"A man comes into a bar and orders 10 double scotchs, and drinks
them all one after another. Astonished, the barman asks him what
happened, and the man says: 'Well, I have 3 children, and I love
them all very much, but today I found out that my oldest son is
gay' and leaves.
A couple of days later, the same man comes again, and again
orders 10 double scotchs, ad drinks them just as fast as the day
before. When the barman asks him again what happened, he replies:
'Well, today I found out that my second oldest son is gay too!'
Several days later, the same man appears, and orders another 10
drinks. The barman, feeling sorry for him asks him: 'Oh boy,
doesn't anyone in your family like women?', and the man replies:
'Sure... my daughter!'"
Joke courtesy of Marinos Yannikos
ARE YOU A COMPUTER GEEK?
* THE TEST THAT WILL SHOW WHO ARE LAMERS OR NOT *
It's striking more and more people! Like a plague it sweeps the
nation! It knows no bounds - black, white, tall, short, thin,
fat, that dweeb sitting next to you - maybe every one of your
family members! Computer Geekdom!
Are you worried about yourself? Do you feel drawn towards
computer displays? In shopping malls do you slow down by money
machines? Do you drop computer buzzwords like "Disk" and "Mega"
in conversation? Do you own a Car-Computer?
If you've answered yes to one of the above, it may already be
too late. Do this test now, and see if your future holds fun,
fortune and adventure, or 3 Meg floppies and a guest appearance
on "The Worst of Oprah", a 467 part repeat series..
Try and be honest - remember, you're only cheating yourself.
1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of
your preferred sex. Do you:
A. Openly Ogle
B. Act Non-Chalant
C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi,
D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good,
old-fashioned executive relief.
2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star
A. Tell them to bugger off
B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to
C. I don't go to parties.
D. I don't get invited to parties.
3. You're at the head of a large queue in front of a cash-
register in a large department store. The register gives a
>beep< and stops dead. You:
A. Wait patiently
B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a
nearby baby carriage and call the store detective
(to while away the time)
C. Break out your ever-present ST Book and try to
debug the thing
D. I don't know
4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the
chemist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386
is corrupt. You:
A. What's a prescription database?
B. What's a 386?
C. What's personal hygiene?
D. What was the question again?
5. A friend wants to borrow a record off you. You:
A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang
B. Tell them to go buy it
C. Consult the database to see that status of the
D. Sell it to them for a beer
6. You'd most like to meet:
A. The person who wrote "Gulag Acapeligo"
B. The person who wrote "War and Peace"
C. The person who wrote GEM
D. A person who can write
7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got
one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can.
A. In the Liquor Section
B. In the Confectionary Lane
C. At the Pencil Bar
D. At the cash register
8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your
eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is:
A. Your Mother's voice as a child
B. Your first Love
C. The ASCII table
D. The tyre pressure was maybe a little too high
9. You get to compete on "Blind Date". You have one statement
to change the chooser's mind about you. You say:
A. I've got a 12 inch tongue
B. I can go all night
C. I'VE GOT A FALCON 040
D. I've killed 5 people
10. You feel naked without your:
A. Electric Guitar
C. "ST Internals" reference guide
11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can
save them if you say the right thing. You say:
A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk
B. I feel you just need someone to talk to
C. Want to come and play "Revenge of the Mutant
D. I bet you haven't got the guts... Oh, I see you
12. You told your best friend the first time you:
A. Had Sex
B. Had Oral Sex
C. Got a Clockcycle Speedup card
D. Killed a cat
13. No-one understands you like:
A. Your Mother
B. Your Father
C. Your ST
D. Your Parole Officer
14. For your 18th birthday you wanted:
A. A Car
B. A Shaver
C. An external >100 Mb hard disk
D. Some Piano Wire, and the Neigbour's Cat
This where the decision falls:
Mostly A's: You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the
sort of person who'll justy fritter their way
through life enjoying themselves and having a good
time. Shame on you!
Mostly B's: You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT can't
clear away in any case. You mostly come into the
"Mostly A's" above.
Mostly C's: Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With
a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're
ready for "Revenge of the Nerds" Part #72. You
can be the person that gets beat up all the time.
Mostly D's: So you're a sociopath; But that doesn't mean
you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium
and everything'll be fine.
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.