"The human body is indeed a wonderful thing. Its infinitely
complex way of functioning would take a computer, working flat
out, day and night, excluding Bank Holidays and Christmas, 3,971
years to work out. The slightest flicker of the eyelid, the
smallest movement of the big toe, involves such extraordinarily
complex processes that the average man, working flat out,
excluding Bank Holidays and Christmas, but *including* weekends,
would take 84,643 light years to work it out. If you can imagine
an Airedale terrier jumping in and out of a watering can once
every 7 minutes for 12 years you have some idea how long that
would take.
And that's only one light year.
Even the most simple process that the body can perform -- like
paying the doctor -- would take a piece of asbestos over 9
billion years to work out. If you can imagine a man at a
cocktail party congratulating the hostess on the avocado dip
40,000 times every second for 2 1/2 hours twice a week for 28,000
years you can begin to realise what an extraordinarily wonderful
thing the human body is.
To put it even more simply, if you can imagine a doctor leaving
his lucrative Harley St. practice to a younger partner, and
cruising round the world 4 times a year, drinking 3 bottles of
champagne with a friend's wife every afternoon, and writing an
article on How Your Body Works once every 96 days, you'll get
some idea of why I was struck off the register.
Good evening."
How Your Body Works, by A. Nother Doctor
From "Monty Python's Brand New Papperbok"
ST ADVENTURE SOLUTION: SPACE QUEST IV
by Math Claessens
The visitor wanted to ring the doorbell but hesitated when he
saw a small note attached to the door.
"Out in space," it said, "come back within an hour or two."
A smile wrinkled itself on the visitor's mouth.
"Htam's at it again," he thought to himself, and walked back
home.
GO EAST-GET ROPE-N-STAND BEHIND THE PILLAR-DROP THE ROPE ON THE
GROUND-IF BUNNY IS ON THE ROPE:TAKE BUNNY-W-W-PUT HAND ICON ON
TOP OF THE TANK-LOOK-
TAKE UNSTABLE ORDNANCE-PUT UNSTABLE ORDNANCE IN TANK-NOW WALK
SOUTH-EXAMINE VEHICLE-OPEN GLOVE BOX-TAKE POCKETPAL PORTABLE
TERMINAL-NOW CLICK ON YOUR INVENTORY-LOOK BUNNY-GET THE POWER
CYLINDER FROM THE BUNNY-PLUG THE POWER CYLINDER INTO THE PORTABLE
TERMINAL(LAYTOP)-N-E-E-OPEN GRATE-GET EMPTY JAR-LOOK ON DESK-
PRESS BUTTON UNDER BLOTTER ON DESK-WATCH THE HOLOGRAM-LOOK
CYLINDRICAL STRUCTURE-TURN THE WHEEL ON THE CYLINDRICAL
STRUCTURE-ENTER THE SEWER SYSTEM-W-W-GO SOUTH-GET THE JAR FROM
YOUR INVENTORY-USE JAR ON SLIMY SECRETION-CLIMB LADDER(USE THE
HAND ICON)-OUTSIDE:GO EAST-ENTER SPACESHIP-INSIDE THE DOME:GO
WEST-WAIT UNTIL THE SECOND TIMEPOD HAS LANDED-WALK TO POD AND
ENTER THE POD-ENTER THE DUMB COPY PROTECTION-NOW MAKE A NOTE OF
THE SYMBOLS ON THE DISPLAY(YOU NEED THEM LATER IN THE GAME)-NOW
ENTER 6 SYMBOLS AND PRESS ENTER-NOTHING HAPPENED, ENTER 6 MORE
SYMBOLS AND PRESS ENTER AGAIN, AND THERE WE GO-PRESS BUTTON TO
OPEN THE POD(YOU'RE ON LATEX BABES OF ESTROS)-GO WEST-WAIT UNTIL
A SHADOW PASSES OVER THE ROCKS-GO EAST BACK TO YOUR POD-WALK
DOWN-A PTERODACTYL BRINGS YOU TO HIS NEST-A LITTLE BIT LATER
DROPS HE A DEAD POLICEMAN IN THE NEST-SEARCH BODY-NOW YOU HAVE A
PAPER WITH CHEWING IN IT-LOOK PAPER-YOU SEW A FEW SYMBOLS-LEAVE
THE NEST THROUGH THE HOLE IN THE RIGHT-AFTER THE LITTLE SHOW-
ENTER THE SUB-AFTER A RIDE, YOU'RE CAPTURED ON A CHAIR-WHEN THE
SEA MONSTER APPEARS:CLICK ON THE BUTTON ON THE CHAIR-GET A GAS
CONTAINER AND PUT IT IN THE MOUTH FROM THE SEA MONSTER-IN THE
SKATE-O-RAMA:GET THE CARD THE GIRLS DROP-GO EAST-GO TO THE
AUTOBUCKS TELLER MACHINE-USE THE CARD ON THE MACHINE-
(INDENTIFICATION TEST NEGATIVE)-WELL LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT
THAT-GO W-W-W-ENTER AND TALL-TALK TO THE SALES CLERK-AFTER YOU
HAVE GET THE NEW SPACE OUTFIT:PAY THE SALES CLERK-LEAVE THE SHOP-
GO EAST TO MONOLITH BURGER AND ENTER MONOLITH BURGER-TALK TO
MANAGER-TALK TO MANAGER-YES, I AM HARD UP FOR CASH-WORK UNTIL YOU
HAVE AT LEAST 28 BUCKAZOIDS-IF YOU GET FIRED GET HIRED AGAIN-PICK
UP THE CIGAR BUTT THAT THE MANAGER THROWS ON THE FLOOR-GO AFTER
THE CIGAR BUTT AND PICK IT UP-(YOU CAN SKIP THE GAME, BUT THEN
YOU GET NO POINTS, SET THE SPEED ON THE LOWEST LEVEL)-(SAVE YOUR
GAME AFTER EACH BUCKAZOID YOU GET)-AFTER WE GOT 28 BUCKAZOIDS AND
THE CIGAR BUTT:OUTSIDE MONOLITH BURGER GO W-W-W-ENTER SACK'S
DRESS SHOP-TALK TO THE ROBOT CLERK-NOW YOU HAVE WOMAN CLOTHES-PAY
FOR THE CLOTHES-NOW GO TO THE AUTOBUCK'S TELLER MACHINE-USE THE
CARD ON THE MACHINE-CLEAN HOUSE-YOU'RE NOW 2001 BUCKAZOIDS
RICHER-ENTER THE SOFTWARE STORE-LOOK IN THE BARGAIN BIN-TAKE THE
SPACE QUEST IV HINTBOOK-PAY THE MAN FOR THE BOOK-GO IN YOUR
INVENTORY AND CLICK THE HAND ICON ON THE HINTBOOK-LOOK TO THE
HINTS ABOUT THE TIMEPOD AND ABOUT THE CODE FOR THE SUPERCOMPUTER-
(WRITE CODES DOWN)-LEAVE THE STORE-GO W-W-W-W-W-ENTER SACK'S-
ENTER THE DRESSING ROOM-YOU'LL GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK-LEAVE
SACK'S-GO TO THE ARCADE(USE THE LEFT ENTRANCE)-GO TO THE FIRST
MACHINE ON THE LEFT-PLAY ASTRO CHICKEN-WALK TO RIGHT BACK CORNER-
WAIT UNTIL THE SP ARRIVES-LEAVE THE ARCADE THROUGH THE RIGHT
EXIT-NOW WE GO TO SKATE-O-RAMA(THE EAST ENTRANCE)-THIS IS FROM
THE ARCADE:E-E-E-ENTER FIRST THE RADIO SHOP-BUY THE POCKETPAL
CONNECTOR-SELECT THE FIRST PLUG ON THE LEFT-WALK DOWN THE STAIRS
IN FRONT OF THE RADIO SHOCK-ENTER THE SKATE-O-RAMA-FLY UP TO THE
ROOF-WHEN THE SP FOLLOWS YOU, GO DOWN AND LEAVE THE SKATE-O-RAMA-
NOW GO QUIKLY BACK TO THE ARCADE-ENTER YOUR SPACESHIP-ENTER THE
SYMBOLS FROM THE HINTBOOK AND THEN ENTER THE SYMBOLS FROM THE
PAPER WITH THE GUM-(SARIEN ENCOUNTER)-PRESS BUTTON AND LEAVE THE
SPACE SHIP-S-ENTER THE BAR-TALK TO THE MONOCHROME BOYS-THEY THROW
YOU OUT-THROW THEIR BIKES ON THE GROUND-RUN FOR YOUR LIFE-GO BACK
TO THE BAR-PICK UP THE BOOK OF MATCHES-LEAVE THE BAR-N-ENTER
SPACE SHIP-TYPE THE COORDINATES YOU FOUND AT THE FIRST TIME YOU
ENTERED THE SHIP-PRESS BUTTON-E-E-USE THE GREEN SLIME ON THE
LOCK-OPEN THE LOCK-ENTER TUNNEL-IN YOUR INVENTORY:NOW USE THE
BOOK OF MATCHES ON THE CIGAR BUTT-NOW YOU SEE THE BEAMS-CLICK ON
THE PANEL OF THE WALL-ENTER:156-RETURN-024-RETURN-108-RETURN-
EXIT-WALK THROUGH THE TUNNEL-PUT THE ADAPTOR PLUG IN THE
POCKETPAL-ALSO PUT THE BATTERY IN THE POCKETPAL-NOW WHEN YOU
CLICK THE POCKETPAL ON A TERMINAL(BOX ON THE WALL), YOU SEE WHERE
THE ROBOTS ARE-OUTSIDE THE TUNNEL GO N-W-D THE SECOND STAIRS-WAIT
UNTIL YOU SEE A ROBOT COMING FROM THE RIGHT, THEN GO UPSTAIRS-E-
S-W UNTIL YOU'RE ON THE PROGRAMMING ROOM-CLICK ON THE LOCK ON THE
DOOR AND ENTER THE CODE FROM THE HINTBOOK-INSIDE FLUSH THE ICONS,
BUT DON'T FLUSH THE SQIV ICON-LEAVE THE PROGRAMMING ROOM-E-E-E-N-
W-D-W TO ELEVATOR-N-E-N-WALK TO PLATFORM-FIGHT VOHAUL-FORCE HIM
INTO THE BEAM-(IN THE MIDDLE FROM THE PLATFORM)-CLIMB DOWN THE
LADDER-WHEN YOU COME UP YOU HAVE A DISK IN YOUR INVENTORY-CLICK
THE DISK ON THE DRIVE NEXT TO THE BEAM-CLICK BEAM UPLOAD-DISK
UPLOAD-CLICK ON THE ARROW DOWN KEY TO SELECT ROGER JR.-CLICK BEAM
DOWNLOAD-THE END....
I know all you guys out there have problems with adventures, be
they big or small. Whatever the problem is, I am there to solve
them. Never hesitate to call or write to me at the address below.
Math Claessens
Wagenaarstraat 58
NL-6164 XM Geleen (L)
The Netherlands
Tel. ++31-46-752532 (do mind possible time differences!)
Don't forget stampts if you write. Don't forget the time when
you call. I prefer telecommunicative contacts between 19:30 and
22:00 hours if you don't mind. And forget about contacting me in
any weekends!
Disclaimer
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared
in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s)
was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes,
bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and
tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact
and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any
kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are
not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll
texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.