"Why are eggs so frustrated?
They only get laid once,
they only get eaten once and
they have to be boiled to grow hard..."
HIDDEN ARTICLE TWO - THE SECOND HIDDEN ARTICLE
written solely by Kai Holst
(we hope)
#################################################################
Okay, here we go! Here is what you've been waiting for: The
Complete, uncensored nightmare of a hypotethic visit to me by
you. Please raise your life-insurance by at least 300% before
reading this! I will not accept any responsibility whatsoever for
any psychic damage caused by reading this incredibly stupid and
funny story!
#################################################################
THE ANSWER TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING...
- or -
THE MONSTERS FAR UP NORTH...
- or -
A MIDSUMMERNIGHT'S DREAM... (Let's make that NIGHTMARE...)
- or -
CAN YOU PLEASE TRANSLATE THAT INTO ENGLISH???
- or -
HOW TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF IN FIVE LANGUAGES...
- or -
THE STRANGEST PARTY I EVER ARRANGED
- or -
THIS'LL BE A WORLD-RECORD!!!
- or -
HI, MOM!
- or -
INTRODUCING ANOTHER GARD!!!
- or -
HOW THE WORLD SHOULD NOT BE CREATED!
- or -
AT LEAST, WHO SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO CREATE IT!
- or -
WHY DOES THE SUN RISE IN THE EAST?
- or -
THE EARTH IS CUBIC!
- or -
HOW TO KILL YOUR NEIGHBOUR!
- or -
AN EXCLUSIVE FIRST-HAND REPORT FROM THE ULTIMATE MADNESS!
- or -
SUBTITLES FOREVER...
- or -
HELL, LET'S GET STARTED!!!
This Crazy Real-time Article is written by Kai "Ivanhoe" Holst!
It tells the full and uncensored truth of a hypothetical (!)
visit to my place by my two Dutch friends and idols, Richard and
Stefan! The story is copyrighted to me, but can be freely copied
by/between the following persons: Richard and Stefan!
Of course, I would not object if these two marvellous guys put
it onto their famous ST NEWS diskmagazine, in which case I will
allow everybody to copy it (indeed, it seems they have, haven't
they? ED.)!
Actually, I'll write this article thinking that hundreds, maybe
thousands of ST enthusiasts will read it! Most of the persons
mentioned in this CL are fictitious, but I wish to apologize to
the real persons mentioned in the text! I'm sorry, friends! You
may think that some of the things I write about in this Crazy
Article are highly trivial, but that's just what the Crazy
letters are made of, or what?
I have mixed things from real life with things from
comics'n'books and some personal ideas and tried to put it
together my (!) way! My goal is to reach a status as a Crazy
Letter-author! I will not be satisfied with just writing a Crazy
Footnote! That means that the minimum length of this
Letter/Article will be 100 KB! It starts on a very quiet Friday
afternoon, with me waiting for a plane to arrive...
Note: The total Crazy Letter in which this Real Time Article
was, was indeed 100 Kb. This Article as such wasn't, though. But
long enough nonetheless! (ED.)
#################################################################
Friday, July 19th 1991
#################################################################
18:12
Wow!!! In less than two hours I will have a bunch of nutty
Norwegian & Dutch computer-freaks right here in my little room!
Things have really moved revolutionary fast after I got to know
Richard two months ago!!! I am thrilled to have these LL (Living
legends) right here! They'll be here for eleven stormy days!!!
Life is surely sweet... Love is looking at me with favourable
eyes right now, my computer works OK and Richard will be here
soon!!! I'm so excited I can't sit still! There's but one
obstacle left: I have to borrow the neighbour's car, and he must
never know...
I'll start on my HCQ (Holy Car Quest) in less than ten minutes
or I won't reach the airport in time!!! Oh, I'll just start right
away or I'll start typing all kind of weird stuff here... Logging
off...
Kai
(The next four hours of action are typed listening to a tape I
recorded with my Aiwa (Yes) walkman, on the journey to the
airport, at the airport and on our way home from the airport!)
Kai: I am right now standing on the stairs of our house! I can
not see anybody outside except a few kids playing. Ehh...
those kids sure take a huge risk playing in the middle of
the road.... My primary target, the neighbour's car, is
situated only twenty metres north of me; A white Toyota
Camry, brand new! I take a deep breath, and go to work...
It's now 18:43, and I just managed to break into the car. It
looks great from within, with a superb car-stereo which also
has a Compact disk-player, and I have "Empire" by
Queensrÿche with me! Now all I have to do is to get this
bloody car started...
Engine: Roar! Roar!!! ROAR!!!
Kai: It works!!! It took me twenty seconds to start the thing,
and I'm on my way to the smallest international airport in
Norway, called Høybuktmoen! A few kids playing in the middle
of the road near my place accidentally got under the wheels
as I left... I hope their life-insurance is high! "Empire"
is currently playing, and I feel great!!!! It's now 19.37
and I'm drawing nearer to the airport...
Engine: Roar! Roar!!! ROAR!!!
Kai: It's now 19:56, and I'm at the airport! In about ten minutes
they will be here! Richard, Stefan, Lord HackBear and
Frøyboy! I can't wait to see them!!!
Clock: Tick, tack, tick, tack...
Loudspeaker: We're sorry to inform you that flight 714 from
Tromsø has some problems aboard, and will arrive a bit
late!! The delay will be about thirty minutes.
Kai: Hell!!! So I have to wait another thirty minutes...
Clock: Tick, tack, tick, tack...
Einstein: E=MC²
Kai: Where the hell did he come from?
Einstein: From heaven, of course. Did you know that heaven is
actually shaped like a pyramid?
Kai: How could I? Why don't you go back there???
Einstein: Is my presence not desired?
Kai: Not at all!
Einstein: Mutter, mutter... Bye then!
Kai and everybody else present at the airport: Bye!!!
Clock: Tick, tack, tick, tack...
Plane Engine: ROOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!
Plane Wheels: Bump.
Kai: Finally they're here! I wonder what the delay is all about!
(At this point I find my poster and place myself near the
entrance. In this plane are the nutties... (The poster had
written on it (with tall characters) "ST-SUPERJERKS!") Wait;
Could that be them? That bunch being escorted by the police? And
aren't those handcuffs they are wearing? This situation was just
too delicate to avoid my interest...)
Kai: Excuse me, but may I ask if this could happen to be two
Dutch and two Norwegian guys that claim they came to visit
me?
Officer: That depends on your name, sunny!! They DO claim they're
here to visit a friend of theirs!
Kai: My name is Kai, and I...
Richard: Kai! Please explain to this jerk who he's talking
about!! I'm Richard, and this is Stefan! (Richard points at
a strange looking dude standing next to him!)
(The tape recorder accidentally got switched off at this point,
but it didn't take me long to get my friends safe to "my" car!
Our first meeting was hectic, but extremely funny (for me!!!) In
the car I recorded the following conversation:)
Kai: I hadn't expected this meeting to be so radically exciting!!
What happened up there?
Richard, Stefan, HackBear and Frøyboy: The plane picked up a
Hitchhiker! What a mistake! He hijacked the plane, and
pretended to know us!!! His name was... errr... Storm, I
(we) think...
Kai: Oh, no! Did you say "Storm?"
Stefan: If you tell me you know him I'll kill you!!!
Richard: If you tell me you know him I'll kill you!!!
Frøyboy: If you tell me you know him I'll kill you!!!
HackBear: If you tell me you know him I'll kill you!!!
Kai: Storm sounds rather familiar to me, but I don't think I know
this strange individual... What did he look like, Richard?
Richard: He was tall, like Cronos, he had bright hair, deep blue
eyes, and he obviously had the brains of Korik. He was like
a mixure of Cronos Warchild and Korik Starchaser...
Kai: That's what I meant him to be... I will admit it... He is my
personal guardian!! He disappeared a week ago, but some news
reports made me think he was heading for Tromsø. Listen, he
knew you were coming, but I never thought he would hijack a
plane. He's my Spiritual Child, alright!
Richard: That doesn't explain why he said he knew us!!!
Kai: You see, I showed him the pictures you sent me. No, don't do
that against me! Please!!! Aaaarrrrrrggghhhhhhh...
Aaaaaaarrrrrghhh...
(The rest of the journey back home is nothing but a black fog,
but the tape contains some strange, beating sounds...
Nevertheless, when I regained consciousnes, they had found my
place, so here I'll continue on the Real-Time-Crazy-Letter...)
22:48
The world is nothing but chaos.. Or, my room is filled with five
crazy dudes trying to install two computers, two monitors and two
inflatible hard-disk-drives on three (!!!) non-used sockets... It
seems I have to help these guys a bit!
Frøyboy, get away from that candy!! What do you think your teeth
will look like in ten years??? Good boy...
These guys really know how to beat the hell out of a poor,
defenseless guy...
Oh, no! Richard just produced a external disk-drive... I think
I'll go and help them getting all this equipment established.
Kai
22:53
This place is sure nice! I just unpacked, and discovered that my
six bottles of Vieux (Plantiac) have all survived the journey!
Great! I'll get them into Kai's domain right away. I wonder where
his family is...
By the way, he doesn't need to worry about his neighbour
anymore... we hit him as he tried to stop us from entering Kai's
garage... So sorry, pal...
Stefan
22:59
My family left seven hours ago! They are going to the southern
part of the eastern part of Norway! (That means Oslo) And they'll
be there for two weeks!!! They won't even know you were here!!!
Well, Richard and Frøyboy seems like they have installed their
computers by now, so I'll see what they're doing...
Kai
23:04
My computer system is actually connected and working! And if you
don't stop calling me FrøyBOY I'll break your neck! My name is
Frøystein! If you forget that again.... Anyway, my computer is
now running "Antidote", Kai's Viruskiller.! It's quite good,
especially the intro with all the colours!!! Richard acts like he
wants to write something, so cheerio, everybody!!!
FrøySTEIN!!!
23:18
This is surely a great place to live! Kai has got a great room,
a good stereo and lots of good CD's!! The neighbourhood looks
good; the houses are nicely spread, indicating that we can play
really loud music without disturbing anybody! Great!!! Joe
Satriani's "The Forgotten Part I" is playing right now ("It's one
of his best!", Kai quote), and Stef and Lord Hackbear are
exploring Kai's disk-collection for any valuable sourcecode! His
disk collection is 250++ large, but mostly demos! They will have
a hard time finding anything interesting! Anyway, these days can
be real fun! I've already been through all of Kai's house, and
the kitchen seemed promising. Especially the fridge! It is filled
with all kind of goodies (Like Coca-Cola, some beer, three pizzas
and lots more food!)
Richard
23:39
Did somebody say the magical word? FFFFOOOOOOOODDDD!!!! Kai,
we're all very hungry after a long journey, so why don't you make
us a pizza?
Stefan
23:49
A pizza is in the oven, and the Coca-Cola is freezing! This'll
be some meal! By the way, where are those bottles of Plantiac?
I've heard that Coca-Cola with Plantiac is a delicacy! In fifteen
minutes we'll eat. I would like to taste that drink then...
Kai
23:58
You're not old enough to drink alcohol yet!
FrøySTEIN
23:59
Was that a mosquito I heard or was it FrøyBOY trying to say
something?
Kai
#################################################################
Saturday, July 20th 1991
#################################################################
00:02
The pizza is almost finished! I'll make some of the Divine Cola-
mix!
Richard
(Here comes another tiny tape-recording...)
Kai: Breakfast/Lunch/Dinner/Supper is served! Come and get it, or
you won't get anything!!!
Richard: And I've just finished the Divinest of divine fluids,
Coliac! Errr... That's Coca-cola with a little Plantiac in
it!
Stefan (After looking at the Coliac): I'd say that is Plantiac
with a little Coke in it.
Richard: You know I like it strong!
Stefan: Indeed you do... Indeed you do.
FrøySTEIN: Can I have a sip?
Kai: How about me? Why did you only make three glasses? Here in
Norway we don't really care how old someone is... Besides, I
happen to be your host...
Richard: Okay, I'll make another glass. For you, Kai!
Frøystein: But... But...
Richard: Okay, you'll have your sip... I'll make you a glass, as
well!
Torbjørn: Say, Kai, I thought you had a girlfriend?
Kai: I do! What about her?
Torbjørn: Well, I was just wondering if we'll meet her.
Kai: She'll be here tomorrow night at the party, I hope. On
Sunday she has to go home to Tana. I do not know if I'm
really going to miss her that much!! She's only been my
girlfriends for two weeks, you know. But she is really a
beautiful girl... (I love her)
Stefan: It sounds to me like you love her! That's great for you!
Where is the pizza?
Richard (Coming in from the kitchen): Right here! Now eat, guys!
(The next thirteen minutes all to be heard on the tape was
burps, some swearing (Bad, Frøystein), chewing and drinking. End
of tape sequence)
00:28
The pizza was not enough to stop our hunger, so Stefan is
currently in the middle of the process of making a Stefan-
Specialé-Pizza! (It's his own recipee...) Frøysteins Computer is
running some demo, and Kai just asked Torbjørn to teach him all
about machine code-programming! He has some really grand self-
confidence... Wait, what's that music? That has got to be Steve
Vai! Yeah, it's "Liberty" playing!
Sigh... What???????
Something strange just happened. Torbjørn is actually teaching
Kai the basics of Assembler coding!!! I think I'll have a brief
look at that!!
Richard
00:4q1 (Sorry...)
That sure was a greaaaaat drink! I feel a bit dizzy!! That, of
course, has its natural explanation... Some strange words are
heard from Kai's kitchen where Stefan is composing his
masterpiece... They make Richard turn red... Say, Richard, could
you please translate that into English or Norwegian?
Frøystein
00:47
NO!! I will definitely not translate such words in the presence
of one person below the age of eighteen! Or two persons!!! Go to
bed!
Richard!
00:53
That was actually a good idea, Richard! Good night!
Frøystein (The Hard-Sleeping...)
01:
I think I'll go to bed, as I have to get up in less that six
hours to go to work!! But first I have to explain to these guys
where they will sleep tonight! (Richard in my comfortable bed,
and Stefan on the couch in the corner of my room! Torbjørn on the
spare bedroom and Frøystrein in my little-siter's room...) I will
sleep in my parents (double-)bed! Good night, everybody!!!!!!!!
Kai (The Hard-Working...)
01:10
You will sleep in a (double-)bed, and tomorrow your girlfriend
will be here... That sounds rather suspicious to me...
Richard (The Hard-Thinking...)
01:12
Well? So what???
Kai
01:15
I think I'll hit the sack as well. I have a long day of ripping,
hacking and coding ahead of me!
Torbjørn (The Hard-Hacking...)
01:21
My pizza is finished! Hey! Where's Kai? I thought he was the
host, and I would like him to have a taste of my Pizza DeLuxe!!!
Never mind him, then! Come on, Richard; Let's eat!!!
Stefan (The Hard-Eating...)
01:27
No thanks, Stefan! Clear the area: I want to sleep!!!
Richard
01:44
As the last person still awake, I'm currently thinking about
going to bed! I'm actually tired, so I think I will do just that!
Good night!!! By the way; I ate all the pizza!
Stefan
SLEEP...
13:10
Kai was right: His bed is REALLY comfortable!!!
Richard!
13:11
Yeah! But the couch wasn't!
Stefan
13:12
BBBBRRRREEEEAAAAKKKKFFFFAAAASSSSTTTT!
Richard and Stefan!
13:27
Why did you guys wake me up that early? I have the most terrible
headache!!! It feels like the Norwegian Woodcutters Union has
their annual "Woodcutter Of The Year" Competition within my
head...
Frøystein
13:59
We all just finished breakfast! And I have a great idea: Let's
steal a car and go downtown! To Kirkenes! Then we can pick up Kai
at 3 pm, and go cruising the town with him!
Frøystein!!!
14:08
We are now prepared for the HCKKLQ (Holy Car, Kirkenes, Kai and
Liquor Quest)! We will WALK down to the road (Which is E6) and
borrow the 1st car that pass... I hope these Dutch guys can stay
calm for at least 20 minutes... Okay, we're off! (But we're
bringing Richard's AIWA!!!!!!!)
Torbjørn
(The following comes from the tape...)
Richard: We're getting close to the road... We can already hear
sounds of traffic. Now we're by the road! The putrid smell
of burned rubber wanders through my nose, and I feel
disgusted about how most Norwegians drive.
Frøystein: Well, don't overdo it, Richard...
Stefan: I think I should have brought Korik...
Richard: Seems to be a good idea! I think I'll send a telepathic
message to Cronos...
Stefan, Frøystein and Torbjørn: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Richard: What? Why Not?
Torbjørn: Are you insane???
Richard: Yes, I am...
Stefan: What do you think he would do if he saw the traffic here?
This place would have been doomed...
Einstein: E=MC²
Frøystein, Richard, Stefan and Torbjørn: What? Are you here
again? Why can't you leave ordinary people alone?
Einstein: Are you not honored by my visit? Am I not the greatest,
most ingenious mathematic-professor in the world?
Torbjørn: No! You WERE before you died!
Richard: Get lost before I call for Cronos Warchild!
Einstein: Cronos? No, not Cronos... Arrggggghhh!!!!!! BYE!!!
Frøystein, Richard, Stefan and Torbjørn: Bye!!!
Car Engines: Roar. Roar! ROAR! ROAR!!!
Richard: Now there's a nice car! Let's get it!!! (He points at a
small Peugeot and jumps into the middle of the road waving
his arms...)
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Kai: Good afternoon, everybody! It's now 15:21, and the others
just got here to pick me up! And you wouldn't believe how
(!)! They hijacked a cab on the E6 and came to pick me up!!
I just can't believe it!
Stefan: You're right... We should've borrowed an ambulance
instead. It will be required if you insult us again...
Kai: I take a hint... Anyway, I have just got this one thing to
do before we can go cruising: I have to visit the
competiting shop of the place I work (Which is Domus) to spy
on some prices... I will from now on be addressed as 007
Ivanhoe!!
Frøystein: Do they sell any candy?
Kai: I don't know, I've never been there before.
Frøystein: Let's go...
Clock: Tick, tack, tick, tack.
Torbjørn: We're now at the second(hand) shop. It looks old and
abandoned. The only good thing in this building seems to be
the police station... It's right on the other side of this
wall, I think....
Frøystein: Kai seems to have problems locating something. He just
yelled something as he wrote something in this small book!
And he is smiling at the prices...
Wall: Crash! Slam! (Falling apart...)
Kai, Richard, Stefan, Frøystein and Torbjørn: What was that?
Storm: Where are they? Where are the suckers that had me arrested
yesterday because they claimed not to know me? Where are the
ST NEWS editorial staff members?!
Kai: Ehhh... It seems we're in trouble...
Storm (Rounding an edge, spotting us) : Aha! Now I'll tear your
brains out and smash your... Boss??? Why are you here?
Kai: I am here with my friends having a great time!! Don't you
dare to touch them, or I'll send you back to Waterdeep!!!
Storm: You no longer have any power over me!!! Now your "Friends"
will cease existing!
Richard: I think I'll call for Cronos!
Stefan: And I'll get Korik, right away!
(As Storm crossed the floor, Richard and Stefan began to chant,
and in a flash, two mighty warriors appeared on the floor, just
between Storm and us...)
Cronos Warchild: Why have I been summoned?
Korik: And what is the reason for this interruption? We were
having a great time in Iraq!
Richard and Stefan: We need protection! The fighter behind you is
just about to slay us!
Cronos (Turning around) : Storm, old friend!! What are you doing
here, far away from the action!?
Storm: I was insulted by your friend! Now my kind of action is to
kill him slowly!
Cronos: I'm sorry, but I can't allow that! But say, old pal, why
don't you come to Iraq along with me and Korik?
Korik: Yeah!! We're having the time of our life down there! Join
us on our little crusade!
Richard: Can you not forgive us? We didn't know you before Kai
told us who you were after we landed yesterday! We didn't
lie!
Storm: Well, it's against my principles to forgive, but I could
make an exception, for your sake!! I'll go to Iraq for
awhile, but when I get back, you'd all better be gone!!!
Korik: Hey, Storm! Have you ever tried to completely destroy a
shop in thirty seconds? We've done it many times lately!
Want to try?
Storm: Sure! Just tell me how...
Kai: Help! Let's get out of here before they...
Korik: It's very easy: You just bend over and run into all the
pillars that supports the roof! Within seconds, the building
will be down in ruins. Just watch...
Pillar: CRASH!!!!!!! (Falling apart!)
(Within seconds, the whole building was down in ruins)
Kai: I think we'd better go home before anything else happens...
Torbjørn, Frøystein, Richard and Stefan: We agree!!!
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
16:51
The ride home was as easy as the ride to the town! We hijacked
the only car we saw, which happened to be an ambulance, and left
it down by the road... We're all preparing for the party Kai's
throwing to our honour tonight! He seemed to have some news about
the party, so I'll give him the keyboard...
Stefan!
16:56
Yes, I have news! I have arranged for lots of liquor to be
brought! We might be fifteen to twenty people here, so we'll need
it! That's the good news... The bad news is that we'll be missing
an important guest!!! My girlfriend has already gone home! Her
parents came a day early! That's just too bad... Now I'll have to
spend the night alone!! Ahem!!! Don't you start thinking rude
because of my loneliness, guys!! I am in LOVE, remember?
Kai
17:00
I'm sorry for you, Kai! By the way, do you think I could
possibly call home to Miranda and tell her I'm alright? You know
she's kinda worried about me when I'm not within fifteen metres
of her...
Richard
17:07
Sure, pal! Go right ahead!
Kai
17:51
Miranda was glad to hear from me! Sigh... That voice is so
sweet...
Richard
18:25
The party will commence in thirty-five minutes! Richard,
Frøystein and Torbjørn are changing and shaving, while Kai is
taking a shower to get rid of all the dirt that got attached to
him at work! His computer has got some strange problems about
overheating, so I think I will try to open it... I'll just start
Frøystein's computer and install "Tempus"...
Stefan!!!
18:29
Here I go! I'm the surgeon, and Kai's ST is the patient!!! From
now on this real-time (HA-HA!!!) article will be typed on
Frøystein's ST!
Stefan
18:41
Ehhh... I'm not quite sure about whether Kai will like that..
And what is it you're doing to his floppy-controller, Stefan?
Frøystein
18:46
That was not the floppy controller! That was the memory upgrade
he has installed. Quite sloppy work! They're quite poorly
attached, and the rest of the machine looks like hell!! It's a
miracle it works at all! I will try to isolate it better, and I
think it'll be better! The memory chips are situated just under
the power-supply, and ARE very warm when the machine is in use...
Stefan
18:54
Wow! My room looks like a Computer Repairman's shop; Small
screws and pieces are everywhere, but Stefan seems to have the
grips on it anyway so I'll not complain! If he succeeds in
getting rid of the problems, I will buy him a bottle of Jack
Daniels' Whiskey on Monday!!!
Okay, I'll have a friend of mine buy it...
Kai
19:00
The doorbell just rang, and Kai is upstairs opening the door!!
He sure looks strange wearing his white shirt and a tie... No
wonder he manage to get into all the local pubs!!!
Frøystein!
19:04
Hello, everybody! This is Geir on the keyboard! Kai gave me
the name Lionheart, which I think I'll be using the rest of the
time. Anyway, I am Kai's co-conspiratory co-author of "Antidote",
the Viruskiller. We've been friends for about fifteen months, but
we are the best friends of the world! Okay, Kai, now I've written
it!! Can you please take that knife off my throath? I'd like to
say "Hi" to the other guys around!
"That's fine with me!"
Kai quote
Geir "Lionheart" Vælidalo
19:12
I found Geir a bit strange!! His English is worse than
Frøystein's, and when I failed to pronounce his name correctly,
he got furious!! He has this strange habit of doing that, Kai
just told me. Well, I suppose he can be alright, even if he IS a
bit strange!!!
Richard
19:17
Three more guests just arrived! It's my friend Tor-Magne and his
girlfriend, along with his girlfriend's little sister (16 years
old, quite a cute girl!) He brought three bottles of Apollo,
twenty-four bottles of beer and a bottle of Vodka! Yeah! But
didn't he bring anything for us? I think I'll talk to Monica (the
little sister) a bit, but I know that I have a girlfriend
already! Don't worry!!!
Kai
19:25
Say, where did those beautiful chicks come from?? The look of
them are destroying my concentration about working on Kai's
machine totally! He seems to be having a good time himself, by
the way...
Stefan
19:31
The first person to lay hands on my girlfriend will be shot!!
I'll not give any more warnings!!! By the way, all the drinks
were for you! I'll be having a good time at home later on...
Let's paaaarrrrtttyyy!!!
Tor-Magne!!!
19:40
Hi there! Kai told me I'm the first girl to write here! What an
honour that is! I am looking forward to the rest of the party,
as the other guests seems like they're nice guys! Besides, Kai's
parties always are fun! This might be one h**l of a night...
Eirin
19:48
Kai just started the party by emptying a bottle of beer in less
than 6 seconds! WOW!
Lionheart
19:53
After our first drink, I'll get started assembling Kai's
computer! The parts are scrambled all over his room... By the
way, two girls dropped by five minutes ago! Kai must be a popular
dude around here! I'll need some decent music to work to, so I'll
play "Extreme II: Pornografitti" on Kai's stereo!
Stefan
20:00
Now we're thirteen people here! This party is thus my biggest
one yet! The night is young, some nice girls are around, we've
got lots of good stuff to drink, and I'll prepare something
special to eat.. What could possibly destroy a great party?
If anybody gets any good ideas, please SHUT UP about it!!! Don't
even think about ruining this party! THAT IS AN ORDER!!!
Kai
20:27
The computer is assembled, but I had two screws left when I was
done!! Kai is testing it right now, and has booted some game to
test is for a while. What? "Exterminator"? I think I'll join
him...
Stefan
20:32
Hi! My name is Janne, and I am the daughter of Kai's neighbour.
I just dropped in to see what was going on. I don't think I'll
leave so soon, as this party might be memorable... I brought my
boyfriend, and he is happily talking along with some Dutch guys I
don't know. Perhaps I'll join the group of persons that are
upstairs, watching a few MTV-videos Kai has recorded on a 300
minutes VHS-Video tape!! (Pretty good entertainment!!!)
Janne
20:53
The computer works alright! It seems to have some problems
still, but at least I could play my favourite game for more than
ten minutes, and that's a good sign! Stefan and Arne are playing
right now, and Richard is eagerly awaiting his turn. Here is a
short list of all who are here right now:
Yours truly, the host (Typing this! Yeah!)
Richard Karsmakers (Watching the game!)
Stefan Posthuma (Playing Exterminator!)
Frøystein Hustadnes (Just sitting here...)
Geir Vælidalo (Talking to Janne! Ahem...)
Arne E. Skare (Playing "Exterminator"!)
Janne Markussen (Talking to Geir! Hmmm...)
Monika Sjåstad (Trying to talk with me!)
Eirin Sjåstad (Talking with Tor-Magne!)
Tor-Magne Bauna (Talking with Eirin!)
Marit Erikson (Drinking heavily!)
Jan-Tore Jensen (Flirting with Marit!)
Jo-Atle Fredrikssen (Drinking Coca-Cola!)
Jennifer (Jenny) Bujalski (Watching MTV-vids with above)
Hanne Smolbo (Watching MTV-vids with above)
Trine Elveos (Just entering my room!)
Jenny is an American exchange student! Arne's going to
Wisconsin (he claims he won't even miss us!). Anyway, Jenny says
she likes it here! I will make sure her stay here will never be
boring... (Heh-heh!!!)
Kai
21:19
Hei alle sammen! May the Plantiac be with you!!! I just tasted
some of this fantastic fluid! It's f*****g great!!! I think I'll
ask my friend to talk his boss into selling it at A/S
Vinmonopolet! Anyway, everyone seems to have a good time. Some of
the guests are sitting upstairs and are watching MTV-videos and
drinking, some of us are down here in the computer-room (A young
boy called Frøystein is playing a game with the little-sister of
my girl-friend, and he is losing...), and a few of us sit around
drinking and watch the other... This party will be memorable
indeed (Thanks, Janne).
Kai is preparing a special meal for us, and claims we'll love
it! He still hasn't been drinking anything, except for the
bottle of beer some time ago... The phone just rang upstairs, so
I think I'll go and find out who it was...
Tor-Magne
21:38
Sob.
Kai
21:39
What's the matter, Kai?
Hanne & Jenny
21:39
My girlfriend just called. That is, my EX-girlfriend.
Kai
21:40
Oh! We see. We're sorry, Kai!
Hanne & Jen
21:47
Kai looks like he's just had a total catastrophic breakdown!
Actually, he HAD a total catastrophic breakdown!! Hanne just gave
him a glass of Apollo mixed with Sprite, and he drank it (a 50 Cl
glass) pretty fast! But where is he now? He and Monica went
upstairs to continue preparing his meal, which is, by the way, a
"Home-made Toscana"??? I never heard of it! Arne just put a
horror-film on the video, so I think I'll have a look at it...
Jo-Atle
22:01
Being the only 100% sober person at this party, I am proud to
say that I can actually WORK under extreme conditions!!! I have
finally managed to write the code to REMOVE the "Crash" link-
virus! It actually works! It is only FIVE lines of GFA Basic
Code, but it works 100%!!! Now I'll try to implement it into
"Antidote" v0.9!!!
Lionheart
22:18
Hei, guys! Kai is back to life! The most wonderful thing just
happened to me while I was preparing the meal for all these,
well... All these things, and I had a very special vision. While
adding the spice in the Toscana, I saw it clearly, right there in
front of me; A bright image in the air!!! Now I understand what
it was I saw: It was the solution to Life, the Universe and
Everything!!!
Kai
#################################################################
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
#################################################################
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
#################################################################
(At this point, the Universe instantly disappeared and was
replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable... The
following part was written much later, as none of us remembered
to bring our Aiwa's...)
Kai: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with
Digital Insanity, and the Word was Creation! But where is
Digital Insanity himself...?
Stefan: Kai, you idiot! Why did you have to find the solution to
Life, the Universe and Everything? Have you never heard the
theory that goes like this: "There is a theory which states
that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the Universe is
for and why it's here it'll instantly disappear and be
replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable!"
Torbjørn: Kai had a good question there... Where are we? This
place is darker than Hell itself! And my feet don't touch
the ground! They actually don't touch anything...
Richard: What are we doing here? I didn't think I had drunk that
much!
Kai: That theory was right, Stefan... This place is bizarre, and
I can not find any way to explain it. It gives me the
creeps! What are we? Where are we? Why are we?
God: Have you not guessed?
Douglas Adams: They are not able to do it, Oscar. We have to re-
create everything ourselves... Pity...
Stefan: No! We are capable of doing everything! Just tell us how
we're supposed to do it!
Kai: Oscar???
Douglas Adams: It is fairly simple: You just close your eyes,
rub...
Kai: Oscar?
God: Yeah, it's...
Douglas Adams: ...your hands to your forehead and wish
something...
Torbjørn: Oscar???
Douglas Adams: ... and it will appear! It's as simple as...
Richard: Oscar???
Douglas Adams: Listen up, jackasses: When I speak, I want peace
around me! Shut up or we'll do it ourselves!!!
Kai: Oscar???
Douglas Adams: SHUT UP!!! Read the HHGTTG trilogy while waiting!
God: For God's... err... MY (!!!) sake, Douglas, please calm
down!
Richard: Interesting... We have a God named Oscar!! Douglas Adams
is a friend of him!! And we can fulfill our own wishes just
by...
Stefan: ... rubbing our hands to our foreheard...
God: ... while keeping your eyes closed...
Douglas Adams: ... and thinking hard on the thing they want!!
Well, it seems to me like we may just leave these nerds.
They might manage on their own...
Kai, Torbjørn, Richard and Stefan: We will!!!
Douglas Adams: ... but I'm not quite sure! Anyway, I'm off! Bye!
Kai, Torbjørn, Richard and Stefan: Bye!!!
God: I think I'd better leave as well. I hereby grant you the
power to create Life, The Universe and Everythng - All on
your own! Here's the document! I need your signatures...
Bureaucracy, you know! We have it in Heaven, too...
Kai, Torbjørn, Richard and Stefan: Sure! We'll sign! Won't we?
Yeah!!!
(Unnecessary to say, we all signed in a hell of a speed!)
God: Then I'll be going! Bye!!!
Kai, Torbjørn, Richard and Stefan: Bye!!!
God: Bye! Good luck!
Richard: What we need first, is a lot of inspiration! I need
something to eat!! Does anybody feel like creating a
restaurant or a "Pizza Hut"?
Kai: No, what we need first is some more nutty creators! I'll
test the limits of my powers by... ...by... ...by getting
Frøystein and Gard here!
(After saying that, I started to rub my fingers to my forehead,
thinking heavily about Frøystein and Gard. Unfortunately, I
didn't concentrate enough about Gard... Instead of Gard, one of
my friends, Vegard, appeared in front of me... Next to him was a
rather confused young man named Frøystein...)
Stefan: Oh no! What a disaster! Kai made the world collapse, and
Frøystein is here to help us rebuild it... Sob.
Kai: Say, Vegard, why are you looking so insanely witty?
Richard: Well, what about that pizza...
Frøystein: Fuck pizza! If I understand you right, you're actually
able to create everything just by thinking about it, right?
I was just told so by Torbjørn... Sounds incredible to me
Kai: He was right. Do you have any suggestions?
Frøystein: Yeah! A SUPERMARKET!!!
Richard, Stefan, Torbjørn and Kai: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! No
way! That's a terrible idea. Besides, it has been used
before!
Kai: What about a swimming pool?
Vegard: What about the Millennium Falcon?
Stefan: What about a 500-kilometer racing track?
Torbjørn: What about "MON ST", "Knife ST", "ST Doctor",
"Tinytool", "FastCopy", "Tempus 2" and "Antidote", all in
ONE programme?
Richard: What about a restaurant?
Stefan: Yeah! A restaurant!!! An original and great idea! I'm
dying of hunger! I'll create one right away!!!
Stefan's fingers: Rub! Rub!
McDonalds: Appear! Pling!
Torbjørn: Are you out of your mind? A McDonalds? No!!! Away with
it! I will get something better here!!!
Richard: Say, Kai, what about bringing your house, so we can
return to the party as soon as possible?
Vegard: In the beginning was McDonalds, and McDonalds was with
Stefan, and McDonalds was Collapsing Rapidly After Puking!
(C.R.A.P.)
Torbjørn's fingers: Snap!
McDonalds: Pling! Disappear!
Kai: Sure, Richard, that's a great idea!!! But let's wait...
Torbjørn's now sweaty fingers: Rub! Rub!
Fancy Restaurant (6 stars!) : Appear!
Kai: ...until we've finished re-creating the world, shall we?
Stefan: Wow! You're right, Torbjørn! This place looks much
better! Let us go inside...
Kai: Besides, Richard, I think we can have a lot of fun here
before we start...
Clock: Tick! Tick! Tick!
(If I'd been prepared for what the Dutch weirdos did once they
entered the restaurant I would has dismantled it before they even
got there... It was a REAL nice restaurant, with candles burning
on all the tables, some calm music playing in the background,
golden candlesticks, loadsa paintings on the wall and expensive
furniture. And the bar! Stefan and Richard joined each other on
the wrong side of it just five picoseconds after we entered! They
immediately created some Coliac which they consumed before the
rest of us could say a word! As I stood there shocked about this
behaviour, I noticed (to my BIG surprise) that my feet were
walking towards the bar, while my brain claimed it was
independent of the rest of my body. I easily conquered these
treacherous thoughts, but Torbjørn, Vegard and Frøystein
obviously didn't! They started fighting over a bottle of Stroh
Rhum. Suddenly, Richard began walking towards a piano that was
anonymously situated in a dark corner of the room. Then he sat
down at it, and started playing! I never knew how many TERRIBLE
sounds one could get out of a piano before he showed me. Ouch, my
ears still ache!!! While trying to ignore Richard's terrible
noises I kept Vegard from consuming a 0.77 cl bottle of Stroh
Rhum in one swig. Then I witnessed the bottle-and-wineglass-war
between Stefan and Frøystein! In a state of shock, I sank down in
the darkest corner and watched all the crazy guys did in pure
terror! Richard joined Stefan's side in the war, and Frøystein
teamed up with Torbjørn and Vegard! World War Three was reality!
They threw full bottles, empty bottles, half-full bottles and
half-empty bottles at eachother, and only occasionally had a
break to have a large swig of one of the bottles... They hurled
wine-glasses and mirrors at each other. Richard finally
surrendered when facing the bunch of angry Norwegian bottle-
wielding computer freaks all alone!! I just had to get them out
of there, so...)
Stefan: Hey, where did the Plantiac go?
Vegard: Hey, where did the floor go?
Richard: Hey, where did the restaurant go?
Torbjørn: Hey, where did the bottle I was holding go?
Frøystein: Hey, where did all the fighting and arguing go?
Kai: Hey, where did all your sense go??? You were insane in
there! You ought to be ashamed! All of you! Drunken pigs! As
if that was not enough, Vegard and Frøystein are not even
old enough to drink any alcohol yet!
Frøystein: Yes, I am!
Kai: No you're not! You're drunk! Sober up!
Richard: Kai, you sound just like Miranda!!!
Kai: That is a great idea! Richard, you fetch Miranda! She ought
to be able to keep you under control! Do it! No! I'll do
it!!!
(Before they were able to stop me, I had hordes of
locusts...(Whooops! Sorry, wrong letter!!! In case anybody
wonders: "Hordes of Locusts" is a great tune by Guitar Master Joe
Satriani!) I'll try again: Before they were able to stop me, I
had brought two new persons to this weird, but important place...
Miranda appeared in front of Richard, and Gard came from nowhere,
appearing next to Vegard!! WARNING!!! The next couple of pages
are written in such a way that they'll guaranteed produce some
hell of a headache!!! Painkiller is recommended...)
Miranda: What's going on here?
Gard: Say, pal, who are you? You look like a person I'd like to
know!
Kai: Phew...
Vegard: My name is Vegard...
Richard: Miranda, dearest... You have chosen a bad time...
Gard: Wow, what a coincidence! My name is Gard!!!
Stefan: Hi, Miranda!
Vegard: ...and I'm a friend of... Tell me, why do you look so
insanely witty?
Torbjørn: Hi, Miranda!
Kai: Phew...
Miranda: Who are all of you?
Richard: ...to come. We are kind of busy, as you can see, so it'd
been better if...
Gard: Strange that you asked... I was just about to ask the same
question. By the way...
Miranda: Where are we?
Frøystein: Hi, Gard! Hi, Miranda!
Richard: ... you could come back later!
Kai: Phew...
Gard: What's up, Torstein?
Miranda:
##### ## ## #### ######## ########## ### ### ###
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Kai: Phew...
Gard: Phew...
Stefan: Phew...
Vegard: Phew...
Richard: Phew...
Torbjørn: Phew...
Frøystein: Phew...
Miranda: If you are going to continue like that, I'd rather
leave, but on the other hand, I would like to know just
what's going on here (wherever 'here' might be...)! Hey you
over there. Yes, you! Explain just what the h**l is going on
here!
(She was pointing at Torbjørn, and while he was talking (he
obviously did not dare to do anything else) I had a little chat
with Richard. To make a long story short: He had sobered up, and
realised that we would need her firm hand to be able to recreate
earth. So we decided to let her supervise our work... She had
already decided to do that after she had heard what Torbjørn had
to tell... Her firm voice made me realize that she obviously
would be more able to use our creative powers, so I transferred
mine to her. Incredibly enough, Richard did the same! What
followed was...
#################################################################
Day One of the Creation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#################################################################
In the beginning was the word, and the word was with Stefan,
Torbjørn, Richard, Vegard, Gard, Kai, Miranda and Frøystein, and
the word was in the best hands... We decided to let Miranda have
the honor of starting it all...
"LET THERE BE SPACE!!!" she yelled, and there was... Well...
there was a nothing hanging in the air in front of us. She was
quite a bit disappointed about the sad result, so she gave it
another try, and this time there was a stunningly bright light,
shining from everywhere and nowhere... It was all around us,
inside us... Suddenly it began to gather above us. It transformed
into a small physical shape. It was so bright that we could not
bare to watch it. Suddenly an explosion shook us, and matter was
hurled away from the shape behind us.
This majestic show was an incredible sight, and we all rushed to
Miranda to congratulate her with the fantastic creation.
All of us? Well, Vegard noticed that Gard was no longer among
us, and we quickly concluded that he had been hurled away from us
by the very poweful explosion! We wasted most of the day trying
to find him. This was not an easy thing to do in the middle of an
expanding, newly created universe...
Stefan had a brilliant idea about how to find him, and that was
to create some toys... We all knew how much Gard loved toys, so
we made some... He was in the middle of us two seconds after we
created 90 cars and a rubber duck!
However, this incident made us loose a lot of time, and as we
all were tired we decided to go to sleep.
Thereafter came...
#################################################################
Day Two of the Creation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#################################################################
This day we created time, peace, and gravity. The story behind
our way of creating time was a bit weird...
When we woke, I discovered that my watch was standing. It did
not move at all! Upon telling Richard about this strange
incident, we found out that all clocks were still! Of all people
it was Frøystein that asked if we had invented time! Well! "No?
Well, then I'll just create it," he said, snapped his fingers and
TIME was present! It was all around us and it teased us by moving
too fast, too slow or not at all.
This irritating thing called time went on our nerves, so we went
to war against it! After nine hours of fighting, we settled for a
new concept called peace! And PEACE was among us; with a gentle
touch it calmed us and made us relax!
Then Miranda created some kind of a floor, and we sat foot on
it, just to float away. The quickminded Torbjørn snapped his
fingers, and we fell on our backs! GRAVITY was around us,
pressing us down with his mighty powers, and as we were tired
after the fight, we fell into a deep sleep, dreaming about
Divinity and Godhood...
#################################################################
Day Three of the Creation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#################################################################
And the Creators gazed down on their work, and they agreed that
is was good! We created Earth before breakfast, and in the
process of accomplishing that we insulted Vegard, nearly killed
Stefan and myself, got really mad at each other and nearly
demolished the entire Universe!
To begin with, we decided to let Vegard create the basic Earth
shape. The result was unavoidable: He didn't concentrate enough,
and soon he was, along with Frøystein and Gard, happily playing
football in the void... With a certain little boy in his mind,
Stefan stated that he was going to create Earth in the image of
the biggest idiot that ever existed. I told him that we had not
created any idiots yet, but he just looked at me with a mean look
in his eyes, and suddenly a gigantic Vegard was in front of us.
Well, a vaguely round shape looking like Vegard was hang-ing in
front of us.
"This is Earth!!!" Stefan shouted, and suddenly he was caught by
Gravity and fell like a rock towards Vegards face, and I was
caught by Gravity and fell like a rock towards Vegards face
beside him. And we shouted at aech other, and I really made an
ass out of him for creating such a large object in our vicinity,
and he shouted back that how the hell could he know it was going
to be so heavy?
Well, the fall was quite long, but we soon gathered our thoughts
and made up our minds about getting back to the other guys, and
so Stefan disappeared, leaving me falling all on my own. Too late
I remembered that I gave my "powers" to Miranda the other day, so
I instantly became religious and started praying.
Meanwhile, Miranda must have met Stefan up there, and she was
worried about us. "Honestly, Miranda, I don't know where he is
right now. We were falling, and when I started on my way up, I
thought he was right behind me.". And I fell and fell and fell
and fell! After falling for an awfully long time, Stefan
appeared next to me again. I noticed something strange about him,
but I couldn't point out what it was. Anyway, he picked me up,
and off we went. Suddenly I noticed what had happened with him,
and I asked "Say, who gave you that black eye?" Up there, Vegard
got a bit upset with the outlook of Earth, and he was preparing
to change it when Richard and Frøystein with a short nod decided
to do it before him.
"LET THERE BE EARTH" they yelled, and there it was, hanging
right in front of them. The view was so beautiful that we all
immediately stopped what we were doing and stared at the beauty
it presented - crystalclear blue water, green forests and, what
Richard had missed the most, fresh air. Yup, this was really our
place! Stefan and I looked at each other with pride in our eyes
before we continued towards the others!
Our welcome was warm: Vegard threw a gigantic ball at Stefan,
and cried something about killing Stefan for calling him an idiot
(I calmly told him that Stefan had not called him just an idiot,
but the greatest idiot in the Universe, and that calmed him down
a bit (obviously he liked titles...)) Proudly he walked towards
Stefan while talking to himself...
"Wow! Me! Of all people! The GREATEST! Yeah! I'm the Greatest in
the Universe! Wow!!! I am the greatest! I'm really the greatest
i... The greates idi... The greatest idiot... I AM THE GREATEST
IDIOT IN THE UNIVERSE???" He swirled towards me. Anger blew out
of his eyes, and I could see that he was just about to boil over.
With a hysteric voice he cied "Then I'll make sure I'm the
greatest idiot out of the Universe as well! I'll destroy the
current Universe!!!"
Frøystein managed to catch hold of Vegards arms in time to stop
him, and the result was hell! He got so furious that we could see
no other possibility than to remove him from the scene of
Creation. It was a hard step to take, but is was unavoidable.
After this sad incident, we made ourselves a small home on Earth,
quite close to the place where I decided to create Kirkenes. We
mourned over the loss of a hysterical, yet very witty friend, and
celebrated his memory. Then we went to bed to gather strength for
the next days.
#################################################################
Day Four, Five and Six of the Creation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#################################################################
These two days were generally spent creating life on Earth.
Peace and quiet ruled, and we had no major arguments concerning
the creation. We all contributed to it, and the results were
quite impressive! However, we had already pointed out one major
problem: How were we supposed to know everything that had ever
happened on Earth? We wanted to make it as close to the real one
as possible, but that involved just too much! During a discussion
on the end of day Five, we decided to ask Oscar if he could give
us a hand with it! On the Sixth day we summoned him, and he
seemed pleased with our progress...
Oscar: Yes, you are doing very well. As a matter of fact, so well
that I am thinking about retiring!
Stefan: Err.. Oscar, we have a big problem...
Kai: You see, when I made the Universe collapse, we were at a
party, a very special party, and we'd like to create Earth
so that we just can get down there and continue it!
Oscar: I know all about that, but I cannot help.
Miranda: But please...
Gard: Why can't you help us? Is there nothing we can do? We don't
have the knowledge to rebuild Earth in such a perfect way...
We really want to continue that party!!!
Oscar: You see, there is but one way I can do anything right now:
It's the darn bureaucrazy in heaven that keeps me from doing
this myself in a decent way.
Richard: And what is that way?
Frøystein: Yes, tell us! I'd do anything to continue life as it
was!
Kai: With only one difference!
Oscar: One difference?
Kai: Yes...
Torbjørn: I know which difference you're thinking of. Pursuading
a God into helping us is sure a difficult thing to do, or
what, Richie?
Richard: What is it we can do to persuade you, Oscar?
Oscar: You must give me back my creative powers!
Kai: It's a deal!
Gard: It's a deal!
Stefan: It's a deal!
Vegard: It's a deal!
Miranda: It's a deal!
Richard: It's a deal!
Torbjørn: It's a deal!
Frøystein: It's a deal!
Oscar: All right then! Kai, can I have a word or two with you
before I fetch the new contract?
Kai: Sure...
(All right! So far, so good, so what? What's the only thing Kai
wanted to be different from the world as we knew it? Keep
watching; After the following commercial break we will reveal the
secret...)
*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
Do you drink both alcohole and soda?
Take two bottles out ot the liquor cabinet?
Nope, not me! I just want to fetch a bottle and drink!
The solution? The Divine Coliac Super-Mix!!!
Mixing this great drink will only take half a minute before the
party, and this drink can be put away for hours without loosing
the super (!) taste!!! Coliac is it!
Do you drink both alcohole and soda?
Take two bottles out ot the liquor cabinet?
Nope, not me! I just want to fetch a bottle and drink! (And now
I do!)
*****************************************************************
*****************************************************************
(Now you're quite excited about the solution, huh? Well, let me
reveal that we all signed the contract and that I had a brief
word with Oscar about the one thing I wanted to change... Then we
rested while we were waiting for Oscar to prepare for the great
act! And finally, we prepared to return to the world we once
knew!!! Off we were...)
#################################################################
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
#################################################################
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
#################################################################
22:29
Kai just told us what he thinks is the solution to Life, The
Universe & Everything. It is obviously not correct; otherwise the
Universe would have collapsed and turned into something even more
bizarre! It was not that bad, though.
Geir
22:38
This party is getting better and better! Three more guests just
entered. I didn't quite catch their names, but they said there
would be several others coming later! Is Kai a popular dude
around here or what?
Frøystein
22:43
I guess I am quite popular, but this I had not expected! We are
now 15 people here, and the ones my new guests (Gunnar, Line og
Anja) mentioned are not friends of mine, they're just friends of
them. We're going to run out of drinks if more people come, so I
hope they'll bring some good stuff on their own! I just had five
large swigs of pure Plantiac, directly from Richard's bottle
("Kai, you thief!" Richard quote), and I might therefore make
quite a fwe splelign mtiskeas!%&)($%&($/%(/&/%()%
(Just kidding! I'm solid as a rock! So far...)
Kai
22:58
Seven more guys just arrived. Kai doesn't even know them, but
they are obviously much older than the rest of us. One of them
just told me who they are and why they're here. They're only
joining us for a few hours before they go to Kirkenes (to Gorbie
- "The IN place!" Kai quote). I'm glad Kai has such a large
place: We have currently more than 20 guests here! Not bad!
Jenny & Hanne (they never separate from each other)
23:57
Large timewarp here! No-one has written anything the last hour!
That's too bad when we are 29 persons to write! Yes! I just
counted, and it's mo mistake: There are 15 girls/women and 14
guys/men in our house! The party is thus developing into a real
success, and it is now definitely my biggest ever! I feel great,
although very dizzy! Could it be due to all the alcohol I've
consumed today? By the freeway - I've managed to do the
impossible: Geir (Lionheart) is drinking! For the first time in
his life he has tasted alcohol! He'll surely kill me for
publishing this, but I'd like to use this opportunity to welcome
him into the wide society of GOOD friends! (And I'm not speaking
of AA, Richard!!!) By the way, Midnight just passed, and we're
into a bright new day filled with new possibilities and more
drinks!!! Cheerio, everybody!!!!!!
Kai
#################################################################
Sunday, July 21st 1991
#################################################################
00:07
Drinking and Hacking is good for you! I'll go over to the other
ST and try to make a party-demo... By the interstate: Happy new
day! (Burp!)
Torbjørn
00:12
The most feared event of all has occurred: We're almost out of
liquor!! It's a complete disaster! I had not expected more than
perhaps seventeen or eighteen guests, and now we're nearly
thirty! It's terrible...
Now I think I might have to ask people to fetch some more, but
first I have to announce the sad news to everybody. Logging off.
Kai
00:21
Juba, everybody! This is an anonymous person writing. If you
need more liquor, just follow me...
Anonymous
00:29
Hey! Who wrote that?
Richard
00:46
Around ten of the guests just left. Perhaps just as well, as
that leaves us with just enough drinks to last the night! Phew...
Besides, perhaps I'll now get some peace to code my demo! I'm
doing fine so far, a scrolline is already finished, and a crystal
logo is waving in the upper border. (The new "Antidote" logo that
is, painted by Kai!) I have to admit that I've used some old
code, but mostly this is all new!
Torbjørn
00:53
The end is nigh! We are terribly tired and terribly drunk... We
won't be able to last for much longer. This was sure a great
party, Kai! May the Party Force be with you all, and good night!
G & J
01:00
Geir and Janne just disappeared... Hmmm... Suspiciously...
Jo-Atle
01:05
Who cares?
Kai
01:11
The doorbell just rang, and guess who was outside? The saviour
himself! My good friend Leif Einar arrived from Tromsø (!) on a
heavily delayed visit (He was supposed to come a month or so
ago), and guess what he'd brought with him? You can probably
guess it: He brought a lot of various drinks. Right now he is
outside trying to park his car in a decent way, but there are a
few problems. I see a heavily damaged white Toyota Camry blocking
his way, and there are also a couple of police cars. (I wonder
why...) Oh, yeah. Richard just reminded me of what accidentally
happened when they came yesterday... The cops are just investiga-
ting someone's tragic death! (He was an Amiga-owner, so who
cares?) Well, it seems like Leif just managed to squeeze his new
Golf in our garden, so I'll go help his get the stuff inside!
Cheerio! A toast for Leif!!!
Kai
01:25
Oooooh, my head! After a ten hours ride I come to Kai's place,
only to find a party, and all my booze was stripped from my car
before I could even say "Hi!" to anybody! Well, I'll introduce
myself: I'm Leif einar Claus, a good friend of Kai. It seems like
I have a lot of drinking to catch up with the rest of the guys
here, so I'm off! Kai: Get the hell away from my Martini!
Leif Einar
01:38
Goshh. i feel terrriblu-. THE FUCCKIN PARTY ISS GHETTTTING TO
MØTSJ TO ME. I TINKH I-LL JJUST HIT THE KIBOARD HIS LASTT TIM E
BEFORN
I GO| T+O BED!"!"
FIID BUFGR!
ARNE
01:40
Buy was he drunk. Well, schOO AM I... (Just kidding!)
Jo-Atle
02:00
We have a celebration: Today is actually the birthday of Janne!
If she had only been here, we'd even have toasted for her! But
she isn't!
Hanne
02:04
May the spirit be with you! This is Jenny on the fancy
keyboard... The short piece of bullshit three notes up might
needs an explanation. When Arne wrote FIIS BUFGR, he just missed
all the keys. He tried (In vain) to write good night... It's easy
fo find out how he missed... Say, who is that handsome guy over
there??
Jenny
02:07
Leif Einar here! I am doing good at catching up with the other
guys'n'gals here! By the way, I can't say I like the architecture
of this place! I just tried to lean against a wall, only to find
myself lying on the floor a second later. I didn't spoil a drop
of my drink, though! I just saw a few of the guests leave, but
I'm not sure who. They were on their way to a local pub, I think.
They were followedby even more just now, so the party seems like
it is practically over. Actually, I think there are only ten
persons left right now. I think I'll go check...
Leif
(At this point we decided to take a break from everything and
gathered in my room. As we all (Except Leif!) were quite drunk,
we started telling a lot of rude stories. The following people
were there: Me, Leif, Richard, Stefan, Torbjørn, Frøystein,
Jenny, Hanne and Jo-Atle. It was all quiet outside! Even the cops
had disappeared (taking a white Toyota Camry with them), and the
neighbourhood had gone to sleep. Stefan's Special-Pizza was in
the oven, we still had some drinks! What could be more perfect?
The atmosphere was the one I had tried to create: Undescribable!
Everybody were enjoying themselves, laughing, drinking, jok-ing
and singing... We were sitting in my room listening to music
(Y.J. Malmsteen, The ONE & only!), then suddenly Jenny came with
an unexpected outburst: She yelled "I've found the solution to
Life, The Universe and Everything!!!")
(To Be Continued?)
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Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared
in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s)
was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes,
bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and
tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact
and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any
kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are
not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll
texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.