THE DAY BEFORE
I am not sure whether or not this will be the start of the real
time article. I think not (but, then again, one can never be
Too bad. It just is.
Thursday, December 20th 1990
("Not yet the first day")
THE ONLY PART
The contributions in all parts of this real-time article were
written by the following beings (in order of appearance):
Richard of the Amazing Cracking Conspiracy, Tanis of The
CareBears (Coprophagic Necrocannibal Eviscerator of Alcoholica),
Sammy Joe of The Lost Boys, Manikin of The Lost Boys, Spaz of
The Lost Boys (Toxic Foetus Eater of Alcoholica), Stefan
(Digital Insanity of The Lost Boys), Mit of NEXT, Chris of The
Garlic Eaters, Red of Omega, Bluestar of Sync, Eric, Zae of
Next, Perceval of Zuul of The Pact, Fury of Legacy, Chaos Inc.
of Delta Force, New Mode of Delta Force, CIA of Galtan Six,
Cugel of Silents, The Flying Egg of Omega, Acco of The Garlic
Eaters, Crystar of the Pendragons, Dogue de Mauve from the
Overlanders, Flynn from Hysteria, Mopy of Ghost Genius of
Hysteria Alliance, Furyo of the Overlanders, Silver of the
Pendragons of Triton Development, Psychoreal of Hysteria, Klaus
of ST Connexion, Mega Cribb, Ian 'Dave Clone' of the Watchmen,
Rob Povey, The Fate of The Unlimited Matrix, Gunstick of The
Unlimited Matrix, Robert (RX2 of MPH), Steve (Miz of MPH), An
Cool of The Carebears, IKI of Hysteria, Vantage, Ford Perfect,
Thor of the Black Monolith Team, Genital Grinder of Alcoholica
(previously Sprog of The Lost Boys), Chris of the Watchmen, Paul
(Zeus of Teknique), Vomited Anal Tract of Alcoholica (though he
may be mentioned earlier already under another name - there's no
way to be sure), HAQ of Omega, Martijn (Lucifer of The Spirits
of Doom), Roland (TS of the Spirits of Doom), Marlon of ST
Connexion, The Nutty Snake of Aenigmatica, Phil of MPH, Relayer
of the Quartermass Experiment of Aenigmatica, Crush, Zokathra,
Terence of the Pendragons, Nemrod of the Pendragons, Fishbone
from the Vegetables, Doclands of the Overlanders, STWARS of
Next, Ziggy Stardust of the Overlanders, Tyrem of the De-
spectacled Testicles (er....The Respectables actually), Gudul
and Adso (that's 62 people, of which one may have been mentioned
Everybody is responsible for what he has written, and the ST
NEWS editorial staff does not accept any responsibility for what
has been written anywhere - except for the bits written by
It is our duty to inform you, dear reader, of the fact that
large parts of this text may be considered 'shocking' or even
Sorry. We decided to use no censorship.
At this moment, we are already in the SPCC 'Faerytale Castle'
in Oss, the Netherlands. I guess there must already be
approximately 13 people around, as that was the amount with
which we went to Amsterdam earlier today (but that's another
story that remains to be told).
Stefan (Digital Insanity) and Tim (Manikin) are actually away
now, getting a couple of empty video tapes and the video camera
so that we can start doing some taping for the official
Convention Vid' already. They left us with plenty of computer
systems and about 300 litres of Coke so I guess noone is
complaining (not even a bit).
As far as I can see, Michael (Sammy Jo) is playing a "Tetris"
clone on a PC, Niclas (Tanis) and Marc (Genital Grinder) are
trying to fix Nic's scart lead, Thorsten (Gogo) and Andreas
(Jas) are watching a video upstairs, Nick (Nick) and Fabian
(Oxygene) are coding a demo (must be 3.5 Kb, as it looks rather
unimpressive so far), Dave (Spaz) is drawing, Philip (Questlord)
is playing the Lynx and Rob "Quartet" Povey is walking around -
and I guess that's about it what is happening here at the
So I suppose now is the time to tell you something about what we
did earlier today (which happened to be a visit to Amsterdam).
It was about 11:00 when I waited at Utrecht CS for a train to
pass through on its way to Amsterdam. On that train, all people
mentioned in the above paragraph were supposed to be (plus an
additional one, who happened to be Diederik of Galtan 6 fame).
Of course (as you could have imagined without much problems)
So I waited for half an hour until Tim could be seen jumping out
of the 11:33 train, signalling me to enter it on the way to the
city of sex, condoms and even a bit more sex: Amsterdam.
This is where we must have arrived at about noon....just a
minute. I've got to sign off for a minute 'cause Tanis is feeling
depressed or something.
Oh nooo! May I burn in a campfire, which a hundred little
scouts are sitting around, barbecuing marshmallows on the
glowing logs!!!!!!!! This has definitely been the worst day of
First, I met this mega beautiful and nice broad that I probably
would have been able to get to know really, bloody, amazingly
well, and I forgot to ask for her address. That opportunity only
comes once in a lifetime for a person like me, and I blew it!!!
Second, now when I have really a lot of graphics to do, my
awful monitor cable broke down. Aaarrgh!! I cannot fix it
either. It makes me sick. But do you know what really makes me
sick? Drinking a pine of salt water and then putting my fingers
down the throat. That really makes me sick! But that, of course,
doesn't make me feel as bad as I do now. It only makes me all
soggy of vomit and second hand beans and peas!!
I advise you not to come near me, at this point of time, 'coz
then the possibility of you getting a severe blow in the back of
your head is rather big actually! I will search for this woman
day and night, 'til I realize that there are 15 million Dutchies
in this bloody country, and finally give up (which will take an
hour and a half, approximately).
Yeah it's me back again.
I was about to tell you something about the exhillerating
adventure involving 9 feet dicks, lotsa condoms, Chanel No. 19
perfume and a whole lot more: The visit to Amsterdam with 14
people (including myself) participating (the fourteenth being
As I was about to say, we arrived at noon. We left Central
Station immediately and walked down Damrak and the most
expensive street in the Dutch version of the Monopoly game,
Kalverstraat. Basically, this street in like an enormous orgy of
McDonalds, Free Record Shops, perfume shops and various other
stores where you can buy clothes while listening to assorted
hip-hop beats (not necessary to say, these shops SUCK).
First thing we hit was the "Sex Museum". This is, even to
Amsterdam standards, a raunchy place where you can see pictures
and various other thingies involving 'sex' in the broadest
possible sense of the world. There was women getting screwed by
dogs, negros with 3-feet phalusses, 9 feet stone dick models,
guys giving head to each other, ancient pictures (twenties and
thirties) of various pornographic movements (this does make one
think differently about one's grandparents) and lots more that
defies imagination, fantasy and reality.
Some of us were shocked. Some of us were abhorred. But all of us
were laughing our heads off.
Anyway. Lots of us used the opportunity to buy little Christmas
gifts for colleagues, girlfriends, dads and mothers - and so did
I. I think I spent about 400 bloody guilders buying assorted
stuff - which is a bit too much really so I guess next year
nobody is receiving one bloody thing from me (except for the
occasional cheap Christmas card for those who sent nice cards to
me this year)!
Then, the vaults of the sky opened and gently unleashed a bit of
rain on our shopping beings. The 'bit' grew to be 'a lot', by
the way, and we were happy to discover an arcade hall. There we
played a bit of "Race Driving", some kind of "Afterburner"-like
Sega machine with slightly brilliant hardware and a beat-'em-all
game called "Beast Busters" (which basically is "Operation Wolf"
with zombies and rampant dogs, all of which explode in tons of
blood and gore as you shoot them. Brilliant).
After that, we went on our way back towards Central Station.
We didn't go through the infamous Kalverstraat this time,
though. No: When there's foreigners around, they all want to see
the red light district - the place where you should preferably
not walk alone.
There were various dudes offering us 'half price' entertainment,
some prostitutes displaying ample supplies of lingerie (including
fat bulging over the elastic bits) and breasts, and a lot more.
We gazed at various condoms in the 'Condomerie' (strawberry,
raspberry, mint, lubricated, non-lubricated - you name it) and
were amazed at the reasons behind some of the better-looking
girls deciding to work behind the windows.
But it didn't take long before we got to the station -
unscathed. It must have been approximately four when we left
On the way back, Tanis had a very interesting experience talking
with a rather swell looking girl that was sitting next to him and
that seemed to like him a bit. She was called Barbara or
somethun'. And each time you mention her name, Tanis has a
strangely stupid smile on his lips and a strange glimpe in his
I popped off the train at Utrecht again, and the rest continued
down to the SPCC office (the one where we are now). I collected
my car in Utrecht and came later (please....this means 'I
arrived later' and nothing else).
By the way: The demo that Fabian and Nick were doing is supposed
not to be 3.5 Kb. But it still surely looks like it. We'll see.
It doesn't even have borders opened or something, but there is no
doubt in my mind that it's doing something that's impossible.
"My mind is but a shrivelled walnut compared with their
Yo guys, it's the German on the keyboard with the extremely bad
grammar. Yes, you guessed it, it's Michael of TLB. I just had a
look around in Oss (and got soakingly wet), which is not as bad
as it was described by people like Tim of TLB or others. The
shopping area is quite big and I am hoping to buy some X-Mas
presents tomorrow (you have to spend some money sometimes on
your beloved). I also found some quite nice bars (although it
was only one) with some of the nicest girls serving (in these
bars you really begin to wonder sometimes where England gets all
these ugly fat girls from !?!).
Interrupt ! I am going for a fag with darling Manikin.
Brilliant! Radical! Awesome! Crusial! Amazing! Goody, Goody gum
drops! My monitor cable Works! Mr. Povey has managed to mend my
awesome cable. Believe that? It's true!! I now am able to draw
again (which also makes everybody able to complain on my work
again). I'm a bit happier now. But not fully. Barbara is
We just went to fetch three French persons from Oss railway
station. I haven't got a clue as to who they are, but I heard the
name Zae fall (or something like that). These people arrived at
Amsterdam Airport earlier today and were supposed to be staying
at a youth hostel in Amsterdam but innocent me didn't know this
so I just told 'em to get down here when I got their phonecall
about an hour (or two?) ago.
These Frenchies are from Marseille, and they are truly amazing
at feeling at home here (instantly, actually). On the way from
the railway station to here, one of 'em (I think it was Zae)
embrased a lantern post, shook it, and its light died instantly.
Oops. What have we let ourselves into this time? The Convention
hasn't even started yet and already the first material casualties
are to be counted!
"Are there any girls or drunk people around?"
Zae quote (the first thing he said after "Hi")
Nothing much is happening right now, and it is at times like
that that you suddenly realise that the night ahead is not going
to have much sleep.
It makes you feel shit (a bit).
Most people here are just walking around a bit. I still don't
know who exactly the Frenchies are. I feel a Coke deficiency.
Stefan is leaving with the French beings now; he's going to
check out the local hotel (at less than five minutes' walk) to
see whether they can still be stored there.
If they can't, then I guess we're in for some deep improvisation
of a lethally close kind (or something like that).
Phil(ip) just told me that 17 litres of Coke have been finished
off already. I surely hope we'll survive the whole weekend with
a bit of Coke left beyond Saturday.
Nic and Fabian are still coding. If you ask me, the demo they
now have on the screen at times looks even worse than it did a
couple of hours ago. That's programmers' progression for you.
I find that most people here are unfamiliar with the principle
of real-time articles - or reluctant to be familiar. I don't
know. So don't start complaining if I'm the only one to write.
This will probably change.
The foulest of (im)possible smells is at this moment penetrating
my nasal cavity as Genital Grinder (who we prefer to call 'Little
Marc') let go of a fart of epidemically epic proportions. It is
really shit (literally). I wish he'd go and have a wank or
something (also because he's now gaping over my shoulder, looking
at what I am typing in reaction to his bestial gas-production).
What a tosser.
He just let go of another two. I'm getting somewhere far away
The end of part zero.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.