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHRRRRRRR..... nice...
Only Crush can scratch my back like that. I hope you didn't
think he was doing anything else, we're not like that, not at
all, not us, no. We're always very gay... err... happy! Happy!
Enough of this! To prove I am not in love with Crush, I'll hit
him in the mouth.
"Ouch! Oh thanks!"
Seriously now, eiowusrgzjfwiofkweopgk5994578zu8f ijrgzorl
Wheeeeeeee!!! Agnagnagnah. Do we sound like the Replicants yet?
Anyway, merry Christmas and a happy New Year to the lot of you.
It was nice to be here, especially since I was here as well, I
know. See you all in various demo's, other conventions and
Relayer a.k.a. Master Of The Whip... err... Code-God Of Holland
Only just a few minutes before the competition starts, Richard
or Bitchard hasn't started to throw us out of the room, so I
wonder what's wrong.
Aha, a friendly mortal has just informed that the competition
is yet again moved, the deadline is now at eight o'clock. The
Nutty Snake is critisising my English, I reckon he ought to shut
Richard just threatened to kill me if I continue to call him
Bitchard, so I'd better quit insulting this innocent human
Roland the never ever insulting anymore one
Angeeeeeeeeeeeeel Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace! Raaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Er.......well, though Hotline are near me, it still makes me
think of crappy stuff...
This is Mr Mac from S.Y.N.C and HAQ from OMEGA making a small
contribution to this massive textfile. We are typing this text
in the funny town (Oss) where the shops are closed today and we
can't get hold of any breakfast! We just want to say that the
Mac Donald food here in Holland doesn't taste as good as in
Sweden. I just bought a copy of the Mad Max compact disk and I
think that you should buy one!!!
Now for some HAQ-typing!
When we went here by bus I had a terrible cold and I felt
really bad. Anyway I am now feeling very well but almost
everybody else in Omega and Sync isn't feeling very well. Talk
about some real virus-spreading. Our last hope is a new version
of the virus-killer from Karsmakers (car-maker?) that can
handle this very nasty virus.
Omega and SYNC are both going to buy the new monster-machine
Atari has developed, the Atari TT030. So if there is anybody
reading this and has such a machine please contact us
If you want SYNC and OMEGA to develop good programs in the
future, you should support us by sending in some donations. If
you want the adress, just contact ST NEWS!!
We think that this convention in Holland is the best foreign
convention we have been to!!
One of the best thing about this convention is that here are
only real hackers and no lamers!!
Merry Cristmas from Sync and Omega!!!!!
You can't imagine what a mess this is here. Looking around I
see the tabel invaded from about 20 half filled and 10 empty
bottles, 500 disks and all kinds of cables and other stuff.
This report was broadcast to you by Acco to the TGE
Oh boy. Things are now surely getting hectic here. Everybody is
trying to add bits and bobs to their demos or pictures, and
everybody is just generally freaking out in a way I have only
experience before when Bittner was trying to finish "Leavin'
Teramis" at 4 o'clock in the morning, after crashing his Master
Control Program ("Leavin' Teramis" is a Thalion game in case
you're so minddeafeningly stupid not to know).
Good. I am getting off again. I don't want to miss out on any of
the disgusted faces of 3.5 Kb programmers that suddenly find they
have major bugs or something (I have my camera present!).
Call me a sadist, for I think I am one.
Stefan has just told me the most essential thing. I'm trying to
code a waving logo but was stuck on one tiny thing. Stefan has
explained it to me. I think I know it now. I'll try it at home
at once. Also I'd like to thank Stefan, for helping me with
coding and supplying me with ST NEWS. Thanks, Guy! And also
greetinx to Richard Karsmakers. He's just great. He speaks very
good English and German and can type amazingly fast with only
two fingers. Even faster than me with ten fingers. Thanx guys!
Five minutes to spare guys! Delta Force just came in.
"FERTIG!", they all yelled. I think this means that they have
finished their demo. So now it is up to Bittner and the rest to
finish their stuff. In a matter of minutes, the climax of demo
coding will take place.
Richard just took the guys from TOS to the railway station. He
went to the toilet and when he comes back....3.5K!!!
Delta Force is ready with its screen ! What ? You don't believe
me? I know it sounds like a miracle but here it is: It's
finished and fuckin' great !!! NeXT's screen is also soon ready:
We find its name and now just have to code it...
Burp. By the Merry Christmas - Joyeux noel - God Jul -
Fröhliche Weihnachten - Vrolijk Kerstfeest !!!!!!!!!! Happy
new year - Bonne annee - Gott nytt aar - gelukkig nieuwjaar -
Fröhliches Neujahr !!!!!!!!!!!
(Sure, sure, ED.)
ZAE and Sync
Judging is very hard. We have just spent half an hour and we
have only done the normal demo screens and the pictures. The 3.5
Kb screens have yet to be done, and Bittner still didn't enter
it. because he spent so much time, however, we feel that he
should deserve some extra time (if you don't agree then fuck
We'll soon do the 3.5 Kb screens, as the mob outside of this
room is getting restless.
Over one hour late, we are about to judge the 3.5 Kb demos.
Bittner was 1.5 hours late and has thus, unfortunately, been
disqualified. However, he will have no reason to complain as he
will get plenty of prizes!
OK. I guess this will be the last thing (approximately) for me
to write in this part.
Normal demos: 1) Manikin, 2) Zae (coded by Lem), 3) Dynamic
Pictures: 1) Thorsten Mutschall, 2) Ex equo Dave (TLB) and Red
(Omega), 3) Krazy Rex (ST Connexion). Special bonus prize for
Douge de Mauve (Overlanders) for a very funny picture.
Three-and-a-half kilobyte demo: 1) The Delta Force, 2) The
Dynamic Duo, 3) Ziggy Stardust and M-Coder. Special bonus prize
for Michael Bittner (which nearly made him weep, I saw) for
making a fucking great little game that just happened to be too
"No Second Prize..."
The end of part seven.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.