"She was far too young to go to bed, so I took her on the floor
Naughty Norwegian quote
by Kai Holst
You can't live with them; you can't live without them!
Unfortunately it is a fact that female human beings are the
strangest creatures present on our planet. If we could only fall
into their arms without getting in their hands... I suppose most
of you guys out there have been turned down by a girl once of
twice, and you will probably have asked the following question:
"Is she the right one for me?" I have gathered a bit of useful
advice that may help you choosing the correct girl, but I do not
accept any responsibility whatsoever for the result of your
choice!!! Keep that in mind...
You know she is the right one for you when...
...you don't care about her making more money than you!
...you want to read poems to her when she's in the bath!
...you always feel like calling her after a date just to make
sure she has arrived safely at home!
...she says she has never felt as intelligent and sensual as
since she met you!
...her name is the password to your confidential computer-
...she says she would call you anytime anywhere to talk about her
...you understand she is unhappy even when all her friends think
she's perfectly fine!
...you want to give her all your best advice the night before she
will be interviewed for a terrific job!
...she can tell you how she likes it in bed, and you DO it
...you make her feel like she can overcome everything life has to
throw at her!
...she doesn't sulk several days after an arguement!
...she takes it philosophically when you make a scratch in her
...you remember her saying she loved that special sweater, and
you buy it to her for her birthday five months later!
...she appreciates that you carefully let out a spider from your
house instead of ruthlessly crushing it under your heel!
...you instantly want to introduce her to your parents, uncles,
aunts, grandparents, friends, friends of your friends and the
guy working in the shop on the corner.
...you think she looks wonderful when she wakes up in the
...you take her bad mood and angry outbursts from time to time on
...you don't always have to pay attention to her!
...she serves you breakfast on the bed every Sunday morning!
...she understands it when you have to cancel a dinner at short
notice because of problems at work!
...you are glad to let her use your toothbrush when she forgot
her own at home!
...you don't loose control when she misinterprets the roadmap!
...she brags to all her friends about your promotion, or vice
...you give her you new jacket because she looks splendid in it!
...you let her borrow your new electic razor to rake her legs!
...you never say her against, even when she's wrong!
...she gives you a red rose because it is Wednesday!
Of course, this advice can also be used by the opposite sex;
they'll only need minor changes...
Now, let's imagine the unimaginable: You have got a girlfriend.
For how long will it last? I can answer that in one sentence: For
as long as YOU make it last! Do you behave bad in her presence?
Then you might just as well forget about her! Here is a bunch of
clever tips that may help you to keep out of trouble (or maybe
She knows you're not the right one for her when...
...you never laugh about her jokes!
...you want her to dress in a feminine manner!
...you complain about the upper button of her blouse being open!
...you always leave it up to her to find something to do!
...you think it is very important what your frinds think about
...you wash yourself after making love to her!
...you tell her she would be perfect if she could only loose 5-6
kilos of weight!
...you always carefully make sure you don't pay for something
you did not get, and leave small coins as tip in expensive
...you love oral sex, as long as your own mouth is safely closed!
...you always drive fast, show your finger to other cars, drive
on red light and get angry if there's even the smallest
...you always look at the clock when she's talking with her
friends on the phone!
...you give her a box of chocolade from the shop around the
corner to her birthday and she knows, because the prize tag is
still on it!
...you stare at women on the street when she's walking next to
...you thing your job is more important that hers!
...you won't tell your friends she's your girlfriend!
...you claim that sex is much better with the lights out!
...you can't place a mirror without fixing your hair at the same
...she finds the four CD-players, three TV-sets and 27 car-
stereos you are "just taking care of for a friend"!
...you offer to pay for a silicon injection in her breasts!
...you haven't thought of prophylactics after making love to her
...you think of her "Cosmopolitian" and other ladies' magazines
as waste of time and precious money!
...you ask if she's having her period every time she's angry with
...you continue using your ex-girlfriend's name on her!
...you come too late to an appointment, smelling of beer, and
claim to have been delayed at the office!
...you make rasistic comments in parties!
...she always have to apologize for your behaviour!
...you always interrupt her and finish her sentences!
...you sulk if she wants to go out with Liza and Neisha!
...you sulk if she doesn't want to go out with you, Stefan and
...you only say "I love you" to her when you're on top of her!
...you never notice that she has dressed up more that usual for
...you behave as if you were alone when you're at parties!
...you laugh very loud all the time while you're watching a
...you leave paw-prints and deep claw-marks on the kitchen floor
every time it's a full moon!
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.