"Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I wonder if it's mine?"
THE BIGGEST CRAPTALK EVER
- or -
TRYIN' TO DO MY BEST TO HELP 'EM
- or -
THE UGLIEST DEMO EVER
- or -
THE COMIC STRIP: AKIRA
- or -
THE THIRD WORLD WAR IS FOR THIS YEAR!
- or -
THE TWO DUTCH REBELS
by Furyo of the Overlanders
The editorial staff of ST NEWS would like to emphasize that the
author of this article is actually a very nice person, in spite
of the language that may seem slightly rude to many of you. If
you're one of those persons who doesn't like bodily functions
splattered all over an article, please skip it. We did not want
to hide it because it would have been childish. We're living in
the nineties, goddammit!
FUCK YOU!!! SHITTY BASTARD, GO TO HELL, ASSHOLE!
Oops, sorry, but that fuckin' radio has once again played
"Everything I do I do it for you" by Bryan Adams, and I cannot
bear this song anymore. It's so crappy... Crap, crap, crap!
Before I forget: I'm Furyo from OVR, and the reason for me
writing in this wonderful mag right now is because I read in the
previous ST NEWS that they (Richard - the guy who visited the
place where Plantiac Vieux is made - and Stefan - the unlucky guy
who did not visit it) have trouble to fill up the entire ST NEWS
each time. I said myself that they deserve some support, and
that's why I'm writing here!
So, what can I say (or write)?
I know, I have recently read some incredible things in the
Guiness book of world records and I will tell you some of them...
I will do a sort of "Did you know that II"...
So, did you know that...
...the size of Djail Salih is 55cm (he is 25 years old) and that
his weight is 5kg (yes, FIVE!)?
...when she was born, Marian Taggart (1938-1983) had a weight of
...the hair of Diane Witt had a size of 3.35m in 1990?
...interferon, which is a protein secreted by the cells when they
are "attacked" by a virus, costs US$ 10 (TEN DOLLARS) per
millionth of a microgramme! It means that one gramme cost
10,000,000,000,000 dollars (ten thousand billion dollars)?
...In 1982, a woman has been founded with 15.1 grammes of alcohol
in her blood (you are normally dead if you have 5 grammes)?
...the LSD 25 is the strongest drug (C20H25N30)?
...a girl was born 84 days AFTER the death of her mother?
...a temperature of -89.2°C has been recorded once at Vostok
OK, enough of this craptalk, but don't you think that it's
What can I say now?
What about talking of music?
Kate Bush has done a new CD recently, it has been taken from the
album "Two rooms" and the name of this CD (single) is "Rocket
man". To my mind, Kate Bush is THE voice (sorry Richard). She has
also published her complete works - it's a bit expensive, but it
worth to buy it, you can believe me. This casket contains 6 CD's
+ 2 original ones, and some nice photos of Kate.
Speaking of complete works, Metallica (after THE voice, it's THE
band!) have released a limited (only 4000 copies in the entire
world!) casket containing all their CD singles. It includes:
"Creeping Death/Jump in the Fire", "5.98$ Garage Days Re-
revisited", "Harvester of Sorrow", "One" and "Enter Sandman".
'And what about "The unforgiven"?' I hear you shouting. This CD
was not yet finished when they launched this casket, OK?
These CD's are now rare, or at least very hard to find - and
even if, again, this casket is a bit expensive, it's REALLY worth
the buy! Moreover, this casket also features 2 badges, 3 (cool)
stickers and 2 sew-on patches. It will become a collector's item,
so BUY IT NOW!!!
OK, after this musical part, let me talk about demos.
Some days ago, I received the new demo of the Dynamic Duo, which
is called "Imagination". When I loaded it, I immediately
discovered that they still haven't found a gfx-man... But I
nearly fell of my chair when I saw the screen called "Fractal
Flight". They have used the fonts I've made for our screen in the
"Punish your Machine" demo by DF. But those Bas....s have
completely destroyed my work: The original font had 16 colours
and now there are only 8 of them - and moreover they have changed
the palette, which means that they look worse than ugly.
Furthermore, they haven't told that I was the author of these
fonts. So, if you read this, you, of the Dynamic Duo (must I say
the destructor duo?), you must know that your demo is to my mind
the ugliest demo ever made on the ST (and I don't say that
because of my fonts) and that you don't only produce horrible
screens, but also you are pretentious (nobody will say that your
demo is the coolest demo ever... don't dream)!
Speaking of demos, I recently received some gfx of Lowlife (a
member of Sewer Software, the authors of the cool demo (THAT IS a
cool demo, DD!) "Fish'n'Chips"), and I must say that I have been
impressed, coz it's fabulous! I'm anxiously waiting for this
forthcoming demo coz it will be worth while (this is the least I
can say). I'm sure that it will become a new hit in the ST
In order to thank you for reading all this shit, I will now give
you a hint about our screen in "Punish your Machine" by DF. In
the main screen (the second one), you must type: "the overlanders
from the union are proud to say you that you have found the
password", but with no spaces between the words. Then you have to
savagely hit your favourite space bar, and you will discover a
(funny?) picture. What a cool guy I am, am I not?
Let me now change topic.
What about comic strip?
I'm a fan of AKIRA, a famous strip cartoon by Katsuhiro Otomo.
This is not a CS that one can buy at the local CS shop. No. Every
month, a new part of it is released (about 30-40 pages). In
France, the last volume was number 26.
This CS is a SF one, and even if the beginning does not sound
original the story is great and I must say that I am anxiously
waiting for the publication of the new AKIRA every month!
Even if, as I said above, the beginning is not very original, I
will nonetheless give it to you right now.
The sixth of December 1992, at 2.17 pm, a bomb of an unknown
type blowed up above the main towns of Japan.
Nine hours later, it becomes the beginning of the third world
Leningrad, Moscou, Kazakhstan, Irkutsk, Vladivostok, San
Francisco, Los Angeles, Washington, New York, Okinawa, Berlin,
Hambourg, Varsovie, Londres, Birmingham, Paris, New Delhi...
And then, the world began to rise from its ashes...
At Neo-Tokyo, in 2030, 38 years after the apocalypse...
Not original, but looks promising, no?
Furthermore, a movie of the book has been done, and it is GREAT!
The grafix are beautiful, there are as much animations as in any
Disney cartoon, which means that it is perfect. The music of the
film is very good, etc... In fact, EVERYTHING is great, and even
if you normally don't like cartoon films, you MUST go and see
this one. It is now a (maybe THE) classic. You can trust me, you
won't be disappointed.
And now, as a musical interlude, here comes... METALLICA (of
course, don't forget that it is THE band!).
"...And justice for all"
What is this hell you have put me through
Day in day out live my life through you
pushed onto me what's wrong or right
Hidden from this thing that they call life
Every thought I'd think you'd disapprove
Always censoring my every moves
Children are seen but are not heard
Tear out everything inspired
Torn from me without your shelter
I'm living blindly
Time has frozen still what's left to be
Cannot face the fact I think for me
No guarantee, it's life as is
But damn you for not giving me my chance
You've clipped my wings before I learned to fly
I've outgrown that fucking lullaby
Same thing I've always heard from you
Do as I say not as I do
Torn from me without your shelter
I'm living blindly
I'm in hell without you
Cannot cope without you two
Shocked at the world that I see
Innocent victim please rescue me
Hidden in your world you've made for me
Ripping wounds in me that never heal
Undying spite I feel for you
Living out this hell you always knew
Aaaahhh!!! That's what I call a song - with great lyrics, great
And of course, people who have never heard any heavy metal song
will say that there are no lyrics at all, and so on. STRONZO!
(that's Italian), TROU DU CUL (it approximately means "ASSHOLE"
in French)! I hate these persons who always criticize what they
have never seen or even heard. For them, every youth is drug
addicted, and if you say (poor guy) that your hobby is a
computer... My god! What have you said, you are now a hooligan,
coz if you have a computer it means that you are a criminal, coz
you sell pirated software, it HAS to happen.
Let me check the size of this article... load... load... load...
Eh! Not bad, almost 10 Kb (at least, it's good for me). But I
must still do better if I really want to help our two skinheads.
Yes, skinheads, coz both Stefan and Richard have 2mm of hair on
their heads - sure that when they will do their military service
their cut will be quite OK. Moreover, it's strange that people
like them have such cuts, coz they both like Heavy metal, and
generaly, people who love this kind of music are wearing long
hair cuts. It seems that they are a kind of rebel (?!?) people...
Unfortunately, I think that this article is over here. My brain
is game over!
Have fun reading ST-NEWS.
Editorial note: Well, what is there to say? I suppose that's
what friends are for. By the way, a quick note regarding military
service: We both avoided it. In Holland one is allowed to have
girl's hair in the army anyway. Buncha sissies.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.