A VISIT TO THE NUTTY NORWEGIANS
- or -
HOW TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF IN TWENTY LANGUAGES
- or -
A TRIP UP NORTH WITH CRONOS WARCHILD
- or -
OH BEAUTIFUL NORWAY I LOVED THEE...
- or -
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF A FEMALE KIND
- or -
HOW TO MAKE A NERVOUS WRECK OUT OF YOUR BIORHYTHM
- or -
SHIT, WHAT'S THAT TOWEL DOING IN THERE?
- or -
WHERE DID ALL THOSE OSES COME FROM?
- or -
A NUTTY IMPRESSION OF A CERTAIN PART OF NORTHERN EUROPE
- or -
ON THE RUN FOR THE GREENHOUSE EFFECT
- or -
NIGHTMARE ON BJØRKEVEGEN PART XIX
- or -
INTERLUDE TO THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA NORWEGICA
- or -
A FIRST LESSON IN NORWEGIAN FOR TRAVELLERS
- or -
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO NORWAY
- or -
ENGLISH FOR NUTTIES
by Stefan, Richard, Ronny, Lars-Erik, Torbjørn, Karl Anders,
Frøystein, Gard, Elin, Ole J., Morten, Bent, Kjetil, Bjørn,
Simen, Knis (the cat), Hanne-Mari, Anne-Grete and Bjørge
All individual people writing in this article are entirely
responsible for what they have written. No responsibility
whatsoever goes to the editorial staff of ST NEWS, unless where
they have written themselves.
You might at times be left wondering about the rather strange
setup of this article. Please remember that this article was not
only 'real time' typed, but also recorded on a walkman and later
typed out. This might result even in two stories being told at
the same time...
Part IV - Saturday, December 30th 1989
Just finished my "Advanced packer v1.2" for Stefan. It's great!
I wonder why it took me so long to upgrade the packer. Maybe it's
because I'm lazy.
Karl Anders quote
There is a red car on the video and Karl Anders says he doesn't
like the colour (the colour of the car (in the movie (on the
video (the one we're watching right now (!)))))
Ah! Now comes a more interesting scene! I won't tell you about
it as Anders probably is reading, and the age limit of the movie
is 16 years (Anders (Nordås) is only 13).
Karl Anders just ran out of the room shouting "Where's the
Coke?" After some exciting ten seconds, he came back with a glass
of fresh Norwegian water, fell over a chair and spilled all the
water on the floor.
Torbjørn is sitting in front of the computer I just left (we
are using Frøykid's computer for the real time article for ST
NEWS 5.1). I wonder what he is doing with it. Hope he isn't
raping it (Oh! I forgot! Anders is probably reading, and he isn't
old enough for such things). I'll go and have a look.
rthiaas wwaasvb actually typefdf usiong r5onmny's asprijng, and
looks rather dutch to me, but i'm ever imprtovbiong (ooops)..
karrl andeers (yeahj)
Gee! I've never seen Karl Anders drunk before. I probably never
will either. He jsut typed the above message with the earlier
mentioned spring Lars-Erik tried to bend.
Say, what did they put in that water?
Karl Anders (Slightly confused)
Ole is back...
Well, I have returned! I am back! We are five people in Ronny's
room and we are doing nothing. Just a joke! We are actually
watching the film "No Man's Land", and we are "arc'ing" something
on Ronny's machine. And of course I am writing this lousy text
I must talk a little bit about all the Monty Python stuff that I
have been waching in the last few days. I have several 3 hours
video casettes filled with Monty Python films & several parts of
Flying Circus. The funny gang that created Monty Python must be
the funniest gang in the whole universe. It is unbelievable how
they manage to create all the funny stuff that they fill their
movies with. Now my arms suddenly become very slow and I think I
better stop writing before I ruin the whole text. Mayby I will
tell you more about Monty Python later in this text. Bye for now!
We have just finished watching the movie "No Man's Land" on the
video upstairs. Torbjørn is back, and he turned out to have
merely been going to fetch some stuff with Karl Anders instead of
actually bringing the latter back home.
Due to some mysterious means, Ole Jørgen is also back.
Don't ask me why.
And I don't know why there is a hole in the sky, either
So, I went upstairs when there was one minute left of the
movie. What Stefan, Richard and Ronny didn't know was that we had
been watching it in Ronny's room. Stefan said he was tired and
wanted to go to bed and it's just a quarter past 1! I thought he
was going to stay up later. He is testing my packer now (If I
just had a Coke right now...). I'm probably going into
nothingness pretty soon.
Ohhh, God - I'm sooooooo tired !!!!! Hmmm... Don't worry.
It will soon be over :-) No one can be tired with this music :-)
The 'stuff' that had to be fetched from Karl Anders' place
actually also turned out to contain a CD called "Mandatory
Metallica". It is one of those "promotional use - not for sale"
CD's that can be considered to be (to put it mildly) slightly
rare. It contains eight tracks from all Metallica albums, and
Karl Anders' brother actually turned out to have paid a massive
600 NOKs for it (that's about 200 Dutch guilders, or £80, or
$100, or DM 180 - which is, however you put it, incredible). It
also has a single version of "One", which is just over four
minutes in length.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 computer freaks and one sane person
(not a computer freak :-) In the middle of the night (it's
really dark up here - even darker than in Oslo.... Everybody is
busy doing nothing..... Some weird chip music.... An amazing
picture... Some even worse music.... It's the Thalion Sound
Demo - Now playing "Axel F" (it's a bit better)...
Well, I just remembered that I had the Thalion Sound Demo with
me and I put it on Ronny's ST and seconds later, a painful
silence fell upon the room, only to be penetrated by the
electronic sounds from the monitor. When the main menu appeared,
strange glares appeared in Torbjørn's eyes. He was beholding
music he did not already have and I already saw his fingers make
twitchy movements. If I could have read his mind, it would have
gone something like this:
Fingers: RIP RIP RIP!!!!!!
Mind: Musix I don't have???
Fingers: Well???? Get on with it!!!!
Mind: Hmmm.... Stefan is watching me closely.
Fingers: Never mind him, we'll just strangle him
Mind: Hmmm.... Not a bad idea...
At that point I saw rape and murder in Torbjørn (did you know
that 'bjørn' means bear?? .. So it is the TorBear ... Tor must
mean 'Hack' or 'Rip' or something I suppose ... so we'll just
call him the HackBear) his eyes and just when he started for me,
Richard exclaimed: "Let him hack it ... he'll never make it!"
Lucky me, I got off the hook. Anyway he is busy at it now and he
already (after about a minute) found out that it has the same
protection as the Union demo which he has already hacked to bits.
Everybody is watching him now and I think only now he is truly
I surely hope that, some time or another, we will be hitting the
sack since I am beginning to show certain signs of fatigue (is it
the thin air up here?).
Well...it ain't no 'sack'...it's more like a 'bunk' somewhere in
the back of a Camper Van that is crawling with dog hairs
I think we'll leave the rippers ripping, the hackers hacking,
and Torbjørn Torbjørning, and head for the Van. I can already
easily imagine the soft warmth of the sleeping bag from the
The computer just crashed as I sat down behind the keyboard.
Richard and Stefan have hit the sack and I, Torbjørn and Karl
Anders are probably going to stay up all night to crack the disk
they gave us.
Strange thing, actually! They are the ones we thought would
stay up all night, and they turn out to be the first ones to go
to bed (or sleeping bag, actually!)
We are now six persons in the room and the stereo is still only
half of its full effect (I know - the walls are shaking). Two
persons sit in front of Ronny's ST fighting for the keyboard, I
sit in front of Frøykid's ST and the other three (Lars-Erik,
Ronny and Bjørn) just sit here.
I wonder what the tape is playing right now. I'll ask.
Dire Straits! I knew it wasn't trash-metal...
Note: From now on, things might get especially confusing. This
is due to a certain effect earlier: Simultaneous recording on
both tape and computer!
It is now approximately precisely 100 percent two o'clock, and
we're in bed. Everything's been great and mega and super and
duper and whatever, but now we're going to sleep.
Hello!...Ahhh...I've never written something like this before,
maybe because I'm a nonccomputer-fraek (I can't even spell it).
So what..ZZZZZZZ...The sun is shining outside and the birds are
singing. Kim Basinger is having a naked bath in our pool outside
and .........Shit!... Why did you wake me Ronny?.... The
situation is as follows: Three guys are licking a computer-
monitor. They are total freaks..... Wait Ronny don't kill the
machine! Yo!..Stop hitting the monitor! It's a Commodore monitor,
and Ronny and the rest of the gang can't stand the look of other
computer-products than Atari in this room....Poor monitor.
The freaks in front of the computer are trying to crack a sound
demo by Thalion, which is, if we shall believe Richard's words,
Bjørn (Norwegian word for Bear)
At this moment, Lars-Erik goes to bed. Of course, he puts on the
radio and this causes us to wake up again. We proclaim that we're
eager to defend the silence that had been before by obliterating
"That's not nice."
Hi, it's me again!! Did I hear anyone say "Who?". Well, of
course, it's Ronny the Hatlemark'er. This is actually just the
second time my fingers rest on the keyboard of this specially
assigned real-time-article computer. I'm dead tired now, like
everybody (except three people), and I'm really starting to see
Kim Basinger myself, and Santa, the other guy in the red suit,
and so on... Just a minute, Torbjørn requested to write
something, so bye for now. I'll be back!
F.cking Thalion guys!!
We have just loaded the third "bootsector" and they are still
getting more and more "interesting". But don't worry guys we'll
have it ready in no time at all! I am not quite sure about that
no-border-16-way-scrolling-32-colour-bootsector intro Richard
requested. It's getting kinda late and we will now move to my
house were we will probably do some more hacking. Good night!
Torbjørn and Karl Anders are leaving the room right now. I'm
about to hit the sack in the tiny camper Ronny has outside the
house. Stefan and Richard told me to be as silent as possible, so
I'll scream as I enter the room, put on a Metallica tape, jump up
and down a bit (that won't have much effect, tiny one, ED.) fetch
my toothbrush, go back to the house, brush my teeth, go back to
the camper, wake up Stefan, Richard and Lars-Erik to say that I'm
hitting the sack. I'll then hit the sack with my toothbrush (Eh -
To be honest, I'm not tired, but I think I'll just have to go
to bed if I'm going to wake up for school January 3rd 1990.
As usual, I have to tell you that there is no trash-metal on
the stereo. I'm going crazy! Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!!!!!!!!!
Drag - the Insanely Witty One (Stefan quote)
For the last time tonight, a carbon-based life form enters the
keyboard... My room looks like a whore-house that has been bombed
and turned upside down, and it's bloody cold in here, 'cause I
had to get all that smell out before I go to bed. Anyway, I'm
sitting here all alone now, only enjoyed by Mark Knopfler, the
rest of Dire Straits and Sting. Everybody else is already fast
asleep I guess, and those lucky bastards can really sleep too;
I'll have to get up at 5:45 to deliver the newspapers to some of
the citizens of Ørsta. With this in my tired mind, I just want to
say "Good Night" and "Welcome to another day of computer-
freak(ing-out)s at Bjørkevegen 19 tomorrow morning". Till then,
read a few more lines...
Gard is getting out first, and he is thereby happily waking us
up. If only there was a way of quickly getting rid of that
Just woke up to find Stefan and Richard still asleep. I woke
them up and told them I was leaving today. I shouldn't have done
that, as both Stefan and Richard started weeping and the camper
was filled with tears (about 50 cm).
Stefan is in the bathroom right now, and Ronny, Lars-Erik and I
are the only ones in the room.
Uæææææææærrrrgggghhhhhh... Awake... It's in the middle of the
day and everybody is awake. Gard is sitting in the phone (using
up all Ronny's money on an enourmous phonebill) and Richard &
Stefan are unusually silent. In fact everybody is... The room
looks like a battlefield (almost like my room is used to :-)
At least we've got some decent music to which we can try to
become fully awake now: S.O.D.'s "Speak English or Die". It's
But I've heard some more music here that I will buy when I get
back to the flatlands: Vendetta's "Brain Damage" and Vangelis'
"L'Apocalypse des Animaux" (speaking of contrasts).
Ronny Microbe Sister, Elin, just now started asking if we
actually wanted to climb some mountains today.
We want to climb the highest mountain in the neighbourhood and
drown ourselves in metres of thick snow...
I almost start to drool at the sheer thought.
Drag TIWO is still on the phone, finding out about bus lines and
asking his parents if he is allowed to stay for a few days
longer, because we still haven't killed him. Ronny is in the
shower right now and we are browsing through teletext to find out
about the latest news. Lars-Erik translates it for me so I know
what is going on in the rest of the world while Ørsta is being
trashed by some computerfreaks. I slept remarkably well, not
regarding the fart-explosions coming from Richard23wwwe
(The cat just stepped on the keyboard)
Gard is allowed to stay another day and he will leave tomorrow
Wait a minute, somebody just said the magic word...
Just finished breakfast. No puke!
We're going downtown (well, downtown is a big expression for
such a small town) to bring back the video...
After an hour of scratching ice off the car windows, we are now
heading for Ørsta in a rather icy cold car.
Whilst driving, we actually looked outside the windows of the
car and saw a girl that is apparently called 'breakfast'.
"I have breakfast every morning..."
Stefan just sneezed. The violence nearly caused severe damage to
the car - and, actually, all of 'down-town' Ørsta.
We're back, and Richard, Stefan and Lars-Erik have bought
fireworks enough to blow Ørsta in the air. As if this wasn't
enough, Lars-Erik also bought a tape that is now blowing my ears
I bought two boxes of IFA and Richard and Stefan bought one
each (For those who doesn't know, IFA are the best pastilles in
Norway (at least I think so)).
We also bought twelve litres of Coke and loads of potato-
crisps. For some reason, Stefan and Richard bought a box of
Prince (cigarettes). I didn't know they smoked...
Er...we don't smoke, dear Gard. We will just use the cigarettes
to light some of the fireworks we bought - this is supposed to be
safer than using a match or lighter with all that wind around.
Gard just found out that he has been walking around with a
Commodore sticker on his back ever since....well....I guess since
just about when he got up this morning.
Two further Minute Ones (I suspect them to be friends of Elin)
have also entered the room and are now looking around with amazed
looks in their eyes, baffled by so much A: Noise, B: Mess, C:
They will probably not get over it for the rest of their lives.
Did you know that they already speak English? It's truly amazing
Yeah, even the tiniest of tiny Norwegian speaks English around
here. I keep on being amazed. What will be next? Babies telling
me to f.ck off and go back to wherever I came from?
Anyway, those small Norwegian pastilles are quite good, and it
seems that the Nutties like them as well. Elin nearly attacked me
when I showed her the little box of IFA. Also, the other two
(called Hanne-Mari aged 14 and John-Andreas aged 7) are busy
munching them as both Richard and myself cannot refrain ourselves
from donating IFA to cute little Norwegians. I don't think
they're supposed to accept candy from strangers, especially
Richard just put on some 'Vendetta' and it is utterly and
totally heavy. It sounds fantastic and as soon as I get back to
Holland, I will BUY it. The Minute Norwegians just fled the room
as they were quite shocked by the enormously heavy and violent
music now filling Ronny's room.
This must be some of the best Heavy Metal I've heard since I've
discovered this type of 'music'. It is really millio-mega-super
great! I will definitely go and buy it at the same instant I get
It's a deafening noise here!!
At last some real music here...! I'm having a copy of it. It's
recording right now.
Simen just arrived for an unknown reason (Amiga-freak).
My brother has an Atari (of which I own a part!!!!). I also had
to return something Ronny had lent me.
Ronny just brought some glasses and some Coke. Still no sign of
Hack-bear and Karl Anders (they must be having 'difficulties'
ripping the Thalion Sound Demo, ED).
Someone is very angry in this room. At least it sounds like it.
The drummer of the band that is currently playing, is drumming
away in a very fast, speedy and heavy way, the guitar tends to
make some rather angry noises too from time to time. I don't care
that much about this kind of music, sometimes it's great but
often it's just a lot of noise. Anyway, almost every computer-
freak likes this "music", so I'd better stop complaining.
Richard (who claims to be lazy and not at all fond of ARC) is
using ARC right now to extract some files. Some kids (which
should have been thrown out a long time ago) are currently
playing some quite nasty tricks on Richard (he almost fell off a
chair). Anyway, some kids want to write something now before they
are hanged (you know, like the last wish).
Yes this is Elin and Hanne-Mari.
We are 12 and 14 years old, and we love dogs.
Elin lives in Ørsta and Hanne-Mari lives in Sykkylven. And we
are really good in writing English as you can see. No, we are
just kidding, it is Stefan writing for us as we are no
computer freaks and we don't know how to type on the computer
(just a little bit). We have a very good sense of humor because
we laugh all the time.
Elin and Hanne-Mari
I just typed down some thing that Elin and Hanne-Mari were
saying and it took them a quarter of an hour to come up with the
above, constantly giggling foolishly and laughing insanely.
Anyway, there is a whole bag of crisps in front of me so I'd
The Ghost-virus has just struck Ronny's ST.
The music is very high!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just put on some real music (S.O.D.) Still no sign of Karl
Anders and Torbjørn. Lars-Erik is looking through my disks to
find something interesting (I'd like to kill the monitor cable of
this ST as it distorts the entire picture in the border much
better than the Carebears could ever do).
I just went to wet my ass in the local john opposite Ronny's
room. Shit. Why do all Norwegians and English have those stupid
Uh....Miranda's parents have one, too.
I've said nothing.
Darker clouds are gathering above the afternoon sky of Ørsta.
This might mean there's gonna be SNOW!
We'll have to see. As I already wrote before, I'd like to see
some before we head off to Holland again.
Lars-Erik just broke Ronny's computer. When we turn it on, it
doesn't even try to load from the disk in drive A. It doesn't
test drive B and neither does it check the hard-disk. Actually,
it crashes before it turns to 50 Hz!
Rene from DDR just jumped 105 metres (on TV, ED.).
Still no sign of Karl Anders and Torbjørn.
Lars-Erik is opening Ronny's ST after several attempts to repair
it by stepping on it, throwing it at the walls, dropping it down
on the floor and even hitting it. Unfortunately, he opened too
much of it (Unscrewed more screws than necessary).
Ronny's father just peeked in and told us that it's time for
However, he (the father) stopped, and is now watching Lars-Erik
who is destroying Ronny's computer by touching it.
Richard just bought a clock card and we're going to have dinner.
Karl Anders and Torbjørn still hasn't come, and Stefan is
missing. We're now five persons in the room. In a few seconds,
only Simen will be here.
Stefan (22) and Elin (12) have been mysteriously lost for about
half an hour (hint, hint). It has been very quiet. There is just
me in the room. Karl Anders and Torbjørn are probably sleeping
after a hard night (of sleep). Yesterday they came and visited me
at my home (in Sæbø). They wanted to find out how SoundTracker
and the hardware registers on the Amiga was arranged. Karl Anders
also wanted to pick up his stuff (sleeping-bag, disks, etc.)
which he had left in my car, and I had brought home with me. I
don't know (because Karl Anders has not been here today), but
Karl A. probably slept on an ST that night (i.e. he did not sleep
Dinner is in us and I must admit that they have been feeding us
some pretty neat stuff that they call 'Brennsnut'. It was
probably made of leftovers of the last couple of days (I
recognized the carrots we had the day before yesterday), but it
tasted really excellent.
The little gal (i.e. Elin) is heavily interested in some of the
cigarettes we bought earlier.
The rest of the people present here are now currently beginning
to get slightly excited now they have found out how to call for
free from a telephone booth. I will not say how it's done,
because IT'S ILLEGAL!
(And I hate things that are illegal, as we all know)
Lars-Erik repaired Ronny's ST, OK, and he left a message inside
it. A small sticker saying "Lars-Erik was here"... There's some
music on the stereo again (I know - Even though I can't hear
anything (the music is to loud), I can still see the walls
Elin just gave Stefan a glass of coke. I wonder why she does
things like that for him. I suspect they will be going steady
Old times of ST NEWS choruses revive as Stefan and yours truly
cry along with Metallica's "One", whilst heavily banging our
heads against millions of air molecules present in Ronny's room
(which all have a peculiar way of moving very fast, resulting in
quite a hot atmosphere).
Did you know it is quite difficult to type, cry and bang the
head all at once?
Phew! I think we've just beaten the notorious A..... computer
with regard to TRUE multi-tasking!
Everybody needs some sleep sometime. I'm feeling very tired
right now because I didn't sleep more than about 4 hours this
night. When you keep on sleeping as little as that night after
night, you'll notice it. I did, I do.
A friend of me (a MIDI-freak) just called, and said that he
might pop by later on. This is also the same guy that is
hopefully going to throw a party tomorrow night (New Year's eve),
but he hasn't fully decided yet, so I guess we'll just have to
convince him (in any way we can). Everything is allowed in war,
love and parties. It's gonna be fuuun!
Things are a bit less chaotic than yesterday, when Ronny's room
was looking like a sardine-tin. There are 7 people in it now from
which 4 are playing 'Supersprint'. I am getting a bit tired of
the heavy metal music, I've been listening to it for two days now
and I always play some other stuff between the Metallica and
Sodom CD's to prevent my brains from being totally obliterated.
Anyway, Richard keeps turning up the volume. Again, the
temperature is rising, but there is not such a foul smell
already. But it is still early so lotsof things might still
I am starting to get a bit concerned about HackBear. Has he
committed suicide after not being able to crack the TSD? Or is he
still at it, with red-rimmed eyes after having been hacking for
about 20 hours in a row? Maybe we could go to his house and check
on him. Everybody is playing Supersprint now and I'd better go
and have a look....
Small outbursts of violence come from the little group of
people. It seems that Richard just beat Gard by the pixel and now
Gard is busy pounding on Richard. Lars-Erik totally lost and
pressed the reset-button. According to Gard, he was ahead of
Richard at that moment. Anyway, they're now scavenging Ronny's
collection of disks to find another game to play. I believe Elin
(to whom I am going to propose tomorrow night so I have heard)
wants to play Bubble Bobble. And yes, it is there now. Memories
of long nights filled with Bubble Bobble and a certain girl
(Evelien) faintly drift though the eternal mist of my mind, but
are quickly torn apart by Metallica's "Sanitarium" and are being
replaced by visions of the latest ST NEWS chorus featured on the
latest CAT which I unfortunately forgot to bring. Richard just
commented that Elin doesn't play to get the bonuses, she just
tries to get through a level as fast as possible.
By the way, did you know that a "overflatepost" of 20 grammes
costs 3.4 NOK if you do it "trykksaker"? (Just reading off a - I
think - Norwegian post services price list)
Did you know that in Norway we only have one (1) TV-channel?
Well, you didn't. Anyway it's almost true. In some parts of the
country they can watch something called TV Norge and TV3, and
also the rest of the Super/Sky/Etcetera stuff, but at Sunnmøre
(which is the rainy part of the country where my room is
located), we only get to listen to and watch the ultra-famous and
much-so-talked-about NRK (abbreviation for 'Norsk RiksKring-
kasting' which means Norwegian Broadcasting).
Personally I think it's not too bad (I'm speaking of both the
NRK and the actual situation with only one channel now), because
in these circumstances you get to do some of the things that you
really should do instead of sitting paralized giving strange
looks to an otherwise ever-so-boring rectangular box.
Right now, one of the greatest hits in Norway is emerging from
the sound speakers. It's a song called 'The Invisible Man' by a
group called 'Dance With A Stranger', and it's written by a guy
called Ivar Dyrhaug. Of course, you know none of these nouns, but
soon you might, because 'Dance With A Stranger' is going to be
launched abroad too. And believe me: They're mindchrunchingly
good!! Watch out, because it's soon (probably) coming to an air-
vibrator near you!
After playing "Bubble Bobble" up to level 70 (or was it a bit
more?) with Elin - who happens to be the most egotistical and
non-bonus-orientated creature living in the entirity of God's
creations - one tends to become brainobliteratingly frustrated
(in a very eldritch way, and for no further apparent reason).
So I am now frustrated.
I must say I have noticed a peculiar habit. Both Richard and
Stefan use space instead of tab when they start writing a new
paragraph. That's why the number of spaces varies every time they
I have also noticed that Richard has been playing Bubble Bobble
quite a while. Right now, Stefan and Elin are playing.
F.cking Dutch! They won't speak English - just because we speak
Norwegian all the time. What's the matter with these guys? Don't
they speak Norwegian...?
Stefan just got a purple umbrella and he was rushed seven levels
further and is now killing some monsters in level 35 of Bubble
Lars-Erik is taking photographs (he bought three new films
earlier today) again. Right now, he is taking a picture of me
typing on the keyboard (between the "a" and the "picture")
Well, I have some killing to do.
Richard just farted! There is now a big hole in the south wall
and everybody is freezing. Somebody has a tape with lousy music
in the stereo. Why can't they do something real here - like
repairing the wall or play Metallica or S.O.D.?
Stefan and Elin are dead (Sick!). Richard has lighted a fire
sparkler (or whatever they are called in English). Both Lars-
Erik and myself got a nice picture of it (with a terrible looking
Richard in the background).
Playing Bubble Bobble is harder than I thought. I haven't played
it for months, so I didn't do that well. Elin even beat me to it,
she's quite good actually. Richard kept telling me how bad I was
doing and how many lives he had not lost when I lost one.
Sometimes he can be so insanely childish, he is far worse than
little Gard (Up yours, Stefan! EX-ED.). Anyway, it's still quite
early and I wonder what we are going to do tonight. Another
evening in Ronny's room doesn't sound too tempting since I've
seen everything in it now and perhaps a little upside-down
turning might reveal some more interesting things, but I think
poor Ronny (who is terribly tired; sleep radiates from his entire
being) won't appreciate it. Lars-Erik just put on Jean Michel
Jarre's 'Revolutions' but each time he puts something on, he
tends to overdo the volume a bit so a truly deafening noise was
turned down hastily by a slightly concerned Ronny.
Richard is now teaching Simen to play Bubble Bobble the right
way, not killing all creatures at once, but letting at least one
of them live and then wait for all the good bonuses. You get
massive points then.
We are going to downtown Ørsta. I've got to hurry. Bye!
Note: As already happened earlier, things will again get
slightly messy next (simultaneous real-timing, that is).
I SMELL JUNKFOOD!!!!
I've been discussing Norwegian wages, drug abuse and the EEC
with Ronny and Simen after the rest drive back off to the house.
A Norwegian factory worker earns about 115,000 NOKs each year, so
that's way above average. No wonder that everything is so damn
Ronny told Simen that he knew a place where to find 'stiff
water', so that's where we're heading for now (in Simen's car, a
I, Lars-Erik, Elin and Stefan (Hmmmm! They were both in the
back-seat on the way back) are back, and the rest of us are
Ouch! Elin pulled my hair and Stefan tried to pour coke down my
back! A typical reaction when you're...
We're in the middle of nowhere (again)....well...in the middle
of a lot of trees, actually. It's kinda thrilling, this search
for stiff water!
We're back, and I must say that I am starting to get the
feeling that certain people are insinuating certain things about
me and a very (VERY!) young girl. Now I don't know where they got
these ideas but let them have their little fun.
We lost Ronny, Richard and Simen along the way and I am starting
to think that they are doing things that I also would like to do.
I can already picture them in a bar having a beer while I am
stuck here in a small room with three Norwegians.....I hope they
haven't forgotten all about me and come to fetch me before they
go to a wild party or something. Elin put on some Norwegian soap
for kids which looks pretty lame to me....
We found stiff water allright, and it is indeed even slippery. I
am at this very moment walking on it (The walkman also gives
forth sounds of cracking).
People in a nearby house are looking suspiciously through their
windows at us, supposed hooligans. The headlights of the car make
sure we can see something of where we're walking.
I don't trust my weight....the ice is definitely not stiff
Elin is now actually dressing the cat. She has already squeezed
it into a shirt and now she is busy trying to get some shorts on
it. Now the cat remains quite calm, only a frantic look it its
eyes betrayes that it isn't particulary enjoying this kind of
treatment. Anyway, she managed to put on the shorts and now it is
walking across the room, looking insanely insane. Poor thing.
Norwegians do the most amazing things to animals. Yesterday, they
put an innocent rabbit between a horde of half-crazed maniac
little dogs and now they have dressed a cat! I wonder what else
they will have in store for me....
Ose invasion again! Richard & Co is still missing. The phone is
ringing and Elin answers it. She says "Hello? Hello! Hello?
Hello?" but nobody seems to be answering her.
Maybe it's Richard and Co calling without putting money into the
phonebooth and therefore the line is broken immediately.
Some Oses just dropped in and they told me that Hackbear and
Karl Anders have been hacking all night long and all day long.
They went to bed at 7:30 (!!) and at 12:30 they continued, they
are still busy right as I type!! HAAHAAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!
Lars-Erik just reminded me that I am alone now with 6 Norwegians
and three of them are Oses!!! I feel quite small and
insignificant in the company of so many natives......
I am seriously starting to get concerned here. Where are Ronny,
Simen and Richard???
Ronny is arriving......Ronny is here!!!!
Here I am again - Richard. With Simen (Semen!! - remember Jeff
Minter's joke in ST NEWS Volume 4 Issue 4?) and Ronny, we left
the others to go and find some 'stiff water' as Ronny put it.
First, we got lost.
Secondly, we didn't get lost and indeed found some stiff stuff.
But when I stamped my feet on it, it made a dramatic noise that
made us head for the shore soon.
The 'lake', by the way, was about as broad as a car and ten
metres long (at the most).
After that, we tried the phone trick and found out that you
could listen to the surprised person you're calling for about
five seconds, and then the connection was lost.
I already saw Ronny carrying his ST and modem to a phone booth,
with his kid sister on a cycle to provide the necessary electric
That hamburger we ate in 'downtown' Ørsta was good but slightly
brainmurderingly expensive. It costed 30 NOKs (10 Dutch guilders,
$5, or £3, or DM 9).
Elin and Simen are now playing "Bubble Bobble" again.
Hello again...I'am crushed in my mind, because I have now just
read that the supermega group U2 have split up. I now just want
to drown myself twice. But in humour Monthy Python is the best.
We're now listening to Stakker Humanoid, which is very acid.
Elin and Richard are now playing a new game of 'Bubble Bobble'.
That game is really old!!!
The disk drive of this computer suddenly went bananas and the
whole existence of this real-time article was at stake because
the only disk where it was on was totally screwed! So after some
frantic formatting, saving and verifying, it is now on a TDK disk
which should be OK.
Anyway, the Oses have left to record some CD's (Mucky Pup is
amongst them ... good thing) and I gave them a special message
for HackBear.....LAUGH AT HIM!!!!!!
Richard is at it again and moments ago he was shouting at Elin
because she did something wrong in Bubble Bobble. Poor girl....
There is a nice and big pot of Norwegian beer (Ringes Pilsener
Øl) located next to me and it tastes quite well I might say.
Another Norwegian just popped in and his name is Frederik. He
brought a tape with some home-made music and I must say that the
electronic sounds now reaching my ears are of quite a good
quality. Maybe some day this guy will publish a CD and become
totaly rich and famous. He is also the one that might throw a
party tomorrow and now we have to convince him that this is
actually a very good idea....
HackBear and Karl Anders just arrived. I asked Karl Anders if
they really hacked it. "Yes," he said with a sleepy, yet proud
look in his eyes. There is now a crowd gathering round the other
computer to see the cracked version. I knew all the time that
they would make it. Ha! Ha! Ha!
MonST is loaded. They are loading two seperate files. They are
now running the demo! Richard says: "This proves beyond the
shadow of a doubt that they are the two best rippers in Ørsta.
I am truly and honestly astounded.
I would not have expected either HackBear or Karl Anders (or not
even a combination of the two) to clear this.
Hail to them!
I would indeed like to re-quote the above (thanks, Gard), and
replace 'Ørsta' with 'The whole God damn f.cking wide World!!'.
(Excuse me for the language)
How to rip the Thalion Sound demo
Yesterday at about 0:00 we got the Thalion Sound Demo, and
everybody challenged us to crack this uncrackable/uncopyable
disk. Of course we decided to do it! Let's look at how our work
progressed during the night and day we spent hacking the stuff.
Monst (Happy Computer Version) was loaded (this must be the
definitive hacking tool around)
*** WE DID NOT USE ANY FANCY HARDWARE AT ALL ***
Soon after the first lousy bootsector was loaded and slightly
ripped to shreads, only to show us a new "boot-sector" which
looked rather familiar. In fact it was very much like one of the
many bootsectors that can be found on the first track on the
Union demo disk (it even contained the words "UNION-DEMO-BOOT".
This one was slightly more advanced, but since I had already
hacked the union sectors it didn't last long before we had the
next "boot-sector" loaded. The only bad thing about their
routines is that they load the stuff at $7e (kinda low isn't
it?:-) Well so far everything went quite well.
Since Ronny is a paperboy, and has to deliver lots of newspapers
pretty early next morning we have decided to leave his room. We
drove down to my parents' house where we were to spend some more
hours hacking the disk. Then we discovered something that made it
all so much easier!! The disk was formatted in excactly the same
way as the Union demo, which made us able to use some old Union
Demo routines. This made us able to load the whole disk into the
computer, which in the end didn't help us that much since most of
the code on the disk was slightly crunched (70%?). Only the
samples of the DEFCON tune was not crunched, by the way, there's
lots of unused space on the disk too (huhh?). But at the end of
the disk we found some rather interesting un-protected routines
that gave us the loading adresses and the sector adresses. Then
all we had to do was to write a loader that moved everything to
its correct location in memory (again pretty low - $124)
Unfortunately things were not quite as easy as it seemed.
PROCESSOR INTERRUPT REQUEST
Copper: What the heck is going on?
MC68000: What are you doing in this ST computer?
Copper: Sorry, wrong computer!
MC68000: I'd say. So, what's happening?
MFP_Timer_D: Pizza has arrived (21:11)
MC68000: Interrupt request GRANTED!!!
Those f.cking germans (HOLGER,JOCHEN,ERIK and GUNTER) really
screw up every available interrupt. Especially the keyboard
interrupts are very badly programmed (we actually had to rewrite
them). This is just about what happened:
ST: ;PC T S III NZVC
;000000 00100111 0000
;0 00000000 00000000
;1 00000000 00000000
;2 00000000 00000000
;3 00000000 00000000
;4 00000000 00000000
;5 00000000 00000000
;6 00000000 00000000
;7 00000000 00000000
All we do is to change the S bit
(this bit will just be called R (register dump) from now on)
MC68000: Ha! Ha!
T: Includes the following stuff in "runit" routine:
1138 0000 (move.b #0,$ffffa07.w)
1138 0000 (move.b #0,$ffffa09.w)
1138 0054 (move.b #$54,$fffffa25.w)
(do we need this one guys?)
4ef8 0124 (jmp $124.w)
MC68000: Hey! There is actually some sensible code here? Let's
IKBD: I won't work for those filthy hackers!! Besides: those
keyboard routines looks terrible.
MC68000: Well, do as you please, I'm going to run this code with
or without you (U2 quote).
KA+T: Ahhh??! Not again??
IKBD: Heh, heh!
KA: Modifies some code:
3038 fc02 (move.b $fffffc02.w,d0)
b038 fc02 (cmp.b $fffffc02.w,d0)
63fc (beq.s -4)
3038 fc02 (move.b $fffffc02.w,d0)
MC68000: Wow! This coding is starting to look interesting, let's
have a go at it, guys!
IKBD: Hmmm, it seems that my interrupts have been improved a
bit.. OK, then.
Timer D: I do believe somebody is writing code over my vectors!
Timer A: Nah, as long as I've got my vectors clear...
IKBD: Hey, somebody is overriding my interrupts! I really
cannot accept this!
T+KA: Nah, we don't need you anymore.
IKBD: Pardon me?
68030: I am hearing rumours that some self-modifying code is
actually present in this very ram. I must strongly..
KA: Nah, go find yourself a TT!
68030: Well, if that is your opinion..
Timer D: May I have your attention, please? I must inform you
that if I do not get back my vectors soon, I will have
to RESET the computer!
T presses the W key
MC68000: SUCK! Look at these routs guys. There's undeniably some
class over these hackers!
KA+T: Heh, heh... (Shake hands)
Timer D: Alright, I give up..
KA+T: Hey, it works!!
Torbjørn & Karl Anders
Just now, something happened that you will never believe.
Two people barged in, accompanied by the two Ose cousins whose
names have slipped my mind. One of them (obviously male) was
dressed up as an old woman and they did something with wooden
shoes (massive ones) and I didn't actually know what was
happening (I still don't, really).
Maybe someone else will explain it. Simen maybe?
It's Ronny that got the pleasant pleasure of explaining this
very odd Norwegian tradition, so here I am giving it a try.
The tradition is called to go 'Julebukk'. It can vaguely be
compared to the US tradition with pumpkins on heads on Thanks
Giving day. Someone gets together somewhere, drinks a few drinks
(if they're adults), and when they've gathered enough courage,
they dress up like strange-looking weirdos (using masks, old
clothes, high heels, makeup and stuff), and then, finally, they
can start on their mission, which is to go from house to house
doing the strangest things imaginable to the innocent people that
happen to live there (like singing, flirting, selling old
wooden shoes (which they did in our case), reading poems, acting
or in any other way have a public performance). This is done
between Christmas and New Year. Usually these people are somebody
known by, or related to, the victims. Someone in this room sort
of recognized one of the guys that entered (the one male that
actually played a male too), but the wildest (or should we say
drunkest) is pretty unknown to all of us.
Anyway, that's it in a nutshell, so I guess my mission is
completed now. I'll just go to collect my bonus, and leave the
keyboard typeable for someone else.
I have the impression that everybody has left, but there are
still 4 people in the room, and Gard just came in. Something
secret is probably going to happen. A discusion about viruses has
just finished, and Lars-Erik has got a Commodore-sticker on his
back. Torbjørn was just ordered out of the room. Are they going
to rape him???!!!!! Time will show!
It is very quiet with Richard, Stefan and Ronny out of this
room, but unfortunately they just all arrived!
We're going to go again, anyway. Ronny, Stefan and me are going
to go to a guy called Fredrick. He might organise a party
tomorrow, and we have to convince him to DO so.
Wow, someone just recognised my talent as a hacker/ripper. After
almost one hour of secrecy, Ronny said that I was wanted in the
hall. I entered the hall to be met by Stefan who gave me
(ceremonially?) a document wich gave me the title:
L OO RRR DDD H H AA CCCC K K BBB EEEE AA RRR
L O O R R D D H H A A C K K B B E A A R R
L O O RRR D D HHHH AAAA C KK BBB EEE AAAA RRR
L O O R R D D H H A A C K K B B E A A R R
LLLL OO R R DDD H H A A CCCC K K BBB EEEE A A R R
' Ripper of the decade '
Richard made some pictures, of wich I only will allow the one
with my face hidden to be shown to anyone (for obvious reasons).
Honestly though It was really great that at least someone thinks
in the same way as myself: Hacking/Ripping is ART!!!
In fact all this inspires me to keep on hacking/ripping even
more than before (especially ST NEWS, sorry Stefan!)(and
everything by Thalion, sorry Richard!).
To avoid all "lethal mail" I think I ought to mention that most
of my hacks never get spread to the public. In fact I think
hacking into other people's (usual guys who are pretty clever to
program) programs is the best way to learn how to write really
fast code, and it is surely the only way to get music.
Finally I would just like to thank you guys for the
title/document, I will do my very best to keep up the
Lord Hackbear (Ex Tob)
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.