"For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped
to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no
longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would
be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with
later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and
"one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well
abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j"
anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears
6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist
konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik
ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a
memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh",
and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev
a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling by Mark Twain
(Typed by Marinos Yannikos, quite a feat!)
STUFF SEEN IN THE CINEMA
by Richard Karsmakers
Even though my financial situation has made it necessary for me
to curtail extravagant spendings I still had the chance to go to
the cinema a few times. By the time this reaches you the stuff
will probably be out on video already, but what the heck.
Anyway, I still found it necessary to write down the following
remarks about miscellaneous cinematographic works I've been lucky
enough (or not) to get a chance to see.
I realise that they're all a bit positive. This is largely
caused by the fact that no cinema recognizes ST NEWS as an
official film magazine and therefore I have to pay for every
ticket. I only go to films I think I will like.
I don't think I would ever have seen this film if it hadn't been
for a twist of fate.
I was going to see a film with a friend of mine (an Amiga owner
by the name of Thomas, would you believe!). It was going to be
"Wayne's World II". We had kept postponing the whole thing a few
times, and when we finally found ourselves outside the cinema it
turned out that the bloody film had been...er...what do you call
it...deleted or something. If we wanted to see it we would have
to come back on a Friday, at midnight.
But we didn't want to see a film on Friday, at midnight. We had
come there to see a film, and we definitely wanted to see one
before we got home.
And, caused by this strange quirk of fate, we found ourselves
sitting in "Cool Runnings" half an hour later.
"Cool Runnings" is about a Jamaican athlete who falls during the
qualifications for a 100 metres dash, barring him from competing
in the Olympic games. After some depression he gets the bright
idea to get together a Jamaican bobsled team, together with some
of his friends. They find John Candy (who plays a retired and
previously bent bobsled team coach) who finally agrees to help
The film is quite funny, though not the kind of thing you have
to go to a cinema for. There are a fair bit of cliché moments
(one of the team hates another member, but in the end they're
real friends) but the end is unexpectedly original. Amusing it
is, Oscar-sucking it is not. And there was a bit too much reggea
music for my taste (as opposed to the music I had expected to
hear in "Wayne's World II", which I still haven't seen!).
Naked Gun 3.33 - The Final Insult
After having seen both "Naked Gun" and "Naked Gun 2½" in the
cinema, and after having seen a few promo things for "Naked Gun
3.33", I knew I just had to see this on the big screen too.
Thankfully, the owners of the dog Joey (that Miranda and me had
to babysit for 3 weeks during their honeymoon some months ago)
had invited us to go and see it with them. Suffice to say I left
the cinema after almost 2 hours with an acheing belly.
"Naked Gun 3.33" might very well be the best of the three. All
original actors re-appear, now with the added...er...benefits of
Anna-Nicole Smith (I think she's called that) with legs a mile
long, huge specs in the boob department and general hormone-
provoking appearance. Of course, this third part also has
allusions to a great many films, the most subtle of which is "The
Crying Game" (if you've seen that, check the picture on the wall
behind Drebin when the Nurse finally undresses). I think we'd
have to agree the least subtle is the opening scene, with
allusions to "The Untouchables". Hilarious!
The plot is the following: Some terrorists plan to blow up the
Annual Academy Awards ceremony and retired police officer Frank
Drebin has to prevent that from happening. On the way to the
conclusion he regains a joyful marital life and the viewer gets
gags and fun hurled at him relentlessly.
This is a film you have to see, though I suppose it will be fine
if you get it on video. The only thing I didn't like about it
was the break. In what was probably an attempt to cover up for
the mere short 1 hour 15 minutes the film lasted, the mid-film
go-and-buy-some-expensive-stuff-at-the-cinema-bar break took a
whole 30 minutes! Maybe, after all, this film had better be seen
I can't remember ever having gone to a film premiere day in my
life, but this time I did it, if only just to get a mention of
this film into this issue of ST NEWS.
Did I like it? Sure I did. As matter of fact I think it's
probably one of the most perfect family films to go and see.
There's no sex in it, there's hardly anything corrupting in it,
and of course it's filled to the gills with special effects to
reproduce as faithfully as possible some of the stuff from the
However, there has been somewhat of a hype in connection with
this film. Actually, the entire Dutch media has been spending
time and attention to the phenomenon. Such a hype tends to
seriously increase a person's expectations, which in case of this
film is not met entirely.
If there was ever a film where a bit less of a plot and a bit
more of the special effects were needed, this was the case with
"The Flintstones". At times the film had the audience rolling
with laughter when silly dino-contraptions were reproduced with
almost totally realistic special effects. However, the film also
involves a true plot involving a bad business person trying to
abuse Fred Flintstone's good faith, and in the end there's the
almost obligatory bit that promotes family values.
"The Flintstones" is a very enjoyable film, but a bit more
accent on the special effects would have done it no harm.
More films commented upon in the next issue fo ST NEWS no
The text of the articles is identical to the originals like they appeared in old ST NEWS issues. Please take into consideration that the author(s) was (were) a lot younger and less responsible back then. So bad jokes, bad English, youthful arrogance, insults, bravura, over-crediting and tastelessness should be taken with at least a grain of salt. Any contact and/or payment information, as well as deadlines/release dates of any kind should be regarded as outdated. Due to the fact that these pages are not actually contained in an Atari executable here, references to scroll texts, featured demo screens and hidden articles may also be irrelevant.